Impudent Oyster Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I know they sleep with their W.. and I really don't care.. It doesn't take anything from me.. I know they are married.. but I also know that most do NOT have sex as much as they need or want.. it's more like 2-3 times a month... I know.. btdt.. I never said I was the only woman on the planet who gets hit by MMs... gosh I know I'm not ... There is a thrill to be with a MM... the passion is amazing.. and very addictive.. I will probably find it extremely (maybe impossible) to be with one man for a long period of time.. I would probably find it boring after the passion is gone.. Next time you look at your H's wedding band.. just think that it was probably caressing someone else's body at one time. Yeah okay... Good thing you told me to do that, I would never have thought of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Correction.. they are piss*d because they risk losing their financial and comfortable life.. and most of all .. they don't want to be weekend's dads... most don't give a hoot about the W.. he would gladly replace her with the OW if he could keep everything else.. Someone's been drinking the kool-aid. So with a divorce rate of over 50%, you're telling me people are afraid of getting divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 First off let me point something out to you, if you BS were "happier than ever" I doubt you would be here. You are still bothered by the fact that your spouses had affairs. Whether your friend issued the invitation or not your husband took it. So if things were great 99% of the time he would not have. Men who are completely happy and satisfied in their marriages do not cheat. I agree any woman who believes a man doesn't sleep with his wife is lying to herself. But your husband sleeps with you and who promised before god to be faithful to you wants to sleep with her as well. It feels great to transfer blame to the other woman. You call her a nut and thats the end of your friendship because she pursued your husband but by accepting her come on your husband issued an invite of his own whether you want to acknowledge it or not I suggest you go back and read my posts. I'm pretty chill. BTW, she's a nut and a slut, that's pretty much common knowledge all over town. My husband isn't the only one she's stalked. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Because you fear the truth may hurt too much. It is definitely a risk. Oh you're going to love this...do you want to know the one thing she said to me since this all went down? I only gave her the opportunity to get one sentence in before I cut her off. She said "Your husband loves you". No sh*t. That really hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoiled Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I know they sleep with their W.. and I really don't care.. It doesn't take anything from me.. I know they are married.. but I also know that most do NOT have sex as much as they need or want.. it's more like 2-3 times a month... I know.. btdt.. I never said I was the only woman on the planet who gets hit by MMs... gosh I know I'm not ... There is a thrill to be with a MM... the passion is amazing.. and very addictive.. I will probably find it extremely (maybe impossible) to be with one man for a long period of time.. I would probably find it boring after the passion is gone.. Next time you look at your H's wedding band.. just think that it was probably caressing someone else's body at one time. Yikes, I hope not, my xMM always took his wedding band off! Link to post Share on other sites
howcouldInotknow Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Again this discussion is so pointless. With BW who take their husbands back it always seems to be the fault of the other woman. She is always crazy, a slut, a stalker. I for one am not crazy, nor am I a stalker. When things ended with my MM and I, I never looked back, I didn't call, text, email, nothing. IMO this is all petty non sense of people trying to reassure themselves of whatever they are missing. Loveshack is not the place to find what you are looking for Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I haven't been here in a bit, so I will just answer the original question since I don't have time to read the whole thread. Yes, I believe the wife should know the truth. IMO, I really don't care what the motivation of the OW is, as a BW, I would just want the truth. In my case, my H told me more than I needed to know, so there was no need to bring the OW into my life. She had an affair with my H and that had nothing to do with me, so it would have been pointless to contact her. I was fortunate that my H shared emails and voice messages with me, so I knew he was telling the truth. He has a nasty habit of saving everything. There was even a voice message from the OW begging my H to have me call her so she could lie to me. She also asked him to lie to me. What she still doesn't know is that he told the complete truth (it's part of one of the 12 steps). Like I said, I know more than I even asked for. Note to OW, do not put anything in writing or on a recording that you don't want the BW to hear on D-day. Because believe me, she will hear it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoiled Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Your husband didn't hate her when he had sex with her but he hates her when she decided to put him out there? First of all he sounds like he threw her under the bus. Even if you want to stay and work on your M don't make things appear as what they are not. In your case in the future I think the OW will be sending you a thank you note. It just really annoys me when women say, "well my husband says the OW is a complete nut". If she was that much of a nut he would not have pursued her. Just like in the case of OW I think it is silly to listen to what MM says about his wife because you don't know her. I know so many wives who think they have won when they get their husbands back after he cheats. You may think you've won but in the long run you don't. You are the one that has to worry about him cheating again not the OW. So at the end of the day the OW may hurt for a little while but the fallout after is all yours. So gloating and saying maybe I should send her a thank you note. Be careful that it doesn't end up the other way around. So true. You never hear about MM hating the OW or calling her names unless she reveals all to his W. My xMM's W and I were close friends, he told me nothing new about her. Well, one thing that was hard for me to believe BUT she later proved that to be correct. IMO.......competition. Whoever has him feels 'better' than the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoiled Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Again this discussion is so pointless. With BW who take their husbands back it always seems to be the fault of the other woman. She is always crazy, a slut, a stalker. I for one am not crazy, nor am I a stalker. When things ended with my MM and I, I never looked back, I didn't call, text, email, nothing. IMO this is all petty non sense of people trying to reassure themselves of whatever they are missing. Loveshack is not the place to find what you are looking for Me either but I needed conversation, admiration, and excitement. I honestly believe most continue the A long after d-day. My xMM has contacted me a few times. Third d-day was four months ago and he contacted me yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Again this discussion is so pointless. With BW who take their husbands back it always seems to be the fault of the other woman. She is always crazy, a slut, a stalker. I for one am not crazy, nor am I a stalker. When things ended with my MM and I, I never looked back, I didn't call, text, email, nothing. IMO this is all petty non sense of people trying to reassure themselves of whatever they are missing. Loveshack is not the place to find what you are looking for Not sure if you are including me in this gross generalization, but I never blamed the OW. Neither did my H. He took 100% responsibility for his actions and I blame him 100% for his choice to have an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 When things ended with my MM and I, I never looked back, I didn't call, text, email, nothing. That's good. You were strong and were able to stay in NC mode, or atleast respect his wishes to do so. But, usually both MM/MW and OW/OM are not able to do that. If NC is in place, usually one or the other break it for whatever reasons.. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoiled Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I haven't been here in a bit, so I will just answer the original question since I don't have time to read the whole thread. Yes, I believe the wife should know the truth. IMO, I really don't care what the motivation of the OW is, as a BW, I would just want the truth. In my case, my H told me more than I needed to know, so there was no need to bring the OW into my life. She had an affair with my H and that had nothing to do with me, so it would have been pointless to contact her. I was fortunate that my H shared emails and voice messages with me, so I knew he was telling the truth. He has a nasty habit of saving everything. There was even a voice message from the OW begging my H to have me call her so she could lie to me. She also asked him to lie to me. What she still doesn't know is that he told the complete truth (it's part of one of the 12 steps). Like I said, I know more than I even asked for. Note to OW, do not put anything in writing or on a recording that you don't want the BW to hear on D-day. Because believe me, she will hear it all. I doubt it. I refuse to believe the WS reveals all. My xMM's W had to dig on her own for a week to find out who I was. My H knows most about the A, but there are some details that have been left out. Not to save my rear but to alleviate any further pain. Sex details, what was said during sex, dirty email/text content is not going to help the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Not sure if you are including me in this gross generalization, but I never blamed the OW. Neither did my H. He took 100% responsibility for his actions and I blame him 100% for his choice to have an affair. Also, I'm not sure why so many of you feel that the MM and BW focus so much on the OW. Maybe because of what you read here. In reality, the OW has very little to do with the marriage and once the shock of d-day is over, so is any discussion about the OW. If a couple is truly committed to work on their marriage, the OW isn't part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I doubt it. I refuse to believe the WS reveals all. My xMM's W had to dig on her own for a week to find out who I was. My H knows most about the A, but there are some details that have been left out. Not to save my rear but to alleviate any further pain. Sex details, what was said during sex, dirty email/text content is not going to help the situation. Well, I got the opportunity to listen to and read everything. You can refuse to believe it, that is your choice. It