what should be the right step?

[eternal.denied84]

I am on NC with my ex gf for 20 days now..this was a bad breakup..today she called me which i didnt pick and then she messaged saying that Pls remove her frnds from my fb..ther are couple of her friends which are there in my frnds list also and she wants them to be removed from my list.

 

I want my gf back..what should i do with this request.Should i listen to her or should i just ignore her request.

 

why she wants her frnds to be removed from my list..insecurity? trust issues..she might be thinking i am bitching about her but i did not even utter a word to any of her frnds.

 

also I dont want to remove smone like this..and moreover i dont wnat to listen her request..lately i have given her a lot of power and i feel like trash listening to her every request whereas she is just not ready to come back.

 

what should i do?

 

PS: She herself is not there in my list now.She deleted me off her frnds list.is it wrong on my part to still wnat her back?she claims that she felt neglected and that's why she brokeup..but i really begged and pleaded her numerous times and promised i wont ever make her feel neglected again..arent those things good enuff to give me one chance more?

 

here is my story if you have time to read:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212099/

Edited December 7, 2009 by eternal.denied84

[clingymon]

i would just ignore her demands 2 remove her friends from your fb...who is she 2 tell u who u can and cannot be friends with! if the friends in question dont want 2 b your friend anymore they will remove themselves!!! just keep up the nc thing @ all costs...if she contacts you...give it a day or 2 before u respond...dont let her think that she has any control over what u do or who u choose 2 be friends with!!!! hang in there and just know that things will get better...its incredibly hard 2 let go of something u hold so dear in your heart...believe me i know!!! but if u ever have any chance at getting back 2gether with this gal... she needs 2 see that you have started living for YOU and not for her anymore!!! find your self confidence and take care of yourself for a while and u will start seeing things fall into place whether u get back with her or not....tons of other fish in the sea.... good luck and god bless!!!

[eternal.denied84]

@clingymon

 

appreciate your reply.. so should i let her know that i am not going to remove anyone due to so and so reason..or should i just ignore and maintain NC..

 

the point to be noted is that i want her back..hope i am not taking any wrong step in ignoring her and pushing her further away..

[clingymon]

if i was you i would just ignore her request like you never even got the message...i truly believe that nc works the best in your situation...if she tries 2 contact you by all means return her call...just play it very cool...act like you are doing great...it will be hard but NEVER...i repeat NEVER beg or plead w her 2 take u back...tell her u realize that this whole thing is probably the best thing for both of you...tell her that having a chance 2 step back and see things from a distance helps you 2 realize that u have things 2 work on within yourself.... and thank her for the chance she has given you to better yourself and become a better and stronger person...try as hard as u can 2 sound sincere....just play it cool man...act like you are ok with everything...i knows it will b hard...but if u continue 2 do what she says... and keep begging her back... it will only push her away further...this fact is proven over and over again...go 2 the gym...reconnect with friends...get a hobby...anything 2 take u r mind off of her...if she wants to get back 2gether...believe me she will let you know!!! you cannot force the issue...just let it be and consentrate on working on the things that u CAN control in your life...there is nothing u can say or do 2 make her come back...it just has 2 happen naturally...u need 2 act like it is over for good and try as hard as u can 2 heal and recover from this...if she does come back you will be so much more prepared 2 move forward in your relationship...if she does not come back u will be that much further along in letting go and moving on with your life!!! letting go of some1 you love so much is truly one of the worst feeling in the world and probably 1 of the hardest things u will ever go thru as a human being...but if u ever have a chance of being with her again...just accept it....leave her be...and let nature take its course...i am very srry 4 what u r going thru...i know the pain u r in rite now believe me i really do!!!

[eternal.denied84]

@clingymon

 

you are really helping me gain my confidence and strength.

By the way..did you read my story? i guess you are understanding my situation and would do it better if you read my story.

 

as far as letting her know

 

"tell her that having a chance 2 step back and see things from a distance helps you 2 realize that u have things 2 work on within yourself.... and thank her for the chance she has given you to better yourself and become a better and stronger person...try as hard as u can 2 sound sincere"

 

is concerned..should i drop her a mail for this or should i just wait for her next contact.i am on 20th day of my NC...if i wait more will it ruin my chances?

[boogieboy]

If her friends want to delete you, thats up to them. Ignore her requests.

[Ronni_W]

the point to be noted is that i want her back

I agree to just ignore her demands that you delete people from your FB list, and stay N/C. If she wanted to get back with you, she pro'ly wouldn't give a crap that her friends are still on your list. Which means that she is NOT wanting to get back with you. So...you have absolutely nothing to lose staying N/C; you cannot push her further away.

