Girlfriend is always mad at me and now I'm pissed off at her!

[385]

Ok, so my girlfriend is always mad at me because she always assumes I'm doing something I'm not. The stupid thing about it is, all she has to do is ask and she'll know what I'm thinking and I'm doing - which usually is not what she thinks I'm doing.

 

For example, today, she wanted to hang out but I told her I was hanging out with friends till 9ish and then working out after that. So the possible time for us to hang out was 10, though we never even set that time in stone. (I told her I'd call her after I was done) 11PM rolls around, I call her, asking if she wants to hang out and she's all mad at me and I'm pretty sure she thought I played video games or something from 9-10. But what actually happened was at 9-10 I was stuck in traffic and couldn't get to the gym. I didn't feel like telling her because a) she didn't ask and b) she was already mad at me so what the hell, that ain't going to change.

 

Another time, she spent the night at my place. Before she went to bed, we talked about getting breakfast at this place in the morning. Morning rolls around, I suggest going to this place, and she doesn't feel it. But, I was starving, so I decided to go and make some breakfast at my place. She get's all mad at me all of a sudden and thinks that I want her to leave because I left my room to make breakfast while she was getting ready in my room. Ok, I didn't know I have to ask her to leave the room with me and update her on every little thing I was doing. Again, all she had to do was ask what I was doing and if I wanted her to leave, and she'd got her answer instead of assuming the wrong thing.

 

At first, I tried to appease her and tried to limit the times she'd get mad by apologizing and what not, but it seems like she gets mad at every little thing. So now, I'm just like ok, "It's your fault for always assuming the wrong thing and getting mad at me, so I'm just gonna let you get mad." Because when it comes down to it, I can accommodate her to some degree, but in the end, I still do what I do. And I'm not going to change something I find unreasonable or completely restructure my schedule when we didn't even set a solid time.

 

And one last thing, she never comes up with dates or times. She suggests some things we should do, but she's never like, "On wed we should go see a movie." I do all of it - which is fine - but that means I also get to set the time too (sorta). So she has no reason to complain that I called her late, when there wasn't even a set time I was supposed to call her.

 

So I'm pissed off right now, and she's still mad at me for calling her 'too late' - even though I never gave her a time.

 

So who's right? I'm pretty sure I am. And other ladies, do yall do this to your boyfriends too?

 

And one more thing - she always tells me, "oh, I don't want you to feel like your spending all your time with me when you want to hang with your friends" but when I do hang with my friends, she gets mad at me. Seriously? If she's going to act like that, she's going to start getting mad even more often.

Edited December 2, 2009 by 385

[kizik]

What a headache.

 

For the thousandth time, relationships are supposed to be fun, people.

[385]

What a headache.

 

For the thousandth time, relationships are supposed to be fun, people.

Yah! I'm tired of her thinking the worst of me when she could CLEARLY ask what's up. I thought girls were good at communicating but maybe not this one. She rushes to judgment too soon.

[Boundary Problem]

What a headache.

 

For the thousandth time, relationships are supposed to be fun, people.

 

 

 

Yup. I started feeling attacked and I wasn't even in the room with her.

[kizik]

So what are you gonna do about it?

 

Anything?

[Boundary Problem]

Yah! I'm tired of her thinking the worst of me when she could CLEARLY ask what's up. I thought girls were good at communicating but maybe not this one. She rushes to judgment too soon.

 

 

Yeah - you are the poster boy for good communication.

 

(snicker)

[Boundary Problem]

So what are you gonna do about it?

 

Anything?

 

 

 

Rather than talking to her, he's here telling strangers.

 

I'm so glad I'm single.

[kizik]

Yeah - you are the poster boy for good communication.

 

(snicker)

 

Try to make fun of people in a less obvious way next time, it's how we do things around here - subtle mockery.

[385]

So what are you gonna do about it?

 

Anything?

Thinking about bringing that up to her.

 

I've already told her before to ask before jumping to conclusions but it was just a side note, not an actual conversation.

 

So I might have to make this a serious one - which chances are, she's gonna get mad at me again and start assuming some other BS like I don't love her anymore.

 

Seriously, if this keeps up, I'm gonna have to break up with her.

[Boundary Problem]

Sorry. I think I had too much popcorn tonight.

 

 

My apologies for any offence at the slightly humourous angle of the marital discord set out in this thread.

 

 

 

My advice - talk to her and tell her to stop b*tching. And when something is bugging you - tell her. Sure it is about getting along, but a lot of this stuff sounds pretty simple to solve by appreciating each other and not taking each other for granted.

 

Treat the people you care about like gold and the investment will be returned tenfold.

[385]

Rather than talking to her, he's here telling strangers.

 

I'm so glad I'm single.

Well, I'm here for several reason:

-let off some steam

-maybe get some advice

-gain perception to see if other guys experience this.

 

If this happens to every guy, then there's really nothing wrong with my relationship - I may just be too sensitive - and I don't have to talk to her about it.

[385]

And, she's mad at me right now, and I don't really fell like talking to her right now either. But tomorrow once I cool down, I'll bring it up to her.

