DenverBachelor Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Interestingly enough, I logged into MySpace tonight just to see if there was anything worth salvaging. I had a message from my ex (three times removed). This is a girl I dated ... ohhh ... 5-6 years ago? Anyway, I'll share the message since it isn't that personal. She dumped me, by the way. She is referencing my current ex in the message. I hope this is not too confusing -- I've racked up quite a few ex's by now. ------------- Hey Jason! Is it weird that Im sending you a message? I don't know, for some reason I was thinking about you the other day and felt the need to check in and see how you were doing. I realized that we havent talked atleast since you moved to CO, and I wanted to make sure you were enjoying it out there. I don't know, maybe you've been there for a while now...I hear its absolutely beautiful and that Boulder has a pretty amazing art scene. Where have you been living, which part of CO? I see you have a really cute g/f..I'm soo happy to hear. I hope things are going amazingly for you two. How's Aaron, and 'Aaron and Sarah.' Are you guys still close, even though I assume he's still out in Maryland. And how's your family doing? Things are really going well for me. Actually I lost my job about 3 months ago. Was let go of from my job at the architecture firm ( I was running the materials library and was an assistant desiger). It was for the best because I decided I wasnt totally cut out for that type of environment. Actually Im planning on applying to grad school now for Art Education. I guess it takes a while for some people before they figure things out- but im sure its no surprise to you to hear I'll be doing that next fall. I am also super into Ceramics now. I mean like wanna make it into a business, Im so into it. Ive been doing it for like 3 years now, and I think I finally found my niche. I LOVE it. And my love life is flourishing, which is great, I live with my bf in a brownstone in Brooklyn and love it. He's a Senior designer for an interactive ad agency. We are really good.. I guess Im at a transition right now..Sometimes when I'm in change mode I think of friends and things from the past. You were really important to me..we had an really amazing connection years ago and I hope you don't mind that I occasionally think of you. (All of the thoughts are positive and in the greatest way.) We had a great time together I think. Anyway, I would love to hear your updates: what are you doing in CO? How's the comedy writing going? And tell me about your beautiful girlfriend. Do you have any pets? (I have one cat, Bella. Ive had her since i lived in pittsburgh though).. Hope alls well..If you feel like responding, id love to hear from you. If not, I completely understand. Take care!! xo[name removed] ----------------------------------- So should I break NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 I think you should talk to her. I doubt you have any feelings for her anymore, and she acknowledges your gf, and her own bf, several times. I don't see any harm in it Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Whatever, stay NC, and keep it moving. You dont need to talk to her, she's fishing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverBachelor Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 I think you should talk to her. I doubt you have any feelings for her anymore, and she acknowledges your gf, and her own bf, several times. I don't see any harm in it Arabella Yeah the "break NC" question was a joke, but no, I don't have any feelings for her. No, I take that back. I do have feelings for her -- they're just not at the forefront any more. Like she said, we shared great times together. What's interesting is contrasting this with my current situation. I think of my feelings for the ex/ex/ex and realize what I am feeling for my ex is just a transition. Interesting that she wrote me. It was really nice to get that from her. Life is interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverBachelor Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 Whatever, stay NC, and keep it moving. You dont need to talk to her, she's fishing... LOL!!! Yeah, if she really loves me she'll send another e-mail in another 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisalisa2 Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 If you have both moved on and there are no hard feelings, and you both were really close before and had a great time, I don't see why keeping in touch every now and then is a problem. If you value her as a person, go for it. Send her an email. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Subconsciously she is looking for security. For whatever reason, her current relationship does not make her feel secure. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 I'm thinking the same as Boundary. She's bored with her bf, or whatever, and is reaching out to guys from her past. How many guys? Who knows but for darn sure it isn't just you. So no need to feel special, sorry. Tell me about your gf stuff is a way to make it appear innocent. To trick you, maybe even herself, into believing this will just be friendly chit chat between two old friends. You gotta read between the lines. She dumped you once. Why give her the fun of a response? Would it be just as much fun for you? We know what she will get out of it but what is more important is what would you get out of it? Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 you won. dont respond unless your in brooklyn and need a place to crash. or a simple message with no feeling would suffice i assume. comedy writing aye? im trying to prsue something similiar Link to post Share on other sites
Lisalisa2 Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 I think it's rude not to respond. But there is no need to go into your life in detail. You can keep it casual and impersonal and not say too much if you want. That says you are over it and a nice enough person to respond. When my ex left, he emailed me and I always responded, but eventually asked him not to email anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
