maxmuscle Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Women, Why do you dwell on finding the perfect man or perfect relationship? There is no such thing! Its almost impossible to keep the passion inside a person alive. Every relationship starts out with a bang or boom. Then it dies down. The newness is gone. So what do you do? Head for the next exit. Stop watching soap opras or oprah. Its like you are waiting you whole life to be swept off your feet in a different demension. A white stallion horse with wings and your princess. Its all fairy tale. A realtionship should be built on love, communication and understanding. That is the only Phenomena or Demension you will experience. Not something that is not humanly possible. Many of times what woman resist in a man is only a mirrior reflection of what exist in you, but unwilling to face it. I think that some women are living a lie. They love us, but the realtionship is not going to work because it not conflict free. If you think one minute that anybody has the answer to a perfect relationship then you are kiding yourselves. Note: I am not saying ALL women are this way, but sometimes it feels like it. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 i know where you are coming from maxmuscle although it is good that you added how not all women are that way infact i know men who are exactly the same, want a supermodel, an IQ of 190 and £1000000 in the bank blah blah etc. etc. i was told recently by my ex that suddenly she didn't think she could love me and there was no spark and she wants 100% and not 90% there maybe a lot more to this and you can read my post in Breaking Up, Reconcilation according to both of us, my friends and her friends we were an ideal couple and superbly matched similiar intelligence, good family, same religious beliefs, similar music... the list goes on I think nowadays there is an added pressure on people to pursue this idea when in reality a woman is lucky if she gets a good man who will love her without measure and the same thing with a man! it is seemingly rare these days to get people to stay together in love i was told that there are too many relationships out there without love or just love on one side and that she didn't want to be like that and we only knew each other for 4 months Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 I think that one thing that happens -- especially with younger people who haven't experienced much, understandably -- is that there is always this nagging feeling that maybe there's something/someone better out there and they're afraid to "settle" just yet for fear they will miss out on that better person down the line. And in our society today there are so many temptations and people without scruples who are willing to try to seduce someone whether they are already with someone or not. Human nature takes over and some people can't resist the urge for that "new" feeling, that lust that may have worn off in the former relationship. It's a shame. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted December 16, 2003 Author Share Posted December 16, 2003 BrainRightHeartWrong, I was with my ex for 3 years, but she ended it for her reasons. Since the breakup she has emailed me telling me that I'm special, love me and misses us being a family. She just email me today saying she wants to go visit my sister in NY. Why would she end the realionship in the fiirst place? She is still keeping in contact with me and my family. But she has her reasons for ending the relationship. I think because her life is not in order. This is horse manure! Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted December 16, 2003 Author Share Posted December 16, 2003 cindy0039, When do the cycle stop? When one day they wake up 40 years old to find themselves alone? When does it end? Nowadays, people are damn lucky to get unconditional love and communication. forget wanting somone rich and financially stable. How shallow have this society has become? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 i don't know why that is maxmuscle, i would just be speculating, all i can say is what you have heard over and over i am sure... give her space, time and just see what happens! cindy0039 maybe you are right and especially about younger people who are more prone to searching for utopia than us older folk nomatter who a peson maybe you can't maintain that new feeling for ever, a relationship changes in feeling you talk about the disappearance of lust in a relationship... it may have happened to me, i was told i didn't make her feel special... can you ever get it back? i believe you could if both people had it in the first place Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted December 16, 2003 Author Share Posted December 16, 2003 BrainRightHeartWrong, That's what pisses me off. My borhter ex told him that she lost the special feeling? I think another reason my ex broke it off because she too has lost that special feeling. Do woman every think maybe the relationship has settled and the newness has worn off. Link to post Share on other sites
shagua Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Was anything wrong with the women yesterday? I guess that's all you know about the big differences between your grandma and wife Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Originally posted by maxmuscle cindy0039, When do the cycle stop? When one day they wake up 40 years old to find themselves alone? When does it end? Nowadays, people are damn lucky to get unconditional love and communication. forget wanting somone rich and financially stable. How shallow have this society has become? Well, there's no way to predict that. Obviously, it depends on the person. Everybody is different. Trust me, not everybody (notice I'm referring to people in general, not just women) is that shallow and fickle. There are people who fall in love and are content and committed for life. You will find someone like that. Have faith. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Originally posted by cindy0039 Trust me, not everybody (notice I'm referring to people in general, not just women) is that shallow and fickle. ........Shallow and Fickle are my friends....they don't make demands......hahahaha!...... Max, Most women aren't looking for a perfect man or perfect relationship. They are just looking for a combination of the two they can live with and be happy with. Just because one man doesn't represent those things to one woman....doesn't mean he won't represent those things to another woman. It comes down to being a personal choice. Once you add love in the equation......those perfect expectations take on a whole new dynamic....and aren't so important anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted December 16, 2003 Author Share Posted December 16, 2003 Arabess, I guess I will never figure a woman out. My ex breaks up with me. Since the break up, she has emailed me saying I miss you, I love you, and I am special. Then she email me today saying that she wants to go vsist MY sister in NY. Also she said she was going to call me tonite to let me speak with her daughter because I accepted her as my own. What is up with all this? She is the one that wanted the breakup, but she is saying these things to me and wants to go visit my sister? Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Obviously this woman cared (and still cares) for you a great deal. Just because two people break up doesn't mean they have to hate one another...yes? How long has it been since you two broke up? What did she give as her reason(s)? I get the feeling that maybe this contact is bothering you because it's bittersweet to have contact with her and yet not "have" her. