How can I bring my wife home for Christmas?

[Brooke79]

Some people are so self absorbed they don't stop to think how their actions are impacting others around them. Hopefully you will find someone else who will appreciate the person you are and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. And please don't feel bad when that happens because you have tried, been patient, and I applaud your efforts. Good luck!

[sumdude]

I received another punch in the stomach. My W was scheduled to go to marriage counseling today for a one-on-one. I had not talked with her since Monday. She sent me a text yesterday telling me she canceled the appointment fand will go next Friday. When I asked why she told me she is going to hang out with a friend instead. Crazy! I broke the NC by calling her and telling my W, "enough is enough." I told her I was going to the marriage counseling appointment by myself and seeking legal counsel next week in reference to a divorce. If she is going to cancel a marriage counseling appointment to hang out with a friend, she must not want our marriage to work.

 

Flashbacks again, she must be playing from the same playbook my ex used.

She is most likely having an affair, that's not just some friend she's going out with.

 

I set up MC, she shows up once then last minute cancels the next two times. Later we setup weekly meetings to talk and have dinner try to work it out. Last minute she cancels two weeks in a row. When we do meet she comes over acts nice... then sneakily gets to what she really wants. Once it was for me to sign the car title over. She's said going to meet with her program 'sponsor' friend. Well she's married to him now.

 

You're right, she doesn't want to work on the marriage. She's playing delaying tactics while she plans her next moves and enjoys her new life.

 

So, learn from my mistakes and experience. Don't set up any more meetings . Don't talk to her about anything. She will call, be nice etc when she wants something from you. Don't answer when she calls. Get back to her sometime the next day. When you talk just be calm and businesslike. If she want to talk about things, listen and listen only. Then only for a little while and let her know you have to go.If you need to rant, cry whatever do it away from her. Throwing anger, sadness whatever at her now is pointless.

 

You are now a nuclear powered sub on patrol deep in the Atlantic.

You now make the plans and keep her guessing. Don't let her know what you are doing. Talk to lawyers, get your life aligned. Go ahead and file, who cares if it's easy on her or not. In fact by letting her file and control the process it makes it harder on you because you will still be reacting to her moves instead of the other way around. You set the terms. Forget about abandonment and all of that. Fact is almost any judge couldn't care less about fidelity, who cheated etc. They want the process to go through as quickly as possible.

 

Take control of your life now. It's yours and yours alone. Do everything possible to move on now. Try to have some fun, meet with freinds, flirt with women. You were Ok without her before you'll be OK without her now.

 

As far as reconciliation at this point? Wouldn't even think about it but if one day it happens by total surprise deal with it then.

Edited January 15, 2010 by sumdude

[beachbum1974]

Brooke: Thank you for the kind words. I believe I will find someone one day who appreciates me for being me. My W has been spoiled and doesn't understand life at this point. Maybe she never will. This whole debacle has actually made me a better person. I've struggled a lot and still do, but I'm realizing I can survive alone. Thanks again.

 

sumdude: Great advice!! I read your post at least three times. I think some women have similar hormone levels which dictate their actions. I'm not convinced yet that my W is having an affair yet. I think time will tell. The nuclear sub deep in the Atlantic is a great analogy too. I need to be stealthy, calculated and off the radar. I wish I read your post before I contacted her tonight. I'm going to stay in control. Thanks

 

My W called me as I was walking in to marriage counseling. I did not answer the phone. The MC told me to focus on me more and not focus on my W at all. She actually told me I should plan a trip and get away again. I think it's a great idea. Maybe Mexico in February.

 

In any event, after I left the MC session, I called my W back. My W told me she was upset because she only cancelled one meeting and I wasn't understanding. We spoke for about an hour. I told her I was ready to speak with an attorney and won't continue to live in limbo much longer. When I told her I'm planning a trip to Mexico, she asked me the typical questions....why? with who? when? We ended the conversation with her telling me she has to think about things. She continues to tell me she doesn't want to feel the same way she felt for the past year during our marriage. In the past I tried to rationalize with her about what the future will be like if she comes back. Now I know it doesn't matter what I say, she needs to figure it out on her own and make a decision. I'm back in NC for now. We'll see when she calls or contacts me next.

 

Bottom line is right now my life is about highs and lows. I need to avoid the lows as much as possible. Staying in NC may prevent some of the lows.

