Do men really want marriage?

[thegreatmoose]

Marriage used to have actual, tangible benefits for men..

 

It was harder to get sex, so a wife provided that. A woman was schooled in the art of raising kids and homemaking. Divorce rate was low.

It still does. What is so wrong with women having jobs?

[Ross PK]

It still amazes me how many guys on here are against marriage. I always would have thought that most guys here would be all for it.

[b52s]

i feel you cicu, in spite of what some people say. they're trying to think positive and give people the benefit of the doubt.that's all well and good. however, realistically speaking most people who get married DO cheat. it's sad yet true.

 

Not really, .....because, like myself....I have a hard time even getting a woman to respond to an email on a dating site.....that being said, if I do land that special lady...chances are I won't be cheating once I DO find myself a girlfriend.

 

It wouldn't make sense, at least for a guy like myself who can't get a date every week or is NOT a Casanova.

[Ms. Joolie]

It still amazes me how many guys on here are against marriage. I always would have thought that most guys here would be all for it.

 

 

It's natural to be against anything in which one feels trapped. Men and women naturally want to be free. It's all perspective.

 

I think people who believe strongly in love, and are in love with one another, accept love (and the responsibility/commitment of) in exchange for that personal freedom.

[Ross PK]

No. I do think happy marriages exist. Just that the average modern Western woman is incapable of them, and the average (feminised) modern American man is at disastrous odds with reality.

 

Hey clv, how ya doin'?

[GiveAndTake]

Marriage used to have actual, tangible benefits for men..

 

 

if I am cooking for myself and paying bills anyway, why limit myself to one woman for the rest of my life?

 

Yes, and marriage used to have actual tangible benefits for women as well.

But, now that women work, pay bills, and actually were given permission to enjoy sex, why limit themselves to one man for the rest of their lives?

 

The answer? Because both parties are SURE that they want to share their lives with each other and with no other.

[sally4sara]

Both men and women all too often choose each other because they are "hot". That's a significant reason for divorces.

 

Now you claim that a man is "feminized" if he thinks that finding a happy marriage is realistic. I have no idea how you came up with that, but I totally disagree.

 

Feminized.

 

Take a look through the posts in this thread. It seems for many of our male posters, any relationship that isn't ALL about them, one in which they might have to learn to compromise at some point, is a relationship that feminizes them. If she wants to work outside the home - she is feminizing him as the bread winner. If she isn't giving it up the moment he want laid - it is feminizing him to wait. If she isn't his maid and/or expects him to help out around the house - he is being feminized.

I am a woman. Does this mean I am masculinized if I don't hike my skirt up for a quickie while I load the dishwasher or change a diaper? If I work outside of the home? And if being feminized is so horrible - would anyone blame me for choking a man out in his sleep? Give it a rest......

Geez! Some folks really know how to make any marriage a man would want sound like a prison sentence for women! And then they wonder why men might avoid marriage?!?

[stillafool]

not just a womans responsibility to be precautious. Pills aren't 100% proof. Guys should use condoms as well.

 

 

I consider condoms as birth control. This does not only apply to women but everyone. Use birth control of whatever means.

[stillafool]

Marriage used to have actual, tangible benefits for men..

 

It was harder to get sex, so a wife provided that. A woman was schooled in the art of raising kids and homemaking. Divorce rate was low.

 

Now what do we have? Sex is easy to get. Very few women take pride in serving a man and devoting herself to raising children and creating a wonderful, peaceful home.

 

You are basically telling a guy "Your obligations are largely the same. You must work and pay bills, this woman can leave you at anytime she pleases and take half your stuff, you must cook for yourself, AND your most basic and deepest desire which would be sleeping with other women, must be supressed for the rest of your life"

 

if I am cooking for myself and paying bills anyway, why limit myself to one woman for the rest of my life?

 

 

If this is man's deepest desire then by all means why get married at all. Just work and spend your money on whores and prostitutes.

[carhill]

It seems for many of our male posters, any relationship that isn't ALL about them, one in which they might have to learn to compromise at some point, is a relationship that feminizes them.

 

Just wanted to add my vote *for* marriage and to the voices who do not exemplify the above quotation. To me, compatibility is key. I grew up with it and know, amongst the M's of friends, that it, and fulfilling marriages, exist. When I donned the suit shown in my avatar and proposed, I thought mine would be one of them.

 

Happy holidays

[Chrome Barracuda]

When men want to commit women dont or often find a way to leave. and vice versa.

[Woggle]

It's more the emotional costs than anything else for me. Women have a habit of crushing a man's heart the minutr he truly does fall in love with her and I am approching that danger zone. I truly do love my wife and will be heartbroken if she left. I am making an effort to trust but I swear if she betrays me I will never trust another woman again.

