JstLooking225 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 My BF and I have been together for about six months. Everything is great - I'm totally in love with him and very happy. He was with his ex girlfriend for several years and they broke up over a year ago. When we first met he told me that he talks to her occasionally, which is fine because I occasionally speak to my ex who I was with for awhile. That doesn't bother me at all. He would tell me when she called, too, which wasn't very often. Now, I haven't read his emails or anything even close to that, but when he checks his emails, I've seen a LOT of them from her in the past few weeks. What bothers me is that he hasn't told me about it. I trust him and I don't think he's cheating on me or that he would - but it makes me nervous that they are talking that much and that he hasn't told me about it. Because he hasn't mentioned it to me, I can't exactly bring it up to him - I don't want him to think that I'm spying on him, since I'm really not. It could all be totally fine and healthy, but I can't help being paranoid. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Can't help you with your paranoia but you should tell your boyfriend you would like him to feel free to discuss his contact and activities with his ex and let him know you insist on him exercising that freedom. Relationships go two ways. If you tell him when you have contact with your ex, he should do the same. Keeping secrets like he's doing leads to other more serious issues and can destroy a relationship. He needs to understand that things must be open. However, if he does disclose matters concerning his ex and you get bent out of shape, I promise you he will clam up and you'll never get another detail...so promise to be cool about this. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Do you trust your boyfriend? Maybe I'm wrong but it sounds like you generally do, and that seeing the many emails has made you wonder if you need to question your instinct. Don't jump the gun just yet. It could be any number of things -- maybe she's going through relationship difficulties right now and is turning to him for advice. Exes do that sometimes. I don't necessarily think it's something that should just be allowed to continue unchecked, but what I'm saying is that you don't need to jump to the automatic conclusion that he's deliberately hiding this from you -- or that there's anything to hide. Why don't you just ask him what's new with his ex? If it is indeed the case that she's having a hard time right now for one reason or another, and he's been serving as a sounding board, he'd probably tell you about it. If you get an answer that seems evasive or untruthful, that will be more evidence that something is afoot, and you'll have to take it from there: maybe tell him you know about the frequent emailing. I just think it would be a mistake to start off with assumption of wrong-doing, when your instinct about him is that he's trustworthy. You owe him the assumption of innocence, unless things just don't add up. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts