Husband addicted to percocet

[dfritzz]

I have been married to my husband for 17 years, for the last two my husband has been taking percocet, he has really become addicted now where he is probably taking 30 or more a day. About 2 months ago I got so frustrated with him that I slapped him a couple of times and kicked him out..Now he refuses to come home, I realize I was so very wrong, but so is he but he dosen't see it that way. My husband is a lawyer and works for himself so he has money to buy all the drugs he wants, therefore i see no rock bottom in site. Here is an actual text that he sent me, am I that wrong or just crazy.

I have alot of work to do today. I will talk to u as soon as i can. I'm not ready to be in that house. I'm sorry ur struggling with this. U maybe don't realize how bad u hurt me and my ability to be here. The damage u brought upon me is profound i'm leaning towards moving. My family people in my work life, it sucks to get out of bed. I went to play golf last weekend and it was the happiest ive been in a long time.

If this needs to be over then we should do what needs to be done. If u want to make things worse for me , then u do what u have to do (referring to me reporting him for drugs) I'm not sure of anything right now except i dont want to be in that house with or without you.

I'll talk to u when i can , or more on point when im ready.

The damage i did to him was by slapping him.

He puts all the blame on me.

I am the only one who knows about his addiction except for his dealer.

Do i pick myself up and move on or continue to fight for him.

 

dfritzz

[Lish]

I have been married to my husband for 17 years, for the last two my husband has been taking percocet, he has really become addicted now where he is probably taking 30 or more a day. About 2 months ago I got so frustrated with him that I slapped him a couple of times and kicked him out..Now he refuses to come home, I realize I was so very wrong, but so is he but he dosen't see it that way. My husband is a lawyer and works for himself so he has money to buy all the drugs he wants, therefore i see no rock bottom in site. Here is an actual text that he sent me, am I that wrong or just crazy.

I have alot of work to do today. I will talk to u as soon as i can. I'm not ready to be in that house. I'm sorry ur struggling with this. U maybe don't realize how bad u hurt me and my ability to be here. The damage u brought upon me is profound i'm leaning towards moving. My family people in my work life, it sucks to get out of bed. I went to play golf last weekend and it was the happiest ive been in a long time.

If this needs to be over then we should do what needs to be done. If u want to make things worse for me , then u do what u have to do (referring to me reporting him for drugs) I'm not sure of anything right now except i dont want to be in that house with or without you.

I'll talk to u when i can , or more on point when im ready.

The damage i did to him was by slapping him.

He puts all the blame on me.

I am the only one who knows about his addiction except for his dealer.

Do i pick myself up and move on or continue to fight for him.

 

dfritzz

 

This man is selfish. Utterly selfish.

 

While you were beyond wrong to raise your hand at him, which you've acknowledged and accepted was wrong, it seems to me like he actually doesn't see he's doing ANYTHING wrong... or that he's accepting any fault in this.

 

He is also selfish because he's making it all about HIM. What about you in all of this? You've had to watch him become addicted to this stuff which can't have been easy, and because you have an outburst (which yes, was wrongly expressed), he's acting like you've literally murdered someone.

 

He needs to realise he has a problem, accept his part in this and try get help.

You, on the other hand, need to find ways to channel your anger & frustration and not resorting to flipping out in the way you did.

 

 

Good luck.

[Boundary Problem]

He needs to realise he has a problem, accept his part in this and try get help.

You, on the other hand, need to find ways to channel your anger & frustration and not resorting to flipping out in the way you did.

Good luck.

 

 

Good luck. He needs you more than he realizes. The problem is that he loves the Percocet more than you right now (that is the true reality).

 

Until he loves you first don't let him back into the house.

 

Living with a drug addict is no fun. It is like a zombie in the house. And they lie. And they put acquiring the drugs ahead of their love for you.

 

Look after yourself and your friends may be surprised to see you happily divorce the "successful" lawyer husband in time.

 

People don't see what happens behind closed doors. And living with a drug addict is a choice. So don't let him impose the decision on you. Make the decision for yourself, based on what is best for you.

 

Hopefully he cleans up. But I wouldn't wait on it if I were you. Lawyers can rationalize a lot of poor personal decisions because they are so "busy" at work. And they hide behind that image.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I use to be addicted to this stuff before and it sucked. I was like a zombie everyday not caring about a thing. 30 a day? He is going to have liver failure very soon if he hasnt allready...5 mg of oxy usally has 325 of tylenol. The oxy will most likely not kill him, they tylenol will.

[LakesideDream]

OK, let's all do the "switch genders" test. If a husband "hauled off" and slapped the snot of his wife twice and immediately kicked her out of the house. Subsequently she refused to return, would anyone here have anything critical of her to say...

 

Ah........ I seriously doubt it. Physical violence/abuse is an absolute reason for seperation / divorce.

