Another "i want my ex back" story

[blakjaxx407]

Ok. First i wanna apologize for this being so long.

So basically I met this girl a little over a year ago at work and we became friends. Started talking more and more and i began to have feelings for her. She told me about how she had just broken up with her boyfriend and i *was wondering whether i should tell her how i feel or just wait for a little while. I decided to wait and a couple weeks later, around my birthday she tells me that she got back with her exbf. I was shocked and simply replied "damn. Happy birthday to me..." kind of just in a joking way, but this was the first time i made any indication that i had feelings for her. Anyway, we kept talking and hanging out (not in public but she would drive me home from work sometimes and we would sit in her car and talk for hours before she actually went home). She would tell me about how she felt that her boyfriend took her for granted and i asked her why she didnt break up with him for good? She said that she was just scared of change especially since he was her longest relationship. I started to have more feelings for her and told her that she deserved better and i wanted to prove to her that not every guy is an ungrateful dog or whatever.

Basically this continued for about 6 months and the two of us got closer and i got too eager to prove to her that i would be a better boyfriend than the one she was with. Soon, we started getting physical and we would spend nights kissing and holding each other etc. until one night we actually had sex. She broke up with her boyfriend the day after that but didnt tell me until about a week later. Soon after that we got together and i swear i was the happiest person ever. For the next two months we were together but after the end of the second month things started to go downhill. Soon after, she broke up with me and told me that her conscience has been bothering her too long and that although she could never forgive her exbf for what he did, she despises the fact that she cheated on him.

Its been a little over a month now since the breakup and we still talk regularly as friends. The thing is, i cant stand it. I cant stand seeing her smiling and laughing with other people knowing that she might be happy without me (as selfish as that seems.) I hate the fact that i waited so long for this chance and as soon after i get it its gone. I hate that i didnt get the chance to give her (what i had hoped would be) a good relationship and be an amazing boyfriend. I know what we did was wrong and every day, even when we were together, ive been sorry for putting her through that whole ordeal of goin behind her ex's back. I know the act requires two people and she is just as at fault as i am but still i could have been the better man and just waited until they broke up. Now i dont know what to do. Its been a month and i find myself writing emails that i dont send. Saying goodnight to her under my breath before i go to sleep, etc. It takes me forever to get to sleep (as im writing this, its 1:45 in the morning and i have to wake up in about 3 hours because i have class in the morning.) . All i want is to have her back and have a real chance with her. Can anyone help please?

[Boundary Problem]

Sounds like you are more emotionally invested than she is and that probably scares her.

 

 

People like to start out casual. If one is too serious right away it takes the fun out of it for the other.

 

 

Only thing I can suggest is try dating someone else and see if she notices. If she doesn't really notice - it is over. But at least you got a nice new girlfriend out of it.

 

 

A relationship is about meeting each other's needs, not necessarily proving how 'perfect' a relationship can be. Some of the best relationships are frankly pretty dysfunctional. People don't want perfect. You treat a woman like a princess, I'm not sure she is going to respond they way you want. A lot of the men here can help you with tips.

 

 

Women like a bit of a challenge.

[blakjaxx407]

Yea. Thats one of the things I've learned in the past month that I need to fix. Investing too much of myself into the relationship. Im hoping that theres a way that i can show her that.

[Boundary Problem]

Well rather than focusing on how you feel and showing her how you feel (failure will be certain).

 

Why don't you figure out what she needs, and supply it.

 

Maybe she needs excitement, attraction, fun, challenge.

 

I don't know.

 

If she walked away after 2 months, it means there wasn't enough there.

 

You need to make your "package" a bit more interesting. Maybe take up some new hobbies.

 

Coming at her head-on and professing undying love - big mistake. She left you. She's gone.

 

You are back to square one with attracting her by being an interesting guy.

 

I'm a woman and I'm the last person to be advising you. But I'm just saying you need to catch her interest.

[blakjaxx407]

So do you think this doesnt have anything to do with her feelings about cheating? She told me that she doesnt think she could ever be with me because of the way she feels about how she cheated with me. I know at this point it seems kinda hopeless but regardless, i still hope theres a chance.

[Reading Machine]

Women like "MEN"! Not boys. Stop being Mr. Nice guy. The first part of your posting indicated that you were slipping into the friend zone. The part when you had sex with her was pure luck, you caught her in a weak moment. If you really

 

want to be successful with woman you have to use the three Cs. Confidence, Curiousity and Challenge. If you can apply and maintain these three simple thing you will be successful. Never tell a woman how you feel, let her define the relationship.(Curiousity) Think that ever woman wants you always. (Confidence) Never make someone else top priority in your life other than your parents or children.(Challenge) A man has to be fearless. never be sacred to walk away. If you do not respect yourself highly, no one else ever will.

