Lizzie60 Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 I should specify that this question is for married men only.. Have you ever wanted to be 'friend' only (platonic) with a woman you met while you were married ? For example.. you are sexually attracted to that woman.. but she told you she won't sleep with you.. do you still pursue her for her friendship without telling your wife, of course.. just because you enjoy this woman's company, she makes you laugh.. you like talking to her.. etc.. Be honest.. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
nittanylion Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Hell no! That is why i marry wife for..... Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 I do have some female friends that are very attractive women. My wife knows them, and I made sure that they met. I also do not keep my interactions with these women a secret from my wife. They are mostly work friends, but there are work functions where everyone goes out as a group. I am friends with them because I enjoy their personalities. Link to post Share on other sites
RobM Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Yes, I have had several, some in real life, some only on the internet. I didn't sleep with them because I didn't want to cheat, not because they said no. It has been hard to times to keep it platonic, at times it's been very confusing. I'm sure my wife would call them emotional affairs but they have helped me keep my sanity, given me someone to talk to at times when my wife wasn't the best person for me to talk to. It is however dangerous because in almost all cases one of us developed feelings for the other at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 It would depend on if I could get over the sexual feelings for her. If I only wanted sex, then no, I would not pursue a friendship. However, if I could only see her as a friend and deal with the sexual tension in a healthy way, then yes, I would pursue friends. But I will say that it would be an extremely rare case to pursue friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 Thanks guys for your honesty... but sometimes I don't understand men like those 2... One of them, R...(40 yr old) I fooled around with him.. like 4 years ago... he was single back then... we always stayed in contact.. he got married 2 years ago.. he calls me still about three times a month... with this one.. it's more like a 'phone' buddy... (no sex phone although there are a few sexual connotations, jokes..etc)... he says he likes me and wants to remain friends... he said he would never tell his wife.. because he feels he doesn't owe her every single things about him... (he also has several female friends that his W knows very well. He tried to invite himself to my place a few times.. but I always find excuses... The other: married for quite a long time (52 year old) ... met recently.. only went for a coffee.. he's a retired RCMP officers.. now PI (gov't)... he calls me about 2-3 times a week.. I told him there would nothing sexual between us.. (I'm not sexually attracted to him).. he said it's fine.. he just wants my friendship... blablabla.. but from what he says... I'm sure he'd have sex with me in a second.. (compliments, etc.).. I don't get it... why would they take chances like that.. just for a 'friendship'... they are very persistent.. Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 When I was younger I didn't want platonic friends, any girl who thought we were platonic, just didn't know that I considered her fair game. Now that I'm older I actually do value a few women as platonic friends. They have to intelligent, witty and not too attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Thanks guys for your honesty... but sometimes I don't understand men like those 2... One of them, R...(40 yr old) I fooled around with him.. like 4 years ago... he was single back then... we always stayed in contact.. he got married 2 years ago.. he calls me still about three times a month... with this one.. it's more like a 'phone' buddy... (no sex phone although there are a few sexual connotations, jokes..etc)... he says he likes me and wants to remain friends... he said he would never tell his wife.. because he feels he doesn't owe her every single things about him... (he also has several female friends that his W knows very well. He tried to invite himself to my place a few times.. but I always find excuses... The other: married for quite a long time (52 year old) ... met recently.. only went for a coffee.. he's a retired RCMP officers.. now PI (gov't)... he calls me about 2-3 times a week.. I told him there would nothing sexual between us.. (I'm not sexually attracted to him).. he said it's fine.. he just wants my friendship... blablabla.. but from what he says... I'm sure he'd have sex with me in a second.. (compliments, etc.).. I don't get it... why would they take chances like that.. just for a 'friendship'... they are very persistent.. I think both of these guys want to have sex with you and are hoping you will change your mind...or are keeping contact with you just in case. Guy #1....you messed around with him...so I think it is very unlikely he doesn't want more. The fact that he wants to keep you a secret is a big tip off. Like I said I tell my wife about my friends. I find that if I meet a woman and I want to keep her a secret...then it is because I am having some naughty thoughts...and I don't want to go down that road again...so I either expose the friendship or don't stay friends. The second guy...well for him to call you 2-3 times a week for a friendship, and to flirt a lot. Well...I think he is hoping to wear you down eventually. Oh Lizzie...you man killer. These poor guys. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Friendships are open, conspicuous and to be celebrated, like I'm doing right now with a group of my close friends. Those guys don't want to be 'friends', IMO. I've played that game. Topically, it's easier for me to be friends with married women since there is the added dynamic of the marriage to support. It refocuses the energy of the friendship. Perhaps I don't meet the qualification of the thread, being in the midst of a divorce, but I'm reflecting upon my friendships with women during my marriage. IMO, if your friendship with them isn't transparent to their marriage, it's not a friendship. That doesn't make it 'wrong', just a path which most healthy people would see as inappropriate. They evidently don't. Enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 When I was younger I didn't want platonic friends, any girl who thought we were platonic, just didn't know that I considered her fair game. Now that I'm older I actually do value a few women as platonic friends. They have to intelligent, witty and not too attractive. OOHHHH ... GP baby .. where have you been? I missed you... thanks for your post.