How can I choose between 2 men? Both of whom I have feelings for

[beeb1]

I've been dating Joe for 6 years and we've been engaged for 3 yrs. He's a great guy....everything a woman would want for a boyfriend. I love him dearly. The problem is that he is 31 (I am 28) and he lives hand to mouth. No savings, moves constantly, and doesn't believe in planning for the future. He's been trying but it seems he never gets it together.

 

I met someone 8 mos ago. He is 36 and currently in school to become an RN. I won't lie....I've had a physical and emotional relationship with this man off and on for the past 8 mos. I do care very much for him.

 

Joe found out recently(neither man knew about the other) and now they both are aware of what's going on. They are both willing to have a relationship with me still(why I don't know). The problem is I'm not sure who I want to be with. I'm so confused and upset with myself. Please help!!!!!

[dlb311]

First stop having sexual relationships with at least one of them. That isn't cool even if they don't care. You are bothered by this because you feel its wrong so she should stop. Its hard but who can you see yourself growing old with. Which one is more compatiable with you and your needs. You obviously went astray because something was missing in the other relationship. So maybe you should break things off with him. He still wants to marry you although you are sleeping with someone else. There is something wrong with his seld respect.

 

I think you should stop sleeping with one or all and make a chioce maybe you shouldn't be with either. You need to be faithful to one. Or don't have a commitited relationship with anyone.

 

That is my advice

[SoleMate]

Joe's a great guy....everything a woman would want for a boyfriend.

 

Just a gut reaction, but whenever I hear this line, I get the impression the speaker is trying to talk herself into something that looks good on paper, but in reality ISN'T what she wants. And by the way, Joe doesn't really even sound good on paper to me. Moves constantly, lives hand to mouth, can't get it together...do you really want to be his bag lady bride?

 

Joe doesn't believe in planning for the future

That must make it hard for you to plan a future with him.

 

...both men are now aware of what's going on...and willing to have a relationship with me still( why I don't know).

 

I'd be confused too, if I was attmepting to live up to a monogamous ideal, and failing, and THEN found out that the men involved didn't really insist on a monogamous ideal either.

 

The problem is I'm not sure who I want to be with. I'm so confused and upset with myself. Please help!!!!!

I would recommend backing away from both men for a time so you can get clarity on what YOU want. Sounds like the double life is taking its inevitable toll.

[Arabess]

If you can't chose between two people.....chances are you don't love either one of them to be commited to them in a relationship in it's full capacity.

 

Two men are fun, it gives you a standby if one doesn't work out.....but I would never confuse that with real love. Real love is shared by two people.....not one and a spare. LOL!

 

I didn't mean that at all judgemental Beeb... I was just stating my opinion on the subject of loving two people at one time. I think if one is lacking what the other has and vice versa......neither one is enough to fulfill what you are looking for.

[Skittles]

Originally posted by SoleMate

Moves constantly, lives hand to mouth, can't get it together...do you really want to be his bag lady bride?

 

 

 

SoleMate has this nailed!........

 

 

Because when the final notice comes in the mail, love ain't paying that bill....

 

So you may want to reconsider contestant #1.....?