Engaged then dumped LDR. .

[foxykitty]

I was with my now ex for nearly 3 yrs. He had a chance to change careers and move to another country. Months before making a decision we discussed how our relationship was going to work. I loved him and he loved me. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but when we're together it just feels right. Some of the problems, trust issues stemming from his friendship with his ex and his past relationships. He was my first everything and I fell hard and fast, but at the same time always cautious. So you can imagine some of the battles we had to fight. Yet throughout the first year we always worked through our problems and always became stronger for it. Second year was great and then third year his new job opportunity came up. We're both at an age where we're still growing into ourselves (I'm 26, he's 25) and I would never be selfish enough to stand in the way of his happiness, so I was understanding enough to suggest that he take this opportunity and we can always remain close and work through whatever. (although deep down I was dying for him to declare his love for me and we'll do this adventure together) In our discussion, I found out he felt the same way and wanted me by his side. He ended up proposing and we did the whole engagement thing and telling our families our plans. He was supposed to move first and scope the place then in a few months I was going to move there with him.

 

In a month I started feeling insecure because I sort of felt him changing. It was a new environment and he was surrounded by new people. Sometimes it was hard to get a hold of him and I always had to initiate contact and it became difficult. One time I got angry and in response he broke our relationship. It was something I never expected. I expected a fight, an argument, but not him ending everything. I was shocked and devastated. His words: I love you but I'm not in love anymore. We're more like friends. I don't feel the romantic love. I still want you in my life, but it was a big mistake to get in engaged. I thought he wanted to end this to date other girls, but he said no, he just wants to concentrate on work. I said if things were rushed we can take it slow, but he said it wouldn't be fair to me since he wouldn't be committed wholeheartedly. I accepted it and every once in awhile still stayed in contact and we were on friendly terms.

 

Then three weeks after the breakup I found pictures of him out partying and blatently intimate with another girl. And the dates of those photos were around the time of our breakup, so I think he cheated on me, then decided to break up. I sent the link to him and wished him lots of stds. He never made a response. Not even one apology or remorse. Maybe I'm naive to expect that, but I thought he was better than that.

 

It's been three months No Contact. And I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I'm at a point where I miss him alot despite everything that happened. And I know I need to be strong and move on, but every now and then I'm plagued with trying to figure out what was going on in his mind. What was his problem? Was it cold feet? Did he really not love me and was only using me til he found someone better? I don't get it. And I'm probably stupid for believing that we still have a connection and it's possible for us to overcome all of this and be stronger. I'm stupid, right?

[JaggedRoad]

I'll tell you what people have told me: You're not stupid or naive, you're just young.

 

I wish I could be as strong as you. My ex broke up with me nearly 4 months ago and I kept re-initiating contact even though my friends, family, and professors advised against it. At least you found out the reason and have a reason to blow up at him. I blew up at my ex many times out of anger and fear, and I have nothing but my own faults to look at as the reasons for the break-up.

 

And as people have told me, don't try to figure out what's going on in his mind. Live your life, and don't concern yourself with him.