Last ditch attempt to reach out to my Wife

[dazedandconfused2008]

I have been preoccupied with a lot of things here at home and havent been on for awhile...but i was reading this thread and the bottom line is as we all know...is its all on you...and i would like to share my experience with you.

 

I have been dealing with the same thoughts you are going through now for the past 2 and a half years. This coming January it wouldve been 18 years me and my ex would have been together. Throughout our relationship he had 2 affairs that lasted a few months. First time was after our second daughter was born, the second while i was 9 mos pregnant with our third which continued even after she was born. During these times when he was still "in a relationship" with them, i didnt feel the "love", i was the back up girl. He didnt care for me the way i wanted or needed him to during these times. Yet, each time i took him back because I loved him, i wanted my family, and i knew the good person that was still there inside of him. Whatever reasons that made him cheat on me, were never resolved because he had no real desire to look within himself to find out what was going on and to change that. Why would he when i think about it now? He had no reason to change because he knew i would always be there, would always love him and i was the one wanting to make it work and doing all of it to do so. He just said enough and did enough to make me believe that he made a mistake and it wouldnt ever happer again. (But let me tell you its all crap when they dont even know or experience the real consequences of their actions). Even a couple years ago, when it all started again (even more worse because it wasnt just one girl, it was a few at a time) I STILL tried to fight for my marriage for the life that we had, and we did for the most part have a good life together.

 

Looking back, after each time i did take him back...it destroyed the very being of me...chipping away a lil more each time. You can forgive but you will NEVER forget. Remember that. Is that something you can live with for the rest of your life? Me and him could be fine, and then something will trigger a memory and it all comes back in one split second. You will always wonder if she is sitting there quiet or looking off somewhere and wonder if she is thinking or remembering some memory of OP.

 

I think it hurt more when i was with him thinking and wondering these thoughts than it does now knowing he is with someone else..because at least i know that when he is with OP its the other way around...he is thinking of me and remembering OUR good memories and life.

 

All i have to say is that i have been nc with my ex for 2 months now and i live day to day and it gets easier. As ive said before...you have to commit to something...staying or leaving...and for myself personally...staying didnt get me anywhere but more down. This is the longest that i havent "interfered" or "helped" him or try and save my marriage. It doesnt mean that i dont love him anymore or care for him anyless...i always will..but I let him go because hes already made his choice. I cant live with that anymore. His back up is gone for good now.

 

PS. This is the first time it is hitting him hard...hes been calling his sister and family few times a day trying to see how me and kids are doing...telling them how much he loves me and misses me and wants to change and do all these things....but you know what? he is STILL on his way to his rock bottom and only then will he be capable of change and have that TRUE desire. As for me...one day at a time and i live my own life now...

You already know what you deserve for yourself...and its not to be a back up....its to start living for yourself too Wishing you the best in whatever you decide...

[dazedandconfused2008]

That was the funniest post i read in a long time...had a good laugh with that one....and its true. Except I didnt have a d**k for that to happen....hmmm....maybe thats why i get headaches...cuz it was my head i was slamming in the door?

[trippi1432]

I have been preoccupied with a lot of things here at home and havent been on for awhile...but i was reading this thread and the bottom line is as we all know...is its all on you...and i would like to share my experience with you.

 

I have been dealing with the same thoughts you are going through now for the past 2 and a half years. This coming January it wouldve been 18 years me and my ex would have been together. Throughout our relationship he had 2 affairs that lasted a few months. First time was after our second daughter was born, the second while i was 9 mos pregnant with our third which continued even after she was born. During these times when he was still "in a relationship" with them, i didnt feel the "love", i was the back up girl. He didnt care for me the way i wanted or needed him to during these times. Yet, each time i took him back because I loved him, i wanted my family, and i knew the good person that was still there inside of him. Whatever reasons that made him cheat on me, were never resolved because he had no real desire to look within himself to find out what was going on and to change that. Why would he when i think about it now? He had no reason to change because he knew i would always be there, would always love him and i was the one wanting to make it work and doing all of it to do so. He just said enough and did enough to make me believe that he made a mistake and it wouldnt ever happer again. (But let me tell you its all crap when they dont even know or experience the real consequences of their actions). Even a couple years ago, when it all started again (even more worse because it wasnt just one girl, it was a few at a time) I STILL tried to fight for my marriage for the life that we had, and we did for the most part have a good life together.