[bestplayer]

Brooke: Thank you for the kind words. I believe I will find someone one day who appreciates me for being me. My W has been spoiled and doesn't understand life at this point. Maybe she never will. This whole debacle has actually made me a better person. I've struggled a lot and still do, but I'm realizing I can survive alone. Thanks again.

 

sumdude: Great advice!! I read your post at least three times. I think some women have similar hormone levels which dictate their actions. I'm not convinced yet that my W is having an affair yet. I think time will tell. The nuclear sub deep in the Atlantic is a great analogy too. I need to be stealthy, calculated and off the radar. I wish I read your post before I contacted her tonight. I'm going to stay in control. Thanks

 

My W called me as I was walking in to marriage counseling. I did not answer the phone. The MC told me to focus on me more and not focus on my W at all. She actually told me I should plan a trip and get away again. I think it's a great idea. Maybe Mexico in February.

 

In any event, after I left the MC session, I called my W back. My W told me she was upset because she only cancelled one meeting and I wasn't understanding. We spoke for about an hour. I told her I was ready to speak with an attorney and won't continue to live in limbo much longer. When I told her I'm planning a trip to Mexico, she asked me the typical questions....why? with who? when? We ended the conversation with her telling me she has to think about things. She continues to tell me she doesn't want to feel the same way she felt for the past year during our marriage. In the past I tried to rationalize with her about what the future will be like if she comes back. Now I know it doesn't matter what I say, she needs to figure it out on her own and make a decision. I'm back in NC for now. We'll see when she calls or contacts me next.

 

Bottom line is right now my life is about highs and lows. I need to avoid the lows as much as possible. Staying in NC may prevent some of the lows.

 

beachbum1974 the only advice i can give u is not to take any step in haste ,so far u have been great so pls dont jump at once on any absolute worst or best.

u still need to give this thing sometime

 

Best of luck

[beachbum1974]

I agree, I can't make a hasty or emotional decision. How much time do you give a spouse who says, "I don't know what I want......I need to do some thinking?" She moved out on Dec 6th. How long does it take a woman to think about whether she wants in or out? I'm so unsure. We have been together for 13 years and married for 5. Could she be just playing this game because she knows I'm waiting for her to come home? Sometimes I feel like I'll wait for her as long as it takes her to figure this all out. Sometimes I feel angry because she abandoned me. Its so frustrating. I used to think time was on my side here. I'm starting to think the more time she is away, the harder it's going to be to reconcile.

 

I know I need to find fun things to do throughout the day to keep my mind off of this for now. It's a struggle I face daily. One day at a time.

[Gunny376]

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AllSubAtlanticFleet

 

RunSilent, Rundeep!

[PWSX3]

I agree, I can't make a hasty or emotional decision. How much time do you give a spouse who says, "I don't know what I want......I need to do some thinking?" She moved out on Dec 6th.

She has only been gone a month, that isn't hardly time enough to just get settled alone start missing you. Like I shared before, it took my former W 7 months before she wanted to start working on things.

 

I was lucky and work with a lady that left her husband. She really helped me understand why someone would leave a marriage and even though she is so much happier now & so is her ex, it still bothers her sometimes even after 5 years of divorce. The person leaving has just as much to think about as the person that was left so it's not easy for them either.

 

I do believe time is still on your side, this gives "YOU" time to look at what you can do to better who you are. You have extra time now that you didn't have before because you don't have to worry about her, the family per say, etc.

 

I know it's hard, but this time is very special as long as you use it wisely. You still worry about what she is doing, what you can do to bring her back & the only way you can do that is becoming that person you were when you first met.

How long does it take a woman to think about whether she wants in or out? I'm so unsure. We have been together for 13 yearsand married for 5. Could she be just playing this game because she knows I'm waiting for her to come home? Sometimes I feel like I'll wait for her as long as it takes her to figure this all out. Sometimes I feel angry because she abandoned me. Its so frustrating. I used to think time was on my side here. I'm starting to think the more time she is away, the harder it's going to be to reconcile.

 

I know I need to find fun things to do throughout the day to keep my mind off of this for now. It's a struggle I face daily. One day at a time.

[bestplayer]

She has only been gone a month, that isn't hardly time enough to just get settled alone start missing you. Like I shared before, it took my former W 7 months before she wanted to start working on things.

