Ignore for NO reason?!

[MsStudly]

I am having a problem in paradise. First of all, I am 23, he is 30 (we've both never been married, no kids). We have known each other a little over a month. We've been interested in each other from day one. I am VERY picky about who I date, so when I find someone, I am glad and I want to try as much as possible to keep them. We are both attractive people that are good-hearted. We have LOTS in common: hobbies, interests, values, morals, goals, family, etc.... He is more affectionate than I am (or at least at first). I am generally an affectionate person, it just takes me a small while to get comfortable and get to know someone first. He felt bad and a little upset I wasnt moving as fast as he was affectionately. He wasnt trying to be sexual, just affectionate (cuddling, hugging, kisses, etc). I am now perfectly comfortable being affectionate with him, since I now know him better. He for some reason thought we were 2 "different" people (I dont see that), and he thought we might be better off as just friends, and even debated whether we should even talk anymore. Well, I had a long talk (email) with him...and everything was good after that...although we decided to be friends for now to start over and get to know each other without intimacy or expectations...but it was a good possibility in the future to become more. He came to my birthday party on June 9th (Friday). He was there a pretty long time, and we were friendly and affectionate (sat on his lap, held hands some, hugged a lot, etc). Everyone thought he was nice and very attentive towards me. He bought me a bottle of merlot wine, burned a CD w/ my favorite songs on it (w/ my picture on the CD cover), and he gave me a card that he wrote: "I am very greatful I found you. You are a very sweet woman, never change that!". He has told me in the near past that I am very special, unique, hard-to-find qualities, and that it would be a loss if I wasnt in his life. Well, after the party I e-mailed him a "thank you" letter: stating I was thankful for him coming to my party and the presents he gave me. I told him also that I thought he was a special guy and that I was greatful he came into my life too! I told him I'd call him Saturday afternoon, and for him to have a great day. I called him (left a voicemail) Saturday night to ask him if he wanted to go out that night (some friends were gonna go to eat then dancing, and I invited him along). He didnt call back, so I assumed he was already busy...no biggie. I called him Sunday morning (left a voicemail) to ask if he wanted to do something...he called back shortly and said he already had plans all day/night. I asked if he wanted to get together sometime this week...he said he was starting a new job position on Monday and wanted to see how that went. He asked how my weekend was...etc...general talk. I told him I would call him on Monday...he sounded a bit droggy/down, so I asked him if that was OK or if something was wrong...? He said no, that he had too much cereal just then (borderline diabetic). So, I called him Monday night and left a voicemail: I was flirticious, nice, and I asked how his weekend was and how his new job is going, and if he wanted to do something sometime this week, and that I had the pictures from the b-day party developed and I'd scan them and email them to him. He never called back that night. I saw him online LATE that night and I.M.ed him, saying "What are you doing up this late? :-)"...he didnt answer back...so I said "Sorry for bothering you"...no reply. So I signed off. The next day (Tuesday) I emailed him the party pictures, including a pic of us. I then extended an invitation to go out this week (again), but then added that it's now his call (his move) if he wants to go out (i was nice about it). No reply, no call. It is now Wednesday, and still no call, no email, no nothing. And he has emailed a friend of mine (a male) numerous times this week! So I'm thinking "well, if he has time to email my friend, and regardless, I called him and emailed him things that I required answers to and no reply...what is going on??" The fact that he had doubts a week ago, but they were undoubtably resolved before my birthday party...to now everything is cool now. Maybe I am being paranoid. But I've gotten no return call, no reply on e-mail, no nothing. Me or my friends cannot figure out whats going on in his head...I guess no one can. But I'm trying to think of the best way humanly possible to handle this situation delicately. B/c I truly dont want to lose him or us. But if that's the way it's gonna turn out I suppose I cant help that. But I sure dont want to give up easily! So I want to at least talk to him or something...! Please let me know how to handle this the best way possible. Any information, advice, or input would be appreciated!

[Aria]

I often have the same problem you are having with this guy, but I give up a lot sooner than you appear to! It seems that he really isn't interested at least not right now, and I know that is hard to take, you always want to think there is some good excuse but the truth is sometimes there isn't. Stop calling and emailing him - he hasn't replied several times in a row, and you can't change that by continuing to try to contact him. If anything, it will just make him want to get farther away from you. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants, or has decided that it just won't work between you guys, although the reason is not clear. Wait for him to make the next move, and if he doesn't, then you know to move on and find someone who is willing to communicate with you. I wish you the best.