 

Looking back, after each time i did take him back...it destroyed the very being of me...chipping away a lil more each time. You can forgive but you will NEVER forget. Remember that. Is that something you can live with for the rest of your life? Me and him could be fine, and then something will trigger a memory and it all comes back in one split second. You will always wonder if she is sitting there quiet or looking off somewhere and wonder if she is thinking or remembering some memory of OP.

 

I think it hurt more when i was with him thinking and wondering these thoughts than it does now knowing he is with someone else..because at least i know that when he is with OP its the other way around...he is thinking of me and remembering OUR good memories and life.

 

All i have to say is that i have been nc with my ex for 2 months now and i live day to day and it gets easier. As ive said before...you have to commit to something...staying or leaving...and for myself personally...staying didnt get me anywhere but more down. This is the longest that i havent "interfered" or "helped" him or try and save my marriage. It doesnt mean that i dont love him anymore or care for him anyless...i always will..but I let him go because hes already made his choice. I cant live with that anymore. His back up is gone for good now.

 

PS. This is the first time it is hitting him hard...hes been calling his sister and family few times a day trying to see how me and kids are doing...telling them how much he loves me and misses me and wants to change and do all these things....but you know what? he is STILL on his way to his rock bottom and only then will he be capable of change and have that TRUE desire. As for me...one day at a time and i live my own life now...

You already know what you deserve for yourself...and its not to be a back up....its to start living for yourself too Wishing you the best in whatever you decide...

 

Dazed! I am so proud of you!! :bunny::bunny:

 

FL - Don't set yourself up for heartache, a lot of people here will tell you that they have been down that road before (twice myself).

[FeelingLonely98]

D&C2008 - TY so much for writing this post. You are an awesome woman, and a Mother of 6!! I wish the best for you.

 

 

You can forgive but you will NEVER forget. Remember that. Is that something you can live with for the rest of your life? Me and him could be fine, and then something will trigger a memory and it all comes back in one split second. You will always wonder if she is sitting there quiet or looking off somewhere and wonder if she is thinking or remembering some memory of OP.

 

I've thought about that. The trust issue. You never forget. "Who is she texting?" "Why is she not home yet?" "How come she isn't eatting?".

Good points.

 

I think it hurt more when i was with him thinking and wondering these thoughts than it does now knowing he is with someone else..because at least i know that when he is with OP its the other way around...he is thinking of me and remembering OUR good memories and life.

 

Not a pleasant thing to have to wonder about everyday!! Not worth it, eh?

 

In my STBXW's case I would be shocked if she thought for even a second about OUR good memories and loving times. And for 16 yrs they were almost all good and loving.

 

All i have to say is that i have been nc with my ex for 2 months now and i live day to day and it gets easier. As ive said before...you have to commit to something...staying or leaving...and for myself personally...staying didnt get me anywhere but more down. This is the longest that i havent "interfered" or "helped" him or try and save my marriage. It doesnt mean that i dont love him anymore or care for him anyless...i always will..but I let him go because hes already made his choice. I cant live with that anymore. His back up is gone for good now.

 

21 days NC tomorrow for me. I stayed. She left. Not about "staying" or "leaving" for me. More so accepting or not accepting. Contact or no contact. That kind of stuff.

 

PS. This is the first time it is hitting him hard...hes been calling his sister and family few times a day trying to see how me and kids are doing...telling them how much he loves me and misses me and wants to change and do all these things....but you know what? he is STILL on his way to his rock bottom and only then will he be capable of change and have that TRUE desire. As for me...one day at a time and i live my own life now...