 

I was lucky and work with a lady that left her husband. She really helped me understand why someone would leave a marriage and even though she is so much happier now & so is her ex, it still bothers her sometimes even after 5 years of divorce. The person leaving has just as much to think about as the person that was left so it's not easy for them either.

 

I do believe time is still on your side, this gives "YOU" time to look at what you can do to better who you are. You have extra time now that you didn't have before because you don't have to worry about her, the family per say, etc.

 

I know it's hard, but this time is very special as long as you use it wisely. You still worry about what she is doing, what you can do to bring her back & the only way you can do that is becoming that person you were when you first met.

 

PWSX3

u said " ......it still bothers her sometimes even after 5 years of divorce. The person leaving has just as much to think about as the person that was left so it's not easy for them either....... "

 

well , was she forced to leave her husband ? was she facing situations in her marriage that was absolutely unresolvable ? apart from situations like these anybody who makes a decison to leave knows very well that she does not want to work it out & prefers to escape .

 

person who leaves , leaves for his/her self intresets . saying that its not easy for the one who is leaving is just like trying to portray a selfish person as selfless human being & we do hear these bs all the time .

[beachbum1974]

I was under the impression a month was a long time for a separation. I guess it feels much longer to me. She told me the other day it feels like she's only been out of the house a week. (Mostly because I wasn't giving her space) She now has all the space in the world.

 

PWSX3: After you tried to reconcile after seven months, what caused the breakdown? Did she walk out again? Or did you decide you couldn't move forward after the separation? Just curious.

 

I believe both of you may be right. I do believe my wife is being very selfish basing her decisions specifically on her needs and wants alone. Our issues in my eyes are completely resolvable. I also don't believe this is easy for her at times. I think anyone who moves out of their home and confort zone, it has to be difficult at times. What do I know?

 

I think our struggles are different. She is struggling to decide if she wants to live the rest of her life possibly heading in the same direction as before. I struggle with being alone. I struggle with knowing my wife and my best friend walked out on our marriage......and if she comes back.....will she do it again. Another struggle I face is complicated. If my W comes back I know I can trust her again, but can I believe in the lifetime warranty.

 

I'm heading out with friends today to watch some of the playoff football games. Tonight I'm meeting with other friends to see a popular band in the area. I hope it will be enough to keep my mind off of things for a while. Thanks for the posts.

[PWSX3]

I was under the impression a month was a long time for a separation. I guess it feels much longer to me. She told me the other day it feels like she's only been out of the house a week. (Mostly because I wasn't giving her space) She now has all the space in the world.

I understand how you feel, when we separated the first time a month felt like forever for me. Neither of us had lived on our own so it was very scary for me, I was lucky enough my folks live in town so I was able to spend time with them, but the biggest help besides LS was taking up bike riding & I joined a group of people that also rode so I put on a LOT of miles. Also joined the gym & lost 80 pounds.

 

PWSX3: After you tried to reconcile after seven months, what caused the breakdown? Did she walk out again? Or did you decide you couldn't move forward after the separation? Just curious.

I feel there was lots of things.

1) We were going to a counselor but I didn't listen, I was more worried about just proving that I was right, that it was all the W's fault & not mine.

2) Right after we got back together her best friend pasted away & neither of us knew how to handle that.

3) Wife accused me of being controlling, so in counseling the counselor told me if I didn't like how the W was doing something then I should just do it myself, so since I liked a cleaner house I cleaned, I cooked, & more or less took over the house thinking I was helping when we should have been doing it together.

4) I would ask the W if she wanted to do something she would say; no so I would just do it myself. Put more distance between us by not doing things together.

5) She was very depressed, was taking meds for it but I feel wasn't helping. Still believe she was depressed because of the friends death & with what was going on with us.

 

She finally ended up moving out again & then filed 4 months later. It wasn't until after she moved out the second time I joined Divorce Care class and met people going thru the same thing. My best friend had lost his mom & we started to talk about that & I finally realized how it affected his life so I could see why my W didn't want to do anything & why she was depressed.

 

So there was a lot of things that happened that I feel if we worked harder on it we might have been able to save the marriage. Once she moved out the second time, I had started to learn more about myself & so I wasn't willing to do the work to fight for our marriage. I figured if that is what she wanted then I was done as well.

Started going to a christian counselor that I wished we had gone to the first time instead of who we were seeing. He helped me realize what I wanted in life, why I felt I needed to be controlling & what I was missing growing up as a child that affected what happened in my marriage.

