confused&lost Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 We have been separated for almost 3 weeks now. It should be our anniversary this coming Friday. I feel lost without him. I want to talk to him. We used to talk to each other everyday. Now, I'm lucky to talk to him twice a week. We talked this week and it made me so happy. I miss him so much. He says this is only a break, and I believe him because it has been two and a half years. Love just doesn't stop and if you knew him, he is the most caring, loving, shy guy you'll ever meet. I believe this really is a break because the long distance thing is hard to handle. My parents both told me today that they think I'm being ridiculous for wanting to talk to him because I'm being desperate. They obviously don't know him very well. And now I can't stand either of my parents because I have a broken heart as it is then you tell me that I'm being an idiot?! I love him and he loves me. Am I really being ridiculous? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 It's hard to say as I don't know your story, I never thought my ex would leave me but he did after 18 years, we were so loving and used to be so solid. I miss him desperately. We still meet up, as friends. Why did you separate? Is it purely cos it's long distance? My ex is the most loving, caring, person too, and quite shy. You're not an idiot and you're not being ridiculous. You need to ask him what is happening, to put your mind at rest, hopefully. I hope things work out for you hun. We have been separated for almost 3 weeks now. It should be our anniversary this coming Friday. I feel lost without him. I want to talk to him. We used to talk to each other everyday. Now, I'm lucky to talk to him twice a week. We talked this week and it made me so happy. I miss him so much. He says this is only a break, and I believe him because it has been two and a half years. Love just doesn't stop and if you knew him, he is the most caring, loving, shy guy you'll ever meet. I believe this really is a break because the long distance thing is hard to handle. My parents both told me today that they think I'm being ridiculous for wanting to talk to him because I'm being desperate. They obviously don't know him very well. And now I can't stand either of my parents because I have a broken heart as it is then you tell me that I'm being an idiot?! I love him and he loves me. Am I really being ridiculous? Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 We have been separated for almost 3 weeks now. It should be our anniversary this coming Friday. I feel lost without him. I want to talk to him. We used to talk to each other everyday. Now, I'm lucky to talk to him twice a week. We talked this week and it made me so happy. I miss him so much. He says this is only a break, and I believe him because it has been two and a half years. Love just doesn't stop and if you knew him, he is the most caring, loving, shy guy you'll ever meet. I believe this really is a break because the long distance thing is hard to handle. My parents both told me today that they think I'm being ridiculous for wanting to talk to him because I'm being desperate. They obviously don't know him very well. And now I can't stand either of my parents because I have a broken heart as it is then you tell me that I'm being an idiot?! I love him and he loves me. Am I really being ridiculous? I don't think your parents should have said that to you....but don't be too harsh on them. Ultimately they do not want to see you being delusional and living your life waiting on this man, which is perhaps why they said what they said. It is normal to want to talk to your ex.....it has only been 3 weeks. I don't know the situation enough to say if it really sounds like a break or whatnot, but in my opinion, breaks are no different from break ups...EXCEPT they are more confusing. If you are on a break, that means you are no longer together, that is the exact same thing as a break up. The difference is that breaks lead to hope, breaks make it seem as though at x time we will definitely be together again, but in reality the persons are free and can technically do whatever they want but bc it is a break the other party feels betrayed...when does a break end? Most times there is no time frame....so how do you live your life in this unknown thinking you are on a break? A break and a break up are the same.....except in a break up you are more inclined to try to move on whereas a break is where you have this hope that often may be detrimental. My ex and I were supposed to be on a break...and that lead into him doing whatever he wanted that I could not do anything about and it was just an overall upsetting scenario. So from my experience the next time someone wants a break, they can have it, that means we are broken up! Something to consider.... Link to post Share on other sites
puppydog Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Most breaks lead to break ups so you need to be realistic about what's going on here. If distance really is the issue here, you guys both need to come to a conclusion about whether you are really committed to making this happen. If he is on the fence, it's time to reevaluate whether this is what you really want. Half-hearted commitment is not the way to go and you're just cheating yourself of a real relationship. At the same time, some time apart might not be a bad idea to give both of you guys some time to think and miss each other. The whole "taking a break" but still talking? I don't know. Doesn't sound healthy. You don't want to hang onto someone who doesn't want you 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused&lost Posted December 6, 2009 Author Share Posted December 6, 2009 It's hard to say as I don't know your story, I never thought my ex would leave me but he did after 18 years, we were so loving and used to be so solid. I miss him desperately. We still meet up, as friends. Why did you separate? Is it purely cos it's long distance? My ex is the most loving, caring, person too, and quite shy. You're not an idiot and you're not being ridiculous. You need to ask him what is happening, to put your mind at rest, hopefully. I hope things work out for you hun. --How did you handle it ending after 18 years? I'm crushed after two and a half. I'm sorry!! We separated because...well I got a lot of reasons....but who knows what the real thing is. He says it's because we're 5 hours away at different colleges. Then he has been my only boyfriend and I have been his only girlfriend. He says he doesn't want to regret only dating one person his entire life. Before that, he sends me a text that says "ur the girl I want. Its just the situation that makes this difficult." He is still really sweet when we text each other, so I feel like he still wants this to work out. Also, we're about to go on Christmas break for 3 weeks and we live around the corner from each other. We did the long distance thing our freshman year of college...why is it not working out now? Last Christmas break we spent every single day with each other. This break I feel is going to be miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused&lost Posted December 6, 2009 Author Share Posted December 6, 2009 I don't think your parents should have said that to you....but don't be too harsh on them. Ultimately they do not want to see you being delusional and living your life waiting on this man, which is perhaps why they said what they said. It is normal to want to talk to your ex.....it has only been 3 weeks. I don't know the situation enough to say if it really sounds like a break or whatnot, but in my opinion, breaks are no different from break ups...EXCEPT they are more confusing. If you are on a break, that means you are no longer together, that is the exact same thing as a break up. The difference is that breaks lead to hope, breaks make it seem as though at x time we will definitely be together again, but in reality the persons are free and can technically do whatever they want but bc it is a break the other party feels betrayed...when does a break end? Most times there is no time frame....so how do you live your life in this unknown thinking you are on a break? A break and a break up are the same.....except in a break up you are more inclined to try to move on whereas a break is where you have this hope that often may be detrimental. My ex and I were supposed to be on a break...and that lead into him doing whatever he wanted that I could not do anything about and it was just an overall upsetting scenario. So from my experience the next time someone wants a break, they can have it, that means we are broken up! Something to consider.... --I totally agree. That's exactly the same way I see it. Breaks=break ups. With this break all I have is confusion in my head. Do I get him a Christmas gift do I not? Do I talk to him do I not? Does he still love me after two and a half years? So many thoughts are running through my head. I feel like an idiot because I have judged family members for waiting around for guys that I think were jerks. But my boyfriend really isn't a jerk. He's such a sweetheart and gentleman. So I feel like it's a different situation for waiting around for him to come back to me. But then I feel like such a wimp because it's basically like I'm telling him, "Yeah, go ahead and do whatever you want I'll be here waiting not doing anything." We're about to go on Christmas break for 3 weeks and we live like 5 minutes from each other. So I feel like it's going to be better when we see each other, but then we'll be 5 hours away from each other again. I don't want him to think we can only be a couple when we're together then he is free to do what he wants when we're away at school. AHHHHH!!! I don't know Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 The terrible thing is that you are weaning him off of you by continuing to talk. You may want to. But if you had gone cold turkey there's a good chance he'd have just as many times where he is thinking he wants to talk to you - then when he finally broke down and called you would be at a point of talking reconciliation. ----- This is ESPECIALLY true if you are long distance. Now - he gets to talk to you -- obviously what he likes about you since you have been long distance - so he gets what he needs and he gets it as often as he reaches out to get it -- but he has none of the commitment and no reason to go back to relationship constrictions. So he gets what he wants --- and you get far less than what you want. And don't ever settle for less than what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 --I totally agree. That's exactly the same way I see it. Breaks=break ups. With this break all I have is confusion in my head. Do I get him a Christmas gift do I not? Do I talk to him do I not? Does he still love me after two and a half years? So many thoughts are running through my head. I feel like an idiot because I have judged family members for waiting around for guys that I think were jerks. But my boyfriend really isn't a jerk. He's such a sweetheart and gentleman. So I feel like it's a different situation for waiting around for him to come back to me. But then I feel like such a wimp because it's basically like I'm telling him, "Yeah, go ahead and do whatever you want I'll be here waiting not doing anything." We're about to go on Christmas break for 3 weeks and we live like 5 minutes from each other. So I feel like it's going to be better when we see each other, but then we'll be 5 hours away from each other again. I don't want him to think we can only be a couple when we're together then he is free to do what he wants when we're away at school. AHHHHH!!! I don't know Yeppp it is just really toying with your emotions.... As for what you said about waiting aorund....regardless of he is a sweetheart, jerk or Jesus...you shouldn't have to sit around waiting for him. Since I brought up Jesus, as an example, Christians believe in the second coming of Jesus Christ but the point is, they do not know WHEN he will come back so what do they do? Sit down in church everyday praying? Go to a mountain and look in the sky everyday? Nope! They live there lives, be productive with that thought in mind. Jesus has not come back but atleast their lives were worthwhile...if they were just waiting idly and he didn't come back, it would have been such a waste. Same thing....him being a nice guy really doesn't mean anything. He may not want to hurt you...but it is very possible that overtime he loses feelings, or he decided to date around or whatever the case is...he is a human being and those things are normal, can you imagine waiting around and finding that out? The way I see it...like with my ex, I let him go and did me and if it is meant to be it will be. But I was not going to sit around waiting for him and I appreciated that he even said that he wouldn't ask me to do that because it is torture. I thought he was being a douche at the time and just really didn't want me and was trying to let me down easy but then I realized, he was actually considering my feelings. Around 9 months later....my ex has resurfaced in my life. I do not know how things will pan out, but the point was....I LET HIM GO. He went ahead to participate in all types of foolish behavior, have a rebound relationship and while I saw all these things...I never said a word. It was the haaaaaaaardest thing! But I realized, what is to be will be, and I have to let him go. I did....he has come back ON HIS OWN. I think you should do the same. You have to. Leave the person be. They requested a break, you give them their space, do you...if it is meant to be, it will work itself out. But you cannot sit down waiting for them. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 Christians believe in the second coming of Jesus Christ but the point is, they do not know WHEN he will come back so what do they do? Jesus went NC and moved on. Christians need to let it go and move on, too. Link to post Share on other sites
waterrat Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 I agree with everything said above, and furthermore, break equals heartbreak! The longer you sit on the sidelines, the worst it gets! Sorry, but that is just the way it is. No one deserves to be put aside until the other person decides if they want you in their life or not. You are NOT a piece of furniture to be put in the garage and then one day have the dust blown of you, recovered and placed in the corner of the living room just because there is an empty space............ Link to post Share on other sites
red_cloud Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 I don't think that break = break up automatically. It depends on a lot of factor.. I was reading a book recently that said that 80% of separations end up reconciling. So you might or might not get back together with him - it really depends on the details of your situation. But calling him because you can't stand to not talk to him, having no control over your actions or emotions, and not really paying attention to what he wants (he wants space) are not attractive qualities. A loose cannon is never attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused&lost Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 I don't think that break = break up automatically. It depends on a lot of factor.. I was reading a book recently that said that 80% of separations end up reconciling. So you might or might not get back together with him - it really depends on the details of your situation. But calling him because you can't stand to not talk to him, having no control over your actions or emotions, and not really paying attention to what he wants (he wants space) are not attractive qualities. A loose cannon is never attractive. --what's the name of the book? Anything that can help me get through this right now I am willing to try. I realize I need to give him space and I've been trying but then I'm like a kid in the candy store when he texts me. I get really excited and giddy inside. It's annoying to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
red_cloud Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 --what's the name of the book? Anything that can help me get through this right now I am willing to try. I realize I need to give him space and I've been trying but then I'm like a kid in the candy store when he texts me. I get really excited and giddy inside. It's annoying to myself. I dont remember unfortunately. It was one of those divorce/marriage saving books I was browsing though at the bookstore. Link to post Share on other sites
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