Forgetting to plan visits

[sweetjasmine]

I just need to rant a little.

 

I've been in an LDR for about a year and a half now. Last year, I literally did all the traveling. He drove down to see me and meet my family once when I was visiting home, and that was it. There was a good reason for it that had to do with my landlord/roommate's bs rules, so it wasn't really a practical option for him to come out and see me and stay in a hotel when I could just go out to see him and have us spend 1/3 the money.

 

This year I'm at a different place, and he came out to see me once for my birthday. The following month I traveled out to see him, and soon after that, we talked about him coming to see me again. We agreed it'd be the weekend after Thanksgiving.

 

After that, he didn't say anything or make any plans. I asked him today if he was coming out, and it was obvious he had completely forgotten. He said he couldn't make it this weekend because it's his daughter's birthday and he had a lot of work to catch up on.

 

Is it unreasonable for me to be so disappointed and frustrated? Why didn't he remember his daughter's birthday when we were first talking about him visiting? He has trouble remembering birthdays, but that's one of the two or three he actually does remember without writing a big red circle on a calendar. Why didn't he say anything?

 

What really bothers me is that I spent a whole f-ing year doing this and never once did I say I was going to come on X weekend and then completely forget about it. If something came up with one of us and we had to change our plans, we did, but I never just plain forgot to make plans. And when he came out here, he made some comment about how exhausting traveling is and how tired the whole trip made him. Nevermind that I did the same thing over a dozen times, often on a 12 hour train ride instead of a flight.

 

We've both been having a rough time lately. He's been all over the place, distracted by a tinnitus flare-up. I've been trying my best to be patient, but it's slowly driving me f-ing crazy. He can't remember anything and he can't pay attention to anything. He can't listen. When I talk to him about how stressed I am or whatever, he just starts lecturing. He's hardly ever sensitive anymore like he used to be and he's much less supportive. It's not his fault, and he's not doing it on purpose. He's got a constant ringing in his ears that doesn't ever stop, and it's bad enough that it's triggered moderate depression, if not severe. I'm trying to be understanding and I can deal with it most of the time, but him telling me today that he's not coming this weekend when I really, really needed to see him just hurt more than I thought it would.

 

And he didn't even realize I was counting on him to come see me. He just completely forgot about me.

 

Have any of you ever been in a situation like this? I don't even know if I should say anything about it, but it makes me feel like I don't even want him to visit anymore, and it's the first time I've ever felt like that. Part of me wanted to say, "F--- it, nevermind."

[socalgurl012]

Talk to him about it...not in a mean way but voice your feelings and opinions. Be understanding of what he's going through but ask him in a loving way to sympathize with you and your feelings. The point is have communication and change what happens in the future not to keep making the same mistakes over and over and it will happen again if you don't attack this small problem!