I believe both of you may be right. I do believe my wife is being very selfish basing her decisions specifically on her needs and wants alone. Our issues in my eyes are completely resolvable. I also don't believe this is easy for her at times. I think anyone who moves out of their home and confort zone, it has to be difficult at times. What do I know?

 

I think our struggles are different. She is struggling to decide if she wants to live the rest of her life possibly heading in the same direction as before. I struggle with being alone. I struggle with knowing my wife and my best friend walked out on our marriage......and if she comes back.....will she do it again. Another struggle I face is complicated. If my W comes back I know I can trust her again, but can I believe in the lifetime warranty.

My wife told me what made here leave the first time was; our son had gone to stay with my sister for the summer & she realized that this is what it would be like after he left home & she didn't want to live like that for the rest of her life.

 

I agree, the only reason someone leaves a marriage (besides abuse) is they are selfish.

I learned in my classes & from people at LS such as a4a that I was selfish, I was controlling but when you are in the marriage you don't see it. I also believe part of it was because we got married young, she was shy & wouldn't make a decision so someone had to make it so it was me. Then when she got older and wanted to make decisions I was so used to doing them I wouldn't let her. I didn't listen to her.

 

My friend was the one that left, she did everything around the house, raised three boys. She would clean, cook, do the dishes while her husband just sat in the other room.

She could never do anything right, if she would make a decision he would say; no that's not how you do it, just like I did in my marriage.

 

She would try to do something & he would always finish it for her because she wasn't doing it correctly. She just got tired of everything

 

She also knew this was not the life she wanted, she asked him to go to counseling & he refused, said there was nothing wrong with there marriage.

 

I hope this helps answer some of your questions.

 

Once one person isn't happy in a marriage I feel they just look for ways to validate what they are doing, why they want to leave, they don't look at the big picture, they just want the hurt to stop.

[Brooke79]

Okay PWSX3, the story about the friend hit close, I work at night, I get off and get my daughter ready for school, and just recently took the youngest out of daycare. Before I go to work, I cook clean, get my daughter off the bus and lay out her clothes and get her lunch ready. They eat dinner while I am at work, do you think my husband bothers to wash a dish at night. Sometimes in between that of course I have dr. Appointments or the kids have them or school functions. And if I don't cook dinner because I was ripping and running my husband gets pissed, well what are we supposed to eat, uhh hello cook yourself or pick something up. Absolutely no consideration for the fact that I am pregnant, cleaning maintaining a house, doing appointments, school functions and working 12 hours a night sometime, just absolute obliviousness!

[beachbum1974]

Hey Brooke...from personal experience we don't like to be attacked. I'm not saying your attacking him...I don't know. And if you did attack him verbally, it would be warranted. I know your pregnant and he should be contributing even more now. That's a no brainer. I'm not sure if you talk about these issues or argue about them. I found when my W talked about them during a quiet dinner or when we were not arguing, it made a huge difference. We are not the smartest.....we're actually pretty emotionally dumb. Sometimes we need things spelled out for us so we understand. Just a suggestion. Next time your laying in bed, the kids are asleep and all is quiet and calm.....bring up these issues and ask him to provide you with more help around the house and with the children. Good luck.

[Gunny376]

Okay PWSX3, the story about the friend hit close, I work at night, I get off and get my daughter ready for school, and just recently took the youngest out of daycare. Before I go to work, I cook clean, get my daughter off the bus and lay out her clothes and get her lunch ready. They eat dinner while I am at work, do you think my husband bothers to wash a dish at night. Sometimes in between that of course I have dr. Appointments or the kids have them or school functions. And if I don't cook dinner because I was ripping and running my husband gets pissed, well what are we supposed to eat, uhh hello cook yourself or pick something up. Absolutely no consideration for the fact that I am pregnant, cleaning maintaining a house, doing appointments, school functions and working 12 hours a night sometime, just absolute obliviousness!

 

A cookbook you might want to consider is "Once A Month Cooking"

 

I only cook two days out of each month, and I'm good for the rest of the month.

 

You might have to invest in some Solo Plastic plates, and a Foodsaver and a freezer, but other than that? Its biddia-boom, bidda-ba!

