Trimmer Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) This is not true. It is two women and even the other women in the office can't stand them. So by your own observations of all things, women don't all think the same, and don't run in a pack, high-fiving each other, encouraging the use and abuse of men? In fact, a good proportion of women, in your small sample, are actually revolted by that behavior? Hmmm. Maybe that bears remembering. One of the many characteristics of your periodic freak-outs is that you see each woman as "all women", and you lose the ability to consider each one as an individual person separate from others - you dehumanize "them" into a faceless pack. And the one woman that this is most seriously damaging to will always be the one you most need to see as an individual: your wife. Edited December 1, 2009 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 This is not true. It is two women and even the other women in the office can't stand them. There is one woman I get along with very well that calls them the skank twins. In fact on a few occasions one of them has even tried to get me into bed. Believe me when I say I do a very good job of keeping my issues hidden from people. :laugh: Perfectly willing to call out exceptions when it comes to defending yourself, but you won't identify exceptions when it comes to giving credit where credit is due - namely your wife and all the women you DON'T see acting like misandrists! You're too much Woggle! You LIKE your freak outs is what I'm starting to think. Because if you flee from your marriage for the "safer" player lifestyle, who do you think you will be getting attention from if not women like the one who tried to get you into bed? Do you secretly want to oblige her? Is that why she gets you so worked up that you can't go home to your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 I am completely baffled. You just got back from a fabulous trip to Vegas with your W... you seemed so happy. What happened Wogs? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 I am completely baffled. You just got back from a fabulous trip to Vegas with your W... you seemed so happy. What happened Wogs? His wife had a concern on something, and it wasn't something he wanted to hear. If this is how he is gonna react everytime his wife voices a concern over something, he has a long road ahead of him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Believe me when I say I do a very good job of keeping my issues hidden from people. Yeah but later you let it fester and build up, then these types of threads are born and cause you ALOT of doubt and mistrust of your wife and marriage. Honestly, WHO CARES what the F other women or other men do all around you! They aren't IN your life, they AREN'T your friends, so why let it get to you so much? Atleast try to keep things on the straight and narrow and remember "THANKGOD my wife isn't like that, I am so lucky to have a woman who loves and adores me, treats me well." Am I right or am I right, Wogs? It's up to you on how you handle this stuff. You CAN take control of your negative feelings/reactions when you hear crap like that all around you..CHOOSE to rise above it and deflect it so it doesn't make you go down a negative memorylane and set you off.. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Woggle, have you ever looked into some cognitive behavioral therapy for yourself? I'm not trying to be a smarta$$ by the way, I'm being serious. It might be beneficial. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 CBT saved me. I suffered from an anxiety disorder and I would highly recommend CBT to anyone - And since Wog has said it's almost like PTSD, CBT would definately help him alot. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 CBT saved me. I suffered from an anxiety disorder and I would highly recommend CBT to anyone - And since Wog has said it's almost like PTSD, CBT would definately help him alot. That's what made me think of it. I think he could greatly use some tools to help him learn to change his mindset. I guess we all could sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 1, 2009 Author Share Posted December 1, 2009 I finally bit the bullet and apologized to my wife. I explained to her that if I knew the whole story there would be no way in hell that I would have taken his side. I also found out that he tried to hit on her just to prove that she would cheat on me if given the chance. I have now been betrayed by a male friend so I guess it isn't always women=bad and men=good. It's going to suck for him when we have our pool parties next summer and he is not invited. The reason why I had my kneejerk reaction is because every relationship I know where the man is whipped and under control started by her cutting him off from his friends. While my wife certainly had her reasons for wanting him out of our lives there are couples where a man can't even go to the movies with his friend from college without getting chewed out by his woman and that is what I was trying to prevent. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 I finally bit the bullet and apologized to my wife. I explained to her that if I knew the whole story there would be no way in hell that I would have taken his side. I also found out that he tried to hit on her just to prove that she would cheat on me if given the chance. I have now been betrayed by a male friend so I guess it isn't always women=bad and men=good. It's going to suck for him when we have our pool parties next summer and he is not invited. The reason why I had my kneejerk reaction is because every relationship I know where the man is whipped and under control started by her cutting him off from his friends. While my wife certainly had her reasons for wanting him out of our lives there are couples where a man can't even go to the movies with his friend from college without getting chewed out by his woman and that is what I was trying to prevent. Hmm....If this guy is such a pig, it makes you wonder if his wife actually had good reason for leaving him. You may have gotten a skewed side of the story. Bitterness aside, nobody turns into a monster like that unless they're already f-ed up. Link to post Share on other sites