You already know what you deserve for yourself...and its not to be a back up....its to start living for yourself too Wishing you the best in whatever you decide...

 

I wonder sometimes - How would I even know if it is hitting her hard? If she's having some regrets? If she realizes the err of her ways?

 

I don't want to be anyone's back-up. I deserve better. YOU deserve better d&c. TY again for your post and sharing your experience with this.

 

PEACE!

[Angel1111]

I wonder sometimes - How would I even know if it is hitting her hard? If she's having some regrets? If she realizes the err of her ways?

 

I don't want to be anyone's back-up. I deserve better. YOU deserve better d&c. TY again for your post and sharing your experience with this.

 

PEACE!

 

I'm just now figuring out that 'TY' is your acronym for 'thank you'. That's a new one for me. I kept trying to figure out who TY was. ha!

 

I hope you realize that if you call her to give her one more chance, she'll get a lot of delight in telling her current child bf about how you begged her to come back. It would really feed her ego - and believe me, she's all about ego. Not only that, but the opposite behavior from you - dead silence - will cause her big, fat ego to falter just a tad, and make her bf wonder why you're not fighting for her. He'll soon decide that she's not worth fighting for, and she'll be shocked that you actually have developed a backbone and stopped asking her to come back.

 

The real problem is that you just don't realize the type of person you're dealing with and that's why you think she's blindly walking into a pit of fire that you need to save her from. She knows exactly what she's doing and she doesn't care. Not only that, she's happy about it and it makes her feel good. And despite the fact that this relationship she's in now is doomed to fail, it still doesn't mean that when it does that she's going to suddenly see the light and want to get back together with you. I think part of the problem is that you don't actually listen to her and you keep filling in the blanks when she tells you something you don't want to hear or believe. When the truth is, she knows exactly what she's doing and she's doing it with her eyes wide open. Stop feeding her ego, and 'listen' to what her actions are telling you.

Edited November 30, 2009 by Angel1111

[Gunny376]

I have been preoccupied with a lot of things here at home and havent been on for awhile...but i was reading this thread and the bottom line is as we all know...is its all on you...and i would like to share my experience with you.

 

I have been dealing with the same thoughts you are going through now for the past 2 and a half years. This coming January it wouldve been 18 years me and my ex would have been together. Throughout our relationship he had 2 affairs that lasted a few months. First time was after our second daughter was born, the second while i was 9 mos pregnant with our third which continued even after she was born. During these times when he was still "in a relationship" with them, i didnt feel the "love", i was the back up girl. He didnt care for me the way i wanted or needed him to during these times. Yet, each time i took him back because I loved him, i wanted my family, and i knew the good person that was still there inside of him. Whatever reasons that made him cheat on me, were never resolved because he had no real desire to look within himself to find out what was going on and to change that. Why would he when i think about it now? He had no reason to change because he knew i would always be there, would always love him and i was the one wanting to make it work and doing all of it to do so. He just said enough and did enough to make me believe that he made a mistake and it wouldnt ever happer again. (But let me tell you its all crap when they dont even know or experience the real consequences of their actions). Even a couple years ago, when it all started again (even more worse because it wasnt just one girl, it was a few at a time) I STILL tried to fight for my marriage for the life that we had, and we did for the most part have a good life together.

 

Looking back, after each time i did take him back...it destroyed the very being of me...chipping away a lil more each time. You can forgive but you will NEVER forget. Remember that. Is that something you can live with for the rest of your life? Me and him could be fine, and then something will trigger a memory and it all comes back in one split second. You will always wonder if she is sitting there quiet or looking off somewhere and wonder if she is thinking or remembering some memory of OP.

 

I think it hurt more when i was with him thinking and wondering these thoughts than it does now knowing he is with someone else..because at least i know that when he is with OP its the other way around...he is thinking of me and remembering OUR good memories and life.

 

All i have to say is that i have been nc with my ex for 2 months now and i live day to day and it gets easier. As ive said before...you have to commit to something...staying or leaving...and for myself personally...staying didnt get me anywhere but more down. This is the longest that i havent "interfered" or "helped" him or try and save my marriage. It doesnt mean that i dont love him anymore or care for him anyless...i always will..but I let him go because hes already made his choice. I cant live with that anymore. His back up is gone for good now.

 

PS. This is the first time it is hitting him hard...hes been calling his sister and family few times a day trying to see how me and kids are doing...telling them how much he loves me and misses me and wants to change and do all these things....but you know what? he is STILL on his way to his rock bottom and only then will he be capable of change and have that TRUE desire. As for me...one day at a time and i live my own life now...

You already know what you deserve for yourself...and its not to be a back up....its to start living for yourself too Wishing you the best in whatever you decide...

 

And your still with this @zzhat because?

[FeelingLonely98]

I am seriously thinking about doing nothing, i.e., no "last ditch attempt". Will just serve more than likely to hurt me. The only ones she might listen to are her friends and possibly her son. Not her family, and definitely not me. I am just worried in the future about having regrets. A regret that I did not let her know I was at my rope's end as far as having any desire to fix the M. Will be weird when the A ends, she crashes, and comes crawling back - If I had made the last ditch effort then I could have at least said I gave you a last chance. Without doing that I guess I will instead say you made your decision when you walked out of the house and re-started your A.

She will crash and burn right? (18 yr old boy with 47 yr old woman?) There's no way it lasts ... IMO.

Thoughts ...

[sumdude]

She will crash and burn right? (18 yr old boy with 47 yr old woman?) There's no way it lasts ... IMO.

Thoughts ...

 

Yesterday is just a memory and you can't predict the future. You can only live the present and not worry about the rest. Will it crash and burn? Who knows? At this point what damn difference does it make to your life as it is today? You can hold on to the idea of it crashing and burning but what will that accomplish? You want revenge, you want her to feel as bad as you have? Or are you holding onto that idea with the super scant hope that she'll come crawling back to you crying and begging and saying how wrong she was .. etc etc

 

These fantasies.. and that's all they really are ...get to most people when they're summarily dumped, divorced and left for another.

 

All you have control over is yourself. Everything and everyone else are totally out of your control so spending mental effort creating possible future scenarios involving your ex wife is only wasting mental energy you could be using to get ready for the next great stuff in your life.

 

I've been where you are. I'd be driving home from work and half expecting to see her car in front of the house and her waiting to patch things up. Had all those mental scenes in my head of how things might go. The sooner I accepted reality of the present the faster I started to heal and move on.

 

At this point I haven't seen, spoken or heard a thing from my ex wife in a year.. and it's all for the best.

Edited November 30, 2009 by sumdude

[HarmonyHope]

I am seriously thinking about doing nothing, i.e., no "last ditch attempt". Will just serve more than likely to hurt me. The only ones she might listen to are her friends and possibly her son. Not her family, and definitely not me. I am just worried in the future about having regrets. A regret that I did not let her know I was at my rope's end as far as having any desire to fix the M. Will be weird when the A ends, she crashes, and comes crawling back - If I had made the last ditch effort then I could have at least said I gave you a last chance. Without doing that I guess I will instead say you made your decision when you walked out of the house and re-started your A.

She will crash and burn right? (18 yr old boy with 47 yr old woman?) There's no way it lasts ... IMO.

Thoughts ...

 

FL,

At times when I'm really struggling, I repeat the serenity prayer over and over in my head until the anxiety/overwhelming feelings pass. It helps me.

 

Your W isn't sitting around waiting for you to reach out for her. There is nothing for you to regret. I really think you are better off walking away with dignity. If she comes back to you later, it's ok if you've moved on - that's a good thing! You can't go backwards with her. You can't ever had what you once had - a loving relationship with loyalty - that much is gone and even if you get back together, things will not be as they once were.

