College student

[confusedfude]

Hey Guys,

 

New to this forum. Currently enjoying life in higher studies. Just had a few questions. I am bordering my early 20s now, and I still havent maintained or ever had a girlfriend. Its not that I wasnt approached, I think its more because I unconsciously fear starting a relationship with the opposite sex. I don't know- I consider myself to be very happy, jovial and easy to talk to. I have quite a few friends in the traditional sense-of both genders, but sometimes I get paranoid and feel like they are using me to get their job done (esp. some female friends) as I find that whenever I work with mostly girls, they tell me something along the lines of "you're so smart..blah blah..please do this for me/please help me" and the next semester, they dont even say Hi when i wave to them-just a use and throw mentality. So, I want to ask you guys, frankly, what is wrong with me? Is my personality too generous for my own good? Do I need to be an ******* to have a girlfriend? I dont drink/do drugs and am extremely involved in my school work. But I watch my health and am currently staying fit as well. Maybe its the way I look? I need another honest answer-am I aiming too high? In other words, am I not attractive enough/attractive to have girlfriends? I just need some anonmyous, blunt answers here. Thanks a bunch everyone. Here is my pic:

 

http://img217.imageshack.us/i/photo3b.jpg/

 

[rateyes]

depends what type of girls your going for. Some people suit different 'types' of girls better. also depends how you come off to girls, are you flirty, or just stand back talkish?

 

and anyone can get a girlfriend, ive seen the ugliest people with GFs...its not are you good enough, its are you working to it.

[Jerry18]

Hey Guys,

 

New to this forum. Currently enjoying life in higher studies. Just had a few questions. I am bordering my early 20s now, and I still havent maintained or ever had a girlfriend. Its not that I wasnt approached, I think its more because I unconsciously fear starting a relationship with the opposite sex. I don't know- I consider myself to be very happy, jovial and easy to talk to. I have quite a few friends in the traditional sense-of both genders, but sometimes I get paranoid and feel like they are using me to get their job done (esp. some female friends) as I find that whenever I work with mostly girls, they tell me something along the lines of "you're so smart..blah blah..please do this for me/please help me" and the next semester, they dont even say Hi when i wave to them-just a use and throw mentality. So, I want to ask you guys, frankly, what is wrong with me? Is my personality too generous for my own good? Do I need to be an ******* to have a girlfriend? I dont drink/do drugs and am extremely involved in my school work. But I watch my health and am currently staying fit as well. Maybe its the way I look? I need another honest answer-am I aiming too high? In other words, am I not attractive enough/attractive to have girlfriends? I just need some anonmyous, blunt answers here. Thanks a bunch everyone. Here is my pic:

 

http://img217.imageshack.us/i/photo3b.jpg/

 

 

Just curious what's your BMI?

[confusedfude]

Just curious what's your BMI?

I am not sure, around 24. But these responses dont really help me!

[Jaytb]

Just curious what's your BMI?

 

WTF does that have to do with anything?

 

 

Hey Guys,

 

New to this forum. Currently enjoying life in higher studies. Just had a few questions. I am bordering my early 20s now, and I still havent maintained or ever had a girlfriend. Its not that I wasnt approached, I think its more because I unconsciously fear starting a relationship with the opposite sex. I don't know- I consider myself to be very happy, jovial and easy to talk to. I have quite a few friends in the traditional sense-of both genders, but sometimes I get paranoid and feel like they are using me to get their job done (esp. some female friends) as I find that whenever I work with mostly girls, they tell me something along the lines of "you're so smart..blah blah..please do this for me/please help me" and the next semester, they dont even say Hi when i wave to them-just a use and throw mentality. So, I want to ask you guys, frankly, what is wrong with me? Is my personality too generous for my own good? Do I need to be an ******* to have a girlfriend? I dont drink/do drugs and am extremely involved in my school work. But I watch my health and am currently staying fit as well. Maybe its the way I look? I need another honest answer-am I aiming too high? In other words, am I not attractive enough/attractive to have girlfriends? I just need some anonmyous, blunt answers here. Thanks a bunch everyone. Here is my pic:

 

http://img217.imageshack.us/i/photo3b.jpg/

 

 

well apparently you were too much of a pushover. Next time someone asks you for help you can try getting a date out of it or something. You're not bad looking at all, so looks isn't the problem.

