Do men really want marriage?

[Untouchable_Fire]

Now I am starting to wonder if I am like a typical girl at all, or whether guys just get WAY off base with their assumptions...I'd assume one of the best parts of M the love of your life is that you get to share a bed for the rest of your life with a total hottie who wants to give you sweet love every night for the forseeable future :D:D

 

That's the fairy tale.

 

I got married when I was young believing that would be the case. Which it is most definitely not.

 

As best as I can tell, the average expectation for a BF is vastly smaller than the average expectation for a Husband. Once those expectations go up, and you start failing to meet them... anger and resentment build. Suddenly your sex life vanishes... and of course it's all your fault.

 

I'm skeptical as to whether I will ever get married again. The first time was hell on earth.... and she seemed close to perfect until I said "I do".

[Ms. Joolie]

What makes a man want to get married rather than just keeping the title of "the boyfriend"?

 

So far we have, from this thread:

 

Reasons men get married:

 

1) to have their own family with children

2) religious beliefs

3) social pressure

4) because they find meaning in it

5) for stability

6) for the relationship (it was said by a guy! lol)

7) love (same guy, lol)

8) for the right girl aka "marriage material"

9) assured of love for him, not just because she needs to fill in the husband blank

 

 

Reasons men don't get married:

1) scared to end up as another divorce statistic

2) financial ruin

3) giving up of sex life

[Balthazar]

Do men want marriage?

 

ermmmm...what was the question?

[Untouchable_Fire]

So far we have, from this thread:

 

Reasons men get married:

 

1) to have their own family with children

2) religious beliefs

3) social pressure

4) because they find meaning in it

5) for stability

6) for the relationship (it was said by a guy! lol)

7) love (same guy, lol)

8) for the right girl aka "marriage material"

9) assured of love for him, not just because she needs to fill in the husband blank

 

 

Reasons men don't get married:

1) scared to end up as another divorce statistic

2) financial ruin

3) giving up of sex life

 

Your list of reason's not to get married is massively short. Let me help you out.

 

4) Not interested in being forced to alter lifestyle, or add unnecessary responsibilities.

5) Wants to be accepted as is, without requirements to change.

6) Does not want to step into a situation with a woman who already has kids.

7) Wants to pursue career/financial goals.

8) No matter how long you have been together once married your GF will change.

9) Marriage changes the power dynamic of a relationship. It gives your wife a legal loaded gun and points it at your temple.

[sweetjasmine]

Why do atheists marry again? It's an almost exclusively religious institution in every culture at nearly every time period of history.

 

It makes as much sense as atheists sacrificing goats.

 

Why do atheists marry? Because atheist couples also want to spend their lives together, and marriage is about making a commitment to each other. There doesn't have to be any god involved.

 

Don't be ridiculous.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Why do atheists marry? Because atheist couples also want to spend their lives together, and marriage is about making a commitment to each other. There doesn't have to be any god involved. Don't be ridiculous.

 

Last time I checked we can make life commitments without marriage.

 

So, why would someone who hates religion actively enroll themselves in a primarily religious institution? That doesn't make sense.

[sweetjasmine]

Last time I checked we can make life commitments without marriage.

 

Last time I checked, marriage as an institution exists worldwide in many forms, including secular ones.

 

So, why would someone who hates religion actively enroll themselves in a primarily religious institution? That doesn't make sense.

 

Why are you assuming all atheists hate religion? Why are you assuming marriage is just a religious institution? If it's a primarily religious institution, then why can I go down to city hall and get married without ever setting foot in a church?

[Pyro]

I want marriage if she is worth it, plain and simple.

[Ms. Joolie]

Your list of reason's not to get married is massively short. Let me help you out.

 

4) Not interested in being forced to alter lifestyle, or add unnecessary responsibilities.

5) Wants to be accepted as is, without requirements to change.

6) Does not want to step into a situation with a woman who already has kids.

7) Wants to pursue career/financial goals.

8) No matter how long you have been together once married your GF will change.

9) Marriage changes the power dynamic of a relationship. It gives your wife a legal loaded gun and points it at your temple.

 

Fascinating. I'll consider adding them to the list.

[sally4sara]

It use to be standard practice for men to get a raise when they got married and another when they had their first kid.

Today, they still appear more stable to their employers and there is a remaining tendency of them being promoted over their single coworkers. This didn't happen for women and still doesn't happen today. If anything, employers seem to find single women less likely to take time off to have children so they appear to be a safer bet against a married woman when it comes to promotions.

Married men seem more trustworthy compared to single men.

 

The above views are not necessarily the views of this poster.

 

I am an atheist female who is marrying her atheist BF because HE wants to get married and not because I insist on it. I have never asked "when are we gonna finally get married?" or "why isn't there a ring on my finger?". We don't intend to have any children beyond the son I have from a previous marriage.

