2 years NC and going strong.

[almostpassedit]

I’m not sure what why I’m posting. I guess its because I’m bored. Either way,

I think I’m over my ex. I must of thought I was over it at least 20 times by now. NC 2 years. Ex was cheating, I was hooked and love sick, tried to get rid of her once I found out but I went back and she broke me with words.

Suffered for about 1.5 years and then one day, the guilt went away. I think about it occasionally, not to often anymore, it use to be everyday. I’ve learn allot since then, mostly just recognizing a damaged female. Nothing mind-shattering or earth breaking. I tend to run at the first sight of instability

That relationship actually helped, helped me identify those types of females. Its usually a universal sign or symptom, when they start to act as if you’re a burden, just leave them alone. When they start to act as if they are doing you a favor, just leave it alone. When they start to act as if they don’t need you, just disappear. When they start to get anger with you for no reason, don't try to understand. Don’t even try to fix it.

That’s pretty much the best advice I can give anyone. Put yourself first, and never love someone more than you love yourself. Stick to your principles, they will never fail you in the end.

[almostpassedit]

just checked the ex's profile.

she's no longer in a relationship.

 

i don't know why i checked it, never going to contact her.

even did a search on google earth of her address, i don't know why i'm doing it.

 

never going to contact her

nc 20 months exactly.

 

starting dating in nov of 06

she started cheating in july of 07, i started to suspect in dec of 07 and her best friend told me in feb 08 and she said "i wanted to tell you for so long", then starts to cry

 

started to get bad in sept 07

sex stoped in dec of 07

sex resumed in feb 08 (i hadn't noticed)

shortly after, friend told me.

breakup began

 

nc since april 1st 08.

 

last contact was may, 08, she said i was harassing her

i sent drunken text in sept 08 saying i was forgeting her

no contact since

 

i know she's checking on me in facebook, i set it to private long ago, defriend mutual friends, delete photos, delete myspace, changed number, threw out all reminders and clothing, even had friends delete photos of us together.

one of her friends still has two photos of us together, she tagged herself in them, i don't know how to delete thoses.

 

i don't know why i'm saying these stats

never going to contact her

i was a fool

Edited November 29, 2009 by almostpassedit

[mickleb]

I'm not sure why you're saying all this, almost.

 

Despite some great advice in the first post, someone sounds a little less than over someone.

 

Sorry.

 

x

[HeavenOrHell]

Ditto, you still sound interested in her

 

 

I'm not sure why you're saying all this, almost.

 

Despite some great advice in the first post, someone sounds a little less than over someone.

 

Sorry.

 

x

[almostpassedit]

xoxoxo - delete

Edited November 29, 2009 by almostpassedit

[soheartbroken]

In fairness, the OP did say "I think I'm over my ex".

[Beeotch]

I’m not sure what why I’m posting. I guess its because I’m bored. Either way,

I think I’m over my ex. I must of thought I was over it at least 20 times by now. NC 2 years. Ex was cheating, I was hooked and love sick, tried to get rid of her once I found out but I went back and she broke me with words.

Suffered for about 1.5 years and then one day, the guilt went away. I think about it occasionally, not to often anymore, it use to be everyday. I’ve learn allot since then, mostly just recognizing a damaged female. Nothing mind-shattering or earth breaking. I tend to run at the first sight of instability

That relationship actually helped, helped me identify those types of females. Its usually a universal sign or symptom, when they start to act as if you’re a burden, just leave them alone. When they start to act as if they are doing you a favor, just leave it alone. When they start to act as if they don’t need you, just disappear. When they start to get anger with you for no reason, don't try to understand. Don’t even try to fix it.

That’s pretty much the best advice I can give anyone. Put yourself first, and never love someone more than you love yourself. Stick to your principles, they will never fail you in the end.

 

I agree with this....

[Beeotch]

just checked the ex's profile.

she's no longer in a relationship.

 

i don't know why i checked it, never going to contact her.

even did a search on google earth of her address, i don't know why i'm doing it.

 

never going to contact her

nc 20 months exactly.

 

starting dating in nov of 06

she started cheating in july of 07, i started to suspect in dec of 07 and her best friend told me in feb 08 and she said "i wanted to tell you for so long", then starts to cry

 

started to get bad in sept 07

sex stoped in dec of 07

sex resumed in feb 08 (i hadn't noticed)

shortly after, friend told me.

breakup began

 

nc since april 1st 08.

 

last contact was may, 08, she said i was harassing her

i sent drunken text in sept 08 saying i was forgeting her

no contact since

 

i know she's checking on me in facebook, i set it to private long ago, defriend mutual friends, delete photos, delete myspace, changed number, threw out all reminders and clothing, even had friends delete photos of us together.

one of her friends still has two photos of us together, she tagged herself in them, i don't know how to delete thoses.

 

i don't know why i'm saying these stats

never going to contact her

i was a fool

 

NC doesn't really do much if you are not healing correctly....

 

There is no time limit on healing, but sounds like you have lots more work to do

 

Note to others...if you never speak to your ex but secretly obsess over them or do things that actually hinder healing, NC is not actually helping you. During NC you should be making conscious effort to get yourself right....because if not, 5 years could pass and you are no better off as a person and NO happier than day 1 of the break up.

[almostpassedit]

Please help me understand.

 

I don't obsess over my ex, I just still remember. I thought I would of forgotton by now. I've had many girlfriends in the past, broke up with all of them, I never thought twice about any of them.