[Pizzaman81]

Hey Guys,

 

New to this forum. Currently enjoying life in higher studies. Just had a few questions. I am bordering my early 20s now, and I still havent maintained or ever had a girlfriend. Its not that I wasnt approached, I think its more because I unconsciously fear starting a relationship with the opposite sex. I don't know- I consider myself to be very happy, jovial and easy to talk to. I have quite a few friends in the traditional sense-of both genders, but sometimes I get paranoid and feel like they are using me to get their job done (esp. some female friends) as I find that whenever I work with mostly girls, they tell me something along the lines of "you're so smart..blah blah..please do this for me/please help me" and the next semester, they dont even say Hi when i wave to them-just a use and throw mentality. So, I want to ask you guys, frankly, what is wrong with me? Is my personality too generous for my own good? Do I need to be an ******* to have a girlfriend? I dont drink/do drugs and am extremely involved in my school work. But I watch my health and am currently staying fit as well. Maybe its the way I look? I need another honest answer-am I aiming too high? In other words, am I not attractive enough/attractive to have girlfriends? I just need some anonmyous, blunt answers here. Thanks a bunch everyone. Here is my pic:

 

http://img217.imageshack.us/i/photo3b.jpg/

 

 

I think the guy who asked about your BMI wanted to know your overall health and shape and that he would like to recommend a good exercise routine if you are out of shape. Now let's get to the subject!

 

When you say bordering your early 20s you talking about like you're 23ish?

 

Anyway, do this. Don't be super nice to everyone and don't do everything everyone asks you to. Make a stand, say "no"

 

Now about the girls... if you like a girl, get to know her, but know that your goal is to get into a relationship with her, not friendship. Don't start doing endless favors for someone in hopes she will like you.

 

Try flirting, get active, take them out, tease them, when they ask when you are available, say you don't know. That's how you usually capture their attention.

 

Show them you have other hobbies, what do you like to do? Don't ever give them the feeling that they are the only ones in your life and that they are the only people you want to hang out with.

 

As for the being a jerk and douche to get girls, that's not necessary at all. But you need confidence which unfortunately most jerks and douches have... on top of being well jerks and douches.

 

Overall, be a gentleman with confidence, don't be too uptight, be happy with your life, do your job well, be successful, and don't be jerks to your family. (I always put that last part in my advices)

[confusedfude]

I think the guy who asked about your BMI wanted to know your overall health and shape and that he would like to recommend a good exercise routine if you are out of shape. Now let's get to the subject!

 

When you say bordering your early 20s you talking about like you're 23ish?

 

Anyway, do this. Don't be super nice to everyone and don't do everything everyone asks you to. Make a stand, say "no"

 

Now about the girls... if you like a girl, get to know her, but know that your goal is to get into a relationship with her, not friendship. Don't start doing endless favors for someone in hopes she will like you.

 

Try flirting, get active, take them out, tease them, when they ask when you are available, say you don't know. That's how you usually capture their attention.

 

Show them you have other hobbies, what do you like to do? Don't ever give them the feeling that they are the only ones in your life and that they are the only people you want to hang out with.

 

As for the being a jerk and douche to get girls, that's not necessary at all. But you need confidence which unfortunately most jerks and douches have... on top of being well jerks and douches.

 

Overall, be a gentleman with confidence, don't be too uptight, be happy with your life, do your job well, be successful, and don't be jerks to your family. (I always put that last part in my advices)

 

Thanks for that awesome reply! I am actually still 20 (just turning 20). So I guess you're saying looks dont matter? I think you're right. Its the confidence that counts. I just need to find the right balance between helping and saying "no" the one word that just doesnt exist in my vocabulary, unfortunately.