I am having a problem in paradise. First of all, I am 23, he is 30 (we've both never been married, no kids). We have known each other a little over a month. We've been interested in each other from day one. I am VERY picky about who I date, so when I find someone, I am glad and I want to try as much as possible to keep them. We are both attractive people that are good-hearted. We have LOTS in common: hobbies, interests, values, morals, goals, family, etc.... He is more affectionate than I am (or at least at first). I am generally an affectionate person, it just takes me a small while to get comfortable and get to know someone first. He felt bad and a little upset I wasnt moving as fast as he was affectionately. He wasnt trying to be sexual, just affectionate (cuddling, hugging, kisses, etc). I am now perfectly comfortable being affectionate with him, since I now know him better. He for some reason thought we were 2 "different" people (I dont see that), and he thought we might be better off as just friends, and even debated whether we should even talk anymore. Well, I had a long talk (email) with him...and everything was good after that...although we decided to be friends for now to start over and get to know each other without intimacy or expectations...but it was a good possibility in the future to become more. He came to my birthday party on June 9th (Friday). He was there a pretty long time, and we were friendly and affectionate (sat on his lap, held hands some, hugged a lot, etc). Everyone thought he was nice and very attentive towards me. He bought me a bottle of merlot wine, burned a CD w/ my favorite songs on it (w/ my picture on the CD cover), and he gave me a card that he wrote: "I am very greatful I found you. You are a very sweet woman, never change that!". He has told me in the near past that I am very special, unique, hard-to-find qualities, and that it would be a loss if I wasnt in his life. Well, after the party I e-mailed him a "thank you" letter: stating I was thankful for him coming to my party and the presents he gave me. I told him also that I thought he was a special guy and that I was greatful he came into my life too! I told him I'd call him Saturday afternoon, and for him to have a great day. I called him (left a voicemail) Saturday night to ask him if he wanted to go out that night (some friends were gonna go to eat then dancing, and I invited him along). He didnt call back, so I assumed he was already busy...no biggie. I called him Sunday morning (left a voicemail) to ask if he wanted to do something...he called back shortly and said he already had plans all day/night. I asked if he wanted to get together sometime this week...he said he was starting a new job position on Monday and wanted to see how that went. He asked how my weekend was...etc...general talk. I told him I would call him on Monday...he sounded a bit droggy/down, so I asked him if that was OK or if something was wrong...? He said no, that he had too much cereal just then (borderline diabetic). So, I called him Monday night and left a voicemail: I was flirticious, nice, and I asked how his weekend was and how his new job is going, and if he wanted to do something sometime this week, and that I had the pictures from the b-day party developed and I'd scan them and email them to him. He never called back that night. I saw him online LATE that night and I.M.ed him, saying "What are you doing up this late? :-)"...he didnt answer back...so I said "Sorry for bothering you"...no reply. So I signed off. The next day (Tuesday) I emailed him the party pictures, including a pic of us. I then extended an invitation to go out this week (again), but then added that it's now his call (his move) if he wants to go out (i was nice about it). No reply, no call. It is now Wednesday, and still no call, no email, no nothing. And he has emailed a friend of mine (a male) numerous times this week! So I'm thinking "well, if he has time to email my friend, and regardless, I called him and emailed him things that I required answers to and no reply...what is going on??" The fact that he had doubts a week ago, but they were undoubtably resolved before my birthday party...to now everything is cool now. Maybe I am being paranoid. But I've gotten no return call, no reply on e-mail, no nothing. Me or my friends cannot figure out whats going on in his head...I guess no one can. But I'm trying to think of the best way humanly possible to handle this situation delicately. B/c I truly dont want to lose him or us. But if that's the way it's gonna turn out I suppose I cant help that. But I sure dont want to give up easily! So I want to at least talk to him or something...! Please let me know how to handle this the best way possible. Any information, advice, or input would be appreciated!

[Tony T]

First of all, a belated 23rd HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you!!!

 

You are a sweet, sensitive and upfront lady but you have done all the work here and made too many advances. Two or three invitations should be the limit. I know it sounds way old fashioned, but some of this pursuing stuff should be left up to the man.

 

No telling what's going on in this guy's life but not answering Email or phone calls is just plain rude (assuming he has received all your communications and he is still alive. If dead, God rest his soul.) I mean you have bent over backwards to be nice to this guy, way too nice if you ask me, and he has been nothing less than a bxstaxd about it. There is no way he deserves a nice girl like you and you certainly don't deserve his crap.

 

The real hint came when he said the two of you were "different" people. I second that. I don't really know what was in his mind but there is something about him, something about his past, or something in his present, that you simply don't need.

 

I know you are very attracted to this guy, I know you like him, but the plain, cold, cruel facts of this whole situation is that this dude is just NOT for you. He's rude, ungrateful, uncommunicative and I am seriously suspecting he is very dishonest and tends to deceive people.

