HOW do I get her off this pedestal?

[madrugada]

I just can't do it. I keep going over and over everything about her, from her gorgeous body to her sharp mind, and I can't stop. When we were out together, people would tell me what a lucky guy I was. On facebook old friends would say, "That's your fiancee? Damn." I even had a girl come up to me at the bar one night and say, "Your girlfriend has some killer sex appeal." And she does. Oh she does.

 

I'm afraid I'll spend the rest of my life comparing every girl I meet to my ex. I've tried to list the qualities about her I don't like, but it's a mighty short list.

 

Advice? Suggestions? I know it hasn't been very long and the wounds are still pretty fresh, but damned if I can move on.

[DustySaltus]

Madrugada, it's been five months for me since me and my fiance broke up. Feel free to look up some of my earliest posts to see my story. She was also one of the prettiest and smartest girls that I ever met. However, she suffered from abandonment issues and a personality disorder.

 

Looks fade in time. Smarts will only get you so far in a relationship. Relationships are all about HEART. It's impossible to think that every day of a relationship, engagement or marriage is going to be all sunshine and rainbows. The key is knowing how to communicate and keep everything out in the open. At the end of the day my EX did so much hurtful **** to me (not giving me the ring back, calling my mom fake, trying to get me fired) but NOTHING hurt more than her QUITTING on us.

 

When the **** hits the fan some people run and others stand their ground. At the end of the day you want someone that will be standing next to you come hell or high water. Don't think that you won't meet like anyone like her again. You'll eventually meet someone somone BETTER than her, because they'll know what being engaged is all about and will stick beside you through everything.

 

And to answer your question.....I don't put quitters on pedestals. Sure, I MISS her a lot even after all she did to me, but I knew what my intentions were and I can still look at myself in the mirror and KNOW that I didn't quit. I'm still here....

Edited November 30, 2009 by DustySaltus

[DenverBachelor]

I can understand your position. My last girlfriend was very hot, had great posture and a killer body. She was to die for and I enjoyed every moment with her. But the point is that if you got one girl like that, you can do it again. In fact, I lived with her and I understood so much more about women that are very pretty by living with her. The irony is that many beautiful women have huge self-esteem issues. It really is a hindrance to their personal growth.

 

There's an old saying, "Show me a hot woman and I'll show you a guy that's sick of her ****." That guy would be you. She choose to leave you. If you see her again, she won't look as pretty to you. We have ways of overlooking flaws in someone when we love them. When we slip out of love, we see them for who they are and that deep love that makes everything fuzzy and warm slips away.

 

You'll find another woman who is attractive and successful. Look at this as a learning experience -- that's what I do. I will always love her and enjoy the time we spent together but she has a new man now. Which means, over the next couple months, I need to get my **** in gear and forge ahead in my life.

 

Best luck to you.

 

You'll do fine.

[trueblue72ny]

it is difficult when you idolize your girl. been there, done that, got the t-shirt. sucks, but you might try learning to fixate on other things about her. like the overall quality of the relationship. i.e., was she being selfish? was it one sided, did she treat you unfairly? etc., and that way maybe you can start to take off the picture perfect image you have of her. becaus she is not perfect.

 

i agree with dusty, in time her memory will fade. even if it is strong now, it will fade and disappear into time. she prob isnt your first girl and she wont be your last that you care about. you can feel good that you arent the quitter.