 

Please Tell me how you would have handled this situation that occurred last week:

 

I asked this girl to meet me on wednesday to work on a project the day before (i called her). That day, in the evening, she calls and says she will be on her way after a study group. She never shows. Doesnt apologize until I contact her by email. I end up having to explain the whole project to her the following week (this week) and she still comes late the second day. How should I have handled this? I just friended her online-is that a good move. I just wanna be friends with her. But as you know from my previous post, even that is hard for me nowadays.

[Pizzaman81]

Thanks for that awesome reply! I am actually still 20 (just turning 20). So I guess you're saying looks dont matter? I think you're right. Its the confidence that counts. I just need to find the right balance between helping and saying "no" the one word that just doesnt exist in my vocabulary, unfortunately.

 

Please Tell me how you would have handled this situation that occurred last week:

 

I asked this girl to meet me on wednesday to work on a project the day before (i called her). That day, in the evening, she calls and says she will be on her way after a study group. She never shows. Doesnt apologize until I contact her by email. I end up having to explain the whole project to her the following week (this week) and she still comes late the second day. How should I have handled this? I just friended her online-is that a good move. I just wanna be friends with her. But as you know from my previous post, even that is hard for me nowadays.

 

Ok let's get this out of the way. You're a decent looking guy, got good facial features, with some styling you would look very good. OK awkward moment out of the way.

 

So I would ask for an explanation at least, why she never showed up. Well at least you know what kind of person she is right off the bat, someone who flakes and don't call. Keep that as a mental note.

 

Well you can explain her the whole project, that was nice of you... but do this once and only time. If she flakes again and you have to explain again, you need to tell her that this isn't convenient for you to always explain to her and her flaking like this.

 

What do you mean friended her online? Like Facebook? Well that's fine, that's normal.

 

If you only want to be her friend, then just treat her like one of your buddies. Nothing more. Don't over analyze everything she does, don't freak out over things she says or does... she's just a friend.

 

Let me know if you want to be more than friends, that's a different path you must travel.

[confusedfude]

Ok let's get this out of the way. You're a decent looking guy, got good facial features, with some styling you would look very good. OK awkward moment out of the way.

 

So I would ask for an explanation at least, why she never showed up. Well at least you know what kind of person she is right off the bat, someone who flakes and don't call. Keep that as a mental note.

 

Well you can explain her the whole project, that was nice of you... but do this once and only time. If she flakes again and you have to explain again, you need to tell her that this isn't convenient for you to always explain to her and her flaking like this.

 

What do you mean friended her online? Like Facebook? Well that's fine, that's normal.

 

If you only want to be her friend, then just treat her like one of your buddies. Nothing more. Don't over analyze everything she does, don't freak out over things she says or does... she's just a friend.

 

Let me know if you want to be more than friends, that's a different path you must travel.

 

Haha thanks for that amazing reply. Yes, I friended her on facebook. It was an impulsive move, done more to learn more about her. But I do that for almost everyone I meet, regardless of how I view them. But I don't know why, maybe its my insecurity, I am having a problem categorizing my relationship with this particular girl. I mean, maybe you can explain to me what I am going through. When she was in one of my classes, I noticed her staring at me constantly (she sits four feet away from me) and whenever I say something remotely funny she laughs and says "I love it when guys ask things like that..blah blah" She seems quite smart and she is pretty good looking (but who am I to judge that) Now, I find myself constantly thinking about her (by constantly I mean in my downtime), and I get this weird feeling when I am around her, like I try to impress her and say some stupid stuff. But I dont consciously want a relationship right now..or maybe I do. I feel so conflicted. I am meeting her again quite soon, and I will try to act normal and see how it goes. Maybe you can tell me, is this a mutual feeling, and more importantly is it a true feeling of love? Or just some naive crush considering I feel grateful to talk to any member of the opposite sex outside of regular schoolwork. Please enlighten me! Thanks!