 

For whatever it's worth - yes she will crash and burn. It may take days, months, or years, but it will happen. Just think about when he's 21 and in bars with beautiful girls his own age, and there is your W, a 50 year old. She'll be chopped liver and he's going to want a lifestyle she can't follow. And I'll bet you he ends up cheating on her.

 

For illustrative purposes - a family member of mine married a much older man with a similar age gap, and at around the same times in their lives. They've now been together 15 years. But I wouldn't call it happy. I believe that he's had multiple affairs and I know that she has had at least 2 affairs. Someone in their 60's just can't keep up with someone almost 30 years younger. There's a number of other stressors in their relationship, but the bottom line is it was doomed from the beginning. When someone is attracted to someone they can control and manipulate as a young adult, the dynamic HAS to change when the younger person comes into adulthood. It's just the natural order of things.

[FeelingLonely98]

You want revenge, you want her to feel as bad as you have?

 

More so that she should feel some of the pain I have felt. Why should she get to go break my heart, destroy my world (and many others around us), and run off and be happy??? I'll be happy again one day. But why am I the only one who gets to feel this pain?

 

At this point I haven't seen, spoken or heard a thing from my ex wife in a year.. and it's all for the best.

 

WOW - I'm at three weeks and thought I was doing good. I can not imagine a year from now even thinking about her much less mentioning NC for 1 year.

[FeelingLonely98]

There is nothing for you to regret.

 

GOOD POINT. There is no carrot in front of my face now.

 

I believe that he's had multiple affairs and I know that she has had at least 2 affairs.

 

Wow, so they just accept that affairs are a normal part of a 30+ age difference. SAD...

[HarmonyHope]

Wow, so they just accept that affairs are a normal part of a 30+ age difference. SAD...

 

Actually no. Neither of them know of the affairs of the other. And both would totally freak. It is just that they had an unhealthy dynamic to start with. Then they both got older and the dynamic changed, but they didn't. So - the inevitable consequence of the ill-fated beginning of the relationship comes to bear. Neither are happy and seeking out dysfunctional others to get back the original dysfunction. It's sick sick sick.

[FeelingLonely98]

Actually no. Neither of them know of the affairs of the other. And both would totally freak. It is just that they had an unhealthy dynamic to start with. Then they both got older and the dynamic changed, but they didn't. So - the inevitable consequence of the ill-fated beginning of the relationship comes to bear. Neither are happy and seeking out dysfunctional others to get back the original dysfunction. It's sick sick sick.

 

Wow - Why don't (or didn't) they talk? Communicate?

Hmm, If I had only known my STBXW had any doubt about the M I would have been all over it. I would have done anything to save my M - but I never knew. SHE didn't talk or communicate. Again, SAD.

[HarmonyHope]

Wow - Why don't (or didn't) they talk? Communicate?

Hmm, If I had only known my STBXW had any doubt about the M I would have been all over it. I would have done anything to save my M - but I never knew. SHE didn't talk or communicate. Again, SAD.

 

 

They do. They've had many stints in MC. But all the MC in the world isn't going to make her 18 again (or look like an 18 year old with no kids), which is what I suspect he really wants. And he is as immature as ever, which worked when she was a kid, but now it's just annoying.

[FeelingLonely98]

They do. They've had many stints in MC. But all the MC in the world isn't going to make her 18 again (or look like an 18 year old with no kids), which is what I suspect he really wants. And he is as immature as ever, which worked when she was a kid, but now it's just annoying.

 

Sounds like the road my STBXW is on. too bad ...

[HarmonyHope]

Sounds like the road my STBXW is on. too bad ...

 

Exactly, that's why I'm so sure it's bound for failure. The power dynamic set up between people with a 30 year age gap is pretty well insurmountable, IMO.

