Printer Posted November 27, 2009 Share Posted November 27, 2009 Spoke to the wife today, we have been sepaerated for 10 months( no one else involved ) and she says ' I'm sure we can reconcile our marriage but I don't want too, I'm enjoying life being single. We met when she was 15 and now she wants her single life. We have a 13 year old so to consider. I've been trying to reconcile for 10 months and she tells me this. Is this the biggest kick in the boll**ks or what? I would do anything for this girl. Is it time to give up and move on or should hold out for her feelings to chance? Link to post Share on other sites
hurting_in_nw Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Sorry to be blunt, but from the sound of it you should have given up a long time ago. You need to do exactly what she's doing, which is moving on and enjoying life again too. That's the best thing you can do for yourself and your son. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 It's a bit confusing to say I'm sure we can reconcile but I don't want to. ?! If she doesn't want to then it's not possible. I would say if she doesn't want to discuss it with you properly or seek marriage guidance then I would say it would be best to try and move on. Spoke to the wife today, we have been sepaerated for 10 months( no one else involved ) and she says ' I'm sure we can reconcile our marriage but I don't want too, I'm enjoying life being single. We met when she was 15 and now she wants her single life. We have a 13 year old so to consider. I've been trying to reconcile for 10 months and she tells me this. Is this the biggest kick in the boll**ks or what? I would do anything for this girl. Is it time to give up and move on or should hold out for her feelings to chance? Link to post Share on other sites
curiou Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 The usual advice. Stop showing her you care at all. Don't interact unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, like life-threatening, house-on-fire, our-son-is-a-Republican (I kid) sort of crap. "Pushing" does just that--it pushes her away. You need to pull away and create a void. You'd be surprised. Oftentimes the wayward spouses start snooping around to see why you're not being a puppy dog at their feet anymore. And even if she doesn't, you'll be off living an honorable, happy, loving life, and having sex with more attractive women. HINT HINT. You really need a dose of Gunny. Link to post Share on other sites
whattodonow12 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 I am so sorry. I am sure that hurt. And, it is a very heartless thing to say. I agree with what the others have said. Just stop showing that you care, and then put yourself in the position to call the shots.... on your terms. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 gotta go limited nc. only about the kid. she starts wondering off child subject. politely say you're not interested, if she persists,hang up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Printer Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 Thanks guys, I know what you are saying is the right thing to do, but I am finding it very hard as I am still in love with her. We have been together 24 years, married 17 and it came as a total shock. The thought of having to go out dating scares me, as she is the only person I've ever dated. Went out last night with some friends and tried chatting to some woman. It was ok and I had a good night but it did feel really strange. I don't think I am ready for another relationship yet. Is this normal? Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 why be in a relationship already? christ go out have fun, do things you've always wanted to do but couldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
curiou Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Printer, my suggestion about sex was only semi-serious. No, you don't have to be in a relationship. She shocked you, right? After being together so long? So, YOU HAVE TO FREAKING SHOCK HER RIGHT BACK, with absolute SILENCE. That is the only dignified way. Silence demonstrates the ramifications of what she's doing. Continued contact demonstrates that she's able to hurt you without ramifications, because she'll know you're still wanting to salvage the relationship. If you answer your phone every times she calls because you think it's a ray of hope, she's got you right where she (subconsciously or not) wants you. Stop responding. Trust me, if she really wants it to work, she'll find a way to show up on your doorstep. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Getting into another relationship is NOT a good thing, you aren't even divorced yet so that shouldn't even cross your mind. Going out with a group of people that are both male & female is a good thing. Just getting out is a good thing.... She is the one that left the marriage, she was in control, now she wants back so now you are in control..... Don't listen to what she says; watch what she does. What is she doing to better herself, to figure out what it was that made her leave in the first place? You were married a long time, it will take a long time to rekindle what you want, not what you had. What you had didn't work, so you have to do something different & that starts with finding out who "YOU" are...... In my case it was my former W that moved out, wanted the divorce, filed the paperwork, then after it was all over had second thoughts. It was me who looked at myself, started working on me (that will be the hardest thing you will do) and realized my part & what I did wrong. I really believe she would be willing to work on another relationship, but I haven't seen her do anything different, haven't seen her try & better herself so my answer would be; no thank you!!!!! I do believe in marriage, but once it goes south there has to be some BIG changes in order for it to become better then what it was. Link to post Share on other sites
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