He lied to me...Now he has left my daughter...How do I let go of the pain?

[kyrisma]

I am a new mommie of a beautiful 5 month old girl. Unfortunately, the person who helped me bring her in this word is a LOSER!

I'll try to make this story short. Please excuse me if I ramble on. My daughters b/f has two children from a previous relationship which I knew about when I became involved with him. But he told me that they no longer had a personal relationship and they only dealt w/ each other on a parenting level.

For the three years we were together he told me over and over again how much he loved me and needed me in his life, but this whole time he was living another life.

 

We would constantly have arguments about his involvement w/ his son's mother because sometimes I felt (and my feelings were validated) he was still involved w/ her, but he will tell me to no end that he wasn't. But then I find out he married her while we were still involved! I had no idea I was going to be smacked in the face with something like that. And the only reason I found this out was because I was pregnant and I guess he felt his world was getting ready to grumble so he confessed everything to me. He also though by telling me this I would terminate my pregnancy.

 

So after fighting me about the pregnancy and telling me he wasn't going to stay in my life, he changed in mind. He started telling me how much he loved me and was sorry he hurt me that way by getting married. He told me marrying her was a big mistake and he only did it for his son. HE would tell me that he was going to get out of it, but because it just happened it was going to take some time. He said that he wanted us to be a family and he was going to take good care of his new daughter. So being stupid and vulnerable because I wated him to be there w/ me thru my pregnancy believed him.

 

That was a big mistake! I allowed him to stump all over my heart during my pregnancy and a couple months after she was born. He continued w/ his lies. He told me that he was no longer living w/ her and they were separated. I later found out that they were still together because she found my # and called me telling me they were still together and also telling me how he wasn't going to be a part of my daughter's life and that he told her he wasn't going to do anything for my daughter and that he could care less about her because. She said he said all this things because he didn't want her in the first place. She was really really nasty! And the thing about her is, she found out about him and I before that got married and she decided to marry him. That I really don't understand...

 

Anyway, I conforted him w/this and of course he denied all of it. Since that time which has been about 3 months, I told him I wanted nothing more to do w/him because he's never going to stop lying to me, plus he is still married. I only stayed in a relationship w/him during my pregnancy knowing he was marred, is becasue I didn't want to go thru it alone. Other than than, I would have not been involved w/ a married man!

 

He is still persistent that he isn't w/ her and he's working on getting a divorce. He says he wants to be w/me and our daugther. He told me he would do whatever it takes to win back my heart.

 

But after a long time of being a fool, my eyes are finally open and I know is he still lying. He just wants his cake and eat it too...He is never going to leave her and I don't want him to because I will never be able to trust he again.

 

Besides that he is not taking care of my daughter. Which is the main thing that is bothering me now. He never sees her or doesn't even call to check on her. For all he knows, GOD forbids, something could have happened to her.

 

Its been over two weeks now since the last time I've talked to him. And that's because I told him I was seeing someone else. Which isn't true, but I thought telling him that would make him leave me alone. I told him this B4, but it didn't work.

 

It looks like it worked this time, but not only has he left me alone he has walked out of my daughter's life.

 

This past couple of weeks I have just been beating myself up and constantly thinking about all kinds of things and everything he has done to me.

 

I want to know if he ever even cared about me let alone loved me? I want to know how could he just not care about her because I won't be the "other woman in his life? I want to know why didn't see all these signs sooner? I want to know why did he do all those things to me and all the while telling me he loved me?

 

I just feel as though he is living his life happy and content and not caring about anything he did to me or the fact that he has "abandoned" our daughter. I feel as though I am allowing someone who doesn't give two cents about me make me feel so miserable.

 

After all that said my question is, when will I get over all this pain? How do I get over all this pain? Everyday I think about all the things he did and I get angrier and angrier, and hate him more each day!

 

I know I'll hear from someone time heals all wounds and I believe that to be true, but I'm feeling so STUPID right now!

 

But the one thing I know, is EVERYDAY I look at my daughter and she smiles at me, I DON'T for once regret having her even though she has a JERK for a father...

 

I'm sharing my story in hopes of getting some advice and maybe an encouraging word to make me feel a little better about myself....

 

Thanks in advance...

[CostumeSmile]

I'm sharing my story in hopes of getting some advice and maybe an encouraging word to make me feel a little better about myself....

 

This happens to the best of us, your not by any means stupid. "Love" is something so strong that sometimes doesn't let you think clearly, you want so badly to be loved in return that you tend to let things slide and forgive sometimes too much but this doesn't make you dumb it makes you "real"!

 

I had my daughter at 16, her father and I grew apart over time and since then I've been doing it on my own. I'm 25 now, my daughter is 8 and more beautiful everyday. She is my motivation in all that I do. I have been raising her on my own since I was 19 and this has only multiplied my love for her and hers for me.

 

I'd also like to add that since then I've fallen in love and have been loved in return, don't let one bad person pave the path to your future. He may have lied, he may have not loved you sincerely but he did leave you with the gift of forever unconditional love and that is in your beautiful daughter...through her you will always be loved!

 

Good luck.

[May]

you need his alimony but not him. That's all.

[ramble on rose]

Being duped and lied to by the person you love is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. I know you feel humiliated and disgusted, angry and betrayed. You are going to feel that for awhile, but time takes care of all wounds. The best thing for you would be to begin a wage garnishment and make sure you have the funds necessary to help you and your baby. You have no control over his pathetic actions, but you do have control over certain things, like receiving child support. You are going to hurt for awhile but in time you will see that this fool is nothing but a drop in the bucket compared to what joy and good times lie ahead for you. Focus on you, your baby, and letting go of someone who doesn't deserve to lick the bottom of your shoes. You have to take it one day at a time. You will eventually notice yourself getting stronger and better. DO NOT TAKE THIS MAN BACK!!!! You can make all the excuses in the world for him, but the fact remains that he's a cheating, duplicitous piece of crap. When you think of the good things and miss him and cry and all that.....think of the position you're in right now and WHY you're there. I promise you that if you take the reins and regain control of your life, and your child's.....everything will come up roses. Take care!

[kyrisma]

ramble on rose

 

One thing I know for sure is I DON'T WANT HIM BACK... He is always going to be a cheater and a liar and my daughter and I deserve 100 times better than that...

 

The only thing I want from him is to take part in his responsibility to our daughter...That is why I have petitioned for child support from him...Since he isn't going to do it voluntarily...