YoungG-d Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) I finally bit the bullet and apologized to my wife. I explained to her that if I knew the whole story there would be no way in hell that I would have taken his side. I also found out that he tried to hit on her just to prove that she would cheat on me if given the chance. I have now been betrayed by a male friend so I guess it isn't always women=bad and men=good. It's going to suck for him when we have our pool parties next summer and he is not invited. The reason why I had my kneejerk reaction is because every relationship I know where the man is whipped and under control started by her cutting him off from his friends. While my wife certainly had her reasons for wanting him out of our lives there are couples where a man can't even go to the movies with his friend from college without getting chewed out by his woman and that is what I was trying to prevent. Hey man, I don't know your background story as well as some of the posters in here might, but I have been following how this thread unfolds because of a relevance it had to a similar situation I found myself in. I am just coming out of a relationship like the one you described in the above post. In retrospect, I am beginning to wonder if the window I saw things through was the right one - considering how attitudes color mood and behavior, and I seem to share some of your views and fear of becoming 'neutered,' so to speak. Congratulations on apologizing to your wife, and I think you should make it up to her. Were I in your position, I would not simply let things slide with this friend, and would feel obligated to set the record straight with him, and make sure I let my wife know I had done so, both for my sake and hers. Remember, you are the man of the house, right? For minute, however, let me ask you deeply think about what you want in your future, instead of what all of these women on here say you should do, or what you think your wife wants. Think of yourself, as to save both of you from resentment and regret down the line. You know the age difference will start to catch up to your marriage in 15 years, and as of now you are at an age where you could easily attract 25 year-old women of prime child-bearing age to start whatever size family you wanted. Think long and hard about this, and forget about being crucified on here for wanting to save your penis and your genes. Best of luck, sir. Edited December 2, 2009 by YoungG-d Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 hat is what I was trying to prevent but you didn't actually prevent problems: You created breeding grounds for fear and reservation by responding with unhealthy instinct. Which doesn't help a relationship at all. I am proud of you for apologizing, but part of saying sorry to someone is to ditch the bad behavior. Meaning, you're gonna have to work hard on your attitude so that (1) you don't have knee-jerk responses like this as often and (2) you don't foster an atmosphere where the ones you love are afraid to speak up when something wrong or bad has taken place. A good place to start is to confront your friend and tell him in no uncertain terms that he acted out of line toward someone who was trying her hardest to be understanding and accepting of him. If you don't it'll only send messages to your wife that she doesn't have your loyalty on important issues like this, and that you are not disturbed by your buddies lack of respect for you, her or y'alls marriage. listen closely, Woggle, because I've been doing this for 17 years. It doesn't get any easier unless you establish certain healthy foundations for the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 I am not risking an assault charge over him but I did give him an earful. Like I said before it will kill him being the only on the block next summer not invited to my backyeard barbeques. Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Woggle, I do agree that this friend elimination process is very very common. So I get why you are sensitive to it since it often is part of the bigger picture of achieving total domination. I also believe that you intelligently separated this from that - proceeded to do the right thing with your wife. Just one last thing on wifes. A good wife, well treated, will not cheat. just won't do it. I think you married someone like that. I finally bit the bullet and apologized to my wife. I explained to her that if I knew the whole story there would be no way in hell that I would have taken his side. I also found out that he tried to hit on her just to prove that she would cheat on me if given the chance. I have now been betrayed by a male friend so I guess it isn't always women=bad and men=good. It's going to suck for him when we have our pool parties next summer and he is not invited. The reason why I had my kneejerk reaction is because every relationship I know where the man is whipped and under control started by her cutting him off from his friends. While my wife certainly had her reasons for wanting him out of our lives there are couples where a man can't even go to the movies with his friend from college without getting chewed out by his woman and that is what I was trying to prevent. Link to post Share on other sites