almostpassedit Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 she is trying to make you respond without saying that so in the event you don't respond she can justify it to herself as saying "well, i told him not to respond" so it was a well worded message to send a message without sending a message and for her to write it off as trying to reach out to someone in her past, someone who she dumped at the same time not getting her hopes up in the event you DON'T respond. she's a good writer. i dunno bro, she's being manipulative, maybe she does want security or something, maybe she needs some emmotional support, whatever the reason, i don't know what to tell you but there is always an ulterior motive. why respond anyway? of course they remember, they always do, especially if you were good to them, despite who ended the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Baby Gorilla Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 "And my love life is flourishing, which is great, I live with my bf in a brownstone in Brooklyn and love it. He's a Senior designer for an interactive ad agency. We are really good.." ....Who cares Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 If the message wasn't loaded, I would say respond. Because, Jesus, 5 years ago was a long time. Just because people break up, doesn't mean they have to be removed from your life forever. But this message is so loaded with crap, that it is not worth responding. It is not a check up, let's reconnect type of message. This is a "my life is awesome" message. Even though her life probably sucks. Notice she had to mention her bf is a senior designer, meaning she's bragging about his income. From what it sounds like, her life is failing and she's grasping into her past. If you do respond, keep it vague. Just simply answer her questions. Or you can tell her that the Prince of Nigeria just wired you 60 million dollars and your life is completely awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Dude, it's been 5 years. Gonna guess that by now you've moved on from the hurt of the breakup and the idea of being with her soooo I dont see the harm in "breaking NC" Seems like more than enough time has passed now that you two can actually take a stab at being friends. Assuming she wasn't a complete evil b*tch to you when you broke up, you might actually want to. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Sounds like a genuinely friendly note...catching up, esp wanting to know about your beautiful girlfriend. It does not seem like some undehanded way to get back into your life. But yea...truth is, no one unless you have some weird problem can up and completely forget someone. Even if you hate them you still think of them every now and again. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Wow, I'm kinda surprised at the responses that suggest some sort of ulterior motive. I've sent messages like this, and I've received them, and there was never anything to it but checking in with someone I had loved at some point in time. I think it's kind of nice, actually. Of course, you know her better than anyone, so you're the only one who can really tell what's going on in her head. Just doesn't seem like anything but touching base with an old friend to me. I mean we do this with old friends all the time; just because you happened to love that old friend once -- why would that make it more suspect? These are people who really mattered to us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverBachelor Posted November 29, 2009 Author Share Posted November 29, 2009 Of course, you know her better than anyone, so you're the only one who can really tell what's going on in her head. Just doesn't seem like anything but touching base with an old friend to me. I mean we do this with old friends all the time; just because you happened to love that old friend once -- why would that make it more suspect? These are people who really mattered to us. I did not expect serious analysis of the message and I'm surprised I got them. My intent was just to show people that ex's do think of you even when they break up with you. Apparently some people are in full-fledged recon / analysis mode and assumed there was some ulterior motive to the e-mail. I just looked at it as, "oh wow, cool -- my ex from way back looked me up." Of course I will write her back. There are no feelings. That relationship was over 5 years ago. We broke up and got back together a few times but the long distance was just too much for the both of us. The last time I spoke with her ... I believe I called her cell when the Northeast had that huge blackout a few years ago. I can't remember, but the entire state of New York and Manhattan went out like an ex with GIGS. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 That's what we do here. Analyse stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 oh send her that e-mail,its nice once youre over them you dont care if they tell you that they are married with 16 kids,in fact you'll laugh at them thankful that youre not in their shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
TapiocaDexterin Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Don't reply!! Remember how crap you felt when she dumped you? Well you need to start paying her back for that, one ignored email at a time. Who does she think she is! Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Don't reply!! Remember how crap you felt when she dumped you? Well you need to start paying her back for that, one ignored email at a time. Who does she think she is! It only matters now who 'he' thinks he is. I talk to an ex that I was with for 5 years but it was only after 2 years had passed. I enjoy talking to her a great deal. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Nope. Don't do it. She's fishing, telling you how great her life is. There's no reason for her to dredge up the past...especially to say how "cute" your girlfriend is. Let sleeping dogs sleep Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Nope. Don't do it. She's fishing, telling you how great her life is. There's no reason for her to dredge up the past...especially to say how "cute" your girlfriend is. Let sleeping dogs sleep My post just got a spanking from CaliGuy... Oddly enough, I think it's aroused Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 My post just got a spanking from CaliGuy... Oddly enough, I think it's aroused Ummm shouldn't happen unless you're female Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 if you bounce an email back to someone - without responding - wouldn't that work? essentially you're just sending back the original message she wrote untouched and unchanged... what would be so wrong with that? is it weird? Link to post Share on other sites
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