[threebyfate]

We would also see women complain endlessly as to why all the marriage-minded men are ugly and boring...why all the good looking exciting guys never want to get married.

No way or at least not for myself and many other women. Marriage-minded men are the cat's meow, since they know what they want, aren't afraid to go get it and don't have commitment issues, hence give off mixed signals.

[Stung]

Why do atheists marry again? It's an almost exclusively religious institution in every culture at nearly every time period of history.

 

It makes as much sense as atheists sacrificing goats.

 

I'm mystified as to how this belief that marriage is the sole domain of religion has come about.

 

A marriage by definition is a close contractual relationship recognized by law.

Those who are religious also usually believe it should be sanctified by their religion in ceremonies referencing their god. That's a bonus, but not a requirement.

 

Why do atheists marry? For love, for family, for legal and financial security, to have someone to be partnered with as they grow old...pretty much the same reasons most people marry. Your ritual goat sacrifice analogy is absurd.

 

And regarding a later statement, to be an atheist means that you simply don't believe in God. Not that you hate religion .

[ComeUndone]

Your list of reason's not to get married is massively short. Let me help you out.

 

4) Not interested in being forced to alter lifestyle, or add unnecessary responsibilities.

5) Wants to be accepted as is, without requirements to change.

6) Does not want to step into a situation with a woman who already has kids.

7) Wants to pursue career/financial goals.

8) No matter how long you have been together once married your GF will change.

9) Marriage changes the power dynamic of a relationship. It gives your wife a legal loaded gun and points it at your temple.

 

And here is one of those ''bitter and cynical'' posters now.

 

Do you honestly think men never change? ...it's only the woman? That's ridiculous. Sure some change, but for every man out there griping that she is not "the same as when he married her" there is a woman saying the same thing about her husband.

 

The power dynamic?? Why is that?

[muse08]

I'm really glad that this topic is being discussed. People often fear or shy away from things they don't understand. Marriage is something that I "think" I understand. What I DON'T understand is why so many people are pressed to get married to the point where they KNOW they will cheat or abuse or neglect or have these things done to them, yet they still get married thinking things will automatically get better ...(come on) or thinking that they can hide their true selves from their partner forever... Some remarry not once, but twice or more with these lame issues...that's just insane to me. Wasting people's time and money (including their own) for the wedding and gifts all willy nilly...

 

What I DO understand is that in these days, a vast majority of people have little or no ethics. They end up being swayed by anything that looks or sounds good, mainly because it's just "different" from what they already have. I'm speaking of married men mostly right now. For any woman who has met a man only to find out that he's married AFTER becoming more involved with him, you can relate. And many times a man's wife is just as attractive (inside and out) as the "other woman". I know some women cheat, but I think if people want marriages to last then people need to take more responsibility and control of their flesh...because it's so weak...So when things get a bit twisted in a marriage men(people) start "looking" and seeing the grass as greener AND/OR (speaking for myself) as a female I love being in a relationship with someone I really care for, but if a man is not treating me well (cheating, excessive control, abuse, neglect) why would I stay and try to work it out if "I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF"? That's in terms of finances, my spirit and overall happiness.

[Awesome Username]

Then what are they? Can you elaborate?

 

I never really saw a big reason to get married, other than if you wanted children someday. Even then, I saw no real rush or reason for it.

 

Then one day my friend told me something that sort of opened my ears to the difference between being "together" and being "married." She and her boyfriend of a few years move a lot because his job requires a lot of travel. Since they're not married, she always wonders if she's going with him. Whether or not she is, and she has been this whole time, it has to be asked or brought up. She told me that if they were married, it would never have to be asked or brought up because she would know that a marriage relationship is important enough to have an unsaid truce that they're staying together, no matter what happens.

 

That kind of made me realize that marriage actually means something.

[b52s]

I never really saw a big reason to get married, other than if you wanted children someday. Even then, I saw no real rush or reason for it.

 

Then one day my friend told me something that sort of opened my ears to the difference between being "together" and being "married." She and her boyfriend of a few years move a lot because his job requires a lot of travel. Since they're not married, she always wonders if she's going with him. Whether or not she is, and she has been this whole time, it has to be asked or brought up. She told me that if they were married, it would never have to be asked or brought up because she would know that a marriage relationship is important enough to have an unsaid truce that they're staying together, no matter what happens.

 

That kind of made me realize that marriage actually means something.

 

Yeah, there was this woman I met that said she was new to the area.....and she was single.....I tried to ask her out, but turns out she is living with a guy....has a boyfriend.

 

Was kinda "irked" because, I assumed that most women that relocate to an area don't have any kind of attachments, or they break up with their boyfriends when they relocate. I have never known too many couples to follow each other around when one of them have to move or relocate.

 

 

MARRIED couples, yes......boyfriend/girlfriend couples....no. I figured when someone was dating, and one of them had to move.....they'd definitely break up.

