since the engagement ring, he has been gawking at other women in front of me!

[sweetmind20]

hi,

 

i was wondering about my guy's weird attitude. we just recently got engaged, and it seems that ever since the ring has been on my finger he has been pushing my buttons or testing me. i've just about had enough of it.

 

i have blond hair and small breasts, and of course he must inform me ever so matter of factly that he prefers brunettes. second, he has started being very verbal about his attraction to other women. he drawls out long "wows......." when he thinks someone is cute, and he does it in front of me. this has me hurt and insecure as well as frustrated and mad as hell. i have tried to bite my tongue so as not to seem like a controlling, insecure woman. so i save myself the embarassment by simply giving him a taste of his own medicine. that doesn't seem to help. it seems that it only makes him want to test me more.. i don't know what's going on.

 

he has always been very loving toward me, and very openly expressive of that and respectful of my feelings.. he has never made me feel that i was not good enough in the looks department or in the brains.. it is all just started happening ever since we became engaged.. can anyone out there tell me what they think he is up to? thanks so much.

[moimeme]

i have tried to bite my tongue so as not to seem like a controlling, insecure woman. so i save myself the embarassment by simply giving him a taste of his own medicine

 

Number One on the causes of divorce is that people have a problem in a relationship, and rather than discussing it frankly and dealing with it directly, they pretend there isn't a problem, keep quiet, resent the other person, and/or take revenge, try to 'give a taste of his/her own medicine', etc.

 

There is NOTHING wrong with expecting to be treated with respect. It does NOT make you 'controlling and insecure'!!!!!! Print out your post exactly as you posted it - perhaps even our replies - and show it to him. He may not even realize that's what he's doing. Maybe he's got some unconscious fears which are starting to come out now you're committed. There could be a million reasons why this is going on, but you owe it to him to deal with him honestly about it.

 

Do not make this hiding your feelings bit a habit in your marriage or it will not last!!!

[Tony T]

Get yourself together and have a nice, friendly and warm talk with your fiance. Don't lose your cool. Let him know just how much this new behavior bothers you. Point out to him that it's just started since you got the ring. Find out why. Ask him if he thinks he can cease pointing out his observations and start respecting you once again. Meanwhile, put all plans on hold until you see what direction this is going.

 

Obviously you are very hurt by this behavior. Don't put up with it for much longer. If he doesn't make permanent changes that are sincere, give him back his ring and move on. You don't need a partner who shows you this kind of serious inconsideration and respect. It could very well be a great warning sign to you of what may be ahead for you if you stay with him.

[sweetmind20]

thank you for your advice moimeme and tony.. i know i shouldn't hold my feelings in.. i suppose that in the back of my mind i felt that he may view me as insecure when he's "just being a guy"; i know that is how he would put it. and perhaps that preception of my insecurity would fuel his desire for women who seem more carefree and less sensitive.. and who are brunette. lol

 

thanks again..