Woggle Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 So if the majority of women do feel this way why am I so unreasonable for being suspicious of women in general? Why am I expected to just blindly trust when even you have admitted that most women who say they are happy are just covering up the reality? Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 So if the majority of women do feel this way why am I so unreasonable for being suspicious of women in general? Why am I expected to just blindly trust when even you have admitted that most women who say they are happy are just covering up the reality? Because that's some, not all...and it's referring to the women whose husbands cheat, not so much women who cheat just to get revenge on ALL men who've cheated on her in her life. Those women do exist but they're not the majority...so don't worry so much. Additionally, you are part of the problem. You're married and contemplating being a player, lol. What kind of mess is that? The way you think is poisonous. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Because that's some, not all...and it's referring to the women whose husbands cheat, not so much women who cheat just to get revenge on ALL men who've cheated on her in her life. Those women do exist but they're not the majority...so don't worry so much. Additionally, you are part of the problem. You're married and contemplating being a player, lol. What kind of mess is that? The way you think is poisonous. I contemplate being a player because I feel like being a loving and faithful husband is pretty much a losing effort for a man. It just ends in heartbreak and her giving the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ComeUndone Posted December 8, 2009 Author Share Posted December 8, 2009 So if the majority of women do feel this way why am I so unreasonable for being suspicious of women in general? Why am I expected to just blindly trust when even you have admitted that most women who say they are happy are just covering up the reality? You are not unreasonable for being suspicious of "women in general" ....you are, however, unreasonable when you say all women cheat, and no woman can be trusted. Technically you aren't "blindly" trusting in your current relationship unless you really haven't been with your wife that long or perhaps got married before you really knew her well enough. Considering your distrust of women in general my guess is that you got to know her pretty well before marrying her and therefore you can't say you are blindly trusting her... I would think she had proven herself as honest and legit before you committed to her. As for other women, well... you are married so you really shouldn't have to worry too much about their infidelities or otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I never said all but if most people around you are catching a disease it is only a matter of time before it affects you as well. We are living in a cold war between men and women and sometimes it feels useless for a man to even try to find love in a poisonus atmosphere like we have today. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I never said all but if most people around you are catching a disease it is only a matter of time before it affects you as well. We are living in a cold war between men and women and sometimes it feels useless for a man to even try to find love in a poisonus atmosphere like we have today. Woggle I thought you were married to a wonderful woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Woggle I thought you were married to a wonderful woman. That is what I think as well but is that the reality. As you said in another thread many men are clueless about the state of their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 You have a good/great R, marriage makes it better you make more of an effort to love and support your partner because of that commitment level. But like any amplifier - it makes a bad R worse. And if only one of the spouses is totally committed they end up getting treated way worse then they would without being married because they value the commitment so much that they tolerate a huge amount of bad treatment before they give up. I read so much about couples that have been together for years and SHE is waiting for HIM to propose. A lot of women feel this push for marriage, but what about the men? What makes a man want to get married rather than just keeping the title of "the boyfriend"? Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 That is what I think as well but is that the reality. As you said in another thread many men are clueless about the state of their marriage. These are men that have no intimacy with their wives. They are strange ships passing in the night in between mortgage payments, hockey practice and big dinners with other groups of people. That is another hint - troubled marriage - they are always throwing parties. The idea of a quiet night alone, by the fire, watching well the beginning of a movie - would terrify them. So they regularly cram their house full of people. How to Avoid Intimacy 101. Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 The idea of a quiet night alone, by the fire, watching well the beginning of a movie - would terrify them. So they regularly cram their house full of people. How to Avoid Intimacy 101. Speak! This is an excellent point. So many people think that other individuals can't see right through this... Glad you mde this point. Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I contemplate being a player because I feel like being a loving and faithful husband is pretty much a losing effort for a man. It just ends in heartbreak and her giving the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. I'm really glad you're processing "some" of what people are saying in here. But you know what, perhaps you should take time to start paying attention to things and most of all your intuition. If you know that you are treating your SO well and you're being trustworthy, but you notice them treating you less than "well" you have every right to question it and decide whether to be in it or out. You have to pay attention to one another with a clear head. Other than that, if you're sitting around contemplating that playa mentality/lifestyle, you have little right to expect anything healthy out of the relationship b/c you'd be feeding it unhealthy things...feel me? If you care about your marriage... Get yo' mind right! Link to post Share on other sites
Sam Spade Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 But you know what, perhaps you should take time to start paying attention to things and most of all your intuition. If you know that you are treating your SO well and you're being trustworthy, but you notice them treating you less than "well" you have every right to question it and decide whether to be in it or out. You have to pay attention to one another with a clear head. t! THis is fine in theory, but in reality probably works in less than 20% of marriages. The problem is that very rarely a woman shafts you in one sweeping blow. The usual pattern is a slow, almost unnoticeable (but consistent) erosion of boundaries until the man is just an empty, wimpy shell (who in turn loses all respect from his wife who ironically is typically the impetus of this process). It is very hard to uphold firm boundaries, since doing so would mean literally having stern conversations every other day, which will naturally make the woman resentful, and she'll leave anyway. So, it can be done, but it is WAY harder than you suggest and although i still disagree with most of Wog's extreme views, constant vigilance is more than justified. You can and should be selective in what points to bring up, but the vigilance is essential since being "the understanding one" will get you in the crapper eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 It does require attention and care, and there are never any guarantees. I learned so much from the things I did do, (and mostly the things I didn't - such as speak up), that I know I'll do better if there is any next time. Yet, it can still fall apart. And you have to know you'll survive either way. Many a relationship hasn't burned out in a blaze so much as died of benign neglect. Link to post Share on other sites
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