success with moderation in drinking, anyone?

[racknstack]

I've been married for 12 years to a woman who has hidden an alcohol problem from me. We've been on the merry go round several times about her drinking, she's pledged to change, yadda yadda yadda.

 

Anyway, this most recent time we discussed this she said she wanted to try an approach that stresses moderation of alcohol consumption, not like the complete abstinence approach that AA (and most other drug treatment programs advocate). She's never taken responsibility for her issue, and very likely doesn't have a humble bone in her body when it comes to admitting she's got a problem.

 

I'd like to know what people think of this moderation thing, and if people have had success. I hate to be skeptical, but with all the other times she promised to quit it's hard not to be.

[2sunny]

i've never had any luck with moderation.

 

for her - complete abstinence will be ideal. AA even better.

 

you can attend al anon meetings. that will help YOU and the perspective you need to understand what alcoholism looks like and how folks handle situations with an alcoholic in the family. much support is found in the meetings.

 

educate yourself. you will be surprised to find that if her attitude and position doesn't change - things will most likely get worse as she continues.

[semperdolens]

unfortunately, didn't work for me... after a couple, I would want more, go to the pub, drink a lot, get a take-away and stuff my face... repeat ad infinitum...

[Art_Critic]

For an Alcoholic one drink is too many and a thousand is not enough.

 

It is never the fifth or sixth drink that is the problem.. it is always the first...

 

 

For me it was all or nothing and I had to give it up for good and for all.. to never drink again..

I have seen people that have cut back and they live normal lives but I would hazard a guess that they never fit into the Alcoholic drinking to begin with.

 

If you are 12 years into this problem and have had an open dialog with her about it and no success then cutting back isn't going to change a thing.. IMO

It sounds to me that she is still in denial about her drinking and hasn't accepted that Alcohol is a problem and until she does then it is like shoveling sand against the tide when it comes to control for the Alcoholic.

Edited December 3, 2009 by Art_Critic

[You Go Girl]

I've been married for 12 years to a woman who has hidden an alcohol problem from me. We've been on the merry go round several times about her drinking, she's pledged to change, yadda yadda yadda.

 

Anyway, this most recent time we discussed this she said she wanted to try an approach that stresses moderation of alcohol consumption, not like the complete abstinence approach that AA (and most other drug treatment programs advocate). She's never taken responsibility for her issue, and very likely doesn't have a humble bone in her body when it comes to admitting she's got a problem.

 

I'd like to know what people think of this moderation thing, and if people have had success. I hate to be skeptical, but with all the other times she promised to quit it's hard not to be.

 

So she's never taken responsibility, and has no humble attitude.

Doesn't that sound like a recipe for disaster to you?

Alcoholism is a progressive disease.

Alcoholism is a disease first and foremost of the mind. It is self-medication to avoid, escape, deny, etc.

She needs AA, you need Al-anon.

Ever heard of a dry drunk? That is someone who is not drinking, but has not fixed, addressed, the issues that led to the reliance on alcohol in the first place. Until she addresses her issues, then the merry go round will continue, and she will relapse, or be sober yet a dry drunk, with all the bad attitudes, clouded vision, obstinance, denial, anger, and whatever else is inside her that led her to self-medicate in the first place.