HurtinginVA Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Well, Saturday, my first day of posting here, things went from okay to really not okay. We went to Chuck E Cheese's for lunch with our son, and things started going downhill. Is it just me or does everyone else notice how many other people are wearing wedding bands, especially when you arent wearing your own? *sigh* Mean things were said on both parts, and we both left angry. I had my son and drove 2 hours away to spend some time with the part of my family (father's side) that doesnt hate my husband for having an affair. I did a lot of talking, crying and drinking. I stayed overnight. Yesterday, I came home, no one was hear and hubby hadnt returned my calls from the previous evening. When I got home, no one was here, so I went to my mom's until I heard from him. OOOPS!! Skipped a big part. When leaving NC(thats where I went) I stopped at a "family friends" house. When my husband was born until he was 14, he had a nanny, who we've remained close to. I went to her house and kind of broke down. She was upset about what was going on, gave me hugs and tried her best to make me feel better. I know now, that she called my husband and had a very long talk with him. About what? Not exactly sure, but it must have made a world of difference. He called me, I went home, without our son, so we could talk. He says that he is still not sure how to deal with his feelings of not wanting to be married, but that he knows he shouldnt just give up. We came to the agreement that we have nothing to lose by trying to work things out. If we dont try, we lose our family and "us", so why not try? We've already talked about going on a mini-vacation, just the two of us, in about 3 or 4 weeks. He says that he appreciates all of the things Ive said that I know I need to work on in order for this marriage to work, even though he's a bit iffy on whether or not I can really change in the way he needs me to change. He says that he wants to be able to go out with friends, and call me to let me know, for example, that he'll be home at "blank time" and he doesnt want to have to worry that I will get mad. I told him that as long as he was coming home, and being honest (not out with another woman) that was ok. I could handle that. He wants some independance. I want to be married. He is willing to give it at least 3 months to see if we can work on meshing the two together. He's not being as affectionate as I am, but I am still holding out hope. They way my husband was raised, he is used to lots of physical attention and he likes that. I am giving him everything Ive got, he's still guarded, which in some ways hurts, but I really feel like if I can show him my willingness to make this work, he will come around. I even set some boundaries for myself, like that he does need to let me know where he's at (without feeling the need to lie), and that regardless of how much independence he has, he needs to take my feelings into consideration. He agreed. So, my question to those who have "been there, done that, and got a tee-shirt", do we have a fighting chance? I feel like we do, but I could be blinded. I love my husband, more than there are stars in the sky, and want this to work. He also agreed that he knew if things were to work out that would be best for everyone(me, him and my son) involved. He said that even though he was unsure whether things could work out or not, he was not going to jump at the first opportunity to move out, and that he was going to open his heart and mind to letting this work. Any suggestions or comments?? I dont want to go overboard with my affections, I dont want him to be smothered....but Im not ready to give up or let go.... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 I answered your PM.... Why are you no longer wearing your wedding band? Your marriage isn't over till he moves out....and even then, you are still his wife. Don't be quick in giving up your position in his life just because he's 'confused'. If you hang in there and support him....I think all will be well. I also think you should let your family and friends know that if YOU are willing to forgive him....so should they. I would never force a man to stay with me out of guilt or whatever, but I wouldn't give up the marriage over a handful of stupid stuff which can be forgiven and repaired. Link to post Share on other sites
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