[Pizzaman81]

Haha thanks for that amazing reply. Yes, I friended her on facebook. It was an impulsive move, done more to learn more about her. But I do that for almost everyone I meet, regardless of how I view them. But I don't know why, maybe its my insecurity, I am having a problem categorizing my relationship with this particular girl. I mean, maybe you can explain to me what I am going through. When she was in one of my classes, I noticed her staring at me constantly (she sits four feet away from me) and whenever I say something remotely funny she laughs and says "I love it when guys ask things like that..blah blah" She seems quite smart and she is pretty good looking (but who am I to judge that) Now, I find myself constantly thinking about her (by constantly I mean in my downtime), and I get this weird feeling when I am around her, like I try to impress her and say some stupid stuff. But I dont consciously want a relationship right now..or maybe I do. I feel so conflicted. I am meeting her again quite soon, and I will try to act normal and see how it goes. Maybe you can tell me, is this a mutual feeling, and more importantly is it a true feeling of love? Or just some naive crush considering I feel grateful to talk to any member of the opposite sex outside of regular schoolwork. Please enlighten me! Thanks!

 

From the sound of it, it sounds like you are attracted to her. The fact that you're saying you are going to "try to act normal" around her means you are attracted.

 

So is there a reason in particular why you think you do not want a relationship right now? Maybe you are not sure about this particular person... maybe if you met someone else that's more amazing you would consider pursuing a relationship?

 

It's hard to say if her feelings are the same with you. Does she tease you, flirt with you? you may not have hung out with her that long, does she seem like she tries to make time for you? etc? But the whole flaking thing is bleh... could be a sign that she doesn't care as much.

 

My rule of thumb is, if you feel awkward (in a bad way) around her, or hesitant to be closer, then trust your gut feeling, there's so many factors in the human relationship, if something feels off, it's probably not meant to be.

 

So what do you like about this person?

[confusedfude]

From the sound of it, it sounds like you are attracted to her. The fact that you're saying you are going to "try to act normal" around her means you are attracted.

 

So is there a reason in particular why you think you do not want a relationship right now? Maybe you are not sure about this particular person... maybe if you met someone else that's more amazing you would consider pursuing a relationship?

 

It's hard to say if her feelings are the same with you. Does she tease you, flirt with you? you may not have hung out with her that long, does she seem like she tries to make time for you? etc? But the whole flaking thing is bleh... could be a sign that she doesn't care as much.

 

My rule of thumb is, if you feel awkward (in a bad way) around her, or hesitant to be closer, then trust your gut feeling, there's so many factors in the human relationship, if something feels off, it's probably not meant to be.

 

So what do you like about this person?

 

So I met her again today, and the meeting went...well, I guess. I acted as normal as I could, and I again helped her with schoolwork, and gave her some money to copy stuff (but I'm nice like that to everyone). She was supposed to meet me today, but I feel like unless I would have called her earlier to remind her to come, she probably would have flaked again. She seemed really at ease and was asking me about my weekend, things about my life, and I tried to maintain conversation and we had some good conversations. When she was originally going to come she said that she would only come for like a half hour, but ended up staying close to four hours. She also asked me my opinion on what classes to take, and I told her what I knew. She actually changed what her class choice was based on what I told her. She was smiling and what I noticed is that sometimes while talking to me she does a weird look where she looks the other way for a second (I think this might be a bad habit, could be wrong). But for the most part, she maintained solid eye contact, and seemed pretty happy. The only thing is, while leaving, instead of taking the elevator, she took the stairs (I was taking the elevator) and I got down much faster (We were on a really high floor). I felt kind of bad, thinking she just wanted to leave ASAP after the meeting, but maybe I was overanalyzing the whole thing.

 

The reason I dont want to pursue a relationship (at least consciously) is because I dont think I am up for it. Also, I am so involved in schoolwork and stuff. But subconsciously, I think I might want a relationship. Its so complicated. I dont know whether she was flirting or not..I am not an expert at picking these signs up. But what I can tell you, is that she seemed to be constantly playing with her hair, doesnt mind touching, and sits really close. Also, she laughs at every other thing I mention (again I think its her personality).

