space_scientist Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 (edited) Hi, very glad I found this forum tonight. I'm trying to make a decision on whether to move, and I was hoping you fine people could help me out. First, a bit about myself. I'm 31, 6'1", athletic, in shape, good-looking, and financially secure. I have a Ph.D and I'm a research scientist, highly regarded in my field, doing some pretty high-profile stuff. I've been interviewed on TV and made front pages of major newspapers. I often travel to exotic locations (Australian Outback, Canadian Arctic, Greenland) for field work. I'm a licensed pilot, skydiver, and SCUBA diver. I rock climb, ski, bike, run, and backpack. I can cook, I'm well-read, I speak foreign languages, I have no major issues or personality disorders, I'm courteous, compassionate, good communicator, and a gentleman. Hopefully, the above doesn't come off too conceited, but it took a lot of work to get to where I am in life, and frankly, I imagined that by this point most women would consider me something of a catch, and dating would be easy. However, this hasn't been the case at all. Where do I start? The male/female ratio in Boulder, CO (where I live) is skewed to begin with, and it's especially noticeable in my age group and education level. Simply put, there is a vast overabundance of professional males in their 30s in Boulder, especially in scientific and engineering fields, thanks to the University of Colorado, IBM, NIST, NCAR, SwRI, Ball Aerospace, etc., etc. Thus, I'm often treated like I'm a dime-a-dozen. I've been living here for a few years, and the more dating experience I get, the more it's starting to get to me. On one of my recent dates, I described what I do for a living and what some of my hobbies are, and she basically just rolled her eyes and said "so you've lived in some interesting places, and yet you managed to turn into a typical Boulder guy." Or on another date, a woman said to me something like "you know, it's so easy to meet interesting men like you in this town. It's way harder to meet women. I'm bi, so do you know any women you could hook me up with?" So, it seems to me that Boulder women are incredibly spoiled. Most of the guys in my age group here are smart, interesting, great-looking, and athletic, so the competition is very intense. Getting dates is like pulling teeth. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I've grown to believe that in most other places in the U.S., dating would be a lot easier for someone like me. To make a long story short, I'm considering moving to Washington, DC, where I have a job offer at the Goddard Space Flight Center. The tragic thing is, I'd be moving mainly because of the dating situation: I love Boulder otherwise and would happily stay here if it wasn't for this one problem. So, any advice for me? Should I move just because dating sucks? Is there anything I'm overlooking? I've tried dating both online and off-line and neither has worked out very well here. Edited November 29, 2009 by space_scientist Link to post Share on other sites
Bradwagner Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 It seems like you have alot of good things going good in your life. Now I'm not 100% positive but, if you were to go out more you might be able to find someone that is in your town. I wouldnt move anywhere JUST for dating. maybe if a really good job offer came up but, not JUST for dating. If you cant find someone within a few months and a job comes up elsewhere, then move. Keep me posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author space_scientist Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 Now I'm not 100% positive but, if you were to go out more you might be able to find someone that is in your town. I do go out quite a bit with my friends. I'm fairly social and have little difficulty talking to women. Do you have any specific suggestions on where to go? I gave up on the bar scene a while ago -- I generally had little in common with the women I met there. I did meet a few interesting women at parties, but the vibe I got from most of them was "you better be something really special, because there are tons of guys just like you in this town." I personally find that online dating is the most efficient way to meet women -- at least then you know that they're single, generally compatible, and have things in common with you. Unfortunately, this problem is even more amplified online -- these women are in extremely high demand and they know it. Ironically, the best dates I've been on were all outside of Boulder, when I was away on conferences. Thus, I have good reason to believe that it's not me that's the problem, it's the city I live in. That said, I'm all open to constructive suggestions on how to improve my dating life and avoid moving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author space_scientist Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 By the way, has anyone seen this? http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2008/03/30/a_singles_map_of_the_united_states_of_america/ This is one of the reasons why I'm eyeing the East Coast. Link to post Share on other sites
FleshNBones Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 I think I can relate to you in some degree. There doesn't appear to be a problem with the number of women in my area. The problem is that most are alcoholics, drug addicts, uneducated, obese, welfare cases, and head cases. The few eligible bachelorettes left are incredibly picky. You can earn 3x as much as them and that won't be nearly enough. I haven't been able to land a real date even through friends. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Hi space_scientist. You sound like an interesting guy. Sorry to hear about your dating woes. Have you tried having friends set you up? I have done a LOT of online dating over the years (in Boston and DC) and, like you, was mostly coming up empty and feeling frustrated with the whole thing. In the end, I met my boyfriend through new-ish mutual friends... and had I not met him when I did, I was preparing to call in all my favors and have my friends start an all-out search for a good guy for me amongst all of their networks. So what is your friend scene like in Boulder? Are any of them connected to women (or know people who might be...) who might be a good match? Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 You sound too good to be true! You'd be snapped up in a heartbeat in DC (Which,by the way, is a fantastic city - and women would probably love you because the men here generally take themselves waaaaaay too seriously.) But really it's up to you if you want to move just to fine a wifey Do you know anyone in DC? Link to post Share on other sites
