Keita Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) If a guy says that he "doesn't know how he feels" about a girl, I'm assuming that means "I like you as a friend, but don't want to shoot you down since you're a friend". Case in point: had a good friend for three years. Everything was fine, but in the last few months things have gotten odd. I had a conversation with him a few weeks ago about 'us'. His answer was simply that he 'doesn't know' how he feels about me. Edited December 4, 2009 by Keita Link to post Share on other sites
tryagaintoday Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 stay friends and move on Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I agree. Stay friends but don't put your life on hold waiting for him. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Girls get friend zoned too- and it works out the same way for both genders...it's not going anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Girls get friend zoned too- and it works out the same way for both genders...it's not going anywhere. That is true! I'll add that sometimes, someone may also be in the picture which decreases his interests. Honestly, it is easier for a woman to get out of the friendzone than the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keita Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 stay friends and move on Ahh, I tried that. See, what happened was a few weeks ago he tried to hook up with me and I shot him down. The next weekend he suggested that we start to date, to which I was hesitant about. However, I listened to his reasons and, before long, I realized that I had feelings for said friend. I then agreed to try us dating -- and he recanted and just said "Hey, let's stay friends!" I agreed, but as of late it's been impossible. I was going to do the NC thing, but realized that it wouldn't be fair to do that without explaining it to him, so I did. Basically I told him that we need a one month break, to which he said it was 'bull****' and 'not fair'. I asked him what he felt about me, but he said he 'didn't know. He admits that he gets jealous when he sees me with other guys, and that we're 80% "in an relationship already". ...However...there is still the problem of "I don't know how I feel about you". I'm doing the NC thing -- against his wishes, prolly. But, I can't stop thinking what if... Link to post Share on other sites
someotherguy Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 You both made a complete hash of this thing. You friend zoned him, then he reciprocates by friend zoning you. You both get jealous and back off. Then you start NC. Ugh. You have two choices. If you want a relationship with him, just call him up and tell him you want to have him over for dinner, and then make him something or order in chinese. Then just tell him you f'ed up and that you want him, you know he wants you, and you want to give it a chance. Or, keep up the NC and learn to be happy with him not being in your life. Frankly, staying friends with him is not going to work, one of you is going to have some really hard feelings and it will all blow up at some point in the future anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 He's Just Not That Into You Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 He's not exactly accepting you, but not exactly rejecting you, either. Hmmmm. My guess is he may be after some kind of FWB situation. If you really like him, don't go there. Once a guy gets you in a FWB relationship, it will never go any further. Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Here's my take, as a guy. You're friends. I would almost guarantee he's liked you all along, that's how it works. He tried to hook up with you because he couldn't bottle it up anymore. That's what we do, we bottle it up. Chances are he was thinking "well, we're good friends, and the only difference between a friendship and a relationship is sex so if we hook up then we'll have a relationship." That's guy "think". You shot him down, so he's a little pissed, more like embarassed in front of a good friend...you! The next weekend he realized that his original plan was a bad plan to begin with. Then he decided to tell you what he really wanted, a relationship. But, you put him through the ringer by letting him spill his guts and tell you ALL the reasons you should be together. By the time that was over he was totally frustrated and just discouraged because he's been bottling this all up FOREVER and you just made a difficult situation worse for him. THAT's why he 'doesn't know how he feels about you'. You have made it difficult for him, and not in a 'hard to get' sort of way but in a 'god what do I have to do to get this girl, I can't go through much more of this' sort of way. So, my recommendation, as a guy, would be to NOT take a break for at least 2 reasons. 1. He will try his best to 'get over' you and there's a good chance it will work. we've all had crushes or similar feelings before and we know that it will go away eventually if we try hard enough. 2. In the process of getting over you he's likely to find another girl which is the ultimate trick in getting over someone. It's CLEAR that you two like each other a lot, whether you know it or not, but I think you do. It's your turn to make a move because he's put himself out there to a (girl)friend, which is really hard to do to begin with and been shot down. Do NOT 'have a talk about it' with him anymore. He wants to forget all that pain he just went through. Invite him over like the previous poster said, give him a big long hug, long enough that he notices something different. Just plain act like you like him, give him a little bit of body language and look at him like you want him while trying to maintain a normal conversation. Just be a little sexy and JUST KISS HIM when the time is right!!! Preferably sooner rather than later because then you'll have a whole night of fun ahead of you, but if it starts getting late and the time hasn't come, walk over, grab his hand or the back of his neck, say 'c'mere' and just do it! Like I said, it's your move and he'll appreciate you taking the initiative since he already has! It probably sounds bold but when a guy likes you there's absolutely no chance he won't kiss you back. The only thing is you should set the stage a little so he's not completely thrown off guard. That's what the big long hug and the hint of sexiness is for. Remember, just because he addressed the situation poorly doesn't say anything at all about his character or manliness or toughness. He's just a guy, 95% of us are terrible at this sort of thing. Good Luck! I'm excited for you, maybe him even more since he's about to get a nice surprise. P.S. I registered here so I could reply to your post because it was so interesting and sounded like there was still hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 If a guy says that he "doesn't know how he feels" about a girl, I'm assuming that means "I like you as a friend, but don't want to shoot you down since you're a friend". Case in point: had a good friend for three years. Everything was fine, but in the last few months things have gotten odd. I had a conversation with him a few weeks ago about 'us'. His answer was simply that he 'doesn't know' how he feels about me. So he liked you.. He held it in for awhile Finally told you.. you passed Asked you out and spilled his guts... you still passed He gave up.. Few days later.. "Eh ya know maybe I do feel for him" Now you want to hook up.. Seems more like a pity date and acquiescence then actual feelings. Give him a week or so.. then try again. Link to post Share on other sites
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