GeorgiaOnMyMind Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 This is the first time I have ever posted, especially about this kind of problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year now and we have been intimate before. However I am beginning to get bored with our "sex life". I love him more than anything, i just do not enjoy our time in bed as much as I used to. I think that our time can be better spent than in the bed. I have talked to him about this, and we have tried several ways to spice things up. Unfortunately things get boring again. What can I do to keep things alive? any suggestions, help, advice.....anything?? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 It generally takes two people to liven things up and sex exciting. Have you guys talked about this and come up with a 'couple' plan...instead of you taking all the responsibility of keeping it alive? I know it would be an iffy subject to have to discuss...especially if he's made no real effort on his own. If you DO want the relationship to work....even a possible marriage one day.....you really have no choice than to talk to him regarding your lack of feeling excitement. Also, you could check some of the women sites on net to do additional reading on sex and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Morticia2k1 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Hi You say your time can be spent better than in bed. Could it be that you see your guy as more of a friend than a lover? If after discussing your needs and trying new techniques you quickly become bored, maybe the "chemistry" just isnt there! Has this happened in previous relationships? If the answer is no then it just might be he should have stayed a friend. A year is not such a long time in which to become bored with sex with someone you love as a lover, especially if the lines of communication are open and he is willing to please. It could be that you are bored with the relationship in general. Only you can answer that, hope my advice is of some use. Good luck Morticia Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeorgiaOnMyMind Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 We have known each other for over 2 years now. We were friends at the start then began spending more time together and things progressed. we have been dating for 1 year now and sleeping together, prior to this when we were just friends and such we still slept togther and had benefits....no strings attached. Thats why this is weird. I love him more than anything, the sex just isnt that great now.... an i am not into having 3 sum or anything weird like that. Im old fashioned kinda and dont like all the hype. I just wanta feel good again and enjoy our sexual moments. Link to post Share on other sites
Morticia2k1 Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Hi again You say that whilst you were friends, "no strings attached" things were good between you in the sexual sense? Is it since it has become a committed relationship that things have cooled? Could it be that you have a subconcious fear of commitment which makes you find "fault"? Or maybe you are confusing the love for a friend with that of a lover/partner. And once the newness of lovemaking has gone there is no desire there. Imagine him being attracted to and making love with another woman, how would that make you feel? Allowing that your initial friendship would be maintained, is that something you could deal with? Have you thought of taking a "break" from each other to see if your relationship can survive without the sex? Is he satisfied with the way things are between you or has your dissatisfaction undermined his confidence/ability. You never said if this has happened before in other relationships, which I feel would be a good indicator as to what is going on here. My reply may not provide the answers you are looking for, but hopefully it will make you examine your true feelings Good luck Morticia x Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeorgiaOnMyMind Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 Tings have always been good with us whether friends or lovers. I like it more that its commited. We are pretty serious too. He bought me a promise ring and we have been looking at engagement rings a bit too and talking about a wedding. I do not have a fear with relationships. although sometimes i do think that i want more out of the relationship at this point than i can have. I love him more than a friend though so i dont think that i consider him less than a lover. sex is just boring now. maybe it could be that its just not new anymore and thats why i dont enjoy it as much. I would flip out if he was with another woman though. i couldnt bear to know that he is sleeping with her either. it would just devastate me more than ever. I would still be friends with him at that point, because i dont ever want to lose him in my life. But things would be different with us. we have been friends for some time and i couldnt see it any other way. I have never had this kind of problem in other relationships before. although i do think that our relationship could last if we didnt have sex. i dont think that that is whats keeping us together. we love each other and want to get married and that is why we are together still. Although..............maybe a break would give some time to think about this all and see whats happens with us. That way if we come back to each then we know that we want it to work.....if we just give up after some time then i know it wasnt meant to be. Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
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