 

Next time you meet a guy that so moves you, don't go after him like gangbusters. Be a challenge. Let him chase you a bit. Be unpredictable. But don't be nasty like this guy. You don't have to answer messages immediately, but do answer them...after a short period...and keep them brief. Always keep a new man guessing and keep him wanting to know more about you. I think you deserve someone who is a lot more special that this creep.

 

I hope you will work on not being so nice...and not being overly aggressive when it comes to men. You were very kind to extend those numerous invitations. But you've got to learn to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.

 

RUN!!!

[Jane]

I am having a problem in paradise. First of all, I am 23, he is 30 (we've both never been married, no kids). We have known each other a little over a month. We've been interested in each other from day one. I am VERY picky about who I date, so when I find someone, I am glad and I want to try as much as possible to keep them. We are both attractive people that are good-hearted. We have LOTS in common: hobbies, interests, values, morals, goals, family, etc.... He is more affectionate than I am (or at least at first). I am generally an affectionate person, it just takes me a small while to get comfortable and get to know someone first. He felt bad and a little upset I wasnt moving as fast as he was affectionately. He wasnt trying to be sexual, just affectionate (cuddling, hugging, kisses, etc). I am now perfectly comfortable being affectionate with him, since I now know him better. He for some reason thought we were 2 "different" people (I dont see that), and he thought we might be better off as just friends, and even debated whether we should even talk anymore. Well, I had a long talk (email) with him...and everything was good after that...although we decided to be friends for now to start over and get to know each other without intimacy or expectations...but it was a good possibility in the future to become more. He came to my birthday party on June 9th (Friday). He was there a pretty long time, and we were friendly and affectionate (sat on his lap, held hands some, hugged a lot, etc). Everyone thought he was nice and very attentive towards me. He bought me a bottle of merlot wine, burned a CD w/ my favorite songs on it (w/ my picture on the CD cover), and he gave me a card that he wrote: "I am very greatful I found you. You are a very sweet woman, never change that!". He has told me in the near past that I am very special, unique, hard-to-find qualities, and that it would be a loss if I wasnt in his life. Well, after the party I e-mailed him a "thank you" letter: stating I was thankful for him coming to my party and the presents he gave me. I told him also that I thought he was a special guy and that I was greatful he came into my life too! I told him I'd call him Saturday afternoon, and for him to have a great day. I called him (left a voicemail) Saturday night to ask him if he wanted to go out that night (some friends were gonna go to eat then dancing, and I invited him along). He didnt call back, so I assumed he was already busy...no biggie. I called him Sunday morning (left a voicemail) to ask if he wanted to do something...he called back shortly and said he already had plans all day/night. I asked if he wanted to get together sometime this week...he said he was starting a new job position on Monday and wanted to see how that went. He asked how my weekend was...etc...general talk. I told him I would call him on Monday...he sounded a bit droggy/down, so I asked him if that was OK or if something was wrong...? He said no, that he had too much cereal just then (borderline diabetic). So, I called him Monday night and left a voicemail: I was flirticious, nice, and I asked how his weekend was and how his new job is going, and if he wanted to do something sometime this week, and that I had the pictures from the b-day party developed and I'd scan them and email them to him. He never called back that night. I saw him online LATE that night and I.M.ed him, saying "What are you doing up this late? :-)"...he didnt answer back...so I said "Sorry for bothering you"...no reply. So I signed off. The next day (Tuesday) I emailed him the party pictures, including a pic of us. I then extended an invitation to go out this week (again), but then added that it's now his call (his move) if he wants to go out (i was nice about it). No reply, no call. It is now Wednesday, and still no call, no email, no nothing. And he has emailed a friend of mine (a male) numerous times this week! So I'm thinking "well, if he has time to email my friend, and regardless, I called him and emailed him things that I required answers to and no reply...what is going on??" The fact that he had doubts a week ago, but they were undoubtably resolved before my birthday party...to now everything is cool now. Maybe I am being paranoid. But I've gotten no return call, no reply on e-mail, no nothing. Me or my friends cannot figure out whats going on in his head...I guess no one can. But I'm trying to think of the best way humanly possible to handle this situation delicately. B/c I truly dont want to lose him or us. But if that's the way it's gonna turn out I suppose I cant help that. But I sure dont want to give up easily! So I want to at least talk to him or something...! Please let me know how to handle this the best way possible. Any information, advice, or input would be appreciated!

I hate to say this - but he's high maintenance honey! This is the last thing you want. Anyone high maintenance is trouble, both male and female. Life is hard enough without that in your relationship. If it's this much trouble getting together with him. Imagine what the future holds. Sorry - but I think you should move on....