EMBeee Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Ok so I'm gonna just cut to the chase here... should I tell my boyfriend that his friend is trying to get me to break up with him? He doesn't say anything bad ABOUT my boyfriend, just tells me things that I really would not care to know about and is always telling me that I deserve better. Whenever he talks to me, he'll tell me that my boyfriend is doing this and that (not cheating) but that he's talking to a certain girl (my bf's ex) and hanging out with her alot. And when he tells me these things I get extremely upset because this is my boyfriend's best friend and why would he tell me this?? And then I get mad at the boyfriend and start saying things that I regret saying - but it all stems from the words his friend tells me. I haven't told my boyfriend about what his friend is telling me and I am wondering if I should because #1 - I don't want to break up their friendship. They have been best friends for a long time and I am not the one to start any drama - especially not between these two... but then I think, "what kind of a friend is my boyfriend's best friend to him if he's gonna sell him out like that???" My conscience is eating away at me and I want to tell my boyfriend what the friend is saying to me because a lot of my moods towards my boyfriend come from the words of what his friend is telling me. Then the friend will say things like "don't tell him I told you", or "we didn't have this conversation." or "I love my boy but... you deserve better." I don't know what to do. I really don't want their friendship to end on my watch and because of me, but then I don't want my boyfriend to think i am untrustworthy because I knew for myself if my friend was talking to him like that, I would want to know and then probably end my friendship with the girl who said things. For the record, I have absolutely NO interest in his friend if that's on your mind... there would be NO chance in hell that I would ever want to get with him. So that isn't even an issue here. I love my boyfriend so much, I feel that I am doing something wrong by NOT telling him and it's eating away at me. Then I also think if I tell my boyfriend what his friend has been saying, then the friend is gonna tell him the things I said while in the heat of becoming upset over what the friend tells me. Example: When I get upset while on the phone with the friend, I'll say something like, "Well if he dosen't change his ways within a year I am breaking up with him!" or "I think his ex is trailer trash" or "He don't deserve me" and then I feel so bad bacause I only said those things cuz I was angry cuz of the things his friend told me!! Grrrrrrrrrr!!! What do I do??? Link to post Share on other sites
jerseyboy Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 For sure tell him This guy is not his friend. Besides the fact hes trying to bone his friends girl, and that is what hes doing with his lame azz approach. The rest even absent that fact would demonstrate hes not trustworthy as a friend And frankly Id be pissed if she didnt tell me. Would make me question her and her motives. Also as sleazy as this guy is its not entirely unpredictable that he may try to turn it around, and make it seem as if you were into him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EMBeee Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 Ok, I thought that would be the best thing to do. And yes I was afraid that he would try to turn it around and make it look like I was trying to get with him. I did tell the friend to stop contacting me to tell me about these things and he does know clearly well that I do love my boyfriend because I've told him numerous times. Link to post Share on other sites
traderho Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Absolutely tell him. I would be super upset and would probably break up with my GF if she kept information like that from me! Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 things I said while in the heat of becoming upset over what the friend tells me. Example: When I get upset while on the phone with the friend, I'll say something like, "Well if he dosen't change his ways within a year I am breaking up with him!" or "I think his ex is trailer trash" or "He don't deserve me" and then I feel so bad bacause I only said those things cuz I was angry cuz of the things his friend told me!! Grrrrrrrrrr!!! What do I do??? Why are you on the phone so much with BF's friend? Why are you saying things like those above to his friend? Those are not OK to say, I don't care what this guy is saying to you. This friend may be a douche, but you are also in some way encouraging this by even discussing such manners. Instead of saying things like this, I would say "goodbye" or "I have to go, see ya". How long have you been dating this guy, and how long have these two guys been friends? I think you should stop talking to the friend so much, avoid his calls, don't let yourself get pulled into such conversations, and see if things change, before you go potentially starting a bunch of drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EMBeee Posted December 3, 2009 Author Share Posted December 3, 2009 Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years but we've been friends for 19 years. He and his friend have been friends for 15. The friend and I have ALWAYS casually talked and my boyfriend knows this. However, just recently is when the friend started bringing up "other" things that I really wouldn't care to know because I trust my boyfriend - then in the back of my mind if his so-called "best friend" is bringing things up... I start to question things. But it only gets bad when the friend brings things up. I have told the friend not to talk to me about my boyfriend anymore and if he does talk to me it has to be about other casual things that don't involve the topic of my boyfriend unless it's about "good" things. And the friend is the one to start these topics btw... not me. Basically we are all very close to one another so we all have a good friendship with each other. I of course having more than a friendship with my boyfriend Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years but we've been friends for 19 years. He and his friend have been friends for 15. The friend and I have ALWAYS casually talked and my boyfriend knows this. However, just recently is when the friend started bringing up "other" things that I really wouldn't care to know because I trust my boyfriend - then in the back of my mind if his so-called "best friend" is bringing things up... I start to question things. With you guys all knowing each other for so long, something has to account for suddent recent changes in behavior. Did anything else change just recently? Did the friend get dumped or something? Lose a job? Drinking more? How sure are you that the friend is lying? From the responses I highlighted before, it doesn't seem like you are 100%. Has there ever been anything between you and this friend before 2 years ago? A hookup, or unrequited feelings on either side? Tough situation. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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