was absolutely necessary for my H's recovery to come clean about everything. It was my choice if I wanted to know or not. I wanted to know. I can't forgive what I don't know. Once I had enough, everything was deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoiled Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Also, I'm not sure why so many of you feel that the MM and BW focus so much on the OW. Maybe because of what you read here. In reality, the OW has very little to do with the marriage and once the shock of d-day is over, so is any discussion about the OW. If a couple is truly committed to work on their marriage, the OW isn't part of it. This is excellent for you. I know various MM who have told me, my sibling, or my H how W keeps bringing up the OW, even up to ten years later. For them it continues to be a frustration and hindrance. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless4u Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 First off let me point something out to you, if you BS were "happier than ever" I doubt you would be here. You are still bothered by the fact that your spouses had affairs. Whether your friend issued the invitation or not your husband took it. So if things were great 99% of the time he would not have. Men who are completely happy and satisfied in their marriages do not cheat. I agree any woman who believes a man doesn't sleep with his wife is lying to herself. But your husband sleeps with you and who promised before god to be faithful to you wants to sleep with her as well. It feels great to transfer blame to the other woman. You call her a nut and thats the end of your friendship because she pursued your husband but by accepting her come on your husband issued an invite of his own whether you want to acknowledge it or not I couldn't agree more with this and have pointed it out to IO before. Everyone on here is looking for advice and as an xOW I know some of the advice we get isn't going to be nice but its constructive advice not venting. If some BW's want to vent then my advice is start a new thread and if the OW on here want to add then they can. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 I couldn't agree more with this and have pointed it out to IO before. Everyone on here is looking for advice and as an xOW I know some of the advice we get isn't going to be nice but its constructive advice not venting. If some BW's want to vent then my advice is start a new thread and if the OW on here want to add then they can. There are some BW who are here to shed light on the other side. Sometimes it sounds like venting, but it's still valuable information to someone. Gotta go, have a great weekend ya' all. Link to post Share on other sites
Spoiled Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Well, I got the opportunity to listen to and read everything. You can refuse to believe it, that is your choice. It was absolutely necessary for my H's recovery to come clean about everything. It was my choice if I wanted to know or not. I wanted to know. I can't forgive what I don't know. Once I had enough, everything was deleted. Nice to hear you were able to forgive and move forward. It could not have been easy. Congrats to you. Link to post Share on other sites
someonesangel Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Well, I got the opportunity to listen to and read everything. You can refuse to believe it, that is your choice. It was absolutely necessary for my H's recovery to come clean about everything. It was my choice if I wanted to know or not. I wanted to know. I can't forgive what I don't know. Once I had enough, everything was deleted. No offense, but seriously - you think you got to read all? I know for a fact my XMM cut out a great deal of my emails, even during transparency - pretty easy to do. And while he may have shared what he had, again most MM's are pretty good at deleting sent emails for the sake of protection. So while my MM's W certainly was shown my frustration and anger after dday I am 100% certain she did not see the emails from him that occurred during the A. Personally, I really don't get the argument and to me it comes down to one MUST be right, one MUST be in the know..... How's this for an idea - Neither BS or OW know it ALL. Why the competition of " now he's being honest".... really considering the lengths most WS go to to cover their affairs, it is ironic that someone, anyone would be aggressively certain that NOW, it's all out there. No sides, I simply think it is naive and setting yourself up if you honestly think either the OW or BS knows it all. I know for a fact my MM was talking to me 6 weeks after NC and we continued to talk until Sunday - this NC was by my choice. I am SURE she doesn't know and also SURE she would say she is positive we are NC. No competition, I have said it before - Affairs hurt everyone, and lies fly on all sides....... believing any different will get you right back to where you started, again on all sides. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted December 5, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted December 5, 2009 There are some good parts to this thread and some off topic, bad, nasty parts to it. Overall, I think the OP should have gotten what he/she needed by this time. I don't want to have to monitor this thread all night. My only wish for the new year is that threads can go for more than 10 or 15 posts without members getting into petty bickering and off topic conversations. Amen! Thread closed! Link to post Share on other sites
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