What are your thoughts?

[whattodonow12]

First, I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!

 

I have spent some time recently just trying to think, think, think about what is best for me. I am currently separated from my husband because of some pretty serious emotional abuse (and a little physical). But, he is trying... trying to do everything I have asked of him while he is away from me with the hopes of me giving him another chance. We are spending Christmas together for our children and then he will be here for the months of January and February. I told him that I would see how things go with us during that time. That we would make the effort to do things together. That is the most that I could do, and if I did take him back then things would be very different. I would not put up with the things that I have put up with in the past. He agreed and says that he sees how wrong he has been in everything that he has done. (And, believe me, I am not perfect either.. not saying that here).

 

But, I have thoughts running through my mind..... I worry how things will be for me IF I don't take him back. Will I be alone the rest of my life? I don't want to be. I want to have a marriage with someone that really loves me.... that I am sexually compatible with. I don't want to be alone. I am 45 and nice looking from what I am told. My best friend says that they will be lining up.... from where? LOL I keep thinking about that old saying that a woman over 40 has more of a chance of being attacked by a terrorist than finding love again. ouch! I guess it is just food for thought, but yikes! I just don't want this to play into a reason for me to stay in a marriage that is dead because I am too scared to move on. Has anyone else felt this way?

[JLoves]

I'm feeling a bit cynical this morning..

 

If you look through this forum, there seems to be plenty of recently separated/divorced 40-50 yr old men around, who have been through the ringer and now know what it takes to be a good husband.. just gotta find them and weed out the ones who got left because they didn't know.

 

On the other hand, you are in the best position to know what you want now. You sound like your willing to give your marriage a 2nd chance, but your SO needs to make the changes stick rather than just say the words.

 

If I was you, I'd be taking it slowly, seeing if changes do happen.. but compromises are necessary, changes/miracles don't happen in a day and of all, communication is the rule of the day.

 

At least if you give it a chance, you'll be sure that you did your best to save your marriage.

[Cranialrupture]

When someone leaves another behind, the other will say all sorts of stuff like, I can't live without you, your my whole life, I will do anything for you, etc etc blah blah. The problem is that most of us don't know how to make a relationship work. He needs to fix himself, needs to honestly want to fix himself. You also need to work on yourself. You guys need to fix yourselves, be independant instead of co-dependant. Learn what it takes to make a real relationship work, then and only then can you work on your marriage. If both of you do not fix things with yourselves the old problems will come right back with time. You need to find the true problems and fix them instead of the symptoms. The emotional and physical abuse is just the symptom not the underlying problem.

[hopesndreams]

Abuse is bad, very bad. You say a little physical abuse, well, even a little is way too much. When and if you do get back with him, that will always be in your mind, when will he snap next? The next time he does, may be your last.

[TimH]

Holy Crap! your Husband maybe given a second chance,I sure hope if you do give him a final chance that he realizes how dam* lucky he is.Lord,there's tons of Men much better deserving of such but their wives didn't even care enough for any chance.Honestly please show him to this site and tell him to read this site in depth,he would clearly see(I think) just how lucky he is.Kudos to you whattodonow12 for even entertaining the idea,no matter what happens.DAM* Dam* why couldn't I have been so lucky to have met the right Women such as yourself,instead of a cheating dumper?? Good Luck!