NotKelly Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Can someone out there please tell me why people pull this crap at Christmas time? (or birthday time?) I swear to God, virtually everyone in my immediate family has pulled this stunt at holiday time one year or another -- except me. I still can't figure out why people do this. If you don't have any money for presents for other people, or you just don't want to spend anything on them, or if you are unimpressed with the presents people give YOU every year, or you are just trying to get out of the family holiday gathering because you can't stand being around the family for a couple hours... just be honest and SAY SO, instead of pulling this "I don't want any presents" game. Jesus. Link to post Share on other sites
doushenka Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 ...or maybe the usual present-givers are broke this year, and you'd rather not put that kind of pressure on them. Link to post Share on other sites
jaclynxox89 Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 ha! good question, same here =] your not alone!! last year i gave my mom a sephora give card, and she screamed at me. i have no idea what i am doing for ppl this year!! ughhhh =/ ppl just love to make things so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 "I don't want any presents this year". Or any year, for that matter..... Because I'm Buddhist, and Buddhists don't celebrate Christmas as a festival. I am also absolutely completely and entirely boracic*, and can't afford cards, let a lone gifts. so any gifts received would make me feel very guilty about being able to reciprocate. Taking gifts is somewhat hypocritical of me, too.... But I'll join in the fun and games, and have a bit of a knees-up! is that better? (*Boracic = Boracic Lint - skint. It's cockney rhyming slang. Very British....) Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Why should they? You'd rather them be impolite, and offend the other person? Great idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I'm Buddhist, and Buddhists don't celebrate Christmas as a festival. I'm an atheist but I still celebrate Christmas because, for me, it transends religious differences. And I want a train-set Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I swear to God, virtually everyone in my immediate family has pulled this stunt at holiday time one year or another -- except me. I still can't figure out why people do this. My folks have said the same thing. Now retired, they’re on a fixed income and what little money they had saved in their nest egg is drying up just like everyone else’s 401Ks. Not to mention now being on Medicare with mounting hospital bills due to my mother’s terminal cancer. They’re proud people, and are aware that things are tight for EVERYONE... so to receive gifts knowing they can’t afford to return them makes them feel just awful. But you know what??... screw the presents. When you’re not a wide-eyed child anymore, you realize that being with family, friends and the people you love is what the holidays are really about. So, rather than embarrass anyone with a present who can’t afford to exchange, I’m spending all my money hosting the Christmas party for everyone this year. Nothing makes a big, loud, trailer-trash family happier than LOTS of food and double-dosed jello shots! Grandma got runover by a raindeer... I’ve told everyone “no presents”, too. Just bring yourself. For me, the best gift in the world is a crowded house and lots of laughter... and having my Mom around for just one more year. Maybe I’m just getting old and sentimental, but to me, some of the best things in life you just can’t buy. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I've grown to resent the present-giving tradition myself. It puts so much pressure on people to reach into their wallets all at once, especially if they have a large family. For anyone who's struggling financially, it's all the worse, and they end up feeling guilty about not being able to give as much. (I had a couple of years like that, and it just seemed to shine a spotlight on the fact that my business wasn't doing well.) A solution I came up with to alleviate some of that pressure was to suggest to my sister that we exchange our gifts in July.....One less person to buy for in December, and it's kinda fun to get and give in the middle of the summer.............. I still prefer that people don't buy me gifts, however. I've really got all the "stuff" I'm ever going to need, and I don't have the space for anymore bric-a-brac or knick-knacks. My Dad feels the same way, I like the line he came up with, "if I can't eat it, or drink it, please don't give it to me......." all this being said, however,...."Santa, all I want is a Red Rider BB Gun....":laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I'm not sure I understand why you are offended or upset if people don't want gifts. I'm one of those people. I honestly would rather just spend time with friends and family over the holidays, eating and drinking and being merry, without all the gift-giving unless it's for children. I much prefer Thanksgiving to Christmas for that reason - it's the people that matter, not the presents. I always buy gifts because I know I'll receive them, but I wish people would do something small, like cookies or a bottle of wine, instead of making it all into such a big deal. It's a religious holiday, right? So why are we so material about it?! Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I don't know how much more direct people can be, than saying "I don't want presents". If someone said to you "I don't want to eat sushi", would you look for an underlying meaning to it? Why not just honour their request? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 As long as I've got booze and nice food for Christmas, I'm fine. I really don't care about getting presents. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 On one of my previous birthdays I sent out invitations that read: "Please, no presents........just presence......." ( I think my friends were secretly happy that they didn't have to run out and shop) Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 On one of my previous birthdays I sent out invitations that read: "Please, no presents........just presence......." ( I think my friends were secretly happy that they didn't have to run out and shop)At our wedding, we insisted there would be no gifts, that if people felt the need to gift, to donate the money towards one of two charities. Not everyone wants gifts. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 At our wedding, we insisted there would be no gifts, that if people felt the need to gift, to donate the money towards one of two charities. Not everyone wants gifts. I think that's very classy.Especially in times of economic uncertainty for so many, I think it's great to "let people off the hook". I went to a wedding like that several years ago, and that made me respect the couple all the more.Kudos to you and your H. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I think that's very classy.Especially in times of economic uncertainty for so many, I think it's great to "let people off the hook". I went to a wedding like that several years ago, and that made me respect the couple all the more.Kudos to you and your H.Thanks. We neither wanted or needed the gifts, so why not have people put the money towards something meaningful. And it's true that people are usually relieved that they don't have to have anxiety attacks, over what to get others. It was pretty nice of you to let your friends off the hook, too. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Can someone out there please tell me why people pull this crap at Christmas time? (or birthday time?) as TBF points out, not everyone wants or needs more crap to deal with. I know I don't; I know my nieces and nephews with small children don't. so if someone says "no gifts," honor their request. Chances are, they've got everything they want/need, and don't want to put others out by "requesting" stuff they don't want. Or need. if you absolutely, positively insist on giving that person a gift, make it a gift of self: Bake cookies to share with them. Write them a heartfelt card describing what they mean to you. Give a coupon for a future date together, say treating that person to a cup of coffee when he or she most needs to get away from all that's going on in his/her life. because when you really think about it, the idea behind gift-giving is not to spend a buttload of money or try to outdo someone else's gift, it's about giving the gift of self. As you get older, you'll figure this out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotKelly Posted December 3, 2009 Author Share Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) I'm upset because it's usually said in anger or some kind of passive aggressive way. I never said I couldn't understand it if people don't want to buy presents. Or couldn't afford them. So WHY DON'T THEY SAY SO? Is "I don't want any presents this year" supposed to be my cue to say "Okay, we won't exchange presents?" Fine, so why not just say "I'm kind of tight on money this year, can we not exchange presents" instead of this passive aggressive garbage? Sometimes "I don't want any presents" is just a bid for attention or control. EVERYONE in my family does this during different years and it has NOTHING to do with money. Otherwise, you're left wondering why this is being said. Are they just trying to get out of going to the holiday gathering? Do they hate the presents you always give them? A little honesty would be nice. How about some honesty for Christmas for a change. Edited December 3, 2009 by NotKelly Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I never said I couldn't understand it if people don't want to buy presents. Or couldn't afford them. So WHY DON'T THEY SAY SO? Because it's not always a matter of not wanting to buy or not being able to afford presents. It's a matter of not wanting to receive presents. That's very different. They're telling you not to buy them anything. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Forget the underlying meaning. Who cares. if they said one thing, that cant accuse you of misinterpreting what they said. If they SAY they dont want presents, thats LESS money you have to spend on them. Be happy theyre making it easy on you! Are you mad that they might not want to buy YOU presents? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I'm upset because it's usually said in anger or some kind of passive aggressive way. My mom emotionally black mail's me this way too. I think she gets depressed in the winter season, right before the holidays, and I'll usually end up doing something that she'll overreact and freak on. Then she'll throw out the "I dont want presents this year. It's not like you go to church anyways. Or you respect your father". She'll bring up totally out of the blue, and majority of the times either not true or none of her business. I've come to the conclusion there is something mentally physically wrong with her. It's never about the money, or the genuine desire for not wanting presents. It's always a temper tantrum. Because if I don't get her a present, then she'll flip the other way and say "I see how I'm appreciated around here". It's a lose-lose situation, so I always just buy her something and tune out whatever response comes afterward. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Are they just trying to get out of going to the holiday gathering? Do they hate the presents you always give them?You're looking for underlying meaning that's some form of insult to you. Why? Maybe you could provide us with some examples of what happened, so we can get a better feel for your rant. There was reference to people solely using this in a passive-aggressive manner or in anger. In each interaction, was this in the middle of an argument or long-standing grudge or resentment? Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Can someone out there please tell me why people pull this crap at Christmas time? (or birthday time?) I swear to God, virtually everyone in my immediate family has pulled this stunt at holiday time one year or another -- except me. I still can't figure out why people do this. If you don't have any money for presents for other people, or you just don't want to spend anything on them, or if you are unimpressed with the presents people give YOU every year, or you are just trying to get out of the family holiday gathering because you can't stand being around the family for a couple hours... just be honest and SAY SO, instead of pulling this "I don't want any presents" game. Jesus. WTF are you talking about? I said to my mom (my only family): "I do not want any presents this year. I do not want to celebrate Xmas. In turn, I will not be buying you anything. I do not have the money nor the desire to participate in gift-giving." And you're gonna get offended by this, OP? Live your own life and let other people do what they want. Sheesh. It's not a "stunt," it's a personal, and often financial, decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 People aren't typically going to be brutally honest, and they don't need to be. Just take them at their word and don't buy them anything. If they really didn't mean it, I'll bet they'll never say that again. But when they say that to you, make sure you let them know that you're taking them at their word and won't be buying them anything. There have been times when I really couldn't afford to spend a lot on people and it would've made me feel bad for them to spend a lot on me - so I let them know that I wouldn't be spending a lot that year on gifts. I never told them what to spend on me - that's their choice - but I did let them know what I was doing and why. That may be their reasons for saying that and they may not want to admit that they can't spend a lot. On the other hand, it may be just something that they say and don't mean, which is dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
XKatieX Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 My family used to do the gift-exchanging thing, but we came to an agreement to stop it, it does start to add up and we are already so spoiled. I think if your whole family comes to an agreement on it, no harm done. Cards are a different story, of course optional but they at least show you care. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 I think it better to not buy pressies if it will mean not getting into debt. Getting into debt over Christmas to me is silly. Anyhow, Christmas is for small children and those of faith really.. dont succumb to the pressure, I say. Just enjoy each other! Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
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