turnstone Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 But what I can't get my head around is why would a great woman like that marry someone with Woggle's issues? I just don't get it.... Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 But what I can't get my head around is why would a great woman like that marry someone with Woggle's issues? I just don't get it.... because it sounds like she really,truly,......loves him.From what I've read she has stood by him, thick and thin. She stuck around even when there was a gun-toting, psycho ex after him.IMO, that speaks volumes.Most people would've run away screaming. As I mature, I'm beginning to believe that no one comes without a certain amount of baggage.I'm close to the same age as Wog's W, so I would speculate that perhaps she has reached the same conclusion. (*shrug*) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 But what I can't get my head around is why would a great woman like that marry someone with Woggle's issues? I just don't get it.... I think it is because despite my issues I do have good intentions and I have a good heart. Once I found out the whole story I did the right thing and apologized. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 But what I can't get my head around is why would a great woman like that marry someone with Woggle's issues? I just don't get it.... simple: She sees something in him that others have failed to, and she's putting her faith into that. kinda like a diamond in the rough Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I have a question for the happily married women here. If you had to work with two who bragged everyday about they used and abused women and high fived each other about it would you be able to then go home to your husbands and be loving and cuddly? No matter how great your husbands wouldn't you feel like biting the head off the first man you saw?It was easy to go home to being loving, when I used to work outside of the home. My industry is full of self-entitled men who would chase the gold-digging office chippies constantly, bragging about who they did do. It never affected my first marriage, at least on my side, only made me disgusted with the individuals, themselves. Woggle, it's time to take responsibility for yourself. As an adult, we all make judgement calls daily. If we make a mistake, we know we'll survive. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 But what I can't get my head around is why would a great woman like that marry someone with Woggle's issues? I just don't get it.... because she's 15 years his senior, she's 45, he's 30. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I see why she might have been afraid to tell me but if she did that from the start it could have saved us a whole lot of drama. Of course he crossed a line and now he is cut off but I did not know about that until last night. I thought she was flipping over a conversation she was never meant to hear and that is why I took as her trying to control me. I have a question for the happily married women here. If you had to work with two who bragged everyday about they used and abused women and high fived each other about it would you be able to then go home to your husbands and be loving and cuddly? No matter how great your husbands wouldn't you feel like biting the head off the first man you saw? Happily married or not if I worked with 2 people who behaved in the manner you are describing I'd be complaining to my boss/ HR, these people have zero boundaries and clearly have no clue as to how to act in a professional setting. And no, I don't come home and club the people there because I didn't like the attitudes and actions of people at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 3, 2009 Author Share Posted December 3, 2009 I think another reason why she loves is because in generaly I feel I am a good husband. I don't view housework in terms of men's work vs women's work. I don't expect her to be a houswife and show her love by constantly cooking cleaning nor do I cheat on her or abuse her. I don't try to control her either. The only thing I ask of her is that she be faithful and not nag at me or pick at me. I also want to inform people that she apologized to me for not telling me the entire story as well so we both made a mistake this time around. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I think another reason why she loves is because in generaly I feel I am a good husband. I don't view housework in terms of men's work vs women's work. I don't expect her to be a houswife and show her love by constantly cooking cleaning nor do I cheat on her or abuse her. I don't try to control her either. The only thing I ask of her is that she be faithful and not nag at me or pick at me. I also want to inform people that she apologized to me for not telling me the entire story as well so we both made a mistake this time around. What do you want a cookie? That's how your supposed to be as a husband. Are your expectations of yourself that low? Jeeze Wog! Pull it together. Link to post Share on other sites
turnstone Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 because she's 15 years his senior, she's 45, he's 30. How odd, one would think that would make her less likely to take on someone with such serious misogynist tendencies not more. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I will also say that most of my friends now are players since most married men I know are boring and neutered wimps and I envy them. To me they have the ideal life for a man. It is one of freedom and they are never crying because some woman broke their heart. They very much know what the score is with modern women but they are having a ball anyway. When I am out with them and they are picking up women I often wish I can join them and then I remember I have a wife at home. Some of these women look so damn good but they are off limits to me. It has been so long since I have had a one night stand and I miss it. Well, after all the back and forth, the REAL reason for treating your wife like CRAP comes out doesn't it. What is it you want? With one breath you say you want KIDS, which would imply a stable home, and with the next breath, you say you envy and miss the life of your player friends!! Or maybe you want a wife who bears your progeny, and then stays home while you WHORE around! Please do the world a favor and not spread your seed! Your wife doesn't need a child. SHE'S MARRIED TO ONE! Link to post Share on other sites
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