 

This one though, its taking a very long time to go away but I still remember, almost remember like it was yesterday, even though it was so long ago.

 

I don't make any attempt to contact, I don't check up on her, once maybe every 4 or 5 months I look at her facebook. I still tell myself at times "leave it alone", "she left you", I don't know why I do that.

 

I've had new relationship(s), I volunteer for the homeless, I volunteer in the city. My last relationship, I had a decent women. She was a para legal. Own Car. Own Cash. Own house. I didn't want her. I volunteer on political campaigns and meet new people. I just helped someone get elected.

 

I try and stay active, not as much as I want too but I am trying. I suppose I have to work harder right? Honestly the ex is not in my thoughts, it doesn't negate the fact that I remember. I don't know what I'm saying, I don't know anything about post-relationship(s) or the effects it has on you as this never happen to me before. When it was fresh and raw, I felt sick as if I was positioned somehow.

 

I have no intentions of making contact, nor do I ever think about getting back into a relationship again, I don't have those thoughts that others in my same situtation usually have. I still remember. I don't know why I still remember but I do.

 

I think its because I didn't make enough new memories or do new life experiences which is why it may seem so recent in my head? I don't know friend. I know I have some ways to go, I know I do. I still have feelings, I don't know why I hold onto it. I don't want to, it just doesn't want to go away. I think the main reason is because that was the first time I was in love, in addition, that was my first real relationship, and prior to that I was single almost 4 years by myself.

 

Its almost like I've caught some type of sickness, the only thing that helps is LIFE. I don't know, I just have to keep going, keep moving forward, before I know it, it will be 10 years. I guess I have to work harder, do more, twice more, push myself to the limit, and maybe, just maybe, I can forget completely once and for all.

 

I go days on end while busy not thinking about it, but when I am home, alone, my mond wonders, it didn't wonder when I had a rebound. that was a good distraction. I know why I am still in this situation and I think partly because I still feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I feel as if she runiun my life, but then I tell myself "No, you runiun your life, you can't blame anyone"

 

That still doesn't negate the fact that I messed up my business and threw it away because something was wrong with my head. Now its harder, way harder, and sometimes I just get upset as to how I could of been so stupid. Why didn't I see it coming but I did see it coming. I knew what was going to happen, I braced for it but it never happened the way I thought it would.

 

I thought she would just break it off, I didn't know that people strung people along, and people are back-stabbers and liars and two-face. I don't throw these names out just for name sake, its actually what happen to me. I didn't know people in this world were like that, call me dumb, I didn't think people I allowed to enter my circle would be so shallow.

 

ah, what can you do huh? SO yeah, nc 2 years but I still remember and I still check on her profile every so often. less and less as each month goes on bye, but yeah I suppose your right, I have to do more and keep living right? Build relationship(s) with new people, make new memories and just live witht he sarrow until it goes away, not sadness, its more like sarrow.

 

Its come to the point where I know I will never forget, not for many many many years to come. I just have to live with it now. Live with the fact that someone betrayed you, its a hard burden to bear, its not even the matter of the betryal, its more like "wow, you just left me, just like that" she confused me, messed up my head big time but its slowly repairing itself..... soon, i'll forget.... I don't know what this feeling is, its not love, regret, sadness, anger, none of those. Its like its just stuck.. Its like I'm stuck with it, this feeling, I don't even know what to call it.

 

Its just the person I rememberd and loved so much, it was a sham, it was a lie, I don't know how else to explain it. The memories I have, they are all false, they are etched in my head, but they were all lies. Its confusing, all of it. People who love people don't do things like this, like what she did. It must of been a lie. I don't know how else to explain it, I can't rationalize it in my head, something must of happened. It doesn't make sense to me, the only way I rationalize it is by calling her a whore, then my mind is at ease and I understand that I had a whore.

 

Still... I don't think these feelings will leave me until I find someone else whom I can share life with. Thats just the plain honest truth of the matter but I don't know much and I learn every day so if anyone can read between the lines of what I'm saying and help me understand what it is, that is happening, I will be great full.

Edited November 30, 2009 by almostpassedit

[mickleb]

I don't know what I'm saying, I don't know anything about post-relationship(s) or the effects it has on you as this never happen to me before.

 

I don't think you're doing too badly but I think you came here because you recognise whatever you're doing is not quite enough.

 

I didn't know anything about how we react/cope post-breakup until I came here. I also got sent a book by someone on a different forum, which really helped me to process everything I was feeling.

 

I'm not sure the book would work quite as well for you, although it might, as it appears to be written for those who are still reeling with what has happened. There must be other books you could read, though, as well as many, many threads on here, that will help you to see what you need to do.

 

You don't just need to work to improve your life (externally). The real work needs to be done within. Letting go is a very painful, intangible process (i.e. I can't describe how you should do it, necessarily) but it, also, involves a conscious effort.

 

Basically, you use some kind of 'tool' that helps you to 'block' that person from getting to you, in any way. I, personally, imagined a white fire inside my heart (which represented all my self-worth) and any thoughts of him would just get obliterated by this light. I just said 'NO!' to him. He was not allowed access to my heart any more. Really helped but whether it would do it for you, or not, I have no idea..

 

The book I read was called The Journey From Heartbreak To Connection. There MUST be others though..

 

I think the fact that you are here, asking your questions and seeking that release, is what will help you to do it. You've had enough. You want it.

 

x