 

Sad abut him taking 30 pills a day (seems like a lot) however that doesen't justify physical violence. He's a lawyer, he knows this. She gave him his "Get out of Marriage" ticket.

[pureinheart]

You know what...here's a thought and I know this might sound a bit strange, although my exBF used to do stuff, provoke me, push my buttons because he knew what reaction he would get with each button....and I strongly believe he did this on purpose because he would either not come over or break plans becuse "I" did something to piss him off or "that hurt him"...by the way he was using a cocktail of drugs which I totally came against bigtime and he would totally defend these stupid drugs...I hated these stupid drugs and felt so betrayed and almost cheated on!

 

I think he just did not want to come over and broke plans on purpose...he slurred his words and mostlikely was too loaded to drive.

 

Your H can hit bottom and here's how....his message to you sounded very immature, in his line of work maturity and being on your toes is very important...this will and has already changed....judges, clients and cops, which I might add line the courtrooms will see him loaded...cops are trained to see these things...

 

30 a day????????? OMG, he's gonna hit bottom quick, let it happen, do not rescue him.

 

This will happen all by itself....Percocets are a triple script and highly illegal on the streets....how he is getting 30 a day is beyond me....more regs have been put on prescription drugs so someone will get caught eventually...

 

I would caution you to not be involved in this as some drug dealers play for keeps....lay low and keep a low profile.

 

30 a day....OMG the withdrawl he is going to go through will require hospitalization....try not to rescue....I'm not, he can have his stupid drugs...I will have my sanity.

[pureinheart]

Oh and as far as the slapping....dealing with an arrogant dope fiend is hell on earth...

 

I am not a violent person at all...I cannot kill bugs even (no lie)...my ex used to come home drunk all of the time while I worked, picked up the kids, cleaned the house, ect, ect...one night I called him on it and asked him not to do that anymore....he started screaming obsenities in my face (you fing beech over and over)...lol...I slapped him as hard as I could and ran....lol....jerk...

 

This other guy totally loaded on drugs messing with me bad, and I mean bad....he wouldn't let me out of the house, blocked me in...I kept telling him to leave, he did a bunch of other things to me and finally I knocked him out cold....

 

Just for the record, I will never admit these things because these cowards will try to turn you in....I will deny everything....I don't back people in a corner and piss them off and they better not do it to me either....get in my space and I will get in theirs.

 

Your H got in your space and you have nothing to be sorry for. If anything be sorry that he provoked you....that's my story and I am sticking to it...

[Shouldacouldawoulda]

Oh my goodness, my 7 year marriage ended because of an opiate addiction. It started with Vicodin/Norco and progressed to Percocets and then on to a raging Fentanyl/Methadone addiction. I sent my xH to rehab, to addiction specialists, separated, gave ultimatums...but always the opiates had a greater hold on him than myself & our two children. WD from opiates is pure Hell, and I tried so hard to help him. I gave up my own life, my own identity, missed several days of work, lost friends, argued with family - all because I thought I could make my marriage work and my xH see what a wonderful life we could have without the opiates in our M. Financially, he ruined me also. Now, I have sole custody of my children, and a judge has decreed that he is not even allowed to contact them until he has proven he is better. After so many years of addiction, so many attempts to get better, so much help and support offered to him, I fear he has made his ultimate choice. Sadly, I do love him and want him to get well. However, we will never have a relationship again (unless it is through my children one day).

 

My point to this is, I thought I could help my H. He made me become someone I hardly recognized - fearful, angry, bitter, depressed, unenergetic, withdrawn, and so giving that I had nothing left to give to myself. It is so easy to think that if you only do one more thing or give a little more support, the addict will come to his senses. But until they actually want to help themselves, there's absolutely nothing we or anyone else can do to help them. It took me 7 long years to realize this. My xH has hit so many bottoms, and nothing has stuck. We've had bits of sobriety here and there, but none that have lasted.

 

Just try to stay focused on yourself and your family. Don't let him make you into someone you know you are not. It's so easy to lose yourself when you live with an addict. Addicts love to play the blame game, and the sick things with opiates (and probably any other drug) is that in the beginning, they give you euphoria and energy but after awhile, they only allow you to function. DO NOT let him say you did "damage" to him. That is addict speak. He is trying to play on your guilt. He is doing the damage to himself, to you, and to your family. Funny thing is, he says he is not happy...I guaran-damn-tee you if he detoxed from the opiates, had a clear mind and body for a month of so, he would find happiness again (unless there's an underlying mental health issue). Opiates are depressants!

 

Also, try to open up a dialogue about possible switching to Suboxone. I won't go into the specifics, but I have seen Suboxone therapy work absolute MIRACLES in people with opiate addictions. Suboxone allows one to not have WDs while detoxing the preferred opiate from their system. Suboxone also allows the addict to think more clearly and see the world without that opiate haze.

 

Good luck. I definitely feel for you. Keep us posted.

