obscure Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Wow, I have made it 5 months with NC with my spouse. None, not even an email. I guess she was really serious about leaving. So serious in fact that my lawyer nor I can locate her to serve her. The kids totally hate her. I can't blame them. The next step is to use Process of Publication for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 So she left you and you haven't heard from her in 5 months? I guess I'm not the only one with an ex who went NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author obscure Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 So she left you and you haven't heard from her in 5 months? I guess I'm not the only one with an ex who went NC. It's really sad isn't it? Oh yeah, I got the whole "you didn't do anything wrong and you are a great husband and I love you but I am not in love with you and it's me not you and you don't deserve a person like me" speech the day she took off. I really thought that if I just stayed out of her way and did the NC thing that my spouse would come to her senses and come back. I am very strong willed so the 5 months with NC hasn't been that bad. But for her to do this to the kids has really hurt us all. But, I guess in my situation, it is better for her to be gone. I mean, who would want to try and patch things up with someone who would treat anyone this way? At least I am to the point where I can't see what I saw in her in the first place. The anger and hurt will still be there from time to time, but even that lessens over time. I am so ready to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Wow. You've made a lot of progress. Much more than I have. I'm still pining away unfortunately. She has to get back in touch though right, for the kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author obscure Posted December 3, 2009 Author Share Posted December 3, 2009 Wow. You've made a lot of progress. Much more than I have. I'm still pining away unfortunately. She has to get back in touch though right, for the kids? I not so sure it is progress as much as it is survival. I have to take care of the my two girls and so I have set my sights on that as my primary goal. Secondly, I have tried my best to stay busy with anything that keeps my mind from dwelling on the situation too much. I also go out and do tons of things with my girls and that keeps us all busy and our minds focused on something else. I am a very naturally depressed person so I was devastated and very down for the first 3 months after my spouse left, but soon after I discovered that much of my depression was her and her attitude and treatment of everyone. Once I discovered that I was a little happier without her than with her, it all came together and I started getting better mentally. And like I mentioned before, why in the hell would I want to stay with a selfish moron like her anyway? I mean, I really had to ask myself, "Am I in love with this piece of trash or am I just used to our situation?". I found that the answer was the latter and I started moving on. I have found that I am starting to be able to do so many things much easier without her as my "Albatross". She was such a weight dragging down everyone and now life simply doesn't seem so hard. She made everything so much harder than it has to be and we simply don't have that to contend with anymore. And no, she hasn't gotten in touch with the kids. They don't even want to talk to her. They are both teenagers now and that is their decision. I never badmouth her in front of them, so they do not have me as an influence. Besides, I have really been the only mother those kids have ever known in the first place. I have always cooked, cleaned, changed diapers, helped with homework... you name. What did their mother do? Sit around with no job, smoking 2 packs a day, and complaining about no money while everyone else tried to do something about it. Yeah, life is actually getting much easier after losing that loser. Well, I hope your situation gets much better. I don't know what I can do to help, but contact me if you need any advice or support. I am by no means and expert on this stuff, but I am doing a pretty decent job of either "getting over it" or being in complete denial, lol. One way or the other, life is moving on and I am getting things done finally. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 You knocked her off her pedestal and that has got to be the most (or at least one of the most) important steps in this whole process! I'm happy for you. Especially if you are a naturally depressed person, you're doing so well! I wonder if I can recover without knocking mine off. Haven't been able to accomplish that yet. Sometimes we do screw up, and lose something great. No sense in trying to irrationally convince yourself that the person wasn't great if they were. Then you're just lying to yourself. Well, I'll see what happens with time! Gotta work on me and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author obscure Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 You knocked her off her pedestal and that has got to be the most (or at least one of the most) important steps in this whole process! I'm happy for you. Especially if you are a naturally depressed person, you're doing so well! I wonder if I can recover without knocking mine off. Haven't been able to accomplish that yet. Sometimes we do screw up, and lose something great. No sense in trying to irrationally convince yourself that the person wasn't great if they were. Then you're just lying to yourself. Well, I'll see what happens with time! Gotta work on me and see what happens. You will do just fine. Seriously, it's best to find things to do that don't remind you of them and to do things that help to build your self esteem. I am not saying that I don't have days where I get angry or sad or want to just scream, but I turn that anger into something else, such as, doing the dishes or taking the dog for a walk. I would rather none of this happened in the first place, but since it did, I am going to get make the best of it. The worst part for me is feeling ugly and pathetic, but I realize that is just a symptom of the situation and I move on. You can do it. And 6 months from now you will not even understand how you could have felt that way you did about your partner. And that is a liberating feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Thanks for your encouragement. Definitely looking into things that don't remind me of her. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Hay Obscure Wasn't your w the one who left after gastric bypass? Or have I got you confused with someone else? Good to hear you are doing so well, I have been NC for 7 months now, he asked for us to go NC (same as you SHB), amazing isn't it? That there are people who can actually treat you so badly after all that time together. In my case 18 years and he can't even stay civil or be friends, no contact from him whatsoever, could be dead for all I know, doubt his family would let me know seeing as how they have completley NCed me as well. Niether him or any of them even bothered to send me a birthday card. It makes me wonder what on earth I did that was so terrible that I deserved that? Amazing, so many divorced couples I know (where they have seperated after trying, not WAW or WAH), stay in touch, even just a Christmas card, but some still see each other occasionally for a coffee or dinner. I mean really, together 18 years and he doesn't even think our time together deserves a birthday card? I just wish I could get him off the pedestal like you have, I still remember him as a loving, caring and special man. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Well. Looks like we've found the NC club! Link to post Share on other sites
Author obscure Posted December 8, 2009 Author Share Posted December 8, 2009 Hay Obscure Wasn't your w the one who left after gastric bypass? Or have I got you confused with someone else? Good to hear you are doing so well, I have been NC for 7 months now, he asked for us to go NC (same as you SHB), amazing isn't it? That there are people who can actually treat you so badly after all that time together. In my case 18 years and he can't even stay civil or be friends, no contact from him whatsoever, could be dead for all I know, doubt his family would let me know seeing as how they have completley NCed me as well. Niether him or any of them even bothered to send me a birthday card. It makes me wonder what on earth I did that was so terrible that I deserved that? Amazing, so many divorced couples I know (where they have seperated after trying, not WAW or WAH), stay in touch, even just a Christmas card, but some still see each other occasionally for a coffee or dinner. I mean really, together 18 years and he doesn't even think our time together deserves a birthday card? I just wish I could get him off the pedestal like you have, I still remember him as a loving, caring and special man. You have me confused with someone else Lisa. My post was the one where my wife just out of nowhere tells me and my kids that we didn't do anything wrong and that she was leaving the next morning. That next morning she boarded a plane and we haven't heard from her since except for her send me an email letting me know that she had credit cards in her name but issued by our bank and that it was maxed and I better make payments. Then her mother (who owned the house we lived in) told me and the girls it would be better if we moved out. She gave us a week to get out. You know what Lisa. We ended up with selfish, bitter people who were the spawn of selfish, bitter people. But instead of us playing victim to this I think we should move on and try to realize that they will die selfish, bitter, and alone one day and we will at least still have what we always did - love, compassion, the ability to put others before ourselves and the will to work at a relationship. They will have nothing but regret when it is all said and done. So look up and beyond where you all have been looking for so long and realize that you are all somebody and you are all worthy of love and one day, hopefully, finding someone who cares just as much and feels the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
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