 

I don't expect my wife to be a maid and I actually prefer she make her own money but I understand where the traditionalists come from. Do you think that any sane person would willingly sign up to subject themselves to the barely concealed contempt and resentment that most married women end up showing to their husbands. You try to kiss her and she looks at you like she wants to murder you. This is the reality for most married men and why many men want to avoid marriage.

[Pyro]

It's more the emotional costs than anything else for me. Women have a habit of crushing a man's heart the minutr he truly does fall in love with her and I am approching that danger zone. I truly do love my wife and will be heartbroken if she left. I am making an effort to trust but I swear if she betrays me I will never trust another woman again.

 

I don't expect my wife to be a maid and I actually prefer she make her own money but I understand where the traditionalists come from. Do you think that any sane person would willingly sign up to subject themselves to the barely concealed contempt and resentment that most married women end up showing to their husbands. You try to kiss her and she looks at you like she wants to murder you. This is the reality for most married men and why many men want to avoid marriage.

 

Give it a rest will you?

 

How do you know this? You live in a close minded world where women can only do wrong. Come back and discuss this when you are less biased.

[Woggle]

Give it a rest will you?

 

How do you know this? You live in a close minded world where women can only do wrong. Come back and discuss this when you are less biased.

 

Observe the world and reality a bit and you will see I am right.

[Pyro]

Observe the world and reality a bit and you will see I am right.

 

Um I am just about the same age as you. I am not blind and I have ears. I am just as qualified as you. The only difference is I keep my mind open about things.

 

If you were right, the world would be a very depressing place.

[Ross PK]

*Sits down with some popcorn*

[ComeUndone]

If we look at it logically, marriage can only be a liability for a man. And that is best case scenario.

 

When the marriage is going through a rough patch, the woman has two options:

 

One - put in real hard work, persevere and improve the marriage

Two - divorce the man, be free to do whatever, no hard work, and you get to be financially better off than you ever were before!

 

Why are 70% of divorces initiated by women? Why do 50% of marriages end in divorce?

 

The reason is above.

 

Only a liability for a man?? Are you speaking only of financial liability? If so you are way off base.

 

Regarding the 2 choices you say she has: Sometimes putting in all the hard work still doesn't improve the marriage, because she cannot sustain a relationship all by herself. As for divorcing him and being free to do whatever she wants.... do you really think that's how it plays out when all is said and done?

 

Divorce is often really ugly for both involved, sometimes moreso for the man but NOT always. Sometimes it takes every last bit of her courage and strength to get out of her crappy marriage, and her life usually gets worse before it gets better. Statistically the women in the majority of divorces end up financially worse off then the men... look that one up.

[muse08]

Marriage used to have actual, tangible benefits for men..

 

It was harder to get sex, so a wife provided that. A woman was schooled in the art of raising kids and homemaking. Divorce rate was low.

 

Now what do we have? Sex is easy to get. Very few women take pride in serving a man and devoting herself to raising children and creating a wonderful, peaceful home.

 

You are basically telling a guy "Your obligations are largely the same. You must work and pay bills, this woman can leave you at anytime she pleases and take half your stuff, you must cook for yourself, AND your most basic and deepest desire which would be sleeping with other women, must be supressed for the rest of your life"

 

if I am cooking for myself and paying bills anyway, why limit myself to one woman for the rest of my life?

 

WOW...If sleeping with another woman is your greatest preoccupation then you have some serious issues, str8 up... And if that's a the typical thought of most men, then this is one very legitamate reason why YOUR wife (if you ever had/have one) would not be motivated to take pride in being loyal to you in any ways that you mentioned...In spite of what some may think, women have very strong instincts. If she sense that you are overly preoccupied with some other woman/habit/job, etc some of us will retreat and give less of what we once did to show our love and devotion for you b/c at this point you wouldn't deserve it)))

 

If you're cooking for yourself...paying the bills...so if the woman is cooking and still paying bills (partial) and you're never home b/c you're "working" so much and you have the attitude as you sound like you have, then again what's the motivation in that? YOU don't deserve a loyal woman whether you're married or not.

[Woggle]

Only a liability for a man?? Are you speaking only of financial liability? If so you are way off base.

 

Regarding the 2 choices you say she has: Sometimes putting in all the hard work still doesn't improve the marriage, because she cannot sustain a relationship all by herself. As for divorcing him and being free to do whatever she wants.... do you really think that's how it plays out when all is said and done?

 

.

 

Most cases I have known where the woman walked or had an affair the man bent over backwards to please her and it still was not enough. When a woman gets into that resentful mode that they so often do nothing and I am mean nothing is ever good enough for them. They only see the bad.

 

Yes I really do think that is how it plays out in the end. Some new guy pays them attention and all of a sudden they realize that they look at their husband like a brother and have lost all the attraction. Most good and faithful men end up alone and dumped anyway so why not stay single and keep those assets you would have to give away when she decides she no longer wants you?

