Wife and I are having problems

[alphamale]

Before we get rolling, I think I'd better say this once and for all. Alphamale, if you are married, your wife is currently plotting to cut your pecker off, douse it with lighter fluid, set it aflame, and dance around it laughing and drinking tequila. If I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open until she divorces you or you learn to shut your trap.

i think you're confusing me with woggle

[threebyfate]

I'm going to lob one more possibility your way, Woggle. There's a 15 year spread in your ages. Is she starting to look her age?

[alphamale]

I'm going to lob one more possibility your way, Woggle. There's a 15 year spread in your ages. Is she starting to look her age?

is woggle like 15 and his wife 30? that could explain some of the problems here

[threebyfate]

is woggle like 15 and his wife 30? that could explain some of the problems here

30 and 45.

[alphamale]

30 and 45.

oh thats a HUGE mismatch....

[alphamale]

poor woggle

[threebyfate]

poor woggle

How so? Woggle convinced his wife that age was but a number, even though she was concerned about it, when they first started dating.

[alphamale]

How so? Woggle convinced his wife that age was but a number, even though she was concerned about it, when they first started dating.

age is not but "a number"....when she's 60 he'll be 45 and capable of dating 35 year old women. Those 35 year olds are gonna start looking mighty tempting when he's got a senior citizen waiting at home for him

[threebyfate]

age is not but "a number"....when she's 60 he'll be 45 and capable of dating 35 year old women. Those 35 year olds are gonna start looking mighty tempting when he's got a senior citizen waiting at home for him

This is what he signed up for so if anyone should be felt sorry for, it should be his wife.

 

But we don't know if this is an issue or not. I just threw it out there for Woggle to consider.

[alphamale]

This is what he signed up for so if anyone should be felt sorry for, it should be his wife.

i assume woggles good-for-nothing buddy is around 30 also. these are very young and inexperienced men. children if you may. woggles wife can probably run mental and emotional circles around them with her experience.

 

But we don't know if this is an issue or not. I just threw it out there for Woggle to consider.

yes that was a good idea

[Woggle]

We talked about it more and one of her main issues is that when he was going through all the drama with his ex she was there for him and was a friend to him as well and she feels very betrayed. She says she does not mind my wild friends from New York and actually likes them for the most part. She doesn't mind my other player or even the fact that I am friendly with the neighborhood wino but when somebody starts to come in between us and try to ruin our marriage she is putting her foot down.

 

My issues is that we were doing fine until I got back from his place and she starts getting on my case about hanging out with him. The way I put it to her was harsh and maybe I should apologize but I wish she would trust me.

 

As for the age I must admit that sometimes I do want a younger woman my age that I can settle down and have a family with. That is what my ex and I were planning on until she discovered drugs and infidelity. I love my wife and the age thing never bothered me until recently when I started wanting to have a family.

Edited November 28, 2009 by Woggle

[allina]

Woggle, 45 is not too old to have a child, especially since the child will have a younger father. Has she ruled out getting pregnant?

 

Would you two consider adoption?

[alphamale]

Woggle, 45 is not too old to have a child, ...

for all practical purposes it is

[mem11363]

Perfectly and passionately stated.

 

 

 

Hey Woggs -

 

YES there is a huge problem here.

 

But it is not your wife and it is not your "friend" - it is YOU.

 

Honestly I am not friends with a person just because of gender. But it appears that is your ONLY qualification.

 

A friend DOES NOT:

 

1. Attempt to sabotage your relationship for their own personal reasons (like being able to hook up with more chicks due to you being a great wing man).

 

2. Intrude or disrespect a person's marriage or partner.

 

3. Try and steer YOUR LIFE in a direction that would hurt you or cause you grief.

 

A FRIEND is there to support YOUR choices and wants what is best FOR YOU.

 

If you think this guy is going to be by your bedside in 30 or 40 years, changing your diapers if you are bedridden, and going through thick and thin with you then you have MAJOR issues.

 

Your WIFE on the other hand would be there.

 

I have friends that have been married when I was single. I would NEVER try to inject myself in between them, cause problems for them, or make myself an issue that has to be discussed, etc.

