johan Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I think you're getting picked on, Woggle. I not sure beating you into submission is going to achieve anything more positive than you achieved when you renewed your commitment to your wife and apologized to her. I think that's all anyone should reasonably expect. It's definitely the best outcome from among the possibilities. Everything else is just going to have to work itself out over time. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Yes and I have nothing physically or mentally wrong with me. I just have severe trust issues with women. Ok I don't know the history other than you had a HORRIBLE ex wife...why the mistrust? Was your mother a lying cheating skank? Do you have sisters? Why do you have this twisted view? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 Ok I don't know the history other than you had a HORRIBLE ex wife...why the mistrust? Was your mother a lying cheating skank? Do you have sisters? Why do you have this twisted view? It is a long long story. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 So I should risk being broke and homeless just so I can not listen to manhating crap? Also there will just be more manhaters at another job. If you work in any place with more than 2 women you will hear this kind of thing. That's funny, I work in an office of 80 people, maybe half of them women and I have never heard anything like you describe. I wasn't saying quit now but actively looking for a job couldn't hurt. Certainly not more than you're hurting yourself and your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 Why? I really don't get it. And, seriously agree with CE....can you find a different job? Because it reminded me what women really think of men. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Yes and I have nothing physically or mentally wrong with me. I just have severe trust issues with women. Did your therapist consider or discuss OCD with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I think you're getting picked on, Woggle. I not sure beating you into submission is going to achieve anything more positive than you achieved when you renewed your commitment to your wife and apologized to her. I think that's all anyone should reasonably expect. It's definitely the best outcome from among the possibilities. Everything else is just going to have to work itself out over time. Yeah, time has so clearly helped his marriage already. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 So I should risk being broke and homeless just so I can not listen to manhating crap? Also there will just be more manhaters at another job. If you work in any place with more than 2 women you will hear this kind of thing. Maybe move. New Jersey tends to have the most scarcastic, negative people in the world. I have no idea why. Move to California - housing is pretty affordable now and people are way nicer. I have several relatives that lived in New Jersey and they all moved away and are much happier calmer more fulfilled people. It sounds flippant. But I think you are growing and have just come to a huge freakout tantrum. I don't know you at all so I may be full of crap but my instincts are usually pretty darn good. You got hurt. But you know what Woggle? LOTS of people have been hurt - really hurt. Even more than you. But the strong people learn from it and learn to appreciate the good people out there. It is ok to protect yourself but not to cut off your nose to spite your face. You need to find the good people and trust them. Your wife is good for you. Trust her, appreciate her and love her with all your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 Did your therapist consider or discuss OCD with you? I am not OCD. Is it that unreasonable that somebody like me would have trust issues? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I agree. Beating up on him isn't going to solve anything. Wog has his issues, he's well aware of them and we all know he has these freakout sessions on occasion. My real hope though is, wog that you start talking to your wife more about your fears, your worries and let her show you, tell you, how much she loves you. NONE of us here can make you feel better, or fix your doubts..Only you can, by listening and trusting the woman who sleeps beside you every night. The woman who has supported you through rough times, the woman who you married. Just wish you would enjoy what you have infront of you instead of looking around at disaster that hasn't happen to you personally with your wife. Hope this makes sense. Stop and see what's infront of you. Appreciate it, and take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Yeah, time has so clearly helped his marriage already. I respect him for keeping his marriage together and working things out when problems come up. Based on his posts, no one would have given him a chance of finding a woman, let alone sustaining a marriage with her. He must have something going for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I agree. Beating up on him isn't going to solve anything. Wog has his issues, he's well aware of them and we all know he has these freakout sessions on occasion. My real hope though is, wog that you start talking to your wife more about your fears, your worries and let her show you, tell you, how much she loves you. NONE of us here can make you feel better, or fix your doubts..Only you can, by listening and trusting the woman who sleeps beside you every night. The woman who has supported you through rough times, the woman who you married. Just wish you would enjoy what you have infront of you instead of looking around at disaster that hasn't happen to you personally with your wife. Hope this makes sense. Stop and see what's infront of you. Appreciate it, and take it from there. So well said. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Yes, he hasn't given up. He may feel like he wants to, says he's going to, wishes he has a players life..But he still chooses to stay with his wife, go home to her. That has to say something. