Wife and I are having problems

[Woggle]

But WHO CARES? Why are you wasting your time and energy on that? What purpose does it serve in your life? Seriously.. What other people do in their life, their choices should NOT affect you! What counts is what goes on behind closed doors with your wife.

 

YOUR WIFE is NOT all those women!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP comparing her to them.

 

So I should be expected to believe that I have the one exception in the world.

[threebyfate]

They are not excuses. The reason I want a player lifestyle is piece of mind. I won't walk around all day wondering if I am going to come homt ot the I love you but I am not in love with you speech.

Since your wife has treated you with nothing but love, only making an issue of your friend due to YOU creating this man drama, they are excuses. Of course there's the excuse component of personal insecurities, which I didn't mention, since it's a blatant given.

 

Rationalize all you want about the evil's of womanhood, but they're only rationalizations/excuses for wanting to bolt.

 

If you have any tiny shred of humanity left inside of you, let her go to find happiness with a man who loves her.

[whichwayisup]

So I should be expected to believe that I have the one exception in the world.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Why did you even bother getting married in the first place?

 

Woggle, marriage is hard work. It takes TWO to make it work.. You expect your wife to jump through hoops, to do all the work, please you, make you trust her.. Seems YOU don't have unconditional love for her..Yet she DOES have it for you.

 

She HAS stood by you during rough times..

 

I honestly don't know what else to say to you, my friend. You're on negative bender, big time and I have no idea how to help you.

[whichwayisup]

I won't walk around all day wondering if I am going to come homt ot the I love you but I am not in love with you speech.

 

If she falls out of love with you it'll be because you don't 1)trust her 2)feel she's too old for you now 3)want other (younger) women 4)Putting your friend first before her 5)you end up cheating on her with another woman 6)YOU have fallen out of love with HER.

 

Time to look in the mirror..Sit and really read ALL THE RESPONSES on your thread, get back to therapy and figure this out before you ruin what's left of your marriage.

[soserious1]

I am talking about women in general. I just don't see any proof that they are capable of loving a man. Most women I know hate their husbands and boyfriends guts and it is pretty much the same on here. The only time they ever truly have feelings for a man is when he is married, won't commit or somehow is out of reach. This is because they want the prize to soothe their ego and feel sexy but the minute they have a good man who treats them well they lose attraction and want out. What reason do I have to believe that my marriage will turn out any differently?

 

Then maybe you need to find some new friends and stop hanging out on an internet forum filled with people who come to discuss problems within their relationships.

 

Many of the people I know are in long term marriages/ relationships and have happy lives, they're not posting on web forums set up for singles or people with marital problems.

 

You're treating your wife like crap, when she eventually tires of it and divorces you, then you'll say Ah ha! I was right, women are heartless monsters, they;re only good to be used as toys and thrown away.

 

I'll tell you this though.. you're only 30 but you're getting a tad old to be chasing skirt in night clubs, wait till you're 50, nothing is sadder than the sight of a 50 yr old "player"

[Woggle]

I honestly don't feel like I need therapy. My way is happier for a man since I will never be blindsided by a walkaway wife. Also why I get the feeling that if I were a woman I would be getting a bunch of you go girl responses in this thread and everybody would be on the side of my friend?

[soserious1]

I honestly don't feel like I need therapy. My way is happier for a man since I will never be blindsided by a walkaway wife. Also why I get the feeling that if I were a woman I would be getting a bunch of you go girl responses in this thread and everybody would be on the side of my friend?

 

Ok, then go sit your wife down TODAY and tell her you want a divorce.

 

Man up, own your choices and go out and claim the player lifestyle.

[whichwayisup]

Also why I get the feeling that if I were a woman I would be getting a bunch of you go girl responses in this thread and everybody would be on the side of my friend?

My advice would be exactly the same as I'm giving you. You should know me well enough by now Woggle. Geesh.

 

And sorry, I have to disagree with you..You DO need therapy. For some reason what it is that's set you off, all that negative thinking and other stuff is messing you up badly..You can't even see it, let alone admit it.

 

I feel sad for you because you have no idea what you're about to lose. And one day you may look back and totally regret it - Regret that you're about to lose the ONE SANE woman who loves you, married you, and does give you unconditional love..All because of your pride, your ego, your fears, your insecurities, your non trust, non faith.

[threebyfate]

My advice would be exactly the same as I'm giving you. You should know me well enough by now Woggle. Geesh.

 

And sorry, I have to disagree with you..You DO need therapy. For some reason what it is that's set you off, all that negative thinking and other stuff is messing you up badly..You can't even see it, let alone admit it.

 

I feel sad for you because you have no idea what you're about to lose. And one day you may look back and totally regret it - Regret that you're about to lose the ONE SANE woman who loves you, married you, and does give you unconditional love..All because of your pride, your ego, your fears, your insecurities, your non trust, non faith.

