Confused728 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I have been 8 weeks NC what should i do if he text me a happy thanksgiving text. what do those of us on NC do at a moment like this.. I am thinking just dont reply... Link to post Share on other sites
ATR Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I am thinking just dont reply... You're thinking will save you much grief and continue your healing process at full throttle. Link to post Share on other sites
mmk1 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 First, you're setting yourself for disappointment by even thinking of this. Expect that you will NEVER hear from your ex and you will be better off. If, on the off chance you get texted, don't answer unless it also asks for you to get back together. It will only be just noise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 27, 2009 Author Share Posted November 27, 2009 i feel bad i didnt answer am i acting like a jerk i feel pretty badly about it... mabey i should have said same to you or somting since he text me happy thanksgiving Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 Just think of the text as a "massive holiday text" that was sent to a thousand other people besides you and forget about it....you did NOTHING wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
dazedat39 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 I saw nothing wrong with responding to mine. It was day 21 of N/C - and we broke up 7 weeks ago after dating for 1.5 years. My situation was a little different from most I guess in that she is the best friend of my best friend's wife. And we've known each other for alot of years. We dated off and on years ago but never anything serious. Anyway i knew she was going to be at my friend's house for dinner yesterday and I figured it may come off as immature if I ignored it. We're both in our late 30s. I'm going to see this woman on some level for a long time to come so I figured there was no need to be rude. She sent a generic "happy thanksgiving to you and your family". I don't know how many others she may have sent that to. Probably not too many as she really doesn't have too many friends but i waited a while and simply texted back "thanks and the same to you and yours" and left it at that. So I don't really consider it as breaking N/C. Did it make me feel good to know she was thinking of me - sure but I'm not reading anything into it. I've heard she's been asking them about me and how I am and what I'm doing and all. Again that makes me feel good but I try not to read too much into it. My B-day is in 2 weeks - we'll see what happens then. I'll probably just get a text - I'd like something more but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 I sent my ex a text first. I didn't see any problem with it. A lot of people will tell you to stay NC but for me, NC was a means to healing and not some lifelong vindictive strategy to make her suffer. I felt "healed" enough to expect any type of reply or no reply at all. I guess it really depends on where you are in your healing process. If you feel like you've accepted the brunt of the pain and are now just going through the occasional soft punch in the gut then I don't see the harm in replying with a courteous response. In my case, I reached out because I wanted to let her know that I was punching a hole out of the wall I had built up between us and to let her know we can take a peek once in a while. I've just never been one to want to erect walls and keep them up. I felt much better afterwards, too. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 Also, keep in mind that the advice you get from other people (including me) will always be biased. Some people really got burnt by their ex. You can usually pick those people out by a couple of their posts. (well, save for me and my drunken posts a few nights ago, but that's neither here nor there). The bottom line is what YOU want. Do you care to have her in your life in some capacity? Do you want to keep the door open for a possible reconciliation in the future? Think about these things when you keep counting down the days of NC. If she burned bridges and scorched the earth after the breakup, then I wouldn't want anything to do with her. And certainly no NC policy would need to remind me of that fact. NC isn't a box you put yourself in. NC is dynamic and fluid. Sure, you could treat it like a box, but keep in mind the entire point of NC is a strategy to heal and not to "show him or her by getting back at them." It looks like a lot of people on here are using NC to be vindictive. That's their right, but I don't see how that's conductive and compatible with also using NC to heal. You don't heal by hurting others and if you did, you've got deeper issues to address than a breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 Do not respond. Link to post Share on other sites
mmk1 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 I know DB is going through alot right now, but I have to disagree that NC is fluid, dynamic or vindictive. NC is for you, it is not vindictive. It comes when you decide to stop thinking of your ex first and put yourself first. When you break NC with an ex that dumped you, only two things can happen and both are bad. First, you may get no reply, which makes you feel crappy. Second, you will get a response that will not include getting back together, which is really the only thing you want. A reply like that just gives you false hope and keeps you hooked. NC cannot be fluid and dynamic, it is static, which is to say, continuously NC. When you break NC, it shows your ex that they still have power over you and you are weak, which will lessen any slim chance you may have of reconciliation. IMHO, breaking NC does not show any growth or strenght, just that you continue to place their happiness above yours. TG has passed but I would not reply if you got a text/email unless your ex is offering what you want, which is to get back together. If not, ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
Back2dabasics Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 if you got over him, then respond. if you didn't get over him, then delete the text. Just don't respond. Thank God my ex doesn't have a cell (or maybe she does now and I don't know the number) Thanksgiving was yesterday and I'm happy I didn't get a text from her. We broke up 2 months ago. it was a week before her birthday. i didn't bother to call her for her bday..you know why? because i need to get over her (NO CONTACT status) Link to post Share on other sites
SushiOji Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Also, keep in mind that the advice you get from other people (including me) will always be biased. Some people really got burnt by their ex. You can usually pick those people out by a couple of their posts. (well, save for me and my drunken posts a few nights ago, but that's neither here nor there). I think this is an important thing to keep in mind, you don't know what the situation is of those who are giving you advice if they are dealing with a different situation from yours. Some are dealing with someone cheating/lying/abusing them while others may have just broke up for other reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 i feel so upset a freind ran into him tonight and he told my freind it was the first time he was out in months and he was out with on of his drug friends.. im like odly very upset i feel like i was kicked in the stomach i feel very hurt i dont know why.. i was told he wasnt "with" anyone else but i feel so man like i wanna call him yell at him text him or whatever... tell him that we are never gonna be freinds or anthing.. i feel so f--ing hurt. funny thing is i was gonna go to the same place, i went there i parked and decided to go meet another freind somewhere else so i left. i kinda wish i went now... so i could have had the pleasure of ignoring him so i could hurt him by doing that.. im so mad Link to post Share on other sites
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