Advice on running my life? (Beware, long tedious post)

[ModMan]

Hi people, I've been lurking around here for a couple of days reading about some peoples problems and reading your suggestions. I figured that I might as well ask directly for some advice now instead of trying to consolodate advice from other people's issues.

 

I'm a 28 year old guy. Last year I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, it wasn't easy at the start obviously but I'm over it all now. I'm doing relatively ok at work and own my own house and car. The problem I have is feeling lonely. Recently I met a lovely girl, and after a couple of weeks I got the "You're like a brother" speech. I was obviously a bit upset and stuff bit realised that I can't sit and mope on it forever so I'm still her "brother" and we chat daily but she subtly reminds me that we're only "friends" so that's alright with me.

 

I am a terribly shy person and won't go out much at all. I've also moved to a new town and so don't have any friends here which means I never go out. Going to movies alone is just weird and the local pub drinking is no good by myself. I'm terrible at making conversation and all my friends are the opposite to me, they love to talk and can talk about anything so I don't have to. On top of this I am not a good looking bloke at all, and have a skin problem (exzema) which means something silly like even going to the barber for a haircut is a major issue in my life. So what happens is I won't go to the barber, won't have a haircut, will get some comment that my hair is untidy and feel bad and upset, sorta snowballs if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, I am a clean person, I was just using that as an example.

 

All the girls I have met I meet through my sister really and this is just not right. Besides they never fancy me anyhow because I'm boring and never do anything. I'm quite embarresed about how I look, skinny, skin problems etc etc so am not confident at all. Also I do get quite lonely at times, but saying that, I do enjoy my own company. This year I have lied to friends and am dodging going to them for Christmas cos I would like to spend it alone. The same will happen at New Years I hope, I just don't want to be around strangers cos I find it impossible to talk to them so I'll avoid the situation entirely. Earlier this week my one friend asked me to be a best man at his wedding, I had to politely refuse simply because I am not the type of person to make speeches and stand up in front of people, even if it's for the most important day in his life, I just can't do it.

 

Anyhow what I'm getting at is that I'm fed up of feeling sad, depressed, lonely, ugly etc and want to get on with life and enjoy myself. I don't have many friends and those that i do have i can't talk to about things like this, so I'm asking for advice really. Need to get myself sorted out and make some new years resolutions and find myself a girlfriend

 

Sorry for the long post, just have so much to say, hope you haven't fallen asleep reading....

[thehappyclam]

I think you need to be a little more pro-active...sometimes people won't open themselves to you unless you do it first.

 

First, I think that you probably should take better care of yourself. Get that skin problem treated, get haircuts, stuffs like that...I know it seems superficial, but I think it would help your self-esteem. Besides, looking good doesn't hurt when it comes to meeting new people.

 

Then, take a deep breath and venture out of your comfort zone. Go to a bar with a friend. Go to the movie, even if it's by yourself. Join a gym, or a club....it's easy to meet new people at those places.

 

Best of luck...I think that if you enrich your life first, then you will probably feel a lot better. And who knows, maybe girls will take notice and you'll end up with a girlfriend this year.

[Arabess]

Originally posted by ModMan

 

Need to get myself sorted out and make some new years resolutions and find myself a girlfriend

 

 

I agree with HappyClam!! How are you EVER going to meet anyone if you won't even hang around friends on the holidays or be a best man at your friend's wedding???

 

If you feel insecure with the way you look.....CHANGE IT! It may take a little money up front.....but think of it as a financial investment in yourself! Go to a doctor, see a hair stylist and buy a few clothes that make you feel good. You don't have to look like anyone else....you just need to look like the best YOU....that YOU can be! It may surprise you....but most women are attracted to a man in the way he carries and projects himself....NOT in his actual features.

 

Once you've addressed THOSE issues....I think you'll find that mingling with your friends won't be so painful and akward for you. Get the courage to start looking people in the eye and smiling. It's a great way to start in getting over shyness.

 

No one can make this happen for you....but YOU! You owe it to yourself not to dread your whole life because you are uncomfortable with things about yourself which you can easily change.

 

I want an update on what all you do.....and how the results work for you!!! YOU CAN DO IT!

 

Arabess

[ModMan]

TheHappyClam, I'm not going to even ask how you got that name

 

Anyhow to you and Arabess thanks for the advice, I'll start to try and give it a go this week even. Will let you know how I get on and take it from there.

 

Thanks again, speak to you soon I hope.

[ModMan]

Well, got the day off work Always a nice thing especially when it's cold like it is today. Got my hair chopped so I look decent again. Changed my decision on the chistmas party tomorrow night so I am now going to that. Also I got an offer from the previous branch office where I used to work so I am going down to London for that on Friday night. Hopefully the start of something good ... Wish me luck!

[thehappyclam]

Way to go, ModMan!!!

 

I think by taking the first step, you've gotten past the most difficult part of the process. I'm proud of you!

 

Now go and have lots of fun....Just enjoy yourself, and I'm sure everything will turn out great.