My pain has turned to anger!!! How do I let all of this go???

[kyrisma]

He lied to me...Now he has left my daughter...How do I let go of the pain? Post: 1 | Quote:

 

I am a new mommie of a beautiful 5 month old girl. Unfortunately, the person who helped me bring her in this word is a LOSER!

I'll try to make this story short. Please excuse me if I ramble on. My daughters b/f has two children from a previous relationship which I knew about when I became involved with him. But he told me that they no longer had a personal relationship and they only dealt w/ each other on a parenting level.

For the three years we were together he told me over and over again how much he loved me and needed me in his life, but this whole time he was living another life.

 

We would constantly have arguments about his involvement w/ his son's mother because sometimes I felt (and my feelings were validated) he was still involved w/ her, but he will tell me to no end that he wasn't. But then I find out he married her while we were still involved! I had no idea I was going to be smacked in the face with something like that. And the only reason I found this out was because I was pregnant and I guess he felt his world was getting ready to grumble so he confessed everything to me. He also though by telling me this I would terminate my pregnancy.

 

So after fighting me about the pregnancy and telling me he wasn't going to stay in my life, he changed in mind. He started telling me how much he loved me and was sorry he hurt me that way by getting married. He told me marrying her was a big mistake and he only did it for his son. HE would tell me that he was going to get out of it, but because it just happened it was going to take some time. He said that he wanted us to be a family and he was going to take good care of his new daughter. So being stupid and vulnerable because I wated him to be there w/ me thru my pregnancy believed him.

 

That was a big mistake! I allowed him to stump all over my heart during my pregnancy and a couple months after she was born. He continued w/ his lies. He told me that he was no longer living w/ her and they were separated. I later found out that they were still together because she found my # and called me telling me they were still together and also telling me how he wasn't going to be a part of my daughter's life and that he told her he wasn't going to do anything for my daughter and that he could care less about her because. She said he said all this things because he didn't want her in the first place. She was really really nasty! And the thing about her is, she found out about him and I before that got married and she decided to marry him. That I really don't understand...

 

Anyway, I conforted him w/this and of course he denied all of it. Since that time which has been about 3 months, I told him I wanted nothing more to do w/him because he's never going to stop lying to me, plus he is still married. I only stayed in a relationship w/him during my pregnancy knowing he was marred, is becasue I didn't want to go thru it alone. Other than than, I would have not been involved w/ a married man!

 

He is still persistent that he isn't w/ her and he's working on getting a divorce. He says he wants to be w/me and our daugther. He told me he would do whatever it takes to win back my heart.

 

But after a long time of being a fool, my eyes are finally open and I know is he still lying. He just wants his cake and eat it too...He is never going to leave her and I don't want him to because I will never be able to trust he again.

 

Besides that he is not taking care of my daughter. Which is the main thing that is bothering me now. He never sees her or doesn't even call to check on her. For all he knows, GOD forbids, something could have happened to her.

 

Its been over two weeks now since the last time I've talked to him. And that's because I told him I was seeing someone else. Which isn't true, but I thought telling him that would make him leave me alone. I told him this B4, but it didn't work.

 

It looks like it worked this time, but not only has he left me alone he has walked out of my daughter's life.

 

This past couple of weeks I have just been beating myself up and constantly thinking about all kinds of things and everything he has done to me.

 

I want to know if he ever even cared about me let alone loved me? I want to know how could he just not care about her because I won't be the "other woman in his life? I want to know why didn't see all these signs sooner? I want to know why did he do all those things to me and all the while telling me he loved me?

 

I just feel as though he is living his life happy and content and not caring about anything he did to me or the fact that he has "abandoned" our daughter. I feel as though I am allowing someone who doesn't give two cents about me make me feel so miserable.

 

After all that said my question is, when will I get over all this pain? How do I get over all this pain? Everyday I think about all the things he did and I get angrier and angrier, and hate him more each day!

 

I know I'll hear from someone time heals all wounds and I believe that to be true, but I'm feeling so STUPID right now!

 

But the one thing I know, is EVERYDAY I look at my daughter and she smiles at me, I DON'T for once regret having her even though she has a JERK for a father...

 

I'm sharing my story in hopes of getting some advice and maybe an encouraging word to make me feel a little better about myself....

 

Thanks in advance...

[dyermaker]

To answer your question, you can let go of the pain by concentrating on your new responsibility. You have a responsibility to love and care for your new child, and hopefully you can find joy in her.