Scottdmw Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 I have considered the same thing as you, feeling myself in a similar situation in Ann Arbor Michigan. Looking at that map you posted, things are not as bad here as they are where you are, although still skewed the wrong way for me. I guess if I drive to Toledo I would be better off. Ironically, when I thought about moving Boulder was one of the places that came to mind, because it seemed like a neat area. Looks like I should think twice about that! The website meetup.com is a very good resource for finding groups to meet other people. Perhaps you could find a group that is located far enough away from Boulder but still close enough to drive. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) By the way, has anyone seen this? http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2008/03/30/a_singles_map_of_the_united_states_of_america/ This is one of the reasons why I'm eyeing the East Coast. lol,S.Scientist! I'm from the East Coast,and i'd rather go back,not for the dating scene,but for the vibrant,lovely,fastpaced-chaos of the city. New york is one,now i'm eyeing Chicago. Find places that you would love to visit and have never been to,why not? i heard Miami is also a hotspot singles city and Seattle too, since your'e a Scientist guy. Edited December 1, 2009 by selena_cat Link to post Share on other sites
latefragment Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 you sound realllllly smart, interesting, and cool! i'm female, on the west coast, an avid motorcycle rider, hiker, camper, surfer and i ski and my academic background is in science (astronomy actually!) but i've done some really cool stuff including releasing an album of original folk music with me on guitar and vocals... when i was growing up i had model airplanes and fighter plane posters up on my wall, i visited colorado springs, was thinking about the air force academy (didn't end up going because i wasn't sure i believed in the military) but i am still really into airplanes! i like traveling like you do, have been lots of places and i speak 3 languages... email me at latefragment (at) lycos (dot com) if you feel like it it's my junk email address (for safety) but i will check it in the next couple of days LOL. by the way i have visited nasa goddard space center and you know the astronaut suits they have in the lobby (not sure if they're still there). well that time i went, i stole the helmet off of one of them as a joke and wore it around the hallway and scared the S** out of a couple people I passed. Haha! I was a little immature at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
latefragment Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 i have been to NCAR in boulder and boulder is a beautiful city. maybe i should move there for the male-female ratio, LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author space_scientist Posted December 1, 2009 Author Share Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) Hi space_scientist. You sound like an interesting guy. Sorry to hear about your dating woes. Have you tried having friends set you up? I have done a LOT of online dating over the years (in Boston and DC) and, like you, was mostly coming up empty and feeling frustrated with the whole thing. In the end, I met my boyfriend through new-ish mutual friends... and had I not met him when I did, I was preparing to call in all my favors and have my friends start an all-out search for a good guy for me amongst all of their networks. So what is your friend scene like in Boulder? Are any of them connected to women (or know people who might be...) who might be a good match? Hi Sunshinegirl, Thanks for the advice! Most of my male friends here are single, so if an eligible bachelorette appears on the horizon they usually go for it themselves rather than inform me about it. Most of my female friends here are women I've dated at some point, so asking them for hook-ups is a bit weird, but I've done it in the past a couple of times anyway, without much luck. Truth be told, I have something of a "playboy" reputation amongst my friends, just becase I go on dates (which usually aren't very good anyway) a couple of times a month. Some of my male friends haven't been on a date in months... it's a sad state of affairs here. Anyway, I think the real problem for me at this point is not so much getting dates, it's "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" attitude I so frequently encounter. Women here seem really tired of the overabundance of professional guys, and there's a lot of longing for the simple, blue collar, salt-of-the-earth types which are much more scarce. Supply and demand, I guess. Not much that can be done about that, but I'll keep trying for a while longer. Edited December 1, 2009 by space_scientist Link to post Share on other sites
Author space_scientist Posted December 1, 2009 Author Share Posted December 1, 2009 you sound realllllly smart, interesting, and cool! i'm female, on the west coast, an avid motorcycle rider, hiker, camper, surfer and i ski and my academic background is in science (astronomy actually!) but i've done some really cool stuff including releasing an album of original folk music with me on guitar and vocals... when i was growing up i had model airplanes and fighter plane posters up on my wall, i visited colorado springs, was thinking about the air force academy (didn't end up going because i wasn't sure i believed in the military) but i am still really into airplanes! i like traveling like you do, have been lots of places and i speak 3 languages... email me at latefragment (at) lycos (dot com) if you feel like it it's my junk email address (for safety) but i will check it in the next couple of days LOL. by the way i have visited nasa goddard space center and you know the astronaut suits they have in the lobby (not sure if they're still there). well that time i went, i stole the helmet off of one of them as a joke and wore it around the hallway and scared the S** out of a couple people I passed. Haha! I was a little immature at the time. You've got mail. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Man, you are making me want to move to Boulder -- or the South or West. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottdmw Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Anyway, I think the real problem for me at this point is not so much getting dates, it's "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" attitude I so frequently encounter. Women here seem really tired of the overabundance of professional guys, and there's a lot of longing for the simple, blue collar, salt-of-the-earth types which are much more scarce. Supply and demand, I guess. Not much that can be done about that, but I'll keep trying for a while longer. I remember hearing that quote from a woman that was studying at Caltech. She had a ratio enormously in her favor, but it didn't do her any good. This from a woman who ended up getting a postdoc in astronomy, so definitely a case of the pot calling the kettle black. I guess just another case of people making things unnecessarily difficult on themselves and not appreciating what they have. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
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