[kizik]

Seriously, if this keeps up, I'm gonna have to break up with her.

 

Allow me to get serious for a second.

 

I dated a girl like yours. For three years. She was always, always, always berating me, attacking me, making me feel bad about myself.

 

And then later she'd be so sweet and loving. So beautiful, graceful, hot. We'd f*ck and it would be amazing, and all would be forgotten.

 

Until it happened again.

 

And the circle goes round and round.

 

I found out later she has Borderline Personality Disorder. Made complete sense. I even bought a book to help me see exactly what kind of person I was dealing with.

 

Now in no way am I diagnosing your GF. What I am saying is that these verbally abusive patterns don't ever stop. They never stop.

 

And when you do break up with her, she will easily have someone else to control in, oh, about two months after you.

 

Best of luck.

 

Josh

[Boundary Problem]

Thinking about bringing that up to her.

 

I've already told her before to ask before jumping to conclusions but it was just a side note, not an actual conversation.

 

So I might have to make this a serious one - which chances are, she's gonna get mad at me again and start assuming some other BS like I don't love her anymore.

 

Seriously, if this keeps up, I'm gonna have to break up with her.

 

 

 

You can only run your side of the relationship. Tell her your expectations and that is all you can do. And maybe tell her you love her - so she knows.

[kizik]

If this happens to every guy, then there's really nothing wrong with my relationship - I may just be too sensitive - and I don't have to talk to her about it.

 

And buddy... sigh... no, this does not happen to every guy. This is not 'love'. I am sorry for what you are going through; it is not a healthy relationship. At all. You need to get out of it or at least take a good break from it.

 

You will be amazed at how happy you are when someone is not constantly making you feel worried, insecure, and like you are a bad person.

[2sunny]

Thinking about bringing that up to her.

 

 

 

Seriously, if this keeps up, I'm gonna have to break up with her.

 

 

and seriously - that's what i would do.

 

life's too short to go through even one day like this. dating is supposed to be fun and easy... really - this is supposed to be the easy time to get along.

 

that doesn't look like fun to me!

[385]

Allow me to get serious for a second.

 

I dated a girl like yours. For three years. She was always, always, always berating me, attacking me, making me feel bad about myself.

 

And then later she'd be so sweet and loving. So beautiful, graceful, hot. We'd f*ck and it would be amazing, and all would be forgotten.

 

Until it happened again.

 

And the circle goes round and round.

 

I found out later she has Borderline Personality Disorder. Made complete sense. I even bought a book to help me see exactly what kind of person I was dealing with.

 

Now in no way am I diagnosing your GF. What I am saying is that these verbally abusive patterns don't ever stop. They never stop.

 

And when you do break up with her, she will easily have someone else to control in, oh, about two months after you.

 

Best of luck.

 

Josh

 

Kinda similar to my girl except she doesn't verbally abuse me, she just gives very short and concise answers and doesn't talk to me. This part pisses me off the most because if she's mad at me, she should tell me what she's mad at and I can explain it. But since this happens all the time, I've gotten to lazy to give explanations for every second of my life so I just let her get mad.

 

I mean, if she's not going to talk to me about it, then well, who's fault is that? I don't think she's has borderline personality disorder though, but I do think she's chronically angry at me.

[385]

And buddy... sigh... no, this does not happen to every guy. This is not 'love'. I am sorry for what you are going through; it is not a healthy relationship. At all. You need to get out of it or at least take a good break from it.

 

You will be amazed at how happy you are when someone is not constantly making you feel worried, insecure, and like you are a bad person.

Yeah, a break would be great! I'm actually looking forwards to winter break so I can hang out with my friends more. This is probably a sign that we should break up though...

 

She doesn't really make me feel worried, insecure, and a bad person, but I do feel restrained like I can't be myself sorta - tho I still end up doing what I do.

and seriously - that's what i would do.

 

life's too short to go through even one day like this. dating is supposed to be fun and easy... really - this is supposed to be the easy time to get along.

 

that doesn't look like fun to me!

I've thought about that, but I'm one of those guys who has to get over my guilty conscience first because truth be told, she's done a lot for me and she's one of the best I've been with.

[Boundary Problem]

Kinda similar to my girl except she doesn't verbally abuse me, she just gives very short and concise answers and doesn't talk to me. This part pisses me off the most because if she's mad at me, she should tell me what she's mad at and I can explain it. But since this happens all the time, I've gotten to lazy to give explanations for every second of my life so I just let her get mad.

 

I mean, if she's not going to talk to me about it, then well, who's fault is that? I don't think she's has borderline personality disorder though, but I do think she's chronically angry at me.

 

 

I'm sorry I was teasing you, but I'm just a bit of a bitter cynic.

 

Hear me out:

I was married for 7 yrs and I have a beautiful boy who is 6.

 

Those years weren't easy, because raising a child takes so much from you.

 

At least my spouse and I had a comraderie. I couldn't imagine going through child-rearing years with someone who was chronically angry.

 

We lose so much sleep when caring for little ones.