 

If I DID I would EXPECT we would no longer be FRIENDS. Not because the husband has a problem and is wrong in any way and not because the woman has no back bone -- but because IF I DID CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR THEM that would make me a selfish douche of a person who isn't BEING a friend to HER or them.

 

I have MANY acquaintances. A lot of the women that are acquaintances are just like YOUR DOUCHE BAG of a "friend".

They can not be trusted to have MY best interests at heart because they are selfish and think only about what is best for THEM.

Believe me they are kept at arms length and I would NEVER let them anywhere close to my life or my relationships. That would be a BAD idea and they are in a constant chase for relationships because they just don't get how to be LOYAL or have any INTEGRITY in speech or action.

 

I have a handful of FRIENDS.

These are women (and a few men) who respect ME enough that they respect MY choices for my life and support ME and what I WANT. They don't judge, make assumptions, or put me in positions where what I want is sabotaged by their own personal wants.

 

A man isn't a friend to you simply because he has a dingle between his legs, is he Woggs? Because it sure sounds like that is the ONLY criteria you have.

And if he is "fun" to hang out with --- FYI there are plenty of those. The trick is to find those that are fun and also respect you, your wants for your life, and the partner who stands by your side.

 

Your "friend" sounds like a complete douche. No wonder he's single.

[shadowplay]

Woggle, why can't you start a family with her now?

 

Is it like TBF said -- does her visible aging bother you?

[mem11363]

Woggle,

The post below - is so sad. I am going to reword it for you since this is what you really mean.

 

I Woggle am starting to realize my wife is too old to help me achieve some of my "recently adopted" life goals such as having children. Therefore I am rethinking the whole idea of our marriage. In the meantime to help her re-think it as well I am going to start telegraphing her new reduced status in my life by:

1. Relaying to her toxic suggestions our mutual (NOT NOT) friend has made about how he and I should go out and have multiple one night stands

2. Then getting defensive and self righteous with her when she gets anxious and feels threatened that I choose to hang out with this fairly bitter and definitely marriage wrecking "friend"

3. I am thinking if I treat her badly enough maybe she will end it then I can be free and have no guilt for being the party to file for divorce

 

End of summarization

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

I genuinely hope that no one in the future treats you the way you are treating your wife. It is cruel and hateful.

 

 

We talked about it more and one of her main issues is that when he was going through all the drama with his ex she was there for him and was a friend to him as well and she feels very betrayed. She says she does not mind my wild friends from New York and actually likes them for the most part. She doesn't mind my other player or even the fact that I am friendly with the neighborhood wino but when somebody starts to come in between us and try to ruin our marriage she is putting her foot down.

 

My issues is that we were doing fine until I got back from his place and she starts getting on my case about hanging out with him. The way I put it to her was harsh and maybe I should apologize but I wish she would trust me.

 

As for the age I must admit that sometimes I do want a younger woman my age that I can settle down and have a family with. That is what my ex and I were planning on until she discovered drugs and infidelity. I love my wife and the age thing never bothered me until recently when I started wanting to have a family.

[threebyfate]

Let her go, Woggle. She deserves happiness and a potential future with a man who loves her, as much as she loves him.

[sally4sara]

Before you said you didn't want kids.

You said you were meh on the subject and also feared having kids and then

BAM! she'd go walkaway on you.

 

Now that she has reached an age where having kids might not be possible, you're using it as a reason for you to go walkaway?

 

Did you just get with this woman just to act out hatefully towards your mom and ex?

[Woggle]

I did not marry her to get back at my mom and my ex. I truly do love her but yes I am starting to think about the age thing more often. She looks damn good for her age and you could easily mistake her for being in her 30s but it oes weigh on my mind. I remember what I had with my ex before she turned into a monster and I want that again. A friend of mine who is in a happy marriage came over this thanksgiving with their 1 year old daughter and for the first time I was catching the fatherhood bug.

 

Then there are other times where I don't want kids partyly because of my trust issues with women in general but more because the life we live is just not compatible with parenting. We are not addicts but sometimes we like to get drunk or get high together and we stay out all night sometimes on weekends. We got very wild in Vegas and I know that when kids come along that has to stop. Maybe we could just babysit.

