jasperlynx Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 I am married 16 yrs and have 2 small children. It has been a rocky marriage but yet we are still together. The other day my wife logged on to my computer at home and found that I looked at a porn site....which I heard was for free from some "guys" from work. I was courious and checked it out a few weeks ago. For the most part ..I could not believe it was for free ...and for crying out loud ..it looked like youtube. I basically goofed at all the silly vids and laughed out loud. I never "seriously" went on it again. But I have to admit If I was'nt working day and night I would have checked it out again. Not something I need ...dont even think about it...just thought it was a goof. My wife is livid. Thinks im a pig and is seriously thinking of kicking me out of my house. I told her it was harmless and just wanted to see as a goof. She said I was a pervert. Is it wrong what I did and should I have to pay for something I did not intend to happen>?. I feel terrible about it and of course embarressed. My wife thinks im some closet perv. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 hey I feel for you. Lets get this into perspective.................18 years. No evidence in the past. She is shocked and upset as she thought she knew you. It is hard for her to take in and she feels that she isnt giving you enough so you are looking elsewhere. She needs reasurance from you that it not the case at all. You made a mistake. I am a woman and I know most blokes like porn. Dont comletely get it, but its true. She pobably feels very insecure. Maybe marriage guidance might her her get over it. What you did you admitted was a mistake but she needs your help to get over the shock. x Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Wow, she sounds really insecure. I like to think that most grown adult women are aware that men will enjoy their porn from time to time. (To be distinguished from constant porn addiction). It just isn't a big deal, and there's no need for her to take it personally. But I've known women like this, the same ones that have a cow if their husbands masturbate (because apparently that isn't allowed either). As nob said, your best bet is to assure her that your curiousity was not in any way reflective of shortcomings on her part or a real desire to stray. I would also bet that if she's brave enough to discuss it with her girlfriends, she'll discover that most of their boyfriends do the same thing. That may chill her out a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 good point harmony, Im no prude and know my mates understand their blokes like porn on occassion, they infact, sometimes are greatful for the rest!! After 18 years it would be a tragedy to lose each other. do all you can honey x Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasperlynx Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 thanks, for the support. I know I was wrong..not a very nice thing..but hey Im a man. Just wanted to look. Wont do that again thats for sure. Love my wife very much... Link to post Share on other sites
ann09 Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 you won't look at it again?? Thats ridiculous. maybe she was just upset you didn't share it with her. Seriously - porn is porn is porn. maybe I am in the minority here but most people watch it - and as long as it isn't effecting your intimate relationship with your wife - what harm can it do??? and I can't imagine having insecurities over porn stars.....I wouldn't want to look like any of them. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 No, you've done nothing wrong if you were watching it for a laugh, but have to admit I'd be upset if my partner was watching porn, my ex didn't watch it, I guess he felt no need to watch it and he thinks porn is nasty, shallow and cheap:laugh: Sex means more to him than just the mechanics, sex for sex sake, he likes emotion. I also dislike porn as it has no emotion. It's just really corny, yuk! But, each to their own Would you be ok with your wife watching porn on her own? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jasperlynx Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 not really...if she told me she checked it out ..I would be "what ever" ...For sure I would not be offended angry and disgusted. Ive never met a man who has not talked about the subject in a negative way. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoulmate Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Why would looking at porn be WRONG. In your marriage vows does it say I will never look at porn?.... It is too bad that she got that upset. I am sorry.. I guess I am a very open minded person. I watch porn with my sweetie.... If he sees something he would like to try, I am all for it. I hope your situation gets better. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 She obviously thinks porn is bad. You're whipped and seem to mirror whatever belief she's espousing. I'd suggest playing your traditional part and just doing whatever she says. 18 years you've had to form your own opinions and stick by them - too late to start being an individual with valid opinions now! Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 There is so much wrong with this situation I don't even know where to begin. 1) So you looked at porn, big deal, she needs to get over it and knock off the name calling and degrading. 2) Kick you out of the house? Get real. 3) She is being extremely insecure and over the top. 4) It's not like you spent two hours on it instead of two hours on her, you barely even looked. 5) You sound like you are almost as disgusted by it as she is, I'm not sure if that's because you know how she feels about it, or that's just your personality. Either way, this in no way makes you a perv. You sound extremely vanilla actually. 6) If she's seriously planning on using something this stupid to end this long of a relationship and marriage, there may be ulterior motives. 7) Anyway, she would have a hell of a time explaining to a divorce court that she wants to end the marriage because you looked at porn once. 8) For God's sake man, grow some balls! Link to post Share on other sites