 

If your gf already has anger issues, add getting 2 hours sleep a night for 6 months to the mix. It is doable, but it can be hard on your personality, e.g. I lost my sense of humour for a few months. I didn't have outbursts, but I was quite stoic. Just exhausted.

 

What I'm saying is that dating is like taking girls for a test drive. Put them through the paces.

 

If she is chronically angry, how is she going to deal well with the demands that lie ahead.

 

I think you deserve better. If you didn't feel so attacked, then maybe you would be more open to communicating.

 

Sounds like a mismatch to be honest. Some people like conflict, it makes them feel alive. Sounds like conflict makes you want to shut down. Not healthy match for each other.

[bbf]

Unless you made some kind of agreement beforehand, there is no right and wrong in a relationship. There's only good and bad communication. You both want the same thing, a happy relationship, so think in terms of how you can work together to make that happen.

 

Also, what she says isn't as important as what she does. What you did or didn't do isn't as important as how she interpreted those actions and how that made her feel. It sounds like either she feels like you don't think the relationship is important, or she's lost respect for you and is looking for excuses to end the relationship. If neither were the case, she probably wouldn't have gotten mad in the first place.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Sounds to me like you're playing a game. You know she likes details, but you're going to withhold them because "she didn't ask." You do this knowing full well that she's going to get upset. And yet, you still do it. It sounds like a simple thing to fix.

 

"I'm hungry - I'm gonna make some breakfast."

"I know I said I'd be done by 10, but here's what happened..."

 

It's a pissing contest. You feel like you're being controlled or monitored ( Please) and she feels like you are dumping on her feelings. Nobody wants to change. It sounds like such a simple thing to fix, but you want to be right. So go ahead and be right. And end up breaking up with her over something so completely absurd.

[385]

Sounds to me like you're playing a game. You know she likes details, but you're going to withhold them because "she didn't ask." You do this knowing full well that she's going to get upset. And yet, you still do it. It sounds like a simple thing to fix.

 

"I'm hungry - I'm gonna make some breakfast."

"I know I said I'd be done by 10, but here's what happened..."

 

It's a pissing contest. You feel like you're being controlled or monitored ( Please) and she feels like you are dumping on her feelings. Nobody wants to change. It sounds like such a simple thing to fix, but you want to be right. So go ahead and be right. And end up breaking up with her over something so completely absurd.

Thanks for the response.

 

It wasn't a game until she started getting mad at every little thing I do. And most of the time, I don't say an explanation because, I didn't think I needed one and I didn't know I needed one. For my first example, we never set a time as to when to hang out. I just said I'd call her after I was done and gave her a timeline as to when I'm doing what. She didn't tell me that after 11, she'd get mad if I hadn't finished what I was doing. I didn't know I had to call her before 11.

 

And if she liked details, she'd probably ask instead of jumping to conclusions.

 

And in my defense, I'm a guy. So if I hung out with my guy friend and I said I didn't want to go eat somewhere, and he went to make some food, would I get mad? Not at all. I don't overanalyze situations.

Edited December 2, 2009 by 385

[SoulSearch_CO]

And if she liked details, she'd probably ask instead of jumping to conclusions.

LOL. The VAST majority of women don't directly ask for what they want. You'll learn this one as you keep having relationships with them. It takes insight and maturity to be able to do that. And a lot of them don't even realize what they want, anyway.

And in my defense, I'm a guy. So if I hung out with my guy friend and I said I didn't want to go eat somewhere, and he went to make some food, would I get mad? Not at all. I don't overanalyze situations.

OK, yes - guys interact differently. Are you interested in sleeping with any of your guy friends? I'll assume the answer is no. Then understand that men and women think, act, and communicate VERY differently. Different doesn't always mean "wrong." Somebody's going to have to bridge the gap, here, if you two want to stay together.

[jerseyboy]

I get some of what your gf is complaining about.

 

Whats annoying is I think if it were reversed you would be posting a lot of her gripes.

 

Tentative plans, such as I should be done and around by tenish, are not an invititation to show up any time you feel like without so much as a phone call. If you want a bitch, buy a dog.

 

You owed her a phone call.You owed her an explaantion. You owed her some consideration. That you appear incapable of discerning so simple and basic an expectation tells me you arent just clueless about this, but about most opther things that would bother her (and other normal people) as well.

 

Can girls be moody and indecisive? Yeah. Welcome to the real world. You arent perfect either. Trust me.

 

Is she trying to tell you that you spend too much time with your friends? Sounds like? Are you? She wants some attention, you cant bring her along? That would be too much an imposition on your important life?

 

People make me laugh. Is her crime is wanting to spend time with you? Really

 

Dont swerat it too much, youll jerk her around for a while with this crap, eventually she wises up, and then will come the day when she starts not caring where you are and who you are with.

 

Then youll have something to worry about.

[LindaLiss]

wow talk about annoying. Seriously all she is doing is manipulating u and ur caving, leave her and get someone who at least cares for u, not someone who is controlling ur every move!!! seriously do u wanna wake up every morning to a pissy face????????/ dont think so!!!!