morphius Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Basically in my relationship with my girlfriend I constantly find myself expecting the worst. I am convinced all the time that she feels something is wrong with "us"(or me) or that something is lacking in the relationship. She has been my best friend for over three years and i love her dearly, we have had quite a rocky start to the relationship due to my insecurities about her leaving me and her past experiences with a very abusive ex-partner. The last few days i have noticed a change in her, she is not so affectionate and I swear I can see someting's up when I look into her eyes. Obviously my paranoia has picked up on this and I am turning it over and over in my head! The text messages she normaly sends are getting shorter and less affectionate... I just can't seem to deal with this sh*t going on in my head, I guess that this is probably what is affecting our relationship, How do you stop an extremely powerful emotion from controling you? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Have you tried talking frankly with her about how you're feeling? You said that she is/has been your best friend for quite some time. If that's the case, communicate how you're feeling to her. Tell her that it could just be irrational paranoia on your part and that you're sorry if it's interfereing in the relationship, but that you can't seem to help it. Most of all, listen to what she says in response. If she says she's not going anywhere, be willing to take her at her word if you trust her. There could be a myriad of reasons for her behavior that have nothing to do with you. I sometimes get distant when I'm stressed with work or school or just from feeling the winter blues. Communication is the key. Be open and frank about how you're feeling. If you still feel overwhelmed with insecurity, perhaps you need to look more closely at yourself and your self-esteem. Most of all, try to enjoy the present and not worry too much about the future. There's always the possibility that things won't work out between the two of you. Nobody knows what the future holds. Enjoy her company in the present and worry about tomorrow when it comes. It's easier said than done, but it's worth working on. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Good advice Girlie.. I had the same kinda issues as him. Due to an ex-fiancee emotionally cheating on me & then leaving, and after 4 years just got into a relationship with my current gf. She was w/ her ex for 8 years, and he's playin the head games to try and get her back. So i'm always assuming the worst, and noticed it was taking a bad effect on us. So I needed to 'force' myself to start thinking postive. That letting my fears dictate my future would only mean bad things. Communication is a big part of it, and so is trust. Don't assume things either since usually assuming things only means you are thinking negative. She'll pick up on that, get worried & maybe distance herself. There will be days that she might not show her love with as much intensitiy as she did the day before. Don't worry about that, everyone has their bad days. Do you two still go out & do fun and romantic things together? Remember to keep things lively. Talk to her as well, ask her if anything is bothering her. But don't be too persistant otherwise she might think something is up. Whenever you get those paranoid thoughts, stop yourself & force yourself to think of a good time you two had together. Say to yourself 'I'm overreacting and have nothing to worry about'. I'm still working on this myself, since i've caught myself looking at her cell phone when she's in the shower. Its wrong, plain & simple and I need to communicate to her better about this issue as well. So you aren't alone.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lieger0panzer Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 I'm currently having a problem with insecurities too, would you guys mind hearing my story? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 "I'm currently having a problem with insecurities too, would you guys mind hearing my story?" Start a new thread and give all the details so you'll get the advice you need. The originator of this thread is seeking help as well. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 I think it may become difficult for everyone to feel secure in relationships in a world where stories like those we see on LS are frequently in the news as well as in our own lives. How many times do we see 'last weekend s/he told me she would love me forever and today she broke up with me' or 'I met this woman today and I'm in love'. For all that we may say these instant relationships are based on infatuation, they still happen and shake people's lives every day. And as I was writing this, glors1116 was posting her story of a broken engagement... Link to post Share on other sites
Lieger0panzer Posted February 6, 2004 Share Posted February 6, 2004 Okay I'll put in my own topic thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 i can so feel all of you on this. i had my own horror story that i havent quite recovered from as yet and frankly i dont think anyone really recovers from then 100%. my b/f and i have been together almost a year now but our relationship started really roughly. we were together for like a month or two then his friends didnt like because, i wasnt part of their clique, and i was "taking away his time from them." it was all really stupid. they gave him a hard time and we broke up. then we got back together. things went good for a while then it was the same shyt again. then we got back together. then two weeks or so after we got back together he decided that he needed time to think about who he wanted to be with cuz he rediscovered that he has feelings for his best friend who is a total biznitch. this girl uses him and treats him like a lapdog. the only time he sees her or talks to her was when she's in trouble or she needed something. there i was treating him great, supporting him in everything he does and he needed to think if he wanted to leave me or not. so i left him have his time. i dont know if he came to his senses and came to be or b/c she rejected him once more like she has several other times. they were suppose to go out before he and i went out, but he was broke so by the time he got money to take her out this ho ho ho was banging someone else. anyways, we've stuck it out thru think and think and been together for about a year. my point is sometimes you just gotta know when to let go and when not to. at first i fought and fought to keep him, but then i just left and see what comes my way. he came back. but i found out that i was strong enough to let go and that life goes on. both men and women are grimy so i wouldnt lay the blame on men alone. as for the thing with the friend, no friend of yours wouldnt set your ex up with their friend nor hook up with him. a friend is suppose to stick by you no matter what. my friends have done that to me and not betray me. his friends has betrayed him. relationships are hard, but remember no matter what you cant make a person love you if they dont and you cant make them want to stay with you. it all has to come from that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Take the red pill. No, seriously, I also cannot agree more with Girlie, [color=red]communication is the key[/color]. If you keep your emotions bottled up, that is a sure-fire way of allowing them to control you. I'll bet that even just talking with us here about it made you feel better... Link to post Share on other sites
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