Having trouble being sensitive to people in A.A.

[dennisflorida]

my brother is 3 years clean and sober and I have another

friend who is clean and sober going on 7 years now.

 

Everytime i talk to my brother, that's ALL he talks about. He

has NO hobbies and works and goes to A.A. meetings 4 nights

a week and twice on the weekends. Most of his friends are

now recovering addicts and alcoholics and I'm having a hard time

listening to stories about his friends & their recovery and progress

or what meeting he's going to next or when we're together, how

many calls he takes from the people he sponsors or counsels.

 

I have a hard time being sensitive to addicts needs. Anytime I

hear a pal claim "5 years clean and sober, thank you!" i'm kinda

like, So What? You want a medal for not drinking?

 

It just seems like such a selfish thing...to indulge so much to the

point where now you need help and then are commended for

not indulging and cleaning up your act? Some of my friends are

very preachy on me as well, telling me drinking is wrong. First of all,

i'm a responsible person, second I have a glass of wine once a month,

if that or a beer every couple weeks.

 

I really don't mean to offend. I have a hard time accepting it and

I apologize if it offends anyone.

[Ody]

Sometimes there's a bit of drama or preachiness surrounding AA. But try to focus instead on how much better your brother's life is going to be because of it. When you consider where alcholism can lead, it's a small price to pay. Good luck with your brother.

[Boundary Problem]

AA is a lifestyle. It has to be - for it to be successful.

 

 

Sort of like a step child. You can't do half-measures. The child will feel slighted. Same with the recovering alcoholic.

 

 

It is the reality. Take it or leave it.

 

 

If you find it boring you can cut back on visits with your brother, but it is important to keep in touch, I would think.

 

 

I'm editing to add this - sober former addicts and alcoholics can be very high functioning and intelligent people. Careful they don't find you boring... !

[Miko]

I know what you mean. My dad quit drinking almost 20 years ago when I was a kid and every damn time he sees someone drinking he just HAS to say something about it. It's pretty annoying to be honest but many people DO need too to all in in order to successfully quit so you just deal with it I guess.

[Peaceful Guy]

hey man, i hear ya! i know the other people here are doing a good job explaining how important A.A. can be.. sooo, im saying, i can relate to your situation! my advice, keep your sense of humor about all this!

[RedDevil66]

My BF has been in AA for a while now and he never talks about it. I wished he did!

 

I'm sure it can get annoying, but just be happy you didn't lose your bro to this addiction.

 

Yes, they do deserve a metal, just like when we give kudos to anyone who is in recovery for any life struggle.

[Ronni_W]

To me, it's not even about AA -- it's that your brother is acting like (or has actually become) a self-absorbed git!

 

If he doesn't express sufficient interest in YOUR life, then just have a convo about that. You don't have to slag what and how he's doing, just talk about what YOU are missing and hoping for. Ask if he's open to changing some aspects so that YOU can also feel supported, acknowledged, respected, admired, whatever-you-have-not-been-feeling that you expect to feel as a result of maintaining a relationship with him.

 

You could also suggest activities/hobbies/whatever (where alcohol is not a main thing) that you'd like to do with him, and let him know that it's to build/strengthen your relationship so that it works equally well for BOTH of you.

 

It's similar to new parents who can only talk about baby stuff, or when a soon-to-be-bride's entire universe starts revolving around how to decorate the hall. In those cases, we can offer understanding...AND be assertive, honest and kind when we express our own needs and desires that OUR crap also get some attention and 'talk time'.

[2sunny]

it may bother you because it is backwards for the guidelines set out in AA. one of the first and foremost rules is NOT to share info regarding other people in AA. we call this anonymity, hence Alcoholics ANONYMOUS. it is our spiritual foundation.

 

there are reasons why he shouldn't be talking about others and this is one of them. if he wants to discuss the program - he should discuss his own experience with you - about HIMSELF. i'm sure his sponsees wouldn't appreciate him telling there personal stuff to others, that is why it is designed to be this way - it protects the sponsee and everyone in the program and builds trust.

 

when he talks of others - remind him that it is "private" information and shouldn't be shared amongst others.

 

create a hobby together that keeps you busy.