Glenguy Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Unless a couple are planning to live in the same location shortly after they meet, or if they are only platonic friends, why do they have to drag out the long distance thing? It appears to me that all that prolonged absences accomplish is grief and misery. Couples need to be together in order for the relationship to survive, otherwise, get over it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Relationships are as varied and sundry as the individuals who pursue them. Some people can have healthy LDR's and some people can't live together to save their lives. We're all different. I'd have no issues with a LDR if the end goal was to be together in a timeframe we mutually agreed upon. That's my boundary. YMMV Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 LDRs can be pointless, or they can be very worth it. It all depends on how you approach them. If you aren't looking for a serious relationship, you're probably wasting your time. LDRs without a commitment and a plan rarely make it anywhere. I've just gotten out of a LDR. The guy meant everything to me - I would've gone to the end of the world for him. Although he claimed the same, in the end he was just unwilling or incapable of putting in the effort that it takes to sustain a LDR. We broke it off due to a number of problems that arose from this, but I certainly don't regret trying to make it work. If things had been different on his end, I am sure we would have been very happy and it would have been worth the wait. Arabella Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 If you'll notice, there have been countless threads created about this very same question. A few within the last 2 months or so. And we do it because we're in love. Blissfully and happily in love. Although I do agree that LDR's without a plan rarely make it anywhere. You have to have a common goal. My goal will be met on June 26th of next year. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 Well an LDR is like any other relationship in your life. There are two people and they each have needs and an existing framework in their lives. They need to listen to each other and if one person dominates the relationship to the exclusion of the other person's needs, then it won't work. e.g. one is in med school. So the entire relationship revolves around the med school school calendar etc etc. That doesn't sound like a balanced relationship to me. So the problem isn't the distance. The problem is the balance (give and take - ie listening). Link to post Share on other sites
SophieA Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Well an LDR is like any other relationship in your life. There are two people and they each have needs and an existing framework in their lives. They need to listen to each other and if one person dominates the relationship to the exclusion of the other person's needs, then it won't work. e.g. one is in med school. So the entire relationship revolves around the med school school calendar etc etc. That doesn't sound like a balanced relationship to me. So the problem isn't the distance. The problem is the balance (give and take - ie listening). Errrrm. No. My bf is in med school and our relationship does not revolve around med school, nor is it out of balance. He always makes sure to take time out for me, makes me feel loved, and is always always always there when I need him. I, in turn, love him and respect him enough to support and encourage him to follow his dreams. LDRs are just like any other relationship, just that some unforseen circumstance caused the distance to come into play, and you have to work a little harder to stay connected. Link to post Share on other sites
SophieA Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Unless a couple are planning to live in the same location shortly after they meet, or if they are only platonic friends, why do they have to drag out the long distance thing? It appears to me that all that prolonged absences accomplish is grief and misery. Couples need to be together in order for the relationship to survive, otherwise, get over it and move on. If two consenting adults on opposite sides of the world want to be together, let them. I don't think it's anyone's business. Link to post Share on other sites
Romance Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 While the distance sucksssss, sometimes it is necessary. I live 5 hours from my boyfriend now and have for the past year and a half. Hopefully though, in August, I'll be living 45 minutes away at a college near him:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 If two consenting adults on opposite sides of the world want to be together, let them. I don't think it's anyone's business. Exactly. Clearly they think it's worth it, who cares if others don't agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Unless a couple are planning to live in the same location shortly after they meet, or if they are only platonic friends, why do they have to drag out the long distance thing? It appears to me that all that prolonged absences accomplish is grief and misery. Couples need to be together in order for the relationship to survive, otherwise, get over it and move on. Well you know IMO, if the relationship is meant to be it can survive the distance. If you love someone then you LOVE someone. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Unless a couple are planning to live in the same location shortly after they meet, or if they are only platonic friends, why do they have to drag out the long distance thing? It appears to me that all that prolonged absences accomplish is grief and misery. Couples need to be together in order for the relationship to survive, otherwise, get over it and move on. Personally I use to be against any kind of LDR, but things have changed. They can be successful. Yes LDRs are hard at times, but if both sides love each other and are willing to make things work, then more power to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Ecosse Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Ive become more intimate with my GF in our LDR than I ever have been in any other relationship... The distance sucks but I suppose we are both of the mindset that quality surpasses quantity... We only see eachother every 2-3 months but we talk almost every day... Agreed that they are tough and communication is key but if you love that person and they love you... well we make it work and quite well Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I dunno about you guys, but I wouldn't take too seriously the opinions of someone who makes a post just to flaunt his preference of dating 20-something-year-old women when he's 47. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Unless a couple are planning to live in the same location shortly after they meet, or if they are only platonic friends, why do they have to drag out the long distance thing? It appears to me that all that prolonged absences accomplish is grief and misery. Couples need to be together in order for the relationship to survive, otherwise, get over it and move on. Perhaps you miss that in all relationships people grow and change. Certainly this is not the point of having an LDR - BUT the people in them can very much get things out of that time. No matter if they work out in the end or not. Believe me there is an intimacy that people in LDRs have - all you have are words to share across the miles. That means you have to talk. And talk. And talk. If two people are really honestly themselves there is no way you could build a more intimate bond than that. My LDR recently ended. It was not a horrible tragedy. It did not give me only grief and misery. In fact I had many happy loving wonderful years. I adored him and he adored me without question at one point and it was happiness. I learned so much about myself and relationships. I learned more about communication and honesty than I ever would have in a relationship that had physicality. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenguy Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) I dunno about you guys, but I wouldn't take too seriously the opinions of someone who makes a post just to flaunt his preference of dating 20-something-year-old women when he's 47. Caught this one a bit late, but you sound like a typical young middle age hater who thinks he/she knows everything, but in reality knows very little. I have an aunt and uncle who were married around 1960....he was 40 and she was about 18. They always had a good marriage, and they are still married to this day. Get over your prejudices! Edited December 16, 2009 by Glenguy Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Glenguy, I hate to say it, but that sounds like the pot calling the kettle black to me. You tell Elswyth to get over her prejudices, but you're the one making a thread in the LDR forum about if they're worth it. Get rid of yours, and she'll get rid of hers. That may not be your intentions, but that's what it sounds like to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenguy Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) Excuse me? What I said about LDR has more to do with my question as to whether or not they are worth it and NOTHING to do with prejudices against age, race, or gender. Elwith's comment had more to do with descrimination and prejudice against age....and that's something I think is wrong. I thought this was an open forum not limited to a certain age group....I guess I was wrong. Edited December 16, 2009 by Glenguy Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Excuse me? What I said about LDR has more to do with my question as to whether or not they are worth it and NOTHING to do with prejudices. Elwith's comment had more to do with descrimination and prejudice against age....and that's something I think is wrong. I thought this was an open forum not limited to a certain age group. Sorry, but it's exactly the same thing. You getting mad at her for saying something about you dating younger women is the SAME THING as you posting the thread about LDR's not being worth it. It's all about LIFE CHOICES. You choose to date younger women, we choose(well I wouldn't say "choose") to be in a relationship with people who are far away. It IS the same thing whether you'd choose to believe it or not. And let me ask you this: Why would you post a thread about LDR's being worth it/not being worth it if you aren't in one? I'll bet it's because you don't agree with them. Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, meet pot. Link to post Share on other sites
carvidep Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I think Glenguy was just genuinely curious about why people in LDR's decide to follow through with it. Maybe he's interested in a girl who lives far away and is wondering if he'd have a chance with her. Or there may be no other reason than to learn more about other people. I understand where Roller is upset. LDR's are a sensitive subject for those of us in them and hearing people question the integrity of an LDR causes us to assume that those people believe that it can't work and isn't worth trying. At least that's how it makes me feel. But I don't think that's Glenguy's intent here, so cut him a little slack. Link to post Share on other sites
carvidep Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 eep! I got his post confused with someone else's post. I think maybe the slack should be given in reverse order. sorry for posting without reading ahead! Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 It's alright. I'm not actually upset. I just find it odd that glenguy is getting flustered at Elswyth for something he himself is guilty of doing. People are always going to question LDRs, it's the nature of the beast. You don't understand it until you're in one, and even then you might not understand and appreciate what it is. Getting angry about it wont solve anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenguy Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 Rollercoaster, if you read my original post I'm sure you will see that I was merely questioning something that I didn't clearly understand. I clearly wasn't descriminating or attacking anyone personally, so I don't see how your "pot calling the kettle black" accusation stands up. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) Rollercoaster, if you read my original post I'm sure you will see that I was merely questioning something that I didn't clearly understand. I clearly wasn't descriminating or attacking anyone personally, so I don't see how your "pot calling the kettle black" accusation stands up. My accusation stands not from your original post, but from your little freak out you had over Elswyth. For you to be an older man, using a word like "hater" shows a lot of immaturity. Both issues are controversial. But yet you feel questioning why people get involved in LDR's is okay, but someone questioning your dating preferences isn't. Also, your OP does sound a bit bitter. Have you ever been in an LDR? If you haven't, how would you know that if people aren't together, the relationship wont survive? You don't. LDR's have no more risk of failing that an in person relationship does. And they don't always bring misery. Look at IG. Her relationship might not have survived, but she got a lot of happiness from hers. She isn't bitter. Her reason for failure could have happened in person as well. Any of us here could see our relationship die, but those who are truly in love will fight tooth and nail for the ones we love, just like IG did until the very end. You can't say with 100% certainty that ANY relationship will fail. Edited December 16, 2009 by Rollercoasterr Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenguy Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) Ok, Rollercoaster, I take back the term "hater" in my resonse to Elwyth's post, maybe that was a little too strong, but Her/his post was clearly not geared to QUESTION my dating preferences. It was clearly a rude and sarcastic comment obviously geared to influence the other posters as to not take me seriously based on my age and dating preferences, and if you still can't see that, then I give up. And I can't see how you interpret my original post as having a bitter tone....and as I stated in my previous post, I was merely questioning something that I didn't quite understand....nothing to do with being bitter or prejudiced and if I offended anyone by starting this post, then I offer my appologies....and if LDR's work out for people in the long run, then who am I to knock them? I hope they work out. Edited December 16, 2009 by Glenguy Link to post Share on other sites
Sadgati Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I dunno about you guys, but I wouldn't take too seriously the opinions of someone who makes a post just to flaunt his preference of dating 20-something-year-old women when he's 47. LOL!! Good point. I just went back to read that thread after you mentioned it because I had forgotten about it. I think I struck a nerve in there. At first I tried being helpful and offering a suggestion how to find out which of the two, but..... it went on. The scenario was..., A younger girl works where you do, yet you also admit she speaks to you NO differently than she does anyone else, NEVER asks you anything personal about yourself, so...since you said she expresses NO personal interest in you ....(oh, he mentioned she had never touched him)...so the conclusion he reached was she was giving him bedroom eyes...then he found out she was TAKEN... (surprise, surprise) So the next conclusion he reached was that even though she was taken, she had wanted him and he was flattered. Okayyyy... whatever. (and it is creepy thinking if you are in a business setting being polite or smiling at some older man they are making it into something sexual or telling your peers you are giving them bedroom eyes, when you clearly aren't making any effort to become personal with them, and you had admitted that yourself) If both are adults then they can make their own choices...whatever relationship works best for them and makes them happy...age or LDR. Link to post Share on other sites
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