Stay strong! Don't drop her any mail at all, not about this or anything else. Maybe she will change her mind if you can just stay calm, confident and totally indifferent to what she wants / tells you to do. (Maybe not, but N/C sounds like your only chance, however slim.)

[kimmi]

I agree with all the above ...

 

NC and Ignore her requests. You have your own mind to do what you want not what she wants you to do. that's why there are break up's.

[eternal.denied84]

i am glad to find so many replies which is really helping me a lot..suddenly a doubt has started creeping in which i would like to share with you guys and expect some suggestions:

 

here it is:

 

Is NC a right step for me considering the fact that she broke up with me because i was indifferent to her..or was not there for her when she wanted and was not treating her as special person..,she felt i insulted her,i always compared her with other girls and rated them better than her

 

atleast these are the reasons she claim for breakup..i have no idea if this is true or just an excuse..yes i did those things but to a very minor extent and that too there was reason why i could not shower her with love.

 

for details here is my story:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212099/

.i begged and pleaded her numerous times..assured those things would never happen from my side..and i wud always keep her happy but she was not ready to come back.

 

my question..am i taking right step by staying NC?? if i want her back.

[kimmi]

NC all the way...

 

Now on a flip note.... WOW you compared her to other girl's? WHY WHY WHY???

 

That would hurt me so much if any bf of mine did that to me. I could care less about the looking staring at them but to compare?

 

She feels like she is not good enough for you only because you made her feel this way... Why wouls you want ot make someone you care about hurt like that ?

[eternal.denied84]

bcoz I always felt she is not as deeply involved in the relationship as i was..and i had trust issues on her..so i use to compare her and tell her that this is how you should be..if you really love someone...

 

i did that not more than twice. and when i was really pissed off with her behaviour..

 

though i no how much that would have hurt her..if i keep hmyself in her position i realise that..

 

should i really stay NC..when i know i screwed this relation..atleast for all the time we were together..lets not talk about what happened when she decided to leave..obviously i begged her and pleaded her..but how is that justified only when someone decides to leave??

 

if i am really being sincere when i say i really love her..just give me one chance..is she taking revenge on me by hurting me..or she just want to teach me a lesson? or she has found someone better??

 

should i let her know i loved her like anything and still do..but if i dont get a reply from her..i would be heartbroken again..which i dont want at any cost.

 

it tempts me so much to let her know..i loved her so so much..but how will it make her to come back..if this was not effective till yet.

 

why was i indifferent to her..read my story:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212099/

[kimmi]

I would say stay NC. Reasons for me saying that.

 

she is pist at you and I can tell if she is telling you to delete her friends. You contacting her will only make it way worse for you.

 

You email her and she will not answer it, she will feel that you are disrespecting her wishes not to have anything to do with you at this time. Give her time you are going to push her right away. Take time to reflect and give yourself time to heal first, You contact her now your thinking in the back of your head that your words will change her mind. Distance yourself and leave her alone. When you are not in panic mode of losing her then contact her. You are going to come across as being everything that you do not want to look like to her. I hope you understand what I am saying.

 

My ex made me so made yesterday (would be 8 years together) + I broke up with him. He tried to contact me on a day that he would not/could not remember when we were together. (found out from friends that he was at the bar talking about it Saturday night) anyways this just made him look really bad in my eyes, Even today he has tried to call me, I press ignore on my phone because clearly he has not gotten the message. Even though I am the one that did the break up I still hurt everyday because it was only yesterday that he let me see how ignorant he is towards me. I'm doing NC all the way. I will go crazy missing him, will want to email him and call him but I will not, I still have him on FB and I am okay with that for now. who knows tomorrow is another day.

 

My advise NC for awhile- she will once the anger goes away miss you if ou are around for her she will not miss you because you will not let her.

 

NO CONTACT UNTIL YOU

[eternal.denied84]

@Kimi

 

can you tell me why does it happen that when i am ready to give it all for her..she is not believing me..why is it that two person dont feel the same way during breakup..i am tering myself apart everyday by not contacting her..i miss her so so much..i really do love her..but i am afraid if i will contact i am going to get hurt again..why doesnt she want me..when i am all there for her? and why she were after me when i was not there for her?

 

this is so weird..does this mean she has found someone else? why isnt she missing me..if i miss her so badly..?

[tnttim]

@Kimi

 

can you tell me why does it happen that when i am ready to give it all for her..she is not believing me..why is it that two person dont feel the same way during breakup..i am tering myself apart everyday by not contacting her..i miss her so so much..i really do love her..but i am afraid if i will contact i am going to get hurt again..why doesnt she want me..when i am all there for her? and why she were after me when i was not there for her?