[muse08]

Not really, .....because, like myself....I have a hard time even getting a woman to respond to an email on a dating site.....that being said, if I do land that special lady...chances are I won't be cheating once I DO find myself a girlfriend.

 

It wouldn't make sense, at least for a guy like myself who can't get a date every week or is NOT a Casanova.

 

you've raised a good point b52s. however, why do you say or think you have trouble getting dates? if you're comparing yourself to the average JOE who dates/sleeps with a bunch of women, then you shouldn't feel bad, you should be glad you're not dating everything with 2 legs. all women don't respect a "PLAYER"...i know i don't. i'd say i'm an attractive female w/ options. i have turned down several attractive guys b/c i saw something in their spirit that was so ugly. a few of them were dogs, some not sure. my point being, men need to realize that there are plenty of women out there who are willing to accept and respect a good man for being themselves, if beingthemselves is not being a dog,player, manwhore, etc(some women do respect that craziness as well, but that's a different topic). in my book you don't get much respect for that kind of behavior, just like you wouldn't(shouldn't) give much respect to a female with those negative characteristics.

 

at the end of the day i think both males and females want someone who we know will have our backs and love us even when things get rough. ROUGH does NOT pertain to cheating and other forms of betrayal. no one should feel obligated to deal with being mistreated...hands down...

[Boundary Problem]

Most cases I have known where the woman walked or had an affair the man bent over backwards to please her and it still was not enough. When a woman gets into that resentful mode that they so often do nothing and I am mean nothing is ever good enough for them. They only see the bad.

 

Yes I really do think that is how it plays out in the end. Some new guy pays them attention and all of a sudden they realize that they look at their husband like a brother and have lost all the attraction. Most good and faithful men end up alone and dumped anyway so why not stay single and keep those assets you would have to give away when she decides she no longer wants you?

 

 

Quite simply - you get out what you put in.

 

I have a hard time believing that women are as fickle as you have described.

 

In the marriages I see on the rocks, it is a matter of one or both spouses not putting in 100% into the joint family project (whatever that project may be).

 

Flow of capital on divorce is not always from men to women.

 

If a woman's emotional needs are not looked after, then you are right the physical attraction will decrease (in a healthy woman).

[muse08]

Most cases I have known where the woman walked or had an affair the man bent over backwards to please her and it still was not enough. When a woman gets into that resentful mode that they so often do nothing and I am mean nothing is ever good enough for them. They only see the bad.

 

Yes I really do think that is how it plays out in the end. Some new guy pays them attention and all of a sudden they realize that they look at their husband like a brother and have lost all the attraction. Most good and faithful men end up alone and dumped anyway so why not stay single and keep those assets you would have to give away when she decides she no longer wants you?

 

OMG... what type of women are you guys used to dealing with??

 

not speaking for all women, but for the rest of us, we're not going to be resentful without a reason. if a woman is that resentful it's usually with good reason. things that would cause me to truly resent my guy/husband are:

 

)))he does not provide for his family

)))he claims he's working all the time and never has time for us/family

)))he's cheating

)))if i'm catching him in lies on several occasions

)))he's physical and emotional abuse

)))he NEVER does anything to make me feel special to HIM, like he once did to woo me

[Woggle]

Quite simply - you get out what you put in.

 

I have a hard time believing that women are as fickle as you have described.

 

In the marriages I see on the rocks, it is a matter of one or both spouses not putting in 100% into the joint family project (whatever that project may be).

 

Flow of capital on divorce is not always from men to women.

 

If a woman's emotional needs are not looked after, then you are right the physical attraction will decrease (in a healthy woman).

 

If you get what you put in why is it that the men I know who would literally die for their women are the ones getting cheated on left and right and being treated with utter contempt at home?

 

I see what you mean about emotional needs but who knows what the hell they are? Most women are simply unpleasable.

[muse08]

OMG... what type of women are you guys used to dealing with??

 

not speaking for all women, but for the rest of us, we're not going to be resentful without a reason. if a woman is that resentful it's usually with good reason. things that would cause me to truly resent my guy/husband are:

 

)))he does not provide for his family

)))he claims he's working all the time and never has time for us/family

)))he's cheating

)))if i'm catching him in lies on several occasions

)))he's physical and emotional abuse

)))he NEVER does anything to make me feel special to HIM, like he once did to woo me

 

)))he's physicalLY and/or emotionalLY abusive(spelling errors,sorry)

[Boundary Problem]

If you get what you put in why is it that the men I know who would literally die for their women are the ones getting cheated on left and right and being treated with utter contempt at home?

 

I see what you mean about emotional needs but who knows what the hell they are? Most women are simply unpleasable.

 

I do know some men who are treated with utter contempt at home. They seem to be very very in love with their wives, who frankly could take them or leave them.

 

I've divorced and I'm viewed with envy by the other women.

 

Emotional needs - therein lies the crux of the issue. Master a woman's emotions and you gain entry to all that you want.