[FeelingLonely98]

OK all my latest "dilemma"! All together now --> {sigh}

 

A friend of the STBXW called me last night at the house. Funny because I thought this was a friend that might have encouraged her to leave the relationship ("follow your heart") but apparently not. She said she encouraged her to at the most get a place and live alone, not to shack up immediately with an 18 yr old.

The friend said she feels that my STBXW truly feels she is no longer in love with me ... NOW. She says the STBXW has convinced herself that she never loved me, should have never married me, has never been happy, ... i.e., in a DEEP fog, so to speak. However, she feels this is not really her - as do I. After a bit of talking I told the friend that yes, I still love my W and under the RIGHT circumstances would consider trying to repair the M. But I also told her that I am about at my rope's end with this feeling of possible reparation. In a few weeks I know I will no longer have them. The friend said to me that the STBXW sort of made reference that I will be there for her if this doesn't work out. I mentioned to the friend that maybe she feels this because when the STBXW walked out about 10 weeks ago I pleaded with her and said something like "when this fling runs it's course I will be here, come talk to me".

 

The friend suggested I communicate to her that I may have said that but I no longer feelk like that and I am about to lose anything I may for the relationship. I would under no circumstances take her back now because the fling is over. I am not her backup. But if she really considered and left the fling on her own and came back to me then I might consider.

 

What do you all think?

[GorillaTheater]

What do you all think?

 

I think her fog is too deep to understand or appreciate what you're saying. In one ear and out the other.

 

I also think having this conversation will only cause you more pain.

[HarmonyHope]

OK all my latest "dilemma"! All together now --> {sigh}

 

AThe friend suggested I communicate to her that I may have said that but I no longer feelk like that and I am about to lose anything I may for the relationship. I would under no circumstances take her back now because the fling is over. I am not her backup. But if she really considered and left the fling on her own and came back to me then I might consider.

 

What do you all think?

 

If she only leaves the boyfriend because you threaten to not be there for her, then it's not really on her own. It'd be a fear-based decision that would possibly just as easily be reversed. And truth be told, I really don't think it will matter to her. The reality of you respecting yourself enough to not be second best should be self-evident in your lack of contact with her. You don't have to spell it out for her.

 

I know you want her back. But the her you know and love isn't around anymore. The longer you entertain these ideas that there is some way to make her change her mind, the harder it will be for you to move on. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you still care this much - it'll just reinforce her idea that you'll be around as a backup plan forever.

[floridapad]

FL

 

Been there done that. Didn't accomplish Sh*t. My W's response was, I will not ask for a second chance unless I know I can love you the way I need. She still feels deep down inside that I will take her back if she makes the changes which of course I would. But, knowing that still makes me "available" to her. Honestly, let it be, do not discuss possible conditions for reconciliation. Won't work. Her friend has probably already communicated it to her. I have been down this path. The "You are losing me and I will be gone". IT WILL NOT WORK especially since in her mind she never loved you. What is she losing? Yes, you and I and her whole family know what she is losing but in her Fantasyland right now she isn't losing anything. She is truly in a different world. Not until she comes out of that world, looks around and says "Hey where is FL98" will she be broken. Of course that may never happen. Sucks but true.

 

Road to reconciliation in these matters takes a Loooong time. A year or two if ever.

 

Good luck with it all. I know you will ultimately do what you feel is best. Just please manage those expectations in case she comes back at you with the "I never loved you" stuff again.

[hopesndreams]

Are you hoping what you said to the wife's friend will get back to the wife and then it will open her eyes and she'll think about things more and realize her mistakes and what she is losing? You know that using the friend as a go-between is a mistake right? Even though she called you? What gets back to the W could be completely different to what you expressed.

 

Why would your W leave this R with the toyboy when it is making her deliriously happy? They are setting up house now and soon they will be picking out places on the walls to hang pictures. Not only that, but why would she leave him when she knows if she does, she will then have to face her demons? Is she strong enough emotionally to be able to do that? Is it possible for her to right the wrongs?