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I am finding it a little difficult to have contact with my ex and not "have" her, like you said. Its really hard, but at least we are friends right now. for a while after the break-up I think she saw me as her enemy! not a nice thought! No, I'll change that, we are very good friends, she said that herself. I hope that in being friends we can one day (soon?) progress back into a relationship. My point is that sure the contact is hard / bittersweet as you say, but it's got to be a step in the right direction towards reconciliation of your relationship right? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 mr_roggger it must be one of the hardest things to do on the planet, i sort of hope i'm ready to embark on this myself and although my heart would love to have her back my brain says no hence the name! i don't think my ex will see me as the enemy but i really hope to have a good friendship with her as i did during our relationship can or has anyone ever done what mr_roggger hopes for? Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 It is just as hard as the no contact thing. Now I have contact with her again, I find myself thinking about her more and almost worrying about what she is doing when I don't hear from her. I also find myself reading into things too much. However, there is no doubt that it is a nice feeling being in contact with her again, although it is hard as the contact is so minimal. However, too much contact may very well push her away again, as would spending too much time together. Remember when you first started dating your ex, how you didn't meet up that often and just hang out. tim was precious then, and that is what it is now. Hard though, I must admit. I'm gonna put an update on my last thread now as I am in need of some advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 Cindy0039, Its been over two months. She wanted to break up because her life is not in any order. She is 25 with a high school education. She wanted to pursue more in her life. I have my MBA, I think she wanted to do some catching-up with her life. Also we was both struggling with jobs. It was an extremely financial burden on the both of us. We/she had too much to pay out regarding bills. We both worked on temporary assignments. So you know the pay is crap. All in all, I guess she was down right not happy about her life. Then she wanted to hang out with her freinds more and to live a single life because she is not having any fun with her life. (Whatever that means) I think I understand her problems. I just have to let her sort things out on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Max, Sometimes someone can be disatisfied with the 'content' of the relationship.....but really doesn't stop loving the person they are in the relationship with. I broke up with someone once who I loved with all my heart....but there were aspects of the relationship which make me unhappy and unfulfilled. I flip-flopped back and forth the same way she is doing. That poor man had no idea from day to day how I was going to react to anything. The bottom line is...she is probably more confused than you are! LOL! She may want YOU...but not the tedious stuff which comes when money is short and it seems you are in a big rut. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to try to address some of the aspects of the relationship....such as the financial burdens. Let her know you are willing to work on the instabilites if she will work with you towards a common goal. If she doesn't want to do that....well, stay friends.....and keep on working on it for yourself. She may or may not end up coming back. You can never tell about those things. But, at least, you'll have given it your best effort, plus changed some of the areas of your life which you are probably unhappy with also. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 Arabess, I will not enter into another relationship or with her being broke. Truthfully, its not about her, its about me having my stuff together so I can be happy. Having an MBA is like a double edge sword. I know I will land on my feet eventually. I hope my ex can find her way with her life. I am kind of a pessimist when it comes to relationships. I expect the worst so If my ex never come back it was never meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 At least in expecting the worst you won't be crushed if it doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 mr_roggger , I agree 100% Deep down, you would love it to work out, but openly expect it to crash and burn. I love my ex, I will not make the first move to get her back. She broke it off with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I don't know that I ever expect the WORSE outcome.....but I've learned never to plan on the BEST outcome. Love is a goofy thing. I think that's why we have beer! Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Feelings… I think she might be looking for the emotional experience that she thinks is love. That is called an erotic sexual fantasy, and it usually lasts for 3 months. Think of it as nature’s way to tricking two people into pairing. Maybe she is a junkie wanting to relive that experience or have it last indefinitely. Maybe somebody should explain to her that real relationships require effort. This could also be a power issue. She is a cat, and you are a mouse. She is tossing you around as she pleases, and she has nothing better to do. Why put up with that? maxmuscle Then she wanted to hang out with her freinds more and to live a single life because she is not having any fun with her life.Life is hard!!! If you understand and accept it, why can’t she? Maybe she would marry you if you omitted the ‘for worse’ clause. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maxmuscle Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 Blockhead, What I don't understand is she was struggling with me so she wanted to be on her on. Nothing has change since she broke up with me, she is still struggling. Why not struggle together? Link to post Share on other sites
CanadianBornCutie Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Max I totally feel for you! My ex too 25 he left because he felt like he wasn't going anywhere with his life, he only had highschool education sure he works as an assistant manager but at a family run business. He lives paycheck to paycheck and though we were happy i could tell he was not happy with his life. He needed to be free, figure out his life and yes be selfish. Right now he is in the same place, ntohing has really changed and I do ask myself everyday why not go throught hings together, that's what a relationship is for. But i realized that he needs to find his happiness on his own, as much as I still care for him and he me, i can only watch from a distance. Its tough..... Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 maxmuscle What I don't understand is she was struggling with me so she wanted to be on her on. Nothing has change since she broke up with me, she is still struggling.I think money might also be an issue. Why work hard if you can get on the gravy train? Maybe she is still looking for the train. Maybe she is very emotional, and she is acts on those emotions. I know that women tend to be more hormonal, and that seems to affect their emotions and to some extent, their thinking. You might be looking for a reason while there is no logic in her decision-making. Maybe the alignment of the planets is working against you in some way, or maybe the fluctuation in lunar gravitation is somehow affecting her. Here is a list of some potential reasons 1. She wants to live out an emotional fantasy 2. She wants to wield some power over you. 3. She doesn’t want to deal with the difficulties in a relationship with you. Run away from the problems. 4. She is looking for a sugar daddy. 5. She is a creature ruled by raw emotion. Analyzing her will drive you crazy. Some other potential reasons that were provided. 6. She is too idealistic. 7. She is too immature 8. She doesn’t have a clue. Only Forrest Gump can drift blindly through life. 9. She is too selfish. In any case, I don’t think you should put your life on hold for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts