brashgal Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 I was doing well through Thanksgiving, getting used to my new life as a single mother. I seem to be regressing this week as Christmas approaches. My ex will have my kids through the holidays and has planned a trip with the OW and her kids. I don't know why this is hitting me so hard, they plan to go somewhere I have no interest in visiting. I guess it's because they have each other and I am alone (no significant other yet). I think I'm a little sad over our Christmas celebration last year (we took a family trip and had a good time) which was spoiled by the fact that I found out afterward they were calling each other on the sly during the trip. I am even having fantasies of spoiling their trip somehow but they make me sad too - I don't want retribution as I know it won't make me feel better. I have places to go for the actual day and some activities planned with friends but I'm still obsessing over their relationship. Wonder what others have done to 'cope' - how to 'get over' feeling this way. Link to post Share on other sites
susanl Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 I read your post and funny thought the same thing. I am recently divorced and thanksgiving, like yours, was fine. I had the kids over thanksgiving and we had a great time. Dad is only in the picture when he wants to be and is convient to him--which is unfortunate because I have the responsibility of the kids all the time--not that I would change anything but sometimes it would be nice to have time to yourself. Now, getting back to Christmas--I think it is just the time of year and the memories that is brings back. My ex just called and said he wants the kids for Christmas eve for dinner, and on the 21st to go to his moms, for a couple of hours. I think our feelings are just because it is the first christmas "alone" and without the kids. It sounds like you have done a great job making plans and being busy and it also sounds like you are really smart deciding not to get back at them--because in the long run you would be ruining the children's trip too, and I think they wouldn't like that. Anyhow, I wish you luck and I don't know if this helps but I am sure there are a lot of us in the same predicament. Best of luck and hope your holidays are happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brashgal Posted December 15, 2003 Author Share Posted December 15, 2003 Thanks Susanl - it helps to know that you and others are out there. I realize I'm also annoyed that I scheduled time off from work since the kids will be off school Christmas week and my ex did not tell me until last week that he'd be taking the kids for the entire week. It was too late for me to change vacation time so I'll be working the last week of the year, could have taken those days off instead and stayed busy at work Christmas week. You are right, upsetting ex and his OW would probably spill over to the kids, hadn't thought of that and wouldn't want that. Just hoping that karma kicks in at some point - this just all feels so unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
susanl Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Well you summed it up again---I have found in the last few months that all that my ex thinks about is himself and new girlfriend--no one else. It is always me that reminds him of the holidays, birthdays etc. For a while I was really resentful and found partly through this board, that resentment only makes you feel worse and now instead I realize that my ex is the one loosing out on the kids etc... If he doesn't spend time with them or he is so self centered or doesn't make plans until the last minute--it is his loss. Eventually you will find someone and it won't bother you so much and eventually your kids will make their own decision about their dad and realize who has been there for them--and that would be you. So even though it is hard feel good about yourself, do something fun while you are off--shop, go to a tanning booth, go to the movies, order take out, go someplace you have always wanted to go--remember take advantage of the fact you have no kids for a week---HAVE FUN they will be back next week Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 I think it's natural to obsess a little over a situation like this. The thought of someone you love being with someone else over the holidays is more than annoying....it downright pisses you off. Especially being with someone who played a big part in the break up. This year MAY be little bluer and sadder than most....but look at it this way...it can only go uphill from here. Think of the holidays ahead when you too might meet someone special to be with. This is the first Christmas representing a whole new way of life to you....freedom and choices. At first you might feel a little uncomfortable with it....but as time goes along....you'll learn how to fill your newly found time to yourself with all sorts of new adventures and friends. I'm glad you don't have to be alone for Christmas.....having family and friends always pays off! I wish I had better words....all I can assure you is....it DOES get better. Arabess Link to post Share on other sites
Tragedi67 Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 This is my first christmas in three years that i will be alone since my divorce is now final. It hurts me and makes me so angry that my DH is with another woman and spending the holidays with her and her family. I have someone new that I'm seeing and he and I will hopefully be spending the holiday together. I just feel so alone my family lives over 2,000 miles away and i couldn't take off work to go see them.....but I told my new love that we have each other since he was feeling down too.....I hope to make some good new years resolutions and keep them and hope things will be brighter soon......all I can still think about is my ex and the times we did have....i miss them so much....but have realized what kind of a person I married once it was too late.....but I think the holidays are a time for spending time with friends, family, and a loved one if you have one...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author brashgal Posted December 21, 2003 Author Share Posted December 21, 2003 Tragedi - try to keep busy, that's what is helping me - I have a list of things to do. Sounds like you aren't completely over your ex even though the divorce is final, guess it takes time. My ex came to pick up the kids last night - it was so quiet after they left that I was afraid I was going to lose it until I looked over and saw the wrappings on the floor from the gift he opened from my youngest - he didn't even bother to carry the wrappings to the trash, he left the mess for me to clean up - made me remember other thoughtless stuff he does. Somehow that made me catch myself before I spiralled downward emotionally - I certainly don't want him back. My youngest was so excited to be going somewhere new with his Dad, I think they'll have a good time so that makes me feel good too, even though I'll miss the kids. My family is also thousands of miles away, saw them at Thanksgiving so can't really afford another trip but their packages have been arriving and I'll get to call them on Christmas - and next year I plan to spend Christmas with them - you should try to do the same - make plans now and next year hopefully this will all be a distant memory. Plan something special with your BF, be good to yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
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