struggling and feeling low alone.

[costablanca]

ok so i'm 3 months out of a 12 year relationship. i was dumped. we lived in spain and for financial reasons i have ended up back in my own country, the uk.

 

i had to leave my job, work mates, friends my dog and everything i had built up over 12 years behind and now starting again here is proving very difficult for me.

 

although the break up is painfully hard to deal with, i'm trying to keep myself going the best i can.

 

i have a new job, i have somewhere to live and enough money to live on just about.

 

my problem is i'm very very lonely. not only am i feeling lonely in my heart from the break up, i'm feeling very lonely in general and it's really soul destroying.

 

my job doesn't involve other people, i work alone (it was all could get after living away for so long), i dont have any family, just one friend from before i moved away but she is an old lady who i used to help with her garden.

 

i just dont know what to do. i so need somone to talk to. i spend all my time on my own and it's killing me inside.

 

i have tried going out but most people dont seem to notice me as they are already with friends. the people who do notice me think i must be a wierdo cause i'm on my own or just seem to be just interested in sex.

 

there must be some other lonely people out there but how do i find them?

 

i never imagined at 42 i could ever end up like this. my ex calls me sometimes. i know he is worried about me but he cant help me as he is 2500 miles away and although i really dont want to be in contact with him because it hurts to hear his voice, his calls are the only thing i have to look forward too.

 

i feel embarrassed when he calls hoping i have found a friend, and i have to say no i havn't. i usually end up crying and feeling very stupid and small. it also hurts to know he still has our friends around him to help him through the break up and i'm here truly alone. i'm dreading christmas and new year. dont know if i can make it through.

[Bradwagner]

That must be very hard for you. I'm sorry.

 

The best thing to do for now is to keep yourself busy.

 

I'd also try a online dating/relationship site, believe it or not you Could find someone.

[mark982]

costa, i feel for you, but you're going to have to stay busy. hit the gym,start voluntering,join a class that your interested in,etc. you'll meet alot of people that way.

[woopster638]

buy a boxing bag and beat the **** out of it.....and den go gym and work the **** out of yourself, then come home and sleep and then go out and talk to random people and o guarantee you will feel better. lol

[LostInLA]

So sorry to hear this! I'm sort of in a similar situation so I can relate. Luckily a friend of mine introduced me to a couple people here and I forced myself to make plans with them and am finally starting to make new friends.

 

I suggest the above: classes, volunteering, online sites...do people use meetup.com in your area? I signed up for it here but haven't done anything with it yet, but I've heard it's a good site to use. Also, someone suggested to me to use craigslist (platonic only) so maybe check that out as well.

 

OH! And have you thought about adopting a pet? It's so nice to come home to a cute cat or dog who just can't wait to snuggle with you!

 

Anyways, hang in there, you WILL meet new friends, you just have to put yourself out there in many ways.

[billy356]

First thing first... STOP TALKING TO HIM

 

I know you say that it the only thing you look forward to but it is not helping your recovery. A relationship that long will take a fair amount of time to work through and you need to work through it on your own or with friends and family. NOT YOUR EX.

 

Explain to him that you just need time alone emotionally. Explain that in the future when you are in a better place mentally YOU will call HIM but until then ask for him to respect your privacy and the time that you need. I cannot stress how vitally important this is, look through our site and you will see NC pop up all the time. NC = no contact and it is the cornerstone to recovery.

 

Beyond that everyone is right, you have to force yourself to be around people. A pet is a great idea, helped me out a lot but it isnt a substitute for human contact. Be very mentally aware that you are in the normal depression stage of a breakup and that is normal but you dont want to become trapped here. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist or temporarily going on anti-depressants if necessary.

 

The key is be aware that you are depressed. Be aware that it is natural and expected. But be aware that you dont want to stay here too long.

 

Break contact, join one activity that forces you to be around people once a week, start a journal where you write down your progress every day and take a minute close your eyes and just think about YOU for a moment. Not how sad you are, not how much you miss how things used to be, but think about you as a person, what you are good at, what your dreams are, what the sun felt like on your face today.

 

It's time to start putting YOU first.....and second...and third...

 

You will come through this, no doubt. Keep strong!!