 

If/when things go pear shaped for her, in order for you not to be her back-up plan, she leaves him and lives on her own for a bit and then actively seeks you out, lays her heart on the line, is full of remorse and will do anything and everything to make things right. Only then would be there be a chance of a successful reconciliation. Therapy, forgiveness and the rebuilding of trust. Only she can make this a possibility and it doesn't look like she is budging any time soon, and like you say, you are running out of time for her.

[FeelingLonely98]

Are you hoping what you said to the wife's friend will get back to the wife and then it will open her eyes and she'll think about things more and realize her mistakes and what she is losing? You know that using the friend as a go-between is a mistake right? Even though she called you? What gets back to the W could be completely different to what you expressed.

 

The friend made me swear that I would not tell my STBXW. I think she had good intentions. Maybe she feels something is different with the STBXW lately. IDK. So, no, the friend will not be a go-between. She said she had plans to see her this weekend but if she meant what she said to me she will not mention talking to me one bit.

 

FP, GT, HH - Excellent points. I guess I don't think clearly all the time. I think I am in a fantasy-world at times. One where it will all work out. I am doing the right things - it's this blasted mind of mine that I can not control!!!

 

HnD - Your last paragraph hit like a ton of bricks. You're absolutely right.

I wonder how anyone would know if the spouse was living on therir own or still dating?

 

Anyway, I appreciate the input. THAT is why I come here - before I do something stupid. Will keep up my NC - day 22.

[FeelingLonely98]

Are you hoping what you said to the wife's friend will get back to the wife and then it will open her eyes and she'll think about things more and realize her mistakes and what she is losing? You know that using the friend as a go-between is a mistake right? Even though she called you? What gets back to the W could be completely different to what you expressed.

 

The friend made me swear that I would not tell my STBXW. I think she had good intentions. Maybe she feels something is different with the STBXW lately. IDK. So, no, the friend will not be a go-between. She said she had plans to see her this weekend but if she meant what she said to me she will not mention talking to me one bit.

 

FP, GT, HH - Excellent points. I guess I don't think clearly all the time. I think I am in a fantasy-world at times. A sort of alternate world fog that the W is in. One where it will all work out in the end. I am outwardly doing the right things - it's this blasted mind of mine that I can not control!!!

 

HnD - Your last paragraph hit like a ton of bricks. You're absolutely right. Though I wonder how anyone would know if the spouse was living on their own or still dating?

 

Anyway, I appreciate ALL the input. THAT is why I come here - before I do something stupid.

Will try to keep up my NC - day 22.

Edited December 1, 2009 by FeelingLonely98

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why are you taking calls from dumb bitches???

 

Seriously you need to change your phone number, you owe no one an explanation. I would go NC with everyone I have no intention of seeing or talking to again.

 

Every time you hear about her and her life you get set back. You need a social circle of your own and move on with your life without her in it.

 

Let her make her own misery. The OM 18yr old boy, aint gonna last. Trust at 18 yrs old I was not ready to be tied down to anyone. He probably makes her feel young again but when that's over she'll come knocking at your door. trust you need to be gone when that happens.

 

Why do you care!

 

STOP CARING!

[FeelingLonely98]

Why are you taking calls from dumb bitches???

 

Well, I think she actually was concerned about the M and her friend, my STBXW. Not probing, not poking around, ... maybe I'm wrong and she an agenda. IDK, I guess I could have just told her I was busy.

 

Every time you hear about her and her life you get set back.

 

This is true. 22 days of NC and all this cr*p is incoming!!!!! More sh*t than when I had LC. Wish I could fall asleep for 6 months!

 

STOP CARING!

 

Stop Caring! Stop Caring! Stop Caring!

 

Hmm, If I could I guess I would. Sure would make living a helluva lot easier. I'm working on that CB!! Would be easier if I no longer loved her ..... {sigh}