 

If you've got some favorite recipes you want to convert to your family size, PM me, (Its a per centage ~ math problem)

[beachbum1974]

It's official. I'm horrible at this game. My W sent me a text this morning stating she was coming over to scan some documents into the computer. I decided to leave the house and not respond to the text. (As per my NC rules and regulations.) Four hours later I found out she never showed up to the house.

 

After four hours she called and I did not answer the phone. I got a text a few minutes later stating she was going to a friends house to scan the documents and was not coming over to the house.

 

I broke the NC and called her back. She told me she thought I was angry with her and decided to have dinner at her girlfriends house. She also told me she was going to use her girlfriends computer to scan in her documents.

 

As I stated, I went out last night with friends. She found out I went out because someone posted something about the outing on my facebook page. The guy who posted something on the page is a bit of a player and my W knows that. She asked me how I would feel if she was hanging out with people like him.

 

The problem with the conversation was when I reassured her I was in no way interested in other women at this point. Should I have made it seem like I was becoming interested in other women? I also told her I would rather be spending time with her than out with my friends. Again, I am not very good at this game.

 

She told me she wanted to have dinner with me tomorrow night. I probably should have told her I had other plans. Instead I agreed. I think I need a coach, or an electrical shocking device to send high voltage into my body before I say something stupid.

[Brooke79]

Everytime I read your post beachbum I feel bad because you seem like such a nice guy with strong emotions towards your wife. I hope your wife comes around in the future and this is just a passing storm. As for me and mu H, Right now we are not arguing, we don't talk much. And I am way over nagging, I simply treasure and make the most of the things that make me happy

[beachbum1974]

Thanks Brooke! I hope and pray my W comes around too. We talked tonight and she again told me sometimes she feels like there is no hope. She said other times she feels more hopeful. It depends on the day. I don't understand why she wouldn't want to come home now. I think she believes things will be very tense here with what we've gone through recently. She told me it's only been about two weeks that she's actually received the space she needed to think about things. I don't know how much more time she will need to get her head out of the clouds. If she is truely thinking about us, I can wait a long time.

 

I think when women stop nagging, we (men) believe things are getting better. In fact, women start to withdraw and pull away from the marriage. I think you need an intervention with him before things get worse. Is he against going to marriage counseling? He will realize how bad he screwed up eventually. I just hope it's not too late by that point.

 

I really hope you guys figure things out. Sounds like your a great W, who is carrying the family and marriage right now. I can't imagine how you must feel being pregnant and going through this trying time. Don't give up hope. Keep trying to communciate your feelings with him. Good luck and keep me posted.

[floridapad]

Beachbum

 

Please know these things do take time. Sometimes a lot of time. The more you focus on her and you the tougher it will be. She needs time. Not weeks but months. Thats why in these situations it's so important to do things on your own ( for yourself).

 

The more you "work" on the marriage and relationship the more difficult it will be. do you see where I'm comin from?? This is a long haul. Distract yourself with friends family and self.

[beachbum1974]

Floridapad, I appreciate the post and great advice. I do see where you are coming from. It seems like everyone is giving me good advice and I want to follow it. I know what I have to do but my heart keeps getting in the way. I feel so weak minded sometimes and I'm really not like that at all. I don't even realize how much I focus on her until I sit back and think about it. I will continue to try to focus more on me and less on my W.

 

I think if this thing takes months, it may ruin me. I've already lost 25 pounds. I now weigh less than I did my freshman year in college. I'm starting a workout regiment tomorrow with a good friend of mine.

 

As for spending more time on me I went out last night with friends. It was good to spend time with friends I have neglected for so long. Initially I wasn't going to go. After I arrived at pub, the time flew by and I had a good time. I actually saw a good friends wife there who knows my situation. She wanted to set me up with all of her so called hot girlfriends. I laughed and respectfully told her I was still married.

 

I understand the need to distract myself with friends and family. Its just very difficult as you know. Friends were talking last night about going on another trip to either Vermont or Colorado. I think it will be good to get away again.

[floridapad]

Beachbum (are you in Florida?)

 

it will take months or longer....or shorter if your lucky.. Are you strong enough??? Time to man up!! You will be amazed at the strengh you have. Your a man afterall! Do whatever you can until you can do no more and then take a well deserved break(nope a break doesn't mean divorce... It just means doing sh@t for yourself.).

 

One last thing...Stop workIng on the frigging marriage. This is also about you and your abilities to learn and be strong. A personal test in a way. A test you can't pass while your not doing these changes for yourself.