You speak so much truth and reality but it's not taking into account his wife's feelings. What did she do wrong in her life that she deserves to be tied to someone who sees her as a disposable object? All my sympathies reside with his wife now and not because she has a vagina, but because she loved unwisely.

[Woggle]

You speak so much truth and reality but it's not taking into account his wife's feelings. What did she do wrong in her life that she deserves to be tied to someone who sees her as a disposable object? All my sympathies reside with his wife now and not because she has a vagina, but because she loved unwisely.

 

If I were a woman would you feel the same way?

[soserious1]

Wog, I just wanted to add here that I'm close to 1 yr post divorce from a man who treated me badly and who's actions included infidelity.

 

I am a bit older than your wife, the vast majority of my friends are married people, divorced women aren't welcomed with high 5's and back slaps for getting a divorce.. most often we're excluded from social events because now that we're single we represent a threat to those marriages. I've had a few supportive friends who's number is increasing but this is only because I've chosen not to inflict my own brand of misery and bitterness on them. I don't sit over lunch and advise my girlfriends that it's only a matter of time till their husbands are going to cheat on them, I don't sit there lamenting the fact that my married girlfriends can't go to clubs with me to help pick up men.

 

I am polite and nice to the husbands of my friends while keeping suitable boundaries and distance and go out of my way to show respect for their marriages.If I acted the way your friend does, I wouldn't have any married friends left!

[threebyfate]

If I were a woman would you feel the same way?

If you were a woman, I would rip you to shreds, since I expect more from women than men, when it comes to emotions, as women are more in touch with their emotions.

[freestyle]

It's almost like you've already condemned your wife for a crime she has not committed.

 

You're judging her, and ready to sentence her, based on your fear that

she "might" betray you???

 

She's done nothing wrong, yet she should "be punished" ......just in case???

 

How horribly unfair to be put on trial based on speculation. Please, please, think..........................................................................

 

You can't be in a R, or an M, with one hand on the doorknob all the time.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

Just so you know, I've spent a lot of my adult life being a female version of you..............mistrusting, keeping my guard up, afraid to open up, afraid to be vulnerable, safely locked behind insanely high walls. Convinced

that betrayal was just around the corner, (yet again). Unable to believe

that anyone could really be sincere............

 

Those walls that keep the pain away, also keep the joy away. They can shut out everything. And when you're behind those walls, with only a tiny little peephole to peek through...........what are you really able to see???

 

Can you really get "the big picture".........when you're squinting through a peephole??

[shadowplay]

Guys, there's no point in trying to break him out of his delusions. Nothing gets through. The only productive thing we can do is encourage him to divorce her. Even if he has a change of heart at some point, he'll just flop back again.

[whichwayisup]

I am not giving up on Woggle. He does this every now and then.. Has these freak out sessions, then within a week, comes back and is thankful he has what he has at home.

 

And yes, he will flip flop back and forth, it's a pattern he's been doing since he got engaged. Remember he nearly called off the wedding?

 

Maybe I have too much faith that Woggle has the courage to work through this, talk it out on here and come to his better senses.

[allina]

I am talking about women in general. I just don't see any proof that they are capable of loving a man. Most women I know hate their husbands and boyfriends guts and it is pretty much the same on here.

 

So insulting us all makes you feel better about how insanely you've been acting? :(

[johan]

Woggle is married and has been for a while now, which is completely contradictory to his "hate women" mantra. This is all about Woggle's fear of abandonment, which is a pretty simple fear and has nothing to do with society. If being a "player" was a fulfilling lifestyle, he would never have gotten married. He knows better. The only advantage to being single is that there is no one to leave you.

 

I don't think you should get a divorce, Woggle. I think you need to deal with your fears. Don't hide behind the "war of the sexes" facade, but actually just face with the fears you have. Honestly. I can imagine it took a lot of courage to get married. It takes courage for you every day. But you can't sustain living like that. You need to get comfortable and stop living on the edge of a breakdown.

[shadowplay]

I am not giving up on Woggle. He does this every now and then.. Has these freak out sessions, then within a week, comes back and is thankful he has what he has at home.

 

And yes, he will flip flop back and forth, it's a pattern he's been doing since he got engaged. Remember he nearly called off the wedding?

 

Maybe I have too much faith that Woggle has the courage to work through this, talk it out on here and come to his better senses.

 

I didn't realize these freakouts were habitual. Maybe there is some hope then. I just wonder how she deals with this roller coaster, or maybe he just keeps his doubts inside.

[allina]

I am not giving up on Woggle. He does this every now and then.. Has these freak out sessions, then within a week, comes back and is thankful he has what he has at home.

 

And yes, he will flip flop back and forth, it's a pattern he's been doing since he got engaged. Remember he nearly called off the wedding?

 

Maybe I have too much faith that Woggle has the courage to work through this, talk it out on here and come to his better senses.

 

I am like that too. Plus this is an outlet to vent, and he can use it as such.

 

What gets to me at times is that I'm genuinely hoping for the best for him, I think he is a good person deep down, but then he turns around and really insults all women and the love that we have for our spouses.

[sally4sara]

So I should be expected to believe that I have the one exception in the world.

 

Listen to you.

 

If you're going to place so much on the negative stories on here as proof that things can go bad, then you're going to have to place AS MUCH on the good stories on here as proof that things can go well.

 

The problem with looking to LS is that it is an advise forum and not many people who come here have found peace in their life. So you're not looking at relationships in all their styles - you're looking only at troubled ones.

 

Some of us are in happy and healthy relationships. Do you figure we just lie? Pete's Sake Woggle! LIFE gets hairy, but some couples do face it with unity. How come we can do it but you can't believe you and your wife can?

 

Maybe its that angry little boy inside you let call the shots so much that is making you worry you can't and WON'T let it happen for you?

[threebyfate]

I am not giving up on Woggle. He does this every now and then.. Has these freak out sessions, then within a week, comes back and is thankful he has what he has at home.

 

And yes, he will flip flop back and forth, it's a pattern he's been doing since he got engaged. Remember he nearly called off the wedding?

 

Maybe I have too much faith that Woggle has the courage to work through this, talk it out on here and come to his better senses.

But each freak session gets progressively worse. He throws more crap at the wall until one day, the dung pile will become insurmountable. It proves that he doesn't ever take the pile of shyte to the dump, just hides it under leaves.

 

Perhaps this time, will be the last time. For her sake, I hope so. The longer she remains in this marriage, the worse it's going to get. He's taken all she's given over the last 4+ years, and thrown it back into her face.

[quankanne]

Woggle, there's something you need to get through that thick skull of yours: At some point, the good, loving wife you previously claimed to have is going to get tired of being your whipping boy, and she'll realize that this is the best you'll ever be able to give of yourself in a relationship, then begin to wonder if life with you is really worth the effort of trying to help you heal when you refuse to help yourself.

 

you also need to understand that when she walks away from this marriage – and I'm guessing she'll probably file for divorce before you will, because you will always need someone to be the baddie so you can act out your martyr complex – it's because YOU chose not to be part of a healthy marriage. That's way different from a walk-away spouse chasing for greener pastures (as you seem to be doing).

 

if you're a smart man, you'll get into some intense therapy and learn how to communicate your concerns to her. If she loves as much as the rest of us seem to think, she'll work with you to conquer those fears and help you become the man you're supposed to be, not leave you to wallow in some pigsty.

 

and if you cannot take proactive measures to strengthen your marriage, you really, really need to give her an opportunity to be with someone who can love her the way she's meant to be loved. Not be a whipping boy who is paying the price for what other people have done to you – no one deserves to have that role.

Edited November 29, 2009 by quankanne

[Pyro]

I seriously do not understand why she won't lay off me about this friend. We both live on the same block so I visit him quite a bit. I went over to his place to help him hook up some new electronics he bought and she starts getting this attitude with me about still associating with a man is actively trying to destroy our marriage even though he didn't say a word who about it while we were over there. To make a long story short we end up arguing and I tell her not to make me choose because she knows whch choice I will make. She is now very hurt over my comment I told her before we married not to try to control me or change me because it will be an exercise in futility. I thought I had one of the few good marriages but I am dealing with the same crap every man has to deal with.

 

and I am willing to bet if she had a friend who was like that you wouldn't want her to see that friend.

[Island Girl]

and I am willing to bet if she had a friend who was like that you wouldn't want her to see that friend.

 

So true Pyro and Woggs you have already said as much. Think about these women you work with. Your wife suddenly becomes the best of friends with one of them (one that has a BIG mouth and always is talking about how men are crap in every way). And you would have nothing to say about her being friends with this woman and hang out with her...? Yes you would. You absolutely would. And you also would wonder WHY she'd WANT to be friends with a such a piece of crap dirtbag who is nothing but a negative bashing harpy.

 

That is how your wife is feeling Woggs. She knows this guy is a piece of crap. He is disrespectful not only to women but to other's relationships including yours and in the end people in general. Not someone of quality character.

 

I'm actually really surprised by this recent turn of events Woggs. You posted not too long ago that you finally had to acknowledge that not ALL women were as you usually describe. That there are women elsewhere and here who do not typify your stereotype. And certainly your wife doesn't AT ALL. Maybe you should go back and read that thread of yours Woggs.

You had seemed to turn a corner - and seen color and shades in that black and white world you had been in. Well here you are back to black and white and it is sad. I'm sad for you my friend.

[Pyro]

Forgive me if I am out of line.

 

It just amazes me that Woggle has been here for about as long as me and he still whistles the same tune. Talk about beating a dead horse into the ground. Are you just doing this for attention Woggle?