After 7 Years its a mess!!!

[ManDown25]

So I have been in a relationship for 7 years with my Girlfriend. The most amazing sweet girl you could meet. I have been out of town for a year now. And I am about to return in a month. We were love at first sight. Neither of us have dated anyone else and our love has been super strong. We just saw each other 3 weeks ago and the love was so explosive at its peak. We are beginning to get serious about the commitment of marriage and such. She just started a new job and has been very worried about the responsibilities it asks. So she started confiding in a fellow employee. Which sparked a bit of jealousy and confusion. But we dont argue or fight really...Were honest with each other about everything. So we had discussed just taking a break from everything and taking some us time to figure it all out because she is really attracted to this guy on a crush level. She wanted to be honest with me and tell me. So I have been giving her the space she has asked. But I get paranoid because I know she is constantly texting him. She is trying not to bring her feelings for our love into this and is distant. So after a few days of not calling she texts me and calls. I always answer her and talk or text back but keep it short. However I am wondering if this is the right approach considering she has a crush on a guy she is keeping contact with. I have 4 weeks before I am back in town.

 

What advice can anyone give? Just to leave her be and not worry about the guy, she will come back missing me when I show up?

 

Its Seven years I just cant see her letting go when I am moving back in a month. Not when our relationship has been on the fast track to passion.

 

What should I do? Wait for her to call and text me? Considering she is keeping close contact with the guy at work. Or will that lose her and drive her away?

 

Any help would be great. Thanks

[Boundary Problem]

She's doing this deliberately.

 

Why?

 

 

 

Protect your heart.

[ManDown25]

She's doing this deliberately.

 

Why?

 

 

 

Protect your heart.

 

Well...She has never dated anyone else before and is scared because I have not been there. She said that if I was there that this would not be a issue because she never has this problem when we are together. She said that she wants to take the break before we get engaged. Just to kill the curiosity. Im just trying to find the best way to pull her back. When I dont call she comes back always. So I am just wondering if its the right tactic.

 

Also She said she will kick my ass if I dont move back. So its confusing me

[Boundary Problem]

Well...She has never dated anyone else before and is scared because I have not been there. She said that if I was there that this would not be a issue because she never has this problem when we are together. She said that she wants to take the break before we get engaged. Just to kill the curiosity. Im just trying to find the best way to pull her back. When I dont call she comes back always. So I am just wondering if its the right tactic.

 

Also She said she will kick my ass if I dont move back. So its confusing me

 

 

Well this is a delicate situation, and I don't have all the facts.

 

All I can say is this:

 

1. If you are her real boyfriend in a committed relationship, then she expects you to assert yourself over another male. If you don't, ahh well, ahh - not very manly.

 

2. Long Distance relationships are tough. Give a generous amount of rope. I would almost go so far as to say I don't believe in them, I think they truncate the other person interacting with others. So unless there are special circumstances, I don't see why you would want to tie the hands of someone far far away - let them be happy living their life.

 

3. Moving to a city for a girl who has a crush on another? Sounds a little risky. I would assume you have other reasons to move back. She isn't spending time with him casually - you said she has a 'crush' on him. That means she is 'investing' in him.

 

4. 7 yrs? Why aren't you married yet anyways. Maybe she thinks you are all show, no go. Mr. too little, too late.

 

 

5. Or it could just be to get your attn and remind you that you are replaceable. Men are as common as clover on the ground....

 

 

 

Who knows. Why don't you talk to her. If you and her are getting married, why is she spending so much time with another man. It doesn't make sense to me.

[Ecosse]

Sounds fishy to me too

 

How old is this girl? How old are you?

 

It all reads (to me) that she is somewhat immature when it comes to relationships... Id have a long talk and get it all out there.. then you'll know where you stand

[lillymountain]

Hey, I'm sorry that you are in this confusing situation.

 

you are moving back in a month? - honestly a month is nothing, you'll be there by christmas.

i think for some reason she is frustrated and unhappy - im not making excuses for her, im just trying to find some explanations.

 

it would really help to know how old she is though...

 

all i can tell and advise you is this: i was together with my first bf for 6 years, partly LDR, but we also had an appartment together.

i was 18 when we met and 24 when we broke up and it was me who left, but i hadn't stoped loving him - he was just not fighting for me at all, he took me to granted, he didnt think i could go...and for me it was the hardest decision ever.

 

 

dont give her to much "space" now, thats not the kind of space you normally need in a relation - this space seems to be filled up quickly by somebody else.

show her, that she is your girl, but dont be clingy.

dont begg her to stay with you, make it clear where you're boundaries are.

dont allow this other guy too much space in her life - aslong as you are her bf you have every right to do so.

 

 

good luck!!

[Rollercoasterr]

As bad as it sounds, I did something similar to my ex when I started talking to my now fiance again. I suggested a break before I broke up with him, gave him some random reason(I didn't know what else to do), and then basically became the most distant person in the world to him. We had been together for 4 years and I had fallen out of love slowly. And then I got back into contact with my now fiance and it got worse. It was wrong and I know that but I think I was hoping that the situation would go away on its own. Well, it didn't. It exploded and my ex is the craziest ex you'll ever meet in your life, minus that violent part. It's been almost 2 years and he's still giving me issues.

 

If she's acting like it doesn't bother her to be without you, then I hate to say it, but it probably doesn't. I know this all hurts like hell, but this is just my own personal experience.