 

this is so weird..does this mean she has found someone else? why isnt she missing me..if i miss her so badly..?

 

You are not getting her back with your present attitude. You need to keep NC in place, your doing good with that. It's very hard to keep this rule in place but it's your golden rule now. If you do talk to her, act happy, don't beg, don't say I'll change, I love you, or I want you back. If you want her back you have to play hard to get, sounds weird but it works.

All the feelings your feeling is perfectly normal, mood swings happen believe me. Stay strong and go out and have fun without her. Let her motivate you to go out, beleive me she is. I can guarentee there's another guy. That lame ass reason she gave should be enough. Quit saying "oh no not her, she wouldn't do that" If you disagree look up the posts from the cheater side. They will give you great insight on her mind frame right. She's addicted to love right now, and you can't do anything to stop it. All you can do is make it worse. So ignoring her is your best option, let her come to you. Good luck, I'm sorry for the lose

[eternal.denied84]

I can guarentee there's another guy. That lame ass reason she gave should be enough. Quit saying "oh no not her, she wouldn't do that" If you disagree look up the posts from the cheater side. They will give you great insight on her mind frame right. She's addicted to love right now, and you can't do anything to stop it. All you can do is make it worse. So ignoring her is your best option, let her come to you. Good luck, I'm sorry for the lose

 

 

which lame ass reason are you referring to? what posts from cheaters side i can look up to?

[tnttim]

which lame ass reason are you referring to? what posts from cheaters side i can look up to?

The lame ass reason, how can you put so much energy into your relationship and, she says your neglecting her. You should not have tried to change her or compare her to other women. Three reasons: one, you piss her off and give her self esteem issues, two, she will seek positive attention from other men, three, it never works to change her. You have to stay NC and if she comes back she comes back. If you call you will ruin it for good. You need to learn from your mistakes and not make them in future relationships.

[eternal.denied84]

if i was you i would just ignore her request like you never even got the message...i truly believe that nc works the best in your situation...if she tries 2 contact you by all means return her call...just play it very cool...act like you are doing great...it will be hard but NEVER...i repeat NEVER beg or plead w her 2 take u back...tell her u realize that this whole thing is probably the best thing for both of you...tell her that having a chance 2 step back and see things from a distance helps you 2 realize that u have things 2 work on within yourself.... and thank her for the chance she has given you to better yourself and become a better and stronger person...try as hard as u can 2 sound sincere....just play it cool man...act like you are ok with everything...i knows it will b hard...but if u continue 2 do what she says... and keep begging her back... it will only push her away further...this fact is proven over and over again...go 2 the gym...reconnect with friends...get a hobby...anything 2 take u r mind off of her...if she wants to get back 2gether...believe me she will let you know!!! you cannot force the issue...just let it be and consentrate on working on the things that u CAN control in your life...there is nothing u can say or do 2 make her come back...it just has 2 happen naturally...u need 2 act like it is over for good and try as hard as u can 2 heal and recover from this...if she does come back you will be so much more prepared 2 move forward in your relationship...if she does not come back u will be that much further along in letting go and moving on with your life!!! letting go of some1 you love so much is truly one of the worst feeling in the world and probably 1 of the hardest things u will ever go thru as a human being...but if u ever have a chance of being with her again...just accept it....leave her be...and let nature take its course...i am very srry 4 what u r going thru...i know the pain u r in rite now believe me i really do!!!

 

 

Today after almost 35 days i got another call from her..i picked coz i found it hard to ignore for no reasons..she mentioned the same thing..that please remove her friends from my fb list..

 

i asked her why and how is it bothering her..she replied i dont want you to talk to my friends and i dont want then to talk to me..and she said once they talk to me they go back to her with questions.

 

she claims that none of her friends were mine before she came into my life..so why they are now?

 

i told her i dont find it right to delete someone from my list for no reasons..i would still do it if she wants..but this is not right..

 

what should i do now?

[eternal.denied84]

Today after almost 35 days i got another call from her..i picked coz i found it hard to ignore for no reasons..she mentioned the same thing..that please remove her friends from my fb list..

 

i asked her why and how is it bothering her..she replied i dont want you to talk to my friends and i dont want then to talk to me..and she said once they talk to me they go back to her with questions.

 

she claims that none of her friends were mine before she came into my life..so why they are now?

 

i told her i dont find it right to delete someone from my list for no reasons..i would still do it if she wants..but this is not right..

 

what should i do now?

 

did i do right thing by picking her call at the first step..should i have ignored rather?..