 

If you want this particular woman back, do the opposite of whatever your thinking. Examples:

1.) Ignore her (instead of showing none stop attention).

2.) Only anwser every fourth text or phone call.

3.) Always be busy.

4.) Talk about how much you like other women in front of her.

 

Bottom line- People only want what they cannot have.

[Yael]

Unfortunatley for you, she know has an association of doing something wrong and you. Until you can work out how to break that association she won't come back to you. I don't know how you do this, except try to find in yourself the reasons why you feel the need to justify your relationship (i could be so good to her etc) to yourself and her.

 

good luck, at this point work on yourself, as she has made it clear that you=bad feelings, even if it was inadvertant.

[buffy86]

There are tons of articles on the topic.

 

Most likely you changed during your relationship.. or maybe it was the lack of change and excitement that bored her..

 

But there is one good thing about it though. You haven't sent any of the emails yet, so no damage is done.

 

You could try to read the following article.. http://www.squidoo.com/how-can-i-make-my-ex-talk-to-me

 

Best of luck - and keep us updated!!

[laurajean]

Don't let it be another i want my ex back story what it sound like yea what you guys had was special while it was going on, but its over now if it was meant to be she will come back. The way you built a strong friendship with her and relationship with her you can do with another girl. Now may be to soon because who knows she might come back an u want to be available... but also yea u should wanna show her what a good boyfriend u could be but u also need to look out for u and look for a girl who wants to be a good girlfriend to u an all she is sayin is she cant do that with a guilty concious, if she hasnt fessed up to her ex that could possibly take a while to go away. so yea wat she said made sense. all im sayin is explore all aspects of solutions

[meonly]

I bet her ex is still in the picture !!!! Sorry man,u were the rebound guy,she still have feelings for the ex ! Rebounds are known to last in between 1 to 6 months max !!!!! You're chances of getting her back are 2% !!!

Move on,dont waste anymore time and dream about her changing her mind,just wont happen !!!!!! Only option u have is NO CONTACT !! but i wont give you much of a chance but it will help you to move on and forget her.

If u see her dayly,just ignore her in a nice way like " hi " Thats it !

But truly,its over..get over her and get a new g/f.

I think u've dodged a bullet here !!! Good luck

[laurajean]

im laura's friend and she showed me this so i had to comment...

Ok.... first of all I pray for you.One I'm sorry that your'e hurt but there things you need to realize. NOW!! From what I read it sounds like the main reason your upset is that you wanted to prove that your better than her ex. I can tell that you "love" her but for the wrong reasons. I think that you have a serious obsession with her. Not tryin to go hard but you need it badly. The obsession comes from you wanting to become someones prince and she is the only one that is in your life right now. So WAKE UP! I tell tell that she ruining you. People who "love" you and you "love" them back don't ruin you.

 

P.S. You dont really love her it the obsession!!!

[females_lie]

Your a scumbag for screwing another mans woman and deserve whatever heartache you get from it. Sorry buddy, karma sucks huh? Been there done that, and would never do that do another guy...ever.

[meonly]

your a scumbag for screwing another mans woman and deserve whatever heartache you get from it. Sorry buddy, karma sucks huh? Been there done that, and would never do that do another guy...ever.

you get my vote on this one !!!!

[1life8love1trust]

You were the rebound relationship my friend. Anytime you like a chick that has a boyfriend, don't be the next guy she dates or anything to that nature. People, in general, always wants what on the other side. he grass is always greener on the other side.

 

So with that said I am not saying that you are a bad person, its just your timing was off. I would have waited for her to hook up with another guy first after her first boyfriend and her broke up before I started getting serious with her.

 

Honestly though, if you really cared for her you would have not gotten in the way of her relationship in the first place. I mean that dude could have been a dick and what not but you only heard it from her side. Sometimes relationship are not perfect and communication is the only way to solve it.

 

I mean imagine you being her boyfriend and some dude started making moves on your girl without you knowing. I mean come on? Your lucky he didnt bash your head in for cheating with her.

 

I never get involved with women with husbands or boyfriends, let me rephrase that. I will go out and "have fun" with women with husbands or boyfriends, but I would never want them to leave their boyfriends or husband for me.

 

Usually they will come to you if its meant to be, but dont try to force someone to be with you. Plus why would you kiss her or sleep with her when she has a boyfriend. I just makes you look bad as a future mate. Not to mention why would want her to be your mate if she did that to her boyfriend with you?

 

Get what I am saying? For now, move on,work on yourself, if its meant to be you guys will find each other. And trust me I have been there. Not to mention I am going through the same thing, but I am the boyfriend she left. I dont know if she slept with him while we were together, but I will assume she did cause after a couple of weeks of us breaking up and me not contacting her she tells me that they are a couple.

 

What you did was wrong, if you dont agree put yourself in his shoes. You had no say in what happend.