[Shouldacouldawoulda]

Oh and about the slap...I understand. Like I said, you lose who you are when you live with an addict. Your life feels just as out of control as theirs. You are not crazy. You are a woman in a desperate situation. Don't beat yourself up about it. (No pun intended. LOL)

[Jade 02]

Oh my goodness, my 7 year marriage ended because of an opiate addiction. It started with Vicodin/Norco and progressed to Percocets and then on to a raging Fentanyl/Methadone addiction. I sent my xH to rehab, to addiction specialists, separated, gave ultimatums...but always the opiates had a greater hold on him than myself & our two children. WD from opiates is pure Hell, and I tried so hard to help him. I gave up my own life, my own identity, missed several days of work, lost friends, argued with family - all because I thought I could make my marriage work and my xH see what a wonderful life we could have without the opiates in our M. Financially, he ruined me also. Now, I have sole custody of my children, and a judge has decreed that he is not even allowed to contact them until he has proven he is better. After so many years of addiction, so many attempts to get better, so much help and support offered to him, I fear he has made his ultimate choice. Sadly, I do love him and want him to get well. However, we will never have a relationship again (unless it is through my children one day).

 

My point to this is, I thought I could help my H. He made me become someone I hardly recognized - fearful, angry, bitter, depressed, unenergetic, withdrawn, and so giving that I had nothing left to give to myself. It is so easy to think that if you only do one more thing or give a little more support, the addict will come to his senses. But until they actually want to help themselves, there's absolutely nothing we or anyone else can do to help them. It took me 7 long years to realize this. My xH has hit so many bottoms, and nothing has stuck. We've had bits of sobriety here and there, but none that have lasted.

 

Just try to stay focused on yourself and your family. Don't let him make you into someone you know you are not. It's so easy to lose yourself when you live with an addict. Addicts love to play the blame game, and the sick things with opiates (and probably any other drug) is that in the beginning, they give you euphoria and energy but after awhile, they only allow you to function. DO NOT let him say you did "damage" to him. That is addict speak. He is trying to play on your guilt. He is doing the damage to himself, to you, and to your family. Funny thing is, he says he is not happy...I guaran-damn-tee you if he detoxed from the opiates, had a clear mind and body for a month of so, he would find happiness again (unless there's an underlying mental health issue). Opiates are depressants!

 

Also, try to open up a dialogue about possible switching to Suboxone. I won't go into the specifics, but I have seen Suboxone therapy work absolute MIRACLES in people with opiate addictions. Suboxone allows one to not have WDs while detoxing the preferred opiate from their system. Suboxone also allows the addict to think more clearly and see the world without that opiate haze.

 

Good luck. I definitely feel for you. Keep us posted.

 

Good Idea about the suboxone,but it is a replacement drug UNLESS he uses the suboxone correctly as Dr ordered. Great Idea before he needs to be buying bags off the street. Try not to keep him on suboxone too long,even if your life seems to be getting in order.

 

Good Luck We Care dfritz

[Ashkayi]

Im surprised his liver hasnt failed him yet. My goodness. I feel for you and for him. Watching someone you love become dependent on a substance and will do whatever it takes to get it. My dad was that way. Now hes in a different state and homeless after losing his 140,000+ a year job. Hes not ready to come home because he isnt ready to give up the feeling of taking those pills. I hope he realizes soon before his body shuts down. Good luck

[turkstragal]

My spouse is also dealing with addiction to prescription pills so I know where you are coming from. The anger and distrust builds up until you are so angry you end up losing control yourself before you even realize it is happening. As for him blaming you for everything thats a normal reaction for any addict. My husband even said its all my fault that he decided to use to begin with. Try not to feel guilty. He needs to realize he has a problem before he will be ready to be there for you or anyone else. Right now he can't even help himself.

[Jade 02]

Hey dfritzz,I just wanted to check in,and see if your hubby got beter or worse,and for GOD's sake i hope he got better. Opiate addiction,I think is one of the top 3 worse to withdrawl from.

 

I made another post of which is the worst withdrawl,blah,blah,bla

and another Lshacker replied that W/Drawling from booze,and benzos are the most deadliest.

 

I hope your hubby addiction does not progress.

 

Best wishes hun

jade

[torranceshipman]

I think you need to follow through with a divorce - the problem with drug addicts is that they can drag you down a lot and be complete emotional leeches, putting you in miserable/dangerous/upsetting situations regularly, and compromising your financial health. Of course you care about him, and there is no reason why you have to stop caring, and in the future if he comes out of this, he will look back at you with love, understand why you divorced him and be open to reconciling. But hanging around and being treated badly by him isnt going to help anyone...

[turkstragal]

I have been through this one with my own spouse. Until he admits he has a problem there is not alot you can do. It does not sound like he is ready to admit anything yet as he is still at the point where he is blaming you for causing all his problems. He can't admit to his issues until he takes responsibility for the drug issue himself and stops blaming you for making him do it..