[Renesis13B]

I guess do what she wants and tell her friends before you remove them that she wants this.. I don't know about the pick up.. Crap, I would picked up if my ex called.. I'm 2.5 days with NC.. And jesus it feels like 2.5 years!!

[eternal.denied84]

I guess do what she wants and tell her friends before you remove them that she wants this.. I don't know about the pick up.. Crap, I would picked up if my ex called.. I'm 2.5 days with NC.. And jesus it feels like 2.5 years!!

 

guys i need your support now..since her frnds are there in my frnd list i saw an update from one of her friend in ..it was a pic in which i found her enjoying at some bar with her friends..i was heartbroken and shattered..i am sitting and crying here for this girl still thinking that she broke up with me for my stupidity and i should give her what she wants now..but it doesnt look like this to me..i think she just got bored with me and put all the blame on me so that she can get away with her chin up..i am hating this girl now..and i am hating myself for spending precious time of my life with such a low character girl...

 

should i just delete all her friends now..coz i think its becoming a problem for me to move on.

 

this is really not done i am so so angry with god..i have lost the trust on anything and everything...pls help me gettting my life back..i know people here are very supporting

[eternal.denied84]

any replies?

[singlegirl]

I would message the friends and say you have been specifically asked to delete them and are complying with her wishes....

 

we all do things that seem wrong or inappropriate when we are trying to reach someone , we all handle ourselves badly in relationships at times, it's just what we do. If we don't then IMHO we aren't authentic or emotionally invested. My ex was cool , calm and collected and he had checked out long before I did.

 

You need to keep NC at all costs for your own healing...You will feel pain and you need to acknowledge your loss, grieve for it and it will go in time...I am sad that you are hurting so badly. I am hurting too and i know how you feel...I hope you feel a little better just knowing you aren't alone......

[tnttim]

You can't have a future living in the past. Delete everything. If her friends want you as a friend they can send a new friend request. Have you gone out since this? If not you need to. This is from experience so listen closely, the less you put in, the more you get out. Don't believe me, then ask yourself: how much is she putting in? How much is she getting out? How much are you putting in? How much are you getting out? pause for ah ha moment.

[eternal.denied84]

You can't have a future living in the past. Delete everything. If her friends want you as a friend they can send a new friend request. Have you gone out since this? If not you need to. This is from experience so listen closely, the less you put in, the more you get out. Don't believe me, then ask yourself: how much is she putting in? How much is she getting out? How much are you putting in? How much are you getting out? pause for ah ha moment.

 

 

well this is what i got from my ex few minutes before..instead of getting a new year wish..this is what i am getting..and to be honest..i literally wanted to wish her gudd luck for New year but did not do so because it was her decision to breakup and she was very mean too..

 

i am glad now that i did not wish her..i hate myself for loving a girl lyke this who seems to be the most selfish person out in this world..i hate myself for crying a girl like this..these type of girls deserve punishment, they need to know that they can't do what and when they want..somtimes i feel so much hatred for her..i think of taking revenge which i could do very well and spoil her life..but then next moment i think..this is not what i am,i say to myself bear everything..cry as much as you want to..but don't leave the goodness within you..

 

i hate myself though for doing so many things for her to get her back in my life..i hate myself that this girl was part of my life and i loved her..

 

well this is the mail i got

 

Hi eternal, i know i have asked this before- to which you promptly said no, but since I am not comfortable this is to ask you again to pls remove my friends from your facebook who show in our common friends. You can keep YYY- for whom you explain as your interaction.

 

Rest my school friends - pls remove- no need to worry about what statements you made to my friends or whoever while adding. I know them more than you do.

 

I insist on this. Pls dont extend by asking for reasons. I know what im asking.

 

thanks

your Ex

 

 

guys sincerely speaking i also don't want her friends in my list..as i dont want to have any memories or any connection related to her..but i don'

t want to do what she is asking me to do..

 

i feel like replying.."ask your friends to delete off their list..i don't mind.I am not going to delete anyone"

 

is that right or should i listen to her..be her dorrmat again and just do what she wants..i amd seriously pissed of with myself..i gave so much in this relation....this love and feelings are all bull****..

Edited January 1, 2010 by eternal.denied84

[tnttim]

Yes, delete them and move on. Continue the NC on your end. The emotional rollercoaster your on is normal, we all had them. Just know this, they will soon subside. It's like cutting yourself deep. Intense pain at first, then after that it itches as it heals. The more you touch it, the more it opens up, and the longer it takes to heal. Touch it too much and you'll have an infection. That's what your heart is going through right now, it's cut deep, and needs time to heal. Just take it a day at time and try not to reopen that wound. Best of luck.