 

I remember when I was twelve, my crying mother read me the obituary of my recently-deceased biological father. I knew about him of course, it takes two, but he left before I was born. She felt awful that my name wasn't on the list of the surviving family members, but the feeling has since passed. My mother had loved me so much throughout my life, and had always put me first. When she met my dad (Clarity: By my dad, I mean the man who took unselfish responsibility and stepped up to the role of father by marrying my mother eight years ago, not the one who once impregnated her), she was careful to select someone who made both of us happy. I hope you find someone just like him. Now I'm at the stage in my life where parental relations are typically decreased, I recently started Drivers ed, and it turns out dad isn't cool with his son driving a Trans AM. But he just wants me to be safe, and I respect him for caring.

 

It's good that you recognize that you will heal, but you know that you have a responsibility to heal. You have an obligation to your child, and if I'm not mistaken, she'll take care of making you happy for a while

 

Best Wishes, and Good luck.

[Arabess]

You aren't stupid Sweetie......you just believed a lie from someone you thought you could trust! All the regrets in the world isn't going to change what has happened. I went thru something similar (without the baby) which left a hole in my heart so big.....I thought I would never recover! But I did......and you will too!!!

 

Guys like this are totally self serving. They flop back and forth, tell you all kinds of stories, pledge their undying love, cold one minute and hot the next. I think they are so friggin retarded....they no longer know how they feel about anything. He can only live a lie so long.....until he no longer has any concept of what truth even means.

 

What YOU have to do....is be the adult and recognize the truth for yourself. He's an ASSCLOWN! He isn't going to treat HER any better either. The same lies he's told you.....he will tell her.

 

Get yourself a lawyer to help you with the financial support HE owes you (if you can't afford one....call Social Services for help). Take good care of your beautiful baby. Take good care of yourself. And the next time he comes around....tell him to FRIG OFF!

 

The hardest thing you'll ever have to do is to get him out of your heart. The longer you dwell on it....the more it will hurt you.

 

Dyermaker is right. You have a RESPONSIBILITY to yourself and your baby to quit beating yourself up and move on from this relationship which has left you so devastated. It WILL take time.....but NO....time won't heal ALL wounds....but it sure makes them hurt less.

 

Keep posting. You aren't alone and you aren't stupid.

 

Arabess

[kyrisma]

You aren't stupid Sweetie......you just believed a lie from someone you thought you could trust! All the regrets in the world isn't going to change what has happened.

 

Thank you for saying this Arabess. I constantly think this of myself because I allowed myself to continously believe his lies. But I was too much "in love" that I was too blinded to see him for what he really was. Everyday I think about all the things he's done to me, I know now he never loved me! I just feel so bad that it took me this long to realize that....That is why I'm constantly beating myself up over all of this...

[Arabess]

Ofcourse he loved you. He just loved, and continue to loves, himself MORE!

[kyrisma]

Ofcourse he loved you.

Can you tell me how you can say that? All of his past and recent actions prove to be completely otherwise.

[Arabess]

If he didn't want you in his life, he wouldn't have spent so much time covering his relationship with her, telling you he wanted to be a family with you, telling you he loved you and needed you. If you were just someone he wanted to sleep with, he wouldn't have bothered to come up with such elaborate lies.

 

The problem with this kind of man is that he loves himself MORE. He loves himself more than you. He loves himself more than her. And he loves himself more than his children. It's always been....ALL ABOUT HIM...and what he wants and needs at the moment. It never matters what anyone else wants or needs.

[kyrisma]

The problem with this kind of man is that he loves himself MORE. He loves himself more than you. He loves himself more than her. And he loves himself more than his children. It's always been....ALL ABOUT HIM...and what he wants and needs at the moment. It never matters what anyone else wants or needs.

 

You have really hit the nail on that one. It is really ALL ABOUT HIM

 

Maybe one day he'll grow up and stop being selfish...But then again, I doubt it!!!

[Arabess]

No....he's not going to change. It isn't an 'immaturity' thing....it's part of his character. It doesn't make him a monster....or a bad person....just someone who isn't worth being in a relationship with.

 

He dumped her and their kids for you. Now he dumps you and your baby for her. If someone else comes into the picture which suits him....he'll walk away from both of you and all the kids....and go elsewhere with a whole new set of lies. He'll say how you both have used him, how you got pregnant on purpose, how his wife doesn't give him sex, how unhappy and stressed out his life is....BLAH BLAH BLAH....and some other girl will be suckered in and become his next victim.

 

The worst part is....they will NEVER take responsibility for all the pain and suffering they cause. They really DO believe they are the victim in life. It's always 'poor me, love me, have sex with me, bye".....that's what they do because they can not commit or take responsibility for anything.

[Arabess]

K,

 

Put this on your fridge....it'll make you smile once in awhile:

 

Dear Lord, I pray for:

 

Wisdom, To understand a man;

Love, To forgive him and

Patience, For his moods;

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll just beat him to death.

 

HAHAHA!!!!

[kyrisma]

That's cute...Thanks...