RobM Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 16 years + 2 small children don't equal 18 years, lol There is nothing wrong with looking at porn, most guys and many women do, as long as it's not an addiction for you and isn't harming your relationship in anyway, there is nothing wrong. You're not a pervert, nobody is a pervert just for watching porn. If it bothers her that much then just apologize and never do it again, but you two are the ones that are way out of the mainstream, not everyone else that doesn't have a problem with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Printer Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 16 years + 2 small children don't equal 18 years, lol There is nothing wrong with looking at porn, most guys and many women do, as long as it's not an addiction for you and isn't harming your relationship in anyway, there is nothing wrong. You're not a pervert, nobody is a pervert just for watching porn. If it bothers her that much then just apologize and never do it again, but you two are the ones that are way out of the mainstream, not everyone else that doesn't have a problem with it. I must agree with RobM. We watched porn, which was great, maybe be we used it as an educational tool. It taught us alot, but we only watched it together and laughed together. I can understand why people want to watch it, but remember it is only two dimensional, false and edited and will never ever compare to the real thing with you partner. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 thanks, for the support. I know I was wrong..not a very nice thing..but hey Im a man. Just wanted to look. Wont do that again thats for sure. Love my wife very much... It is not a big deal. I expect that my SO will look at porn, and I will watch it myself from time to time. I am also open to watching it with a SO. Life is too short to supress and deny your sexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Life08 Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Umm yeah.. sorry to agree with the wife, but I have to. The problem with porn is that it can easily become addictive, and that is just the psychological part of it. For the people here that watch porn, or don't care that their partner does....Kudos to you! For the partner who has a problem with it, it is not just a small problem it is (emotionally) right up there with cheating. I would bet you knew your wife's views on this before you were tempted to look. Well, it doesn't matter if it was out of curiosity, for goofing around, or you were getting off on it; to her it is perverse, it violates the intimacy between the two of you (no matter how much or little that may be) and it insults her ability to turn you on. It is hard to compete with pornography. It may seem ridiculous, but it is a powerful evil to a partner who is opposed to it; and can damage trust more than you know. I don't know your history with her, but I know it will take some work for her to get beyond it. Which means going OUT OF YOUR WAY to avoid anything related to porn. If you do happen across something, just be up front with her, then if she sees something she will realize that you already told her, and that builds trust. Good luck to you, I hope you are out of the doghouse in time for the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Wow. Are you the husband or the child? Link to post Share on other sites
comj49 Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 I have to agree with NewLife to a degree. I am one that watches Porn, probably too much, and it defenitley had an effect on my marriage. My wife didn't agree at all, but i still watched it. Just recently we watched some together, but the damage was already done. If she really is against it, then don't do it, she will lose trust in you. Ultimately i think it played a part in our recent seperation. If you can somehow get her to watch with you, then maybe she won't find it so repulsive, but that is up to you. Otherwise, don't start, just respect your wifes opinion even if everyone beleives it is no big deal, she does!! Your not whipped for respecting your wife's opinion, at least not on this topic. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Because it sounds like your marriage is already on the rocks it is a big deal to her. I know in today's world porn seems to be O.K. but it is very dangerous to marriages & worse to those that are struggling. I wouldn't take this lightly, it is a big deal for her & unless it is resolved things will get worse....... Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Umm yeah.. sorry to agree with the wife, but I have to. The problem with porn is that it can easily become addictive, and that is just the psychological part of it. For the people here that watch porn, or don't care that their partner does....Kudos to you! Well alcohol can be addictive too, so no one should ever drink? Moderation is the point. It's pretty much a given that most men will dabble in porn occasionally. To repress a guy's natural desire for occasional porn might cause him to feel smothered...and that can have unfortunate consequences. (Like the fact that the OP watched it anyway, behind his W's back). If it starts getting to be too frequent, you stop. Being a porn addict is another kettle of fish. I've lived with one and it isn't fun. If the OP's wife is really that insecure, maybe she needs to figure out why she's threatened by 2-dimensional women her H wouldn't touch in real life with a 10ft pole. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Because it sounds like your marriage is already on the rocks it is a big deal to her. I know in today's world porn seems to be O.K. but it is very dangerous to marriages & worse to those that are struggling. I agree, but only to the extent that it is used to substitute for something that should be met within the marriage or becomes addictive. Then it's going to be a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
adiaz Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 I don't get what the hoopla is all about with watching porn. I mean, porn is fun and rewarding (lol) to watch and your wife shouldn't be so insecure, I mean she should join you when/if you do. Link to post Share on other sites
CBIIS1 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Big friggin deal! Watch enough of it and it'll get just plain boring. Ask her to watch with you. Link to post Share on other sites
1Angel Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Porn is no big deal if you aren't addicted and that it isn't something way out there like beastiality or necrophelia. You didn't mention if it was straight up porn (as in only consenting adults) or not. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 you were wrong? No you WERE NOT wrong. You're a man and men like porn. If my BF didn't look at porn, I would think there is something wrong with him Now having said that, it's possible your wife that this was a prelude to cheating. Many men cannot just stop at the fantasy of porn and take it out of the house and need to act it out. If it bugs her, talk to her about it. Watch it with her. Is she offended when you masturbate? Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Wow. Are you the husband or the child? I don't think that has anything to do with it And yes, most men are children in any case. Link to post Share on other sites
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