 

I think you're right; maybe this was never meant to be. With this first contact, I think I have established the fact that I can talk to girls without hesitation (or much hesitation). Now, eventually, I will find the right person.

 

What I liked about her particularly; hard to say. I liked her smile, voice, intellect, and personality. She is also pretty cute. But, I think its hard to pin one thing down in particular; is she single or not? I think she is, as thats what the Facebook says, but then she mentioned something about a ball and when I checked facebook, I saw pics with some random guy (nothing serious) but just like posing for "theme" pictures. What I got from this is that she is herself not looking for a relationship but merely friends. But I could be wrong.

 

The whole reason I picked this up is because I noticed she was quite friendly in lab, even though in the beginning I almost never talked to her, once she waited for me outside to walk to the dorm, and I didnt realize this at first and walked with a buddy instead. And she followed us out. (Overanalyzing?) Small things like that. But, I am still quite naive in this area, and so I will lay this matter to rest. This was never meant to be; I think I will just move on with my life. I think I can get someone better. What do you think (after reading that horrendously long post?)

[Pizzaman81]

So I met her again today, and the meeting went...well, I guess. I acted as normal as I could, and I again helped her with schoolwork, and gave her some money to copy stuff (but I'm nice like that to everyone). She was supposed to meet me today, but I feel like unless I would have called her earlier to remind her to come, she probably would have flaked again. She seemed really at ease and was asking me about my weekend, things about my life, and I tried to maintain conversation and we had some good conversations. When she was originally going to come she said that she would only come for like a half hour, but ended up staying close to four hours. She also asked me my opinion on what classes to take, and I told her what I knew. She actually changed what her class choice was based on what I told her. She was smiling and what I noticed is that sometimes while talking to me she does a weird look where she looks the other way for a second (I think this might be a bad habit, could be wrong). But for the most part, she maintained solid eye contact, and seemed pretty happy. The only thing is, while leaving, instead of taking the elevator, she took the stairs (I was taking the elevator) and I got down much faster (We were on a really high floor). I felt kind of bad, thinking she just wanted to leave ASAP after the meeting, but maybe I was overanalyzing the whole thing.

 

The reason I dont want to pursue a relationship (at least consciously) is because I dont think I am up for it. Also, I am so involved in schoolwork and stuff. But subconsciously, I think I might want a relationship. Its so complicated. I dont know whether she was flirting or not..I am not an expert at picking these signs up. But what I can tell you, is that she seemed to be constantly playing with her hair, doesnt mind touching, and sits really close. Also, she laughs at every other thing I mention (again I think its her personality).

 

I think you're right; maybe this was never meant to be. With this first contact, I think I have established the fact that I can talk to girls without hesitation (or much hesitation). Now, eventually, I will find the right person.

 

What I liked about her particularly; hard to say. I liked her smile, voice, intellect, and personality. She is also pretty cute. But, I think its hard to pin one thing down in particular; is she single or not? I think she is, as thats what the Facebook says, but then she mentioned something about a ball and when I checked facebook, I saw pics with some random guy (nothing serious) but just like posing for "theme" pictures. What I got from this is that she is herself not looking for a relationship but merely friends. But I could be wrong.

 

The whole reason I picked this up is because I noticed she was quite friendly in lab, even though in the beginning I almost never talked to her, once she waited for me outside to walk to the dorm, and I didnt realize this at first and walked with a buddy instead. And she followed us out. (Overanalyzing?) Small things like that. But, I am still quite naive in this area, and so I will lay this matter to rest. This was never meant to be; I think I will just move on with my life. I think I can get someone better. What do you think (after reading that horrendously long post?)

 

Ok so it seems like you think you are not up for a relationship. Well if that's the case, then no need to speculate whether or not she likes you. I think there's a slimmer of chance that she likes you from the sound of things, but maybe she doesn't like you fully.

 

If you believe you can get better, than that means you are not really satisfied with the way she is. So maybe you should move on. I mean so far, I don't see anything horribly wrong with her, besides that she flaked the first time. Too soon to tell. It's up to you. Seems like you want to move on, so do that then.