 

Let me ask you a question. If things don't work out with your W, will you still be a better person? Will you have grown?

[beachbum1974]

Floridapad: No, I live in Jersey. I've been to Florida several times. One of my favorite vacation spots is Marco Island. I can see myself retiring down there somwhere when the time comes.

 

It's crazy. I am a strong person. I've been tested time and time again throughout my life and have always come out on top. The difference is this time I feel like I don't have any control over my destiny.

 

The answers to your questions are....yes, I will be a better person. And I think I've already grown quite a bit through this mess. I wish I would have read a few books about relationships before marriage.

 

I will work on myself more. I feel as if I'm starting to re-invent myself in a way. I now make great dinners, clean my house, wash my clothes, pay all the bills, etc. I'm starting to get used to being alone and doing everything by myself. I've actually suprised myself at how good I can cook.....and I enjoy it.

 

Thanks for the swift kick in the @ss.....I needed it get me back on track!

[beachbum1974]

My W came over tonight for sushi. We watched a couple of light and funny television shows. We laughed a lot. I sat on the love seat and she laid on the couch. I did not talk about or ask any questions pertaining to our relationship. My W gave me a kiss before leaving and told me she was reading the books she was given. (We can Make It Work and Love is a Decision) When she got back to her condo I received a text stating, "I'm here.....I had a nice relaxing night. Thank u for that :)" I responded by texting I had a nice night as well. I'm not sure if dinner tonight was a good idea....or another mistake eventhough I thought things went fine.

 

I'm going to sort of drop below the radar and continue to concentrate on myself. I start my work out regiment tomorrow. I'm still looking forward to planning another getaway.

[beachbum1974]

I started the workout program today. I also received a text from my W asking if I wanted to join her for dinner at the condo where she is staying. I almost told her I already had plans....almost. I decided to join her for dinner and some television. Again, we did not speak about the relationship. Conversation was very light and mostly focused on her work. After the t.v. program, I got up and said goodnight. My W thanked me for coming over, gave me a long hug and a short kiss goodnight.

 

I'm wondering if I should have met up with friends at the local pub instead of dinner with my W. I really wanted to see my W, but think I need to stop being so accessible.

 

I'm going to continue with the workout program tomorrow and hope I make the right next move. I'm still not initiating any contact...no phone calls or texts at this point.

 

This weekend she is planning on hanging out with two of her very good friends. These girls come from very strong religious backgrounds and do not support divorce at all. My W invited them to sleep over the condo both Friday and Saturday night. I have been waiting for my W to start hanging out with her good friends and not the friends from work. Her so called friends from work in my opinion have no moral compass.

[whichwayisup]

Yes..You need to say no to her afew times, not go spend time with her, do the dinner/movie thing with her when she calls. It'll be good for her to see that you aren't 'waiting' around and always available.

 

Start getting busy with your life, your friends. Doesn't mean disappear from her life and what you two are slowly doing (building trust again) but by putting yourself FIRST (just like she is putting herself first) you will feel better and more in control.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Continue with the 180. being open is only gonna make you hurt more when she rejects you again. You need a solid commitment. if she cant do that then wtf are you doing?

[rozerdom]

Thanks for the support and advice Lisa and Ann.

 

My W stopped over tonight and we ordered sushi. We ate dinner and watched a television show that we watch each week together. After the show, my W took a two more pairs of shoes from her closet and some Midol. (Aunt Flo is in town)

 

As she was leaving I made the mistake of asking her to move back. I explained that I believe we are ready to start moving in the right direction again. My W told me again that she doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't know if she wants to put the work into our marriage and she needs to think things over. It's been a week. How long do I give her to make this decision? I don't want to rush things, but how long does someone need to make up their mind? This is frustrating.

 

After she left, I called and apologized for putting pressure on her to move back. I told her that I would refrain from any additional relationship talk unless she initiates it. I'm not very good at this. I miss her.

 

 

HI....Beachbum. First of all. Thanks for sharing your story with us and asking for advice, thinking us as your friends. I am through your first post to last post here. There was lot of change in your wife's behavior and yours too. Time only gives answer for this and keep hope on god. Never hurt any woman because her heart is really fragile, if once it is hurted...it will take lot of time regain back the relationship, but never breaks. If it breaks, it is not true love. Your wife's is true love...Don't hurt her again..She will be definitely be with you. Don't worry and take care..