 

The friend thing is just me resenting a woman trying to control me but when I think about it she does have a good reason for taking issue.

[mem11363]

She is trying to keep you from someone who has repeatedly stated their desire to destroy your marriage. That isn't control - it is called "self defense" and you know it.

 

Man to man - own up to what you are doing. This blameshifting is really beneath you. Man up:

- Apologize to your wife

- Agree to some ground rules with her - including that your friend will come over and apologize to her

- If he won't do that - friendship ends until he changes his mind

 

Do you grasp the difference between a GF and a WIFE?

 

 

I did not marry her to get back at my mom and my ex. I truly do love her but yes I am starting to think about the age thing more often. She looks damn good for her age and you could easily mistake her for being in her 30s but it oes weigh on my mind. I remember what I had with my ex before she turned into a monster and I want that again. A friend of mine who is in a happy marriage came over this thanksgiving with their 1 year old daughter and for the first time I was catching the fatherhood bug.

 

Then there are other times where I don't want kids partyly because of my trust issues with women in general but more because the life we live is just not compatible with parenting. We are not addicts but sometimes we like to get drunk or get high together and we stay out all night sometimes on weekends. We got very wild in Vegas and I know that when kids come along that has to stop. Maybe we could just babysit.

 

The friend thing is just me resenting a woman trying to control me but when I think about it she does have a good reason for taking issue.

[shadowplay]

I agree that you shouldn't have kids because your marriage will most likely end in divorce. Not because of her, but because of you.

[allina]

I still think you should adopt a child. I like you and wish you the very best, however, I also think you are paranoid, self centered and self indulgent at times. I think that by shifting your attention to being a father you'll mellow out, see the beauty in life and focus on the love in your marriage instead of this gender game.

[shadowplay]

She is trying to keep you from someone who has repeatedly stated their desire to destroy your marriage. That isn't control - it is called "self defense" and you know it.

 

Man to man - own up to what you are doing. This blameshifting is really beneath you. Man up:

- Apologize to your wife

- Agree to some ground rules with her - including that your friend will come over and apologize to her

- If he won't do that - friendship ends until he changes his mind

 

Do you grasp the difference between a GF and a WIFE?

 

I don't think Woggle cares enough about his marriage to even go through this amount trouble.

 

The way he treats his marriage so half-azzedly -- happy about it one minute, ready to divorce her the next with little or no provocation -- suggests he's not at all invested. Remember how he called off the wedding days before and then changed his mind and married her a week later? A man who allows his mood of the moment to dictate his feelings of commitment to his partner isn't truly invested. I know because I dated a guy like that.

 

The kids/age thing is just an excuse. He accepted her age when they first got married and told her that he didn't want children. Now he's changing his story because it gives him an excuse to leave her. No matter how perfect she is he will always find something wrong so that he can preemptively reject her. He claims to be a man, when it's obvious a terrified little boy is working the controls.

 

I'm starting to think he should just divorce her sooner rather than later. At 45, she needs to get out there and meet more men before she runs out of options.

Edited November 29, 2009 by shadowplay

[Sam Spade]

what he really needs to do is knock her up, that'll keep her quiet for at least a few yrs

 

oh never mind (deleted)

Edited November 29, 2009 by Sam Spade

[whichwayisup]

I did not marry her to get back at my mom and my ex. I truly do love her but yes I am starting to think about the age thing more often. She looks damn good for her age and you could easily mistake her for being in her 30s but it oes weigh on my mind. I remember what I had with my ex before she turned into a monster and I want that again. A friend of mine who is in a happy marriage came over this thanksgiving with their 1 year old daughter and for the first time I was catching the fatherhood bug.

 

Then there are other times where I don't want kids partyly because of my trust issues with women in general but more because the life we live is just not compatible with parenting. We are not addicts but sometimes we like to get drunk or get high together and we stay out all night sometimes on weekends. We got very wild in Vegas and I know that when kids come along that has to stop. Maybe we could just babysit.

 

The friend thing is just me resenting a woman trying to control me but when I think about it she does have a good reason for taking issue.

 

You better talk to your wife about this stuff, and also get back into therapy. You're very close to the edge..Im actually worried about you.