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I am not OCD. Is it that unreasonable that somebody like me would have trust issues?Sooner or later, you're going to have break this pattern of obsessive thought and obsessive it is, since it GREATLY affects your ability to lead a happy and healthy life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 It means that deep down I really do want this marriage to work but I don't want to end up like the man on the divorce forum. I don't want to be one of those men who thought he had a great marriage only to find out his wife resented him. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I respect him for keeping his marriage together and working things out when problems come up. Based on his posts, no one would have given him a chance of finding a woman, let alone sustaining a marriage with her. He must have something going for him. From what I have read, he's only managed to keep his marriage together by hiding his real feelings about women, his trust issues to do with her. She is aware of his anti female agenda, she agrees blah blah blah but how many of these threads has he started since they married where he doubts her, we all talk him down about how he has a one in a million woman and then it repeats again. It used to repeat every month or so. She has no idea of what the man she is married to is truly like. He's keeping it together by essentially lying to her. Woo, what a nice thing for her to settle for. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 That's not OCD, he has said it's almost like PTSD. Hearing all this stuff sets him off and causes alot of turmoil - Hense these threads. Even though he doesn't acknowledge it much, I DO think he is getting what we're saying and it does sink in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 From what I have read, he's only managed to keep his marriage together by hiding his real feelings about women, his trust issues to do with her. She is aware of his anti female agenda, she agrees blah blah blah but how many of these threads has he started since they married where he doubts her, we all talk him down about how he has a one in a million woman and then it repeats again. It used to repeat every month or so. She has no idea of what the man she is married to is truly like. He's keeping it together by essentially lying to her. Woo, what a nice thing for her to settle for. How is this any different than men who think they have a happy marriage but their wife really resents the hell out of them? I just want to know why women who express the same thoughts I do but only about men are cheered on by society but I am constantly told to change. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Wog has his issues, he's well aware of them and we all know he has these freakout sessions on occasion. My real hope though is, wog that you start talking to your wife more about your fears, your worries and let her show you, tell you, how much she loves you. NONE of us here can make you feel better, or fix your doubts..Only you can, by listening and trusting the woman who sleeps beside you every night. The woman who has supported you through rough times, the woman who you married. Just wish you would enjoy what you have infront of you instead of looking around at disaster that hasn't happen to you personally with your wife. Hope this makes sense. Stop and see what's infront of you. Appreciate it, and take it from there.While I agree that no one can fix him and he needs to fix himself by being determined to combat his obsessive thinking, I disagree that putting it all onto his wife, is healthy for him or fair to her. Woggle has GOT to want to fix himself, learning to rely on healthy thought patterns and trust in himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 It means that deep down I really do want this marriage to work but I don't want to end up like the man on the divorce forum. I don't want to be one of those men who thought he had a great marriage only to find out his wife resented him. Ah but Woggle, you are the one that is resenting your wife for imagined future circumstances. That is so unfair on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 How is this any different than men who think they have a happy marriage but their wife really resents the hell out of them? I just want to know why women who express the same thoughts I do but only about men are cheered on by society but I am constantly told to change. Please link me to these threads on LS started by women and I'd gladly say the same thing to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 Ah but Woggle, you are the one that is resenting your wife for imagined future circumstances. That is so unfair on her. Maybe it is but it not meant to hurt her. It is to protect myself. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 It means that deep down I really do want this marriage to work but I don't want to end up like the man on the divorce forum. I don't want to be one of those men who thought he had a great marriage only to find out his wife resented him. So far your wife hasn't given you ANY real reason to mistrust her. Right? I really hope she doesn't fall out of love with you, or cheat on you. One thing you can do to help prevent her from falling out of love is LOVE and appreciate her, keep the lines of communication open, never go to bed pissed off at one another and keep things sexy and hot in the bedroom. Each of you need to feel desired and wanted, so keep that flame alive, with romance too. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 How is this any different than men who think they have a happy marriage but their wife really resents the hell out of them? I just want to know why women who express the same thoughts I do but only about men are cheered on by society but I am constantly told to change. by society you mean those two ladies you work with and that other message board you go to? Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 That's not OCD, he has said it's almost like PTSD. Hearing all this stuff sets him off and causes alot of turmoil - Hense these threads. Even though he doesn't acknowledge it much, I DO think he is getting what we're saying and it does sink in.PTSD is about reliving incidents in his past. He's not reliving the incidents, he's obsessing about what's current and viciously looping, about fictitious possibilities. Link to post Share on other sites
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