Guest Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 What should a man have to bring to the table in order for him to have "something to offer" a woman? What is are the things a woman looks for, and expects from a potential suitor? Link to post Share on other sites
andreautick Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 I think it's very individual. But some of the typical things that are positives in a suitor (in no particular order): 1. desire for marriage or kids in the future, i.e. doesn't just want to date someone for all eternity without that commitment. 2. responsible;mature (can hold down a job, has future financial goals such as buying a house) 3. emotionally stable/nonabusive(emotionally and physically) 4. warm, works to keep romance alive, passionate, loving, caring 5. a good listener, can be a friend to her as well as a lover I think those are the top 5, for the women I know anyway:) I hope that helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 when you have met the man, who brings those things? I mean - how are they usually upon first encounters? Link to post Share on other sites
andreautick Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 I think any man who embodies those traditional values will be a traditional gentleman. If he asks you on a date he'll ask you on a real, honest to god date...not to "hang out and stuff and junk." He'll be upstanding and...a man! Some of these things you can't get out of a first encounter...like if he's abusive when he's angry and whether or not he's mature and has goals for the future. But, most gentlemanly, upstanding MEN are like that. You'll know when you're around one because they make you feel like a woman...not a piece of meat, a chick, a nice girl, or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 By being confident enough to be so forward, and ask directly for a date? In my own experience, women have been scared away by such approachs. They see this type of activity as "too easy". What do you think about this element of it? Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 I only ask a man be able to match what I bring to the table, it's only right. I never ask for what I my self can't give. 1. desire for marriage or kids in the future, i.e. doesn't just want to date someone for all eternity without that commitment. 2. responsible;mature (can hold down a job, has future financial goals such as buying a house) 3. emotionally stable/nonabusive(emotionally and physically) 4. warm, works to keep romance alive, passionate, loving, caring 5. a good listener, can be a friend to her as well as a lover The basics.... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 The reason most men do not ask for dates is because they are often rejected. It is very difficult to meet someone today. Women have learned to put thier guard upto men who approach them. This takes alot of courage. This takes alot of confidence. Ironically the men who approach them with confidence, and likely succeed are the ones who do this to alot of women. They are the ones who are players, and thus feel confident approaching women. This seems slightly backwards, - women are looking for the things they find in a nice guy, but are only accepting dates from a**h*** type guys. Please help me to understand this logic Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 well, let's seperate all of our terms first. you are equating: confidence = player = a**h*** and nice suitable guy = no confidence. i think the argument is illogical becuse the premises are not clearly stated nor proven. i also think women generally make the following association instead: confidence = assured, competent, a possible good provider and a clear communicator. both sides of this debate are often mistaken. can i ask you a question that would help me understand this debate better and move it in a less antagonistic direction? what can women do to help encourage suitable men to approach them? obviously, one could ask them out myself, but let's assume many of us were strongly socialized to NOT do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Thank you for your comments jenny. Helps me understand things alot clearer. So the man should have confidence enough to approach and be kind, and gentle and caring and eager to call etc. He should have honest intentions and not be afraid to be rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 I have a quick question for you, (or anyone else who offers.) If someone doesnt have alot of confidence, this could infact mean that it is because they are scared of not being able to be with you. In a way, it is a very big compliment. It doesnt mean they are not: 1. desire for marriage or kids in the future, i.e. doesn't just want to date someone for all eternity without that commitment. 2. responsible;mature (can hold down a job, has future financial goals such as buying a house) 3. emotionally stable/nonabusive(emotionally and physically) 4. warm, works to keep romance alive, passionate, loving, caring 5. a good listener, can be a friend to her as well as a lover Perhaps, if you were slightly more sympathetic from the beginning and give the chap a real chance, you might even be suprised. Is this off? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 this is really cool; i think this might be the most productive discussion of this question i have seen. this is what i think i've understood from your thoughtful comments: so, ok, some of the things that good women looking for suitable men could do include: - spend a longer time in conversation with the shy but clearly intelligent and witty fellow -don't be afraid to be a little goofy or funny yourself with the shy guy; this might put him at ease -don't be distracted by the lotharios swaggering around while talking to the quieter guy - be in environments where drawing out the good shy men is pragmatically possible - i.e. not at clubs or bars! (though pubs might be good?) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Just a thought to consider - Dr. Albert Ellis, the Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy guy, has a lot to say about self-esteem, rejection, etc. He advocates that people go into a public place and do something really stupid to call attention to themselves to get used to the feeling of being thought of as odd. He has a lot of info on how to NOT let rejection bother you and how to NOT take it personally. I don't believe his method can cure absolutely every problem, but I think he's got it bang on in this regard. Rather than try to educate the world to understand you, learn how to deal with the world in a different way - it'll take a lot less time to achieve, if nothing else!! Link to post Share on other sites
LaLa Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 make sure to bring money to. maybe not on the top of the list, but nowadays no one would marry a penniless suitors. "Respect, protect and provide". That's what a suitor should bring. Link to post Share on other sites
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