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Lizzie I think I can answer this for you. The guys who are hanging out with the women ( who are attractive ) and that said women won't sleep with that particular guy , well he is playing a waiting game in his mind that someday she will become available. He is INDEED attracted to her , would love to plant his seed inside her , and if given the opportunity , would spend the night bangin the heck out of her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 No, I have no interest in female platonic friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 No, I have no interest in female platonic friends. Aaahh... come on Enema.. I know we could be great friends.. Link to post Share on other sites
HeyThere Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Lizzie, This is as close to platonic female friends as I get. The type and depth of conversations that happen on LS are not broached in the real world for several reasons. I’m happily married, not looking for outside steady female emotional stimulation (aside from here), and real world people are not interested in talking about details of intimacy topics. The last one is a generalization, but it’s mine. My female friends are through social connections from being married, work and hobbies. None of these create a desire (again not looking) to further the relationship beyond having an enjoyable conversation. It sounds like you’re attracted to the two married guys referred to in thread #6. Do you consider these relationships playing with fire, intimacy issues or something else? Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 No - I am too afraid of my wife. I do not flirt with other women. Then again if she had a sexual aversion to me I would have a totally different attitude. I should specify that this question is for married men only.. Have you ever wanted to be 'friend' only (platonic) with a woman you met while you were married ? For example.. you are sexually attracted to that woman.. but she told you she won't sleep with you.. do you still pursue her for her friendship without telling your wife, of course.. just because you enjoy this woman's company, she makes you laugh.. you like talking to her.. etc.. Be honest.. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 Lizzie, This is as close to platonic female friends as I get. The type and depth of conversations that happen on LS are not broached in the real world for several reasons. I’m happily married, not looking for outside steady female emotional stimulation (aside from here), and real world people are not interested in talking about details of intimacy topics. The last one is a generalization, but it’s mine. My female friends are through social connections from being married, work and hobbies. None of these create a desire (again not looking) to further the relationship beyond having an enjoyable conversation. It sounds like you’re attracted to the two married guys referred to in thread #6. Do you consider these relationships playing with fire, intimacy issues or something else? I'm absolutely NOT attracted to these guys.. one of them, I 'fooled' around with many many years ago (maybe 5 yrs)... he said he's still 'dreaming' about that time.. Every time we discuss this, he said he has no 'intentions'.. he got married after we met.. his W doesn't know about me.. he said he only likes to hear my voice (we haven't seen each other for over 2 years)... he calls a few times a month (at my office). He said he 'values' our friendship (what friendship??).. The other one is a recent MM I met... he's a Federal PI. He is very persistent.. calls me for drinks, etc.. He also said he only wants my friendship... So strange.. but yet.. I do NOT believe them.. that's why I'm asking if some MMs would have female friends (without their W knowing about it).. Link to post Share on other sites
HeyThere Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I'm absolutely NOT attracted to these guys.. What I don’t understand is that w/ the 40yr old, you take his calls about 3x a month and the 52 yr old calls 2-3 times a week? Yet, how would you describe the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I have a coworker that I am friendly with and even if I were single it will never go beyond that. She is somebody I respect dearly and I sometimes confide in her but she is not my type at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 What I don’t understand is that w/ the 40yr old, you take his calls about 3x a month and the 52 yr old calls 2-3 times a week? Yet, how would you describe the relationship? Not sure myself.. I guess I am to nice to tell them to eff*off.. although sometimes I feel like saying it.. The 52 yr old is the most recent.. so I guess it's all new for him... with the other one, it's been a few years.. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 I should specify that this question is for married men only.. Have you ever wanted to be 'friend' only (platonic) with a woman you met while you were married ? For example.. you are sexually attracted to that woman.. but she told you she won't sleep with you.. do you still pursue her for her friendship without telling your wife, of course.. just because you enjoy this woman's company, she makes you laugh.. you like talking to her.. etc.. Be honest.. Thanks. Almost divorced so I'm technically still "married". If I felt a sexual attraction I would NOT pursue a friendship. I have lots of self-control but you never know and I would not want to jeopardize a marriage. I travel for my job and have been "tempted" numerous times but never even once considered cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
trisharemore Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Hell no! That is why i marry wife for..... [Good man, we need more men with a pair like you have:D] Link to post Share on other sites
trisharemore Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Almost divorced so I'm technically still "married". If I felt a sexual attraction I would NOT pursue a friendship. I have lots of self-control but you never know and I would not want to jeopardize a marriage. I travel for my job and have been "tempted" numerous times but never even once considered cheating. [Very cool!] Link to post Share on other sites
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