[C-i-C-u]

I will lob something else into this thread. Anyone who doesn't fully embrace the institution of marriage, should never get married. Leave marriage to those who believe in it. If this happened, there would be a lot fewer divorces.

But then what do you define as marriage? Because there are a lot of men in their 40s who have been married for the past decade or so with the same women but yet they are seeking out younger women and sleeping with younger women. What about all the women who cheat on good men? What then? Whats marriage?

Because Im not sure you understand the human psyche. Marriage is a false institution that many weak people engage in.

[stillafool]

See now this has always confused me. Why on earth would a woman push a marriage-resistant man to get married? I get that she has her reasons for wanting marriage, but if HE needs to be talked into it then why is that okay with her? I can't imagine being happy with that result.

 

I'm late on this thread, but I absolutely agree with you on this. I will never understand why some women pressure a guy who doesn't want to marry into it. Why don't they move on to another guy who does want to marry them? It's so ridiculous. I just could never be happy knowing I pressured a man into marrying me.

[stillafool]

While I agree with you about why these women feel this way, it's up to the women to stand on their own two feet and walk away from someone who's looking for a quick exit. Imagine forcing someone like this to the altar and then having them walk away when the chips are down, like after childbirth, when you really need to be a team.

 

 

Exactly! A woman cannot blame the man if she continues to wait and wait on him when she knows he doesn't want to marry in her time frame.

[Ms. Joolie]

Reasons men get married:

 

1) to have their own family with children

2) religious beliefs

3) social pressure

4) because they find meaning in it

5) for stability

6) for the relationship (it was said by a guy! lol)

7) love (same guy, lol)

8) for the right girl aka "marriage material"

9) assured of love for him, not just because she needs to fill in the husband blank

 

 

Reasons men don't get married:

1) scared to end up as another divorce statistic

2) financial ruin

3) giving up of sex life

4) conflicts with career/financial goals

5) adds responsibility

6) changes lifestyle

7) not interested in the relationship enough

 

 

 

..............anything missed??

[kiss_andmakeup]

In a situation where the guy is not driven by religion, the desire for children, or family pressure, I think guys really only desire to get married if they truly think "this is it, this is the perfect girl for me, there is no chance of me doing any better, I better hold onto her!"

 

I visited my boyfriend at work a few weeks ago and he told me that a coworker of his made the comment "dude...she is perfect...put a ring on her finger right now!" It made me smile.

[threebyfate]

But then what do you define as marriage? Because there are a lot of men in their 40s who have been married for the past decade or so with the same women but yet they are seeking out younger women and sleeping with younger women. What about all the women who cheat on good men? What then? Whats marriage?

Because Im not sure you understand the human psyche. Marriage is a false institution that many weak people engage in.

Marriage is a committed choice. Adults control themselves and take responsibility for their choices and actions. It's that simple.

 

If you don't believe in marriage, for the love of all you hold dear, DO NOT get married. Stay single and...strong...

[Angel1111]

I've never been with a guy who didn't want to get married. I think when the woman isn't that interested in marriage, then the guy thinks it's some kind of challenge or something. Or perhaps it causes them to think they don't want to let this one get away. A lot of men do want to have kids and a family and all that but I think when things go wrong in the marriage, instead of leaving, they're more likely to cheat - which gives them the reputation of being cheaters. Whereas women are more likely to leave instead of cheat. For men, when the marriage is bad and they stay and cheat, it's all about money and kids and reputation at that point. History quit often plays a role, too, more than most people think.

[Fritz]

What chip? What I said applies to fundamentalists from all walks of life - all the way from trailer trash to repuGlican political royalty.

 

 

Which president's administration/era was called Camelot again?

 

 

As to the main question of the topic, yes I want marriage in the basic sense (kids, companionship, love). However, I just don't see it as viable in the modern western world. The "family" courts are setup to make themselves money, not ajudicate problems between citizens/families.

 

Overall, marriage is a suckers bet for men given the legal risks. Love aka lust can be and often is temporary. The modern marriage contract is viewed as temporary with easy quickie divorces but still has long long reaching consequences and penalties. Marriage is a business contract to make a family, if you want men to be interested in it, return the laws governing it back to some semblence of balance. No-fault divorce is great in theory and in some cases works out well with amicable parties but in others its a travesty and a joke all based on emotion.

[C-i-C-u]

Marriage is a committed choice. Adults control themselves and take responsibility for their choices and actions. It's that simple.

 

If you don't believe in marriage, for the love of all you hold dear, DO NOT get married. Stay single and...strong...

So Im guessing many adults are not adults then by that definition. Really marriage is overrated, many SMART men have realized that. They have sex with different partners and if they want children they can fool the women because a women is easily fooled ESPECIALLY IF THE GUY IS HOT.