I made an internet friend (just a friend right now) am I cheating?

[andreautick]

Here's the deal:

 

My boyfriend of one year and I have broken up 5 times in the past year. The last breakup helped us sort through many issues that we had never sorted through which were the source of our breakups in the past, and a lot changed. Things have been pretty nice ever since then. We are very different in some fundamental ways, but we both really want to work at this and make it work. All in all, he is a wonderful man but I don't know if he's the be all and end all...but I'd love to be affirmed that he is, with time. I have high hopes, but I'm not placing all my bets on him because the situation has proven unstable in the past. I do love him though.

 

So, I had forgotten I had an internet dating profile up from the last time my boyfriend and I broke up. My internet profile isn't very "come-hither" and so I guess I wasn't worried about it. I don't usually take those things seriously, anyway. But, this one day I get a message from this great seeming guy and we start talking. He lives in my home town which I will be returning to over my holiday break....for a month. We've spent hours upon hours talking and from how much I know of him, he's the ideal man for me. He's amazing and genuine and...everything I'm looking for. We've never met, but he wants to meet me over break...and I want to meet him too. He's never asked if I have a boyfriend, we haven't talked about anything sexual really...but I know he's interested in me. We call the same town home, and so it's not just some random, creepy internet thing. He's a real person and this situation would have potential.

 

My question is: Should I meet this guy? Should I bring up the boyfriend thing even if he hasn't asked? Am I cheating? What should I do and what are your opinions on this?

[Arabess]

As understandable as the new relationship is....it's STILL cheating. Even though it may not be true, it seems like you are holding onto Guy A....unless you can replace him with Guy B. If you think about it....it's not really fair to either guy.

 

However, I'm certainly not going to pass judgment. Life has a way of getting us into sticky predicaments. But since you asked....my opinion would be that it isn't the way to handle the relationship you are currently in....and it isn't the way to begin a new one.

 

These situations have a tendency of coming back and biting you. So, think it thru before proceeding.

 

Good Luck!!!

 

Arabess

[dyermaker]

My question is: Should I meet this guy? Should I bring up the boyfriend thing even if he hasn't asked? Am I cheating? What should I do and what are your opinions on this?

 

1. No.

 

2. Yes, if you decide to contact the person, which you shouldn't.

 

3. Yes.

 

4. Pick one.

[Fancy]

All that glitters is not gold. This internet guy seems a little too good to be true. Proceed with caution!

[Tony T]

Your activity clearly indicates you are not in the right relationship or you are not ready for a oommitted relationship. If you are one of those people who has to be with somebody because of various insecurities, get some counselling. Otherwise, break up with the man you are with. Spending time in a relationship looking for other men is not an indication of any kind of committment and is a major danger sign for YOU.

 

You haven't stopped your looking after all this time. Besides, the history of your current relationship indicates it's not as healthy as one should be.

 

Bottom line: Get out of your current relationship when you feel comfortable doing so and take your time finding someone with whom you are compatible, you have a lot in common and who shares your goals in life....especially somebody you get along with and with whom you are satisfied enough to cease looking elsewhere for a time.

[andreautick]

Well thank you for all the advice. I guess I should clarify that I didn't set out looking for this guy. I realize that all that glitters is not gold, but I appreciate the reminder. The thing is, I want things to work in my current relationship, it just doesn't seem very secure because we'vebroken up so much. And, things are good now, but because of the past I don't know how long it will be that way. I don't have to be with someone because of insecurities, I'm perfectly comfortable on my own,but it is nice to have love. All I know is that I don't feel right with all this, and it doesn't seem fair to anyone, and I know that.

[lovetoeatspit]

What he don't know won't hurt him keep your mouth shut and enjoy the online affair cyber sex can be fun your all alone only you and him chatting so go ahead make each other cum you'll love it

[andreautick]

Er...I never want to have cybersex and I don't think INternet Guy does either. When I talk to him it's like talking to a male version of myself...we can talk about anything and we share so many views and we just have a great time. So, I think it's a little deeper than that. I still dont' know what I'm going to do but I figure that right now it's ok to just talk, because we don't talk about anything sexual. If he asks I will tell him about my boyfriend. Right now, though, it is platonic, officially and on